Giving Without Expectations

I recently read that some people who beg for money on the street will often bypass a person who is alone and instead ask for money from a person who is with one or more people. The rationale for this is that the beggar knows that a person who is with someone else is more likely to give because they want to look good in front of who they are with by giving rather than look cheap or selfish for not giving. Now, I don’t know how true this is, however there is something about this that rings true and that is many people give not simply to give, not simply to share their abundance however they give because they get something out of it.

There are many times each day in which we have an opportunity to be giving. We can give of our material wealth, such as to someone in need on the street, to a charity, etc. We give of our time to people who need our time, be that family, co-workers, charities or the person standing in line with us at the local coffee shop. We can give of our energy and our love.

In any given day, people are frequently giving of themselves. The real question is when you give, are you giving with or without conditions? When you give, is there a price tag attached to your gift, that is, do you expect something in return? When you give are you giving because of ulterior motives? Many people give with expectations, often the expectations are manipulative and self serving.

Many people give because they want something, they may want someone to notice them, to like them more, and they may give to seduce someone into sex or into making some type of deal.

Some people give because they have come to believe that by giving they will pave their way to heaven, that they will somehow win favors with and be more loved by God and therefore gain entrée into what they perceive to be heaven in the afterlife. As you can see, this motivation of giving is still giving with expectations. There is still and expectation associated with the gift that we give, even though that expectation is an expectation of God.

Often times we become frustrated because we feel that our gift was not appreciated or because the gift was not reciprocated. We have grown into a culture that expects reciprocation for the gifts we give. There are many people who when giving a gift of money, time, energy or love are tuned into their favorite radio station WIIFM (What’s In It For Me). These WIIFM fans are often focusing on what they are going to get out of giving a gift before they even give it.

Like the scenario of the beggar on the street, if there is no one to notice that I gave to the beggar, then what is my motivation to give?  Many people who give want at the very least receive acknowledgment from their friends, their co-workers or society at large that they dug into their pockets and gave away their loose change.

When we give from our core being, when we give from love there are no expectations tied to the gift. Love doesn’t require an audience to acknowledge that we gave of our self. Love does not expect a gift in return. Love does not give of itself because we believe that it will gain us favors with God. Love does not keep score of what it is giving or how much it is giving. Love does not give to be manipulative. Love does not give with conditions attached to the gift.

Giving is a natural trait of love and that is the bottom line.  When we truly give from love, it is as natural as breathing that is it becomes an unconscious part of how we live.

Think today of the many gifts that you give, are they given freely without conditions and without underlying motives or are there price tags on your gifts, are there conditions on your gifts, are your gifts given to manipulate another’s behavior. A good way to measure your attachment to the expectations that you have on giving of your gifts is to note the frustration that you feel when your gift is not appreciated or your gift is not reciprocated.

Giving of our gifts is one of the most beautiful things we can do. I encourage each and everyone of us to give. I encourage that you give from love and as of today you become more aware of why you are giving for it is never about the gift as much as it is about the intention behind the gift. May you find that the only intention behind your gifts is love.

Being Attractive by Being You

What makes a person attractive to other people? If one scans the magazine rack or many sites on the web one would believe that a person’s attractiveness is based on how their physical appearance correlates to the cultural standard of beauty. Many of our cultures base being attractive on physical appearance, however the reality is that although we may at first notice someone because of their physical appearance it is rarely the physical appearance which attracts us to another person.

So if physical appearance is not what is truly attracting us to another person, what is it? We are attracted to each other most often because of the energy that we are emitting. At a core level we are attracted or not attracted to another because of the energy that we feel from the other person.

Being our authentic self, being in alignment with who we truly are is attractive! When we are in alignment, we FEEL good about our self. When we feel good about our self we become confident, we raise our vibrations and in doing so we become attractive to other people, that is we become attractive to people who feel our vibrations and our aligned with our vibrations.

Conversely when we are out of alignment with our authentic self, our energy is low or the energy that we emit is a “bad vibe” and we repel people whom we would want to attract and we tend to attract people who are equally out of alignment with their true selves and therefore we perpetuate and grow the feeling of being out of alignment and unconsciously create a circle where as we are not attracting the people into our life that we desire to attract.

Most of us have heard the old adage that “misery loves company” and it is true, when we are miserable we attract other people who can relate to our misery and in doing so we often substantiate and perpetuate each others misery. Most people who are in a miserable state don’t react well to being around a person who is in a state of bliss. As a matter of fact people who are in a state of misery will often poke fun at a happy person, saying that their happiness most be fake or that they are only happy because they are not smart enough to be miserable. Seems ludicrous, however when we are in a state of misery, which by the way is an ego state, we tend to think, say and do things that don’t make sense however that do justify our state of misery.

As you can see in a way we are always attractive, it is really a matter of who we are attractive to and why? Being attractive in a way that will attract the people into our life whom we desire to attract is completely an inside job. Through our thoughts, through our choice to align with our authentic self we become attractive in the way that we desire.

We must use our In-Sight to see our true beauty, and it is through our In-Sight that we will also see the beauty in others.

All of the make-up, right clothes, exercise and plastic surgery in world may change your physical forms appearance however it will not make you any more attractive. As a matter of fact many who chase the illusion of physical beauty in the end become less attractive by virtue of their inability to turn inward and know their true beauty which is always within us.

We are love and there is no greater beauty then love, there is no greater aphrodisiac then being the love that we truly are and there is no greater attraction then love!

Who are you attracting or not attracting into your life? Why? What changes can you make within yourself to be attractive in a way that you desire?

Note, the more aligned you become with your authentic self, the more you become the “love” whom you truly are, the less concerned you will become with who you attract into your life, for your attractiveness on all levels will not be of a concern to you as your attractiveness will be a natural state of your being. As you continue on this journey, often much to your amazement, you will find that you will attract into your life exactly who you need and when you need them. I know that I am truly amazed by this on a daily basis.

Love Attracts Love

Please Lie To Me!

Over the past weekend I had the joyous opportunity to visit with family and friends, one of which is a single mom with a five month old baby son. As I held the baby and cooed and played with him, the mother asked me who he looked like, saying that her mom had said that he looked just like her brother, the baby’s uncle when he was a baby. Now, this was a loaded question and I knew it. I had been around her brother when he was a baby and he did not look like her brother. The baby looks very much like the baby’s father. The baby’s mom is at odds with the baby’s father. Knowing this, I knew what I was about to say would probably not sit well, however without hesitation I said the obvious, “He looks just like his father” to which a hurt look came over the mom’s face and she said to me “You could have lied to me, I like living in my illusions, everyone else lied to me”. She didn’t get mad at me, she knew what I was saying was true and as she said she was simply living in her illusions because of the trouble her and the baby’s father were having.

I love this person; she was immediately honest and aware of what she was doing. She knew that she was asking people to lie to her; she knew that she was living in an illusion and she was able to express her truth without batting an eye.

How many times do we do the same thing? How many times do we ask to be lied to?  We all know the classic question that begs for a lie, “Do these pants make my butt look big”. We know that the person asking this question does not want to hear that yes their butt looks big, we know that the majority of the time they would rather us lie than to say that their butt looks big and by the way it has nothing to do with the pants.

Why do we want to be lied to? Why do we want to live in the illusions of lies? Why do we sometimes out and out ask to be lied to? What part of us needs to hear the lies?

Does love want to or need to be lied to? The short answer is no, love does not lie nor does it need to be lied to for love is without conditions and therefore love does not hide behind the fabric of a lie.

When we are truly aligned with our authentic self there is no need to ask to be lied to, there is no reason to hide from the truth. Lies are the breakfast of the ego. It is through lies that our ego can create illusions and it is these illusions which breathe life into the ego.

Think about this, if our ego is built on lies than our ego is as fragile as a house of cards. When the wind of truth blows the house of cards down we tend to go into an emotional meltdown as all of our illusions are lying on the floor of our reality. Often times people who are in a depressed state or are in a crisis mode or having a major breakdown are having this experience because one or many of their illusions have fallen apart. When the illusion is removed it often feels as though our world has fallen apart, and in many ways it is because our world, the world of illusions we created has indeed fallen apart and we feel lost without our illusions.

We have often heard people say as their world falls apart that they feel like they have been living a lie! No surprise there, most likely they had been living a lie! They most likely were living a lie that they created or at least were coconspirators in creating.

I think it is safe to say that most of us live in a state of illusion, that we create lies to feed our insatiable ego, that there may be parts of our life that our built on lies that we have created.

As we move forward in our journey, it is important that we become aware of the lies and illusions that we are living. As we become aware, we must accept that we are living a lie, we must accept that we may be asking people to lie to us in order to support our illusions. Once we accept that we are living a lie, that we are creating illusions then it is imperative that we dismantle the lies and remove the illusions and come one step closer to living our authentic life, living on purpose and living from spirit which is pure love.

Note that at first it may be uncomfortable, maybe even painful to dismantle our illusions; however the truth is that in time our illusions will fail us. When we consciously dismantle our illusions we then control and understand the transformation that is taking place and the result is joyful as we live from our authentic self rather than devastating when the wind of truth prevails and knocks the illusions out from under us.

Instead of asking to be lied to, ask for people in your life and for yourself to truly love you and have the courage to tell you the truth knowing that your love is not a condition of their response to your questions.

Live the love that you are!

Heaven Can’t Wait

“The first peace, which is the most important,

is that which comes within the souls of people

when they realize their relationship, their oneness,

with the universe and all its powers,

and when they realize at the center of the universe

dwells the Great Spirit,

and that this center is really everywhere,

it is within each of us.”

- Black Elk

I am still disconnected and enjoying my rejuvenation time. This is a re-post from September 2007. Hope you enjoy.  Reconnecting mid week.

Could heaven be the ultimate realization of what Black Elk states above? Can we achieve heaven while we are here on earth in our current form or as many think, must we complete our journey in this form before we transcend to heaven? Is heaven a place as many believe, or is it simply a state of being, a pure state, unfettered by our ego, or by other people’s expectations of us?

Are you willing to die today to know heaven? Now, I don’t mean die in the physical sense. I mean, are you willing to die while you’re alive and continue to be alive. That is, are you willing to let what you and others perceive you to be, die?

What if you woke up tomorrow morning and you started with a clean slate, no trappings of your ego to fall prey to, no prejudices against people or things. Imagine waking up tomorrow and being able to feel at ease with everyone you meet and to be able to love them all equally? What would that be like? What kind of impact would that have on your life? How many more doors, possibilities would open up to you? What if you woke up with complete understanding and acceptance of what Black Elk states in his quote, which is the very same message that other great spiritual leaders have expounded? What if you could wake up tomorrow and know your source, truly know your source and have complete trust in yourself and all people and things, knowing that everything that happens is happening just as it is supposed to and that you have nothing to worry about, that you are one with your source, you are one with the Universe and that you possess the powers on the Universe. This in my mind would be heaven.

I believe that heaven is a state of being and that it is achievable while in our human form. I also believe that you must first die, you must be willing to let go of who you believe yourself to be to ascend to this heavenly level of being.

You may be reading this and saying to yourself, this all sounds wonderful, however how can I apply this to my life situation, this is not realistic. I have obligations, children to raise, bills to pay, goals to meet, etc. You make it sound as though I should strip off all my clothes, throw a sheet over me and walk away from all that is worldly.

Please understand, that is not what I am suggesting here. All of us, including me, have many responsibilities that we must meet on a daily basis. We cannot simply walk away from our lives, nor should we. What I am suggesting is an alteration of thought, a change in perspective and a change in the way we create our reality. We can facilitate this change and still do all of the things that we need to do to live a responsible life and a life of abundance.

I am simply asking you to consider dying, letting go of your present self, to enable your authentic self to be revealed. Some may read this and say, I am not ready to do that. Truth is, you may not be ready. I do suggest that you take a long, hard look at yourself and ask, “Am I being true to my authentic self?” (BTW – You know the answer to this, even though you might not want to face your reality) In other words are you blissful in who you are? If the answer is no, then it is time to make some decisions, it is time to free yourself from your false self, which is holding you back, making you unhappy, damaging your health, etc.

What steps do you need to take to find heaven within yourself?

“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness

of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll

discover is yourself.”

- Alan Alda

Sacred Places

Please note I will be taking some time to rejuvenate over the next few days.  The following is a re-post from May 2007. Hope you enjoy,  looking forward to reconnecting next week.

Is one place more sacred than another? Most of us perceive places of worship, such as churches, synagogues, mosques and temples as places that are more sacred then other places in this world. Depending on our religious beliefs we may also view certain geographical locations in this world as more sacred then others. Because we view certain places more sacred than others, we tend to alter our thoughts and behavior in what we perceive as sacred places.

What makes one place more sacred than another place? Is a divine spirit more present in a place of worship than in the middle of a forest, in the line of a soup kitchen or on the pediatric ward of a hospital?  One thought could be that it boils down to group consciousness, that is, because a group of people gather in a place which is viewed as sacred where their respective thoughts and behavior change to reflect that  view then the collective consciousness creates an increased spiritual vibration which in turn increases the sacredness of a particular place.  This is not to say that a divine spirit, God, our source, whatever you prefer to refer to it as,  is in fact any more present in a particular place, however we feel a greater presence because of group consciousness.

If we believe that the spirit resides within us, that divinity is part of our being and that we are part of the divine, then would not all places be sacred? To me, what makes a place sacred is our state of being.

When I think of someone like Mother Theresa, I would be willing to bet that she saw everyplace as sacred and that she viewed some of the most impoverished places in this world as very sacred. In essence she made a place sacred by her consciousness, as did other spiritual masters, such as Jesus, Buddha, Mohammad, Gandhi, the Dali Lama, etc.

Please understand I am not advocateing that we make places of worship any less sacred, what I am suggesting is that we need to realize that all places and people are sacred and think and act accordingly.

If we change our consciousness to view all places and people as sacred, imagine the implications, imagine the impact that would have on your day to day life. How would this change you and the world in which you inhabit?

No Ends

An ending is a limitation. We are eternal beings on an endless and ever changing journey. To believe there is an ultimate end is to believe that we are not eternal, it is to believe that we are not divine and of source, it is to believe that we are bound by are human concepts of time and space.

We have been trained from birth to think about the “end”.  We are brought up to believe in many ways that everything is finite and that often times what we perceive as the end of something, weather it  be life, a relationship, a career, etc that the end is bad and that the end is painful because the end in our limited way of thinking  connotates loss. Loss of a job, loss of possessions, loss of someone’s love, loss of our health or loss of life.  Because we view the end as an experience of loss, we then fear the end because we fear the loss. We grow an attachment to what we define as our life, we grow attached to people, possessions, careers, relationships, etc. We come to believe that we are these attachments and the thought of coming to an end of anything means that we may lose these attachments and therefore lose ourselves.

I sat yesterday for a moment and enjoyed the beauty of the earth and how much I love all that surrounds me, the beauty of the sky, the beauty of the mountains, the ocean, the grass, the birds and the wildlife and I thought to myself how much I will miss this when I transcend from this form to the next and for a moment, tears filled my eyes and  I felt sad at the prospect of an end that would cause me to lose all of this beauty in which I live. I then thought to myself, “Mark, that is a very limited thought, which is a very human and limited way of thinking. You are an eternal being and I am sure that the next experience when you leave this form will be as beautiful, perhaps beautiful beyond your definition of the term beauty. You are an eternal being who will go on to experience more than you can now imagine in your present state of being”. I immediately smiled as I understood there was no end, there was no loss to fear, and there was only a new beginning, a new adventure that I would transition into.

This is true in all aspects of our journey and is very true in this leg of our journey that we call life. There are no ends, there are transitions and in these transitions we will need to detach from our attachments in order to continue our journey and fully experience new beginnings that come our way. As I write this,  I picture a hot air balloon rising in the sky and the people in the basket of the balloon throwing their attachments over the side as they strive to reduce the weight in the basket and allow the balloon to rise ever higher to ensure that it will clear the mountains and any obstacles in its way  and give them a broader view of the world in which they just left.

It is very important to understand there are no ends and therefore nothing to fear. We must understand that all which we have, all that we have grown attached to will at some point become less and less important to us and that when we transition from this leg of the journey to the next that we will go as we came, naked and without possessions and without attachments.

When we understand that we are not are attachments and that there are no ends, we then understand that we do not have to wait for our mortal body to die to experience the release of attachments and we don’t have to wait to experience “no ends”.  We in fact can choose to experience this today, we can let go of our attachments, we can let go of our fear of what we perceive as “ends” and in doing so we can live a life without fear and with a knowing that there are many transitions that we can experience and with each transition many new adventures for us to embark upon with love and bliss as our compass.

Live today as if there are no ends, for the only ends that exist are the ones you choose to create. Choose to live today! Understand that focusing on an end of anything often creates fear and it is this fear that in turn creates the anxiety of the end and robs us from the beauty of today.

Love has no end and after all at the core of what we are, we are LOVE!

Sometimes It Is Difficult to Awaken and Stay Awake

It is an unusual Monday morning for me. I woke up to my alarm, head feeling heavy and my body wanting to stay in bed and sleep for a couple more hours. As I sit here this morning, my head still feels heavy and a little foggy as I begin my day. This is unusual for me because I normally awaken before my alarm goes off and I feel refreshed and ready to go start the day, however for whatever reason that did not happen today. This morning I am very aware of my form, this physical vessel which my soul calls home for now seems to not be ready to make this day happen. I am consciously changing my breathing, taking deep conscious breaths to oxygenate my brain and help to get everything flowing at an optimum level. As I write this and breathe deeply I am beginning to feel lighter and more prepared for what the day may bring.

In many ways it would have been so much easier if I chose this morning to role over and go back to sleep for a few hours, to return to the illusions of my dreams, to wrap myself in my blanket, sink into my bed and forget about all that lay before me today. Yes, it would have been so much easier to close my eyes and return to my slumber.

It is very easy to understand why so many people choose not to awaken from the slumber that they are in. When we awaken, we are much more aware of everything and with this awareness, with this consciousness we are much more vulnerable to what comes our way. When we awaken and open ourselves up to living in love, we also open ourselves up to that which may be perceived as hurtful and painful.

Awakening from our slumber and choosing to live an awakened life can at first seem scary and uncomfortable as well as blissful and authentic. It is no surprise that many people who are jolted awake by some event in their life choose to fall back into the comfort of their slumber shortly after they have awakened.

When we awaken there is a process and learning that we go through and during the initial part of the process we will feel everything more intensely than before. We will feel joy and pleasure more intensely, we will experience levels of ecstasy that we never felt before, we will also feel the other end of the spectrum and we will experience sadness and hurt in a more intense way then we ever felt before. For many people the intensity of how they begin to experience the highs and lows of daily life will be unsettling, some will become unsure of the change in experiences they are having and will choose to retreat back to that which they know and they will return to their slumber, their living death.

People who return to their slumber do not understand that the experience of intensity that they are feeling is part of the process and as we journey through our process we will learn and gain a deeper understanding of what is happening. In this learning one will come to know that the intense feeling of bliss will remain and grow, while the intense feelings of sadness or pain will diminish because as we fully awaken we come to understand that all is good, meaning that we will recognize that everything is perfect as it is. One will come to see that there are no accidents, that everything has a purpose and that there is no distinction between what is a good or a bad experience. Once one comes to the understanding that there is no good or bad, that our journey is a great and blissful experience we embrace the awakened state, we even come to the point where we cannot imagine why anyone would want to remain in a living slumber.

Awaken, see all that you have not seen, taste all that you have not tasted, hear all that you have been deaf to and smell the wonders that you have missed enjoying. Awaken and begin to experience your journey, your daily life beyond the five physical senses. Awaken and tune into your other senses like intuition, etc.

Awaken and you will be amazed at what you have been missing.

Just like I had to work this morning to awaken my form we must also make a conscious effort to awaken our spirit and to remain in an awakened state and understand that when we become awakened it is not as if we have a magic switch that will make our journey instantly blissful, however if we are willing to go through the process and remain open to learning that we will come to experience a life that is love and love my friend is immensely blissful!

Honor On The Paths of Your Journey

“Let no man turn aside, ever so slightly, from the broad path of

honor, on the plausible pretense that he is justified by the

goodness of his end. All good ends can be worked out by good means”

– Charles Dickens (1812-1870) English Novelist

Most people have many responsibilities and wear a variety of “hats” each day. Often our days are very full and we find it hard to fit in all the things that we need to accomplish in a day. Add timelines and pressure on top of all that we feel we have to get done and it is easy to see why some people may choose to cut corners here and there or take short cuts.

When we are under the gun so to speak we can come up with many justifications for cutting corners and taking short cuts as we find a way to get to an “end” without having to do all that we really need to do to get there. The problem is that when we begin to justify the means to the end we begin to undermine ourselves and the end that we are trying to achieve.

When we take shortcuts and cut corners it is like constructing a building on a foundation of sand. Yes the building may at first look wonderful and complete however as the sand shifts the building will begin to have structural problems and eventually become uninhabitable.

When we undermine our honor by justifying the means to an end we are doing the same thing. At first glance we achieve the desired end result, however because we did not use good means to get to the good end we find that the end is not what we thought it was and like the building built on the sand we find that our “house” shifts, cracks and becomes uninhabitable.

There are many times along our journey where our honor is challenged by what appears to be an opportunity to achieve and end through less then honorable means. Other people in our life will leverage money, job security, peer pressure, the need to fit in and belong, acceptance, love and sex as a way to appeal to your ego mind and encourage you to take what appears to be the shorter path. We often recognize this is happening because we hear something inside saying “no, this is not the way you should do this” however we squelch this inner voice with ego driven justifications of how the means is justified by the better end.

When we choose the path of the ego, when we falsely make ourselves believe that the means justifies the end we may find that our “short” path is like walking the plank of a pirate ship and when we get to the end we will end up all wet and quite possibly shark bait.

We must always be aware of each step we are taking and know that although the temptation to take the short cut or cut corners looks very appealing that if we do that which is not in alignment with our true self just to get to a perceived end we will pay for that end in many ways and that the debt of our deeds will be much greater than if we would have followed the path of our true self.

Today, be aware of all that you think, say and do as you ask yourself “am I justifying the means to get to an end?” We should also ask ourselves is the end truly in alignment with my authentic self or is the end a desired outcome of my ego.

Remember that our bliss is in the journey and very rarely if ever found in the perceived end. With this in mind, strive to honor thy self by being true to your spirit in everything you think, say and do.

Honor is a word that we don’t use very much in today’s world. I challenge you to breathe new life into the word “honor” and use it frequently along your journey in a way that will elevate yourself and all whom you touch.

Embracing The Darkness Of The Unknown

“When you have come to the edge of all the light you know, and are
about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing
that one of two things will happen: There will either be something
solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly”

-         Anonymous

When we sit in a theater there is a brief moment before the curtain goes up that the house lights dim and we are sitting in the dark. We don’t fear this darkness, rather the darkness in this case invigorates us with anticipation for we know that in the next moment the curtain will be raised and we will be treated to a wonderful show that will suspend our day to day reality for the next hour or so.  This happens because we have faith based largely on experience as to what will happen next.  We don’t know exactly what will happen, we may laugh, we may cry, we may become anxious from suspense, etc this is what makes the event worth going to. If we knew everything that would happen and how all that happens on stage would impact us, we wouldn’t very much enjoy going because knowing everything that is going to happen or how the story ends would in some ways spoil the experience.

Interesting though how so many people are hell bent on wanting to know what lies ahead on their personal journey and how many people fear not knowing what lies beyond that which we can see with our physical eyes. We tend to fear the dark, the unknown. Much like a child in the darkness of their bedroom conjures up images of monsters in the closets and under the bed we too peer into the darkness and imagine things that we don’t want to see or that we don’t want to “get us”.

Our journey is full of blind curves and opportunities to cross over thresholds of darkness. The lighted way of our journey is a limited path and if we choose to stay only on the lighted path we miss much of the grand adventure that is our journey. One of the key points that we miss as we peer into the darkness is that the light that is within us has the ability to light the way through the darkest and deepest of valleys.

We must learn to trust in our divinity, trust in the truest essence of who we are and know that if we are living in spirit that the darkness is simply a precursor to a magnificent light. When we are truly living from spirit there is nothing to fear in the darkness.

It is important to be like the person in the theater and understand that as we are enveloped by darkness that the best is about to come. Travel swiftly and sure footed as you enter the darkness and be light of heart for the wonders which await you are better than you can imagine. Know that once you cross over the darkness and enter the light that you will look back at the darkness like an old friend and know the comfort of the darkness like a blanket and not view the darkness as a cold and scary place to be.  Once you have come to embrace the darkness for what it is and what it leads you to you will begin to look for the dark thresholds of your journey with the anticipation of a child as they open a gift.

What dark thresholds are you avoiding on your journey? Is fear of the unknown, fear of the dark holding you back?

Today you will find me in that moment of darkness in the theater of life eagerly anticipating the raising of the curtain, should you see me there please pass the popcorn and raisnettes!

Speak With Your Authentic Voice

“… words alone are merely suggestions of what we really think or feel”

-         Francois Truffaut – Filmmaker

How many times have your heard yourself or other people say, “I really did not mean what I said, what I meant was …” or “is that what I said? What I meant to say was …” Sometimes when we question what a person says, they will tell us that is not what the meant. What they are saying is that my words did not truly convey the thought or feeling I really wanted to express. In the above quote Francois Traffaut is stating that the words we use are one dimensional and that words alone do not always accurately convey what we are truly thinking or feeling.

It is true; we often do not succeed at communicating our thoughts and feelings in a way that expresses what we are truly thinking or feeling. Sometimes when we do speak, our physical expressions, our tone and/or our body language do not deliver the same message as our words do. This is usually because our words are not a true expression of what we are thinking and feeling.

Sometimes it is not that we did not communicate what we were truly thinking or feeling, sometimes the breakdown in communication is with the receiver. Let’s face it we all listen from our current perspective which is influenced by many things, mainly our variance in emotions.

When we are in the fire of the moment, when we are in a state of rage we are inclined to say things which we often wish we could take back. One may argue that what we say in these extreme states is the real truth, the true expression of what we think and feel.  Is it? When we come down from being angry we may regret what we said and the damage that our words may have caused. We may even say that what we said was not really true, that we were in a moment of passion and we simply wanted to say something that we knew would inflict pain, create tension or defend our words and actions.

When we are in a state of rage, what part of us is in control? Is it our spiritual self which becomes full of anger or is it our ego mind? I venture to say that love does not anger and therefore our rage is fueled by ego and that the ego is not speaking for our authentic self. If one accepts this, then one must be inclined to believe that words that are said in a fit of anger are not necessarily true thoughts or feelings because they are coming from the false self, our ego.

Understanding that words expressed in a fit of anger are not necessarily the true feelings or thoughts of a person helps us to understand what sometimes transpires in situations where true communication is thwarted by emotions. This understanding may also help us to remain spiritually centered when another person is angry and prevent us from engaging our ego in response to another person’s ego.

In our day to day conversations we may use words and expressions which do not convey what we really think or feel. It is important to be aware of the habitual things we say on a daily basis. Some of the expressions that I hear are “I can’t do …, I don’t know how” which often translates to “I don’t want to”. Parents often say “Maybe” when they really mean to say “no” as a means to placate a child or delay a confrontation with the child.  Some people I know instantly develop excuses to avoid saying the truth, because they feel the excuse will be accepted better than the truth and they want to avoid any kind of perceived confrontation.

Consider today, how many times you think one thing yet say another thing. Now, I admit there are times in society where it is not appropriate to say what we think, less we may suddenly find ourselves on the unemployment line. Most of the times when we say something other than what we truly think or feel we are doing it because we fear the outcome of saying what we truly think or feel or because our authentic self knows that what we are thinking is a thought perpetuated by our ego and not authentically what we think or feel.

It is important to note that it is sometimes wise not to say anything. Sometimes we simply need to remain quiet. Being quiet is counter culture for many of us because it seems that our culture promotes that one should always have something to say and that we should be engaged in non-stop chatter.

Talking to talk just to hear ourselves talk is often what gets people in trouble. It is important to say what we mean and mean what we say.

I challenge you today to carefully weigh your words and ask yourself are your words conveying your authentic voice or are they conveying you ego voice. If you are unsure, then this is a time where it is best not to speak.

Be aware today and listen to what you say. Purposefully find your authentic voice and learn to discern that which is sparked by your ego and habits of speech which you may have developed over the years.

Mean what you say today and speak with your authentic voice!