News Flash – It’s Not Fair!
Now that is not much of a news flash really is it? We all have heard “It’s not fair”. The funny thing is that when people make the statement “It’s not fair” it makes one believe that somehow they thought it should be fair. I know people who say “It’s not fair” at least once a day, and some who say it multiple times a day. The declaration that “it’s not fair” is usually promoted by something that has or has not happened to us, for example, a co-worker who does much less work then we do gets the promotion we felt we deserved or a person of wealth wins a million dollars in the lottery or we develop cancer even though we live a healthy life all of which seems to not be fair. The list goes on and on. One could sit for hours and make a list of all of the things in our world which appear to not be fair.
Where does the expectation of everything being fair come from? When we are children are well meaning parents use the concept of fairness to teach us some of our social skills. Playing fair really equates to being nice to others, treating others with respect and so on, all of which are critical social skills which we need to learn. The problem is that life is never truly fair and there is a reason for that, it is not designed to be fair in the sense that we view fair.
How can we expect everything to be equitable across the board? We are all here as part of our journey and we are all on different levels of our journey with unique lessons to learn along the way. The playing field is not a level one because each one of us has a unique purpose and each one of us has lessons to learn at different times in our life.
One might want to think that are physical age has something to do with what is fair and what is not, it doesn’t. We are eternal beings and therefore our physical age does not necessarily relate to our spiritual age, therefore attempting to say what is fair for a person of a physical age of 12 or the age of 50 does not in the big scheme of things make sense.
The cry that “It’s not fair” is a cry of the ego as the ego compares and contrasts it’s self with others. When we operated from a state of ego we tend to compare ourselves to others and in that comparison we perceive that some people have more stuff than we do, or they have better hair than we do, or that they seem to get all the breaks when all we seem to get is more broken and in doing this we experience envy, jealousy, resentment and sometimes hate.
Our ego also tends to label things that happen to us as good or bad. When something happens to us which we perceive as “bad”, we again may want to say, “It’s not fair”. Let’s say we are in a car accident or that we lose someone close to us or we develop a disease like MS or cancer, we tend to view these things as bad and may hear ourselves exclaiming that it’s not fair or why did God allow this to happen to me? When we view these things from the ego our sight and understanding is very limited and we tend to see only the bad. We feel that we are being picked on, singled out by the universe and we see this as being unfair.
When release the ego and therefore release the labels of what is good or bad we then are able to see that there is a purpose for everything that transpires along our journey and that we can use even that which at first seems to be a negative to learn lessons and to grow.
At the end of the day, the fairness which we seek is found in the fact that it is not fair, nor is it designed to be and this is true no matter what your status in life.
The next time you hear yourself exclaiming that it’s not fair, stop and remind yourself that it is not supposed to be fair and that you are thankful for all which comes your way because through your awareness you will use every experience to live on purpose and grow.
Great post on the concept of “it’s not fair.” It’s been awhile since I’ve said those words. I think I’ve grown to accept that life isn’t fair (cliche as that is) and that it really doesn’t do anything to feel slighted when I don’t get what I want. I do love Tickerbelle and her sassiness though. She’s totally fitting for this post!
So true, Mark. While it would be great to think there was a governing body with a huge set of scales keeping a balance in check, it’s also unrealistic to think so. I raised my children to believe life is what you make it – pure and simple. “Fair” didn’t enter into it.
Have you ever read the book, “Play the Ball Where the Monkey Drops It”???? Great book that discusses this concept.
Have a wonderful day, Mark.
Em
First there are the lessons that you cam here/need to learn here on earth.
Second, there is personal responsibilty and accountability, participation or cooperation in any event that has occurred. (sp.?)
If those first two have been genuinely and thoroughly addressed, it’s not likely anyone will say something is not fair.
Ignoring information, not heeding your instincts, refusing to prepare properly for something, being part of a problem rather than a solution – that doesn’t make the incident unfair. It means the person involved is still of a level of consciousness that is more comfortable with stuckness than to solutions.
If God had given me the Supermodel beauty I’ve always said would have made my life easier – I wouldn’t have learned the lessons of self-esttem and self-respect and healthy boundaries that I needed to – nor the lessons of how to be alone without being lonely, and how to enjoy my life and the activities I choose to do on my own.
If God had made me fabulously wealthy with the freedom to spend it as I always said would have made my life so much easier because then I wouldn’t have had to deal with my parents – I would not have learned that life has choices, and I made mine and continue to make it. It just would have meant another house and a few more vacations. And of yes, a private jet
My life has been fair. Not in any way easy emotionally, but fair.
I only did not see it that way when I wanted to play victim and not change my way of thinking or acting.
Have a great Thursday Mark
*Blessings to you*
Great post! I can’t help but feel like I have growing pains from all of the changes going on right now. I’m sure I’ll feel differently in a year or so but right now, some things just don’t seem fair right now….
I may not want things to be as they are, but resisting what is happening will not help. I’ve learned that whatever happens, with acceptance come new perspectives, with gratitude comes awe. Thank you for lighting the way. with Love, Norea
Fabulous post, Mark. Reminds me of a quote I love by Rumi:
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing or rightdoing there is a field, I’ll meet you there….
Reminds me of what my grandmother used to tell us when we would claim “it’s not fair”… She would look at us with a slightly melancholy smile and say, ‘Honey, it never is..”
And you know, it never is..
You have made some excellent points in your post. I like that you have addressed the issue of gratitude. Some people ask “Why?” and I ask “Why not?” Shall we accept good from our creator and not the bad? When one can get to that level of thinking, it is amazing how your attitude changes. In all things be greatful and thankful.
Hey, you have a picture of my HomeGirl up there! TINK! LOL
This was a wonderful reminder that every challenge we face is either an opportunity for growth, or not. We get to choose. (Thanks, Dr. Dyer for that wisdom).
Mark….you speak of releasing the Ego. I take that to mean: Don’t Take Life Personally????
Have a GREAT 4th of July holiday!
Lord, I needed this today. Thank you.
I echo some of the other comments posted in that I don’t view anything in my life as fair/unfair, but there are certainly some things I struggle to work my way through. (Yet I know I manifested them to become a more expansive being.)
One thing that strikes me, and I’m never sure how to answer this question when it comes from non-seekers, is the issue around death. When people question death and label it unfair (especially if the death was unexpected), I usually think, “But their death had to be… It was part of their destiny to die as or when they did.” It’s easy for me to subscribe to that, since it’s my mindset, but for the other person I’m not sure how to respond to them.
In any case, I appreciated this post and like how you addressed it.
Hi Mark-
Huh. My head is spinning with your post and the above replies. Well, I agree – “life isn’t fair”……..
I don’t know what else to say except that you are right – life is not suppose to be fair – we do the best we can with what we are handed and change what we can and accept what we can’t and forge on. I think this post of yours is all about the “Serenity Prayer”/
Love to you
Gail
peace,,,,
Mark,
I can certainly see your point, and although all of us will occasionally be subject to some form of unfair or unjust circumstances or treatment, we should accept our circumstances and take an attitude of personal responsibility.
That said, I think that there are some things which are truly unfair, and I would have thought that many people whose lives have been affected by war, persecution, disease or famine would have some right to feel a little cheated about their circumstances.
(Of course, I completely realize that you are not trying to downplay in any way the extent of the suffering and pain to which some people are subject)
What about…..”Life sucks” instead? At least that statement can be true.
Ok, I’m just being a goofball.
I agree….it’s an ego thing…..and sometimes when life feels like its raining lemons and I can’t find my big pitcher to make lemonade in, I fall into that little girl place and bellow out…..”It’s not FAIR!” Sometimes someone feels sorry for me and tossing me a pitcher. Sometimes I even get a hug.
TGIF Mark!! Hope your day is beyond fair!
we are taught as children the importance of being fair.. but then as we move thru life and realize very few things are really fair,, i think it causes a rift between what we know to be right,, and what actually is….
Nice post. No, life is not fair and trying to compare ours to someone else’s is never a good thing. Sometimes life sucks but I do believe those moments make us stronger and give us an awareness that we wouldn’t have without some “unfairness” and struggles. Nothing in life worth having comes easy.
I think a lot of people need to have poor me moments and the phrase “It’s not fair” is really a cry of “oh, my – what now?”
I prefer to say “I don’t like this” which puts the onus of the response on me. Not that I don’t have the occasional tantrum when things don’t go my way.
Great post. Welcome back!
Everything is fair. Every situation is invited or attracted for the lessons it offers. From the moment a person shifts from the victim mentality to take responsibility for their role in current conditions, that person shifts awareness, consciousness and transforms in ways that change perception forever.
Raising children, I can’t say that I hadn’t at least once had to respond to the ” it isn’t fair statement”
There was a very difficult situation that someone close to me was discussing and through their melodrama, “they gave me if it weren’t for bad luck they’d have no luck at all. ” There is no doubt that at there late stage in life they are dealing with a shake up in the comfort of their lifestyle as well as an awareness of their limitations. Though after an hour of listening I responded with, here I thought you were the rather lucky one, the other person involved died. Since that moment they haven’t discussed what they thought was unfair at this time of their life. As long as we are alive, we can challenge the moment, that is the beauty of life.
One time I said to my dearest friend and what is it you think you are doing? He said I am leveling out the playing cards and leaning them in your favor. He see’s my past as unfair, I see it as the stepping stones through which we experience and learn and mature. Occassionally I have push real hard the dark clouds that hover, simply by reminding myself how lucky I really am.
Happy 4th of July! Independence is worth celebrating for our country and on a personal level. Smiles and rejoices at the opportunity to explore all life has to offer. It is by all means our choices which direct us down various paths in the ongoing journey.
Good post, Mark. I don’t believe “it’s not fair,” has ever played in big part in my own thinking. But often when I have heard it from others, it seems such a negative, and often the person may be the type that does not take responsibilty for their own actions or they have the need to blame everyone, the world, or even God, for their situation. It is our challenges, the challenges of life, that do give us our growth, our spiritual lessons and awareness.
Hi Mark,
You’ve hit the nail with this post.. I can also relate to similar situations.
Sometimes, its so.. frustrating.. You have provided a good outlook.
Shamelle
Mark
Hey hows it. IT’S NOT FAIR. Its not suppose to be, thats one of the secrets of life sometimes we learn. If everything was fair, life’s lesson would not be as valuable as they are. The one thing I knew right off the bat when I got sick, is thats its not about fair its just what you take away from the situation/ordeal/circumstance thats important. People that cry about fairness dont live life they go through the motions..sort of stand outside the fire…great post…zman sends
It’s so true that it’s our ego that’s reacting to what it perceives as being unfair, based on our perspectives. As we experience life, learn, mature, change perspectives and so on, many times we are able to look back and realize that what we first saw as being unfair, really was something we needed to experience in our person evolution. So in reality, life is perhaps neither fair or unfair, but a collection of experiences we need to grow and develop as a person. Great article, thank you for sharing this with us
I agree that saying ‘it’s not fair’ about the way our own lives turn out is a moot point because we are responsible for outcomes and so on. However, I do think it is important to hold onto a sense of things not being fair on a larger scale. I mean in particular with things like hunger, poverty, social inequity in third world countries and the like. The ability to view things as being unjust is important for implementing change. I like to think of ‘it’s not fair’ as being a catalyst for reform, both personally and globally. Fantastic post!!
How much easier life would be if I could internalize this and always practice it!
I beleave all is fair…how we percieve life makes life seem unfair. . . but in the end all is fair. Blessings Mark! Pll, C.