Nothingness – Enjoying Nothing

How busy are you? When greeting people and asking how they are doing they often express how busy their life is, as a matter of fact many people whom I speak with tell me that their days are so busy that they often feel overwhelmed. Most of us do live in a busy world and lead busy lives. As a society we have become so accustomed to being busy that many of us don’t know what to do with ourselves when we do find times in our life when we are not busy.

When we find ourselves in a situation where we have the opportunity to not be “busy” weather that be by choice or is forced upon us by life circumstances we may find ourselves feeling anxious or guilty because we are not busy doing something. The irony of this is that when we are busy and running around all day like a crazy person we often lament about how wonderful it would be to have some down time where we could actually relax, yet when we do get that downtime, quite often we do not know how to enjoy it.  Often times we fill our downtime with so much “busy” stuff that we look forward to going back to are work a day routine because we feel as though we need a vacation from our vacation!

It is amazing isn’t it  that even when we have down time in our life that we are often compelled to fill that time up with more “busy”! It really is madness when you think about it.

When is the last time that you were able to sit still for more than a few minutes where you didn’t feel that you had to fill that time up with something? Where you didn’t feel anxious about doing nothing, where your mind was not flooded with guilt as a list of all of the things that need to be done scrolled through your thoughts?

Let’s face it, there is never going to be enough physical time to accomplish all the things on your lives “to do” list. We need to first accept that as a fact. We must then allow ourselves to be able to put aside some time to do “nothing” and most importantly we must give ourselves permission to do nothing and do nothing without guilt.  What does doing nothing entail? Doing nothing, could be just sitting and watching the world go by, sitting on a park bench, tilting back your head, close your eyes and take in the warmth of the Sun or the sensation of a cool summer breeze. It could be as simple as allowing yourself to hear the sounds of nature on a spring evening. Doing nothing could be simply gazing into a lovers eyes and getting lost in their soul.

The times when I am doing nothing are some of the most wonderful moments of my journey, often times when I am doing nothing I discover wonderful things about myself and the universe in which we live.  For me, these moments of nothingness are moments of great discovery and channels of creativity. I find that in the moments of nothingness that I often without effort, without any force resolve issues that are happening in my life or experience incredible sparks of creativity.

Note many people fill their lives with busy because they are simply not comfortable with their self and the busy is a way to avoid facing that which they are not comfortable with. Being in moments of nothingness for people who are using being busy to avoid their self or to avoid their relationships with others or to avoid something internal can be very anxious times. As in any other aspect of tuning into our authentic self we must be willing to work through that which at first may feel uncomfortable for we must often work through that which is uncomfortable to come out on the other side where great self discoveries reside.

Remember that beyond that which you fear you may discover about yourself is a glorious and joyful authentic self which is pure love which originates from source.  Trust in yourself and work through that which may feel uncomfortable for the rewards are truly beyond that which you could imagine.

Take time today for periods of nothingness! Embrace nothingness!

“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing” – Lao Tzu

None Of My Business

There have been many times in my life where I found myself getting upset over someone else’s decisions. The reason I would get upset is because the person making the decision was not making the decision that I would have made nor were they willing to listen to my viewpoint. I was convinced that my life experiences were valuable and should be listened to because I could save another person what I foresaw as some type of hurt or hardship down the road. I would have said that I was simply looking out for the other person’s best interest, and in some way I am sure I was, however in another way my ego was propelling me to meddle in another person’s business because I enjoyed being right and enjoyed being in some form of control. When a person would not listen to my brand of “common sense” than I would become upset and get myself worked up over the other person’s lack of desire to listen to what I had to offer. Note, that almost always in these circumstances the other person’s decision did not have an impact on my life.  In other words, the other person’s decision was NONE OF MY BUSINESS!

Let’s face it, we all have life experiences from which we have learned some very valuable lessons and it pains us to see others make what we perceived to have been mistakes that caused us some type of angst. We want to help people in our life avoid certain pitfalls along their journey.

In loving spirit we may offer to share the lessons of our journey in order to help pave a smoother path for others. When presented in a way that comes across as loving and non-judgmental this can be very valuable to everyone involved.  The key is that once we share our wisdom we must let it be! We must allow the other person to make their decision even if it goes against what we believe is best for them, even if it goes directly against our lesson and the counsel we have given. We must simply let go. One of the ways that I remind myself to let go is to say to myself, “It is none of my business”.

Let’s explore for a minute what “none of my business” means. “None of my business” means the other person’s decision does not have a direct impact on my life. Note, the fact that you are not happy with their decision, or that you are scared for the other person are your choices, however their decision does not directly impact you. If the other person’s decision does not have a direct impact on your life, it falls into the category of none of your business and you are best served to let it go.

Often time’s people will ignore our counsel and proceed along their chosen path, sometimes because they need to learn the lesson themselves and sometimes we find out that going against our advice was the best decision for them. See, what is true for one is not always true for another. I have personally experienced both situations in my life. I have gone against the counsel of others and painfully learned the lesson that they tried to share with me. I have also gone against the counsel of others and did not have the same negative experience that they predicted, as a matter of fact, going against their advice turned out to be a very positive thing for me.

The bottom line is that with loving intent we can offer our advice and share our lessons, however if a person decides to go a route that we advise against we should simply wish them well and declare to our self that it is “none of our business” as we let go and allow the other person to be as they will be. Doing this will allow two things to happen, one we will find peace and love rather than pain and frustration because someone did not follow what we believe to be sage advice and two the other person will go forth knowing that they were advised with love and that you offer support without judgment and that you are someone who can be trusted to share their dreams with.

“Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into, the mind”

- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

White Knuckles or Hands In the Air – How Do You Ride?

He who binds to himself a Joy,

Does the winged life destroy;

He who kisses the Joy as it flies,

Lives in Eternity’s sunrise.

- William Blake

Have you ever ridden a rollercoaster or similar type of amusement park ride? If you have then you probably realize there are primarily two ways to ride. One way is the white knuckled method. The white knuckled method is where one grips the bar in front of them so tightly their knuckles literally appear to be white. These people are usually scared out of their wits and cannot wait for the ride to come to an end. The other method is to extend your arms above your head and laugh and scream as you go down every drop and around every curve. The arm waivers are usually disappointed when the ride is over and run to get back in line to do it all over again. You will see others who vary between white knuckle death grips and partially getting their arms in the air as they try to summon up the courage to trust that they will not somehow be killed by the experience of the ride.

In the rollercoaster scenario it is easy to see who is enjoying the ride and who is trying to simply survive the ride. In our daily life we find that there are people who approach life with a white knuckle grip and those whose arms are flailing in the air full of trust in the ride which enables them to fully enjoy the experience.

The white knuckle rider of life will tell you that they want to enjoy the ride, however for various reasons they are afraid to loosen their grip. These people believe the tighter their grip on life, the safer the ride will be. They feel more secure having a tight grip and more in control. The reality though is that often times their white knuckle grip approach to their daily life is squeezing the joy out of their experience. When they try to loosen their grip they fear that life will get away from them and they again tighten their grip all the while losing what they so strongly want to hold on to.

Those who have trust and faith that all will be as it should, are able to let go, extend their arms in the air and fully enjoy the ride. As a matter of fact they are the same people who jump back into life at the next opportunity and ask for more!  Even though there will be scary dips, high hills to climb and hair pin curves to maneuver these people understand that all of this is the thrill of the ride! While it may feel safer to have a gorilla grip on our life, we often sacrifice our joy for a false feeling of security.

Our purpose is to experience this life to the fullest and in doing so learn the lessons that we are here to learn. Let’s face it, life is going to happen, unlike the rollercoaster at the amusement park, we have to be on this ride. We can choose to white knuckle it or we can choose to raise our arms in the air and enjoy the ride to the fullest.  For me, I want to enjoy this ride to the fullest, I choose to raise my arms, allow myself not to feel as though I have to be in complete control all of the time and enjoy the ride, even the scary dips and treacherous turns and do so with a knowing and trust that at the end of this leg of our journey that we will all arrive as we embark on the next leg of our great adventure!

How Narrow or Wide Is Your Lens?

I recall a children’s game where you had to look through a special lens, usually shaped like a hand held magnifying glass with a red lens which allowed you to look at page of images that could only be seen with this special lens. As you moved the lens around the page the images on the page would magically appear and anything outside the view of the lens would disappear.

Many people tend to view their world through a special lens which illuminates that which we desire to see while other images/things remain outside the scope of our lens. Unlike the game that I described above we have the ability to adjust the size of the lens that we view our world through. Like the aperture of a camera we can increase and decrease the size of our lens based on our desire of how much we choose to view.  The larger the lens the more we will see and the less that will remain in the shadows of our mind.

An interesting phenomenon takes place as we adjust the size of our lens and it is that many people choose to keep the size of their lens small so that they can not see what they perceive as the monsters that lurk in the shadows. I find this interesting because when you think of a child who lies in the dark of their bedroom, it is what they can’t see that scares them and once they are allowed to turn on the light, open the closet doors and look under the bed they discover that the monsters they feared in the dark are no longer there. As adults we often fear turning on the light fully because we believe that when we do the light will expose the monsters and that they will be bigger and scarier than we imagined and that the light rather than scaring them away will somehow amplify their presence and we will be overcome by that which we choose to leave in the shadows, under the bed and in the closet and therefore we choose to allow them to remain our of sight, living in the shadows of our mind.

When we use a small lens and we view our life through it we can only see small portions of time and space at any given time. When are view is limited many things may look/seem very scary on their own, however as we increase the size of our lens and we can see the larger picture we often see how all of the things that seemed scary by themselves actually work together when viewed as a greater whole.

It is interesting that most people who summon the courage to increase their lens of awareness find out when they turn on the light, when they increase the size of their lens and reveal that which they perceive as the monster in the closet that the monster does not become amplified, rather the monster is really no monster at all and that there is great peace realized when are scope of view is increased.

If it is true that the broader our lens is then the less scary things are then why don’t we all make our lens bigger? Is it that this time our fear may come true that the monster in the closet may be what we fear and that it will consume us? Is it worth taking the chance?

If you could see the bumps, cracks and curves in the road would you want to or would you rather trip, stumble and drive off the track? Seems like a silly question, however many people would rather struggle with their limited view than face that which they fear?

When we choose to have limited vision, not only do we often not see the monsters and underbelly of life that we fear, we also do not always see all of our gifts, all of the good that is within our world and we miss so very much along our journey.

Consider today, how wide is your view? What monsters do you fear that live in the shadows of your mind? If you were to widen your view and see all that lies within you and you illuminated all which lives in the shadows, is hidden in the proverbial closet and has been swept under the rug what is the worst that could happen? What is the best that could happen? How much more peace would you live in if you increased the size of your lens to see everything, all the beauty and all of that which you perceive to be ugly, warts and all?

I am willing to bet that you would be very surprised at what you would discover as you widen your view and illuminate all of yourself and your entire world. Note, anytime you take a step such as broadening your view, it is natural to feel some level of discomfort. Increasing our awareness is a process and like any growth process it is not uncommon to experience some growth pains. Know this and work through the discomfort as you increase the scope of that which you allow yourself to see for the rewards are truly greater than you can imagine. Remember the Mother who gives birth, during the birth she may have been in great discomfort, however right after the birth that discomfort is immediately replaced by an unbridled feeling of elation as she holds her new born close to her.

May you find the courage to choose to increase the size of your lens and to know the joy of seeing the fullness of yourself!

Leaning Allowed

Last Sunday morning, Mother’s Day, Nubby (the Boxer who shares my life and food with me) and I went for a walk through our neighborhood. As we were walking down the street we noticed an elderly woman coming out of a senior apartment complex, she appeared to be in her eighties and waked slowly with a cane. As our paths converged we exchanged “good mornings” and she asked if I would help her across the street, she was concerned with managing the curb on the other side. I offered my arm and hand and we walked across the street to where she was going to church. We exchanged blessings and parted ways. Two day’s later, walking from my office to the parking garage  I noticed a gentleman up ahead of me, he looked to be in his sixties and he was moving very slowly and did not appear to be too steady on his feet as he used his cane to keep his balance. He had shorts on and his legs looked swollen, something appeared off. Just as I was about to pass this man on his left side his legs gave out and he started to go down. Fortunately I was in the perfect place at the perfect time and was able to catch him and support him before he hit the ground. We carefully walked over to a nearby bench where he was able to sit and regain his composure. He expressed his gratitude and stated that he simply needed to rest awhile.

I do believe that all things happen for a reason and that everyone who comes into our life even if for only a moment is there for a reason. Here were two instances of people in less then three days who needed someone to lean on. These two people were teachers and I the student. The lesson was about allowing ourselves to lean on each other when we need to.

Too often we view ourselves as independent and separate beings. This feeling of separateness sometimes creates an ego driven belief that we don’t need others and that we can handle everything on our own. Sometimes we may even view reaching out to others and leaning on others as a sign of weakness.  We tend to judge ourselves as weak or unworthy when we reach a point where we have to lean on someone else for support.

Leaning on others is the furthest thing from being weak. Leaning on others is part of our journey and is one of the greatest lessons. We are all one and this journey of humanness is one in which there are many experiences and some of our experiences will take us to the edge, will take us to the ground and will feel as though our energy has been zapped right out of us.  When we lean on others and allow others to lean on us then we are able to create a greater and more productive flow of our energy which we often refer to as synergy.

We do need each other, for we are each other! When we lean on others and allow others to lean on us we are creating a higher level of consciousness as we allow our true energy of love to radiate from each other and support each other as we trek along our journey.

In a way, to not lean on others when we need to is a selfish thing to do because we are trying to remain separate and in doing so we zap the overall consciousness of all humanity. We need each other and that is a good thing!

Consider today where along your present journey you are trying to bear all the weight. Think about whom you could reach out to and lean on. Who could help you as you travel along the way to lighten your load?

Some of the most celebrated people in the world who have publicly achieved great things would be the first to tell you that it was not their greatness which propelled them to success and notoriety, it was the fact that they surrounded themselves with great people who they reached out to and leaned on to achieve their accomplishments.

Welcome the opportunity in your life to lean on others and to allow others to lean on you for when you do so you are allowing the love to flow and the opportunity for all of us to grow!

“I” & “Me” – Change the Language We Use and Shift From Ego to Spirit

“I want …”

“I need …”

“I wish …

“I would …

“If it were up to me ….”

“Buy me …”

“Get me …”

“Take me …”

“I am worried …”

“I feel sick, sad, unhappy, depressed …”

“I think …

If you removed the word “I” and “Me” from your conversation for a whole day what impact would that have on you? If you could remove these two words from your thoughts for a day what impact would that have on you? What impact would it have on your relationships at home, at work, in your social network?

I know some people who if they were not permitted to use the word “I” or “Me” in a sentence they would not have much to say in the course of a day. These people would be at a literal lost for words.

Some people seem to constantly sing a song called “me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me” as they talk. Everything is about them and when the conversation veers off course and the focus is on something other than them they feign listening all the while formulating and looking for a way to switch the spotlight back on to their self.

When someone is in the “I” mode we see that their ego is strongly in control. Often times people in the “I” mode are very sensitive to anything that can be construed as criticism towards them and are quite often quick to anger as the ego allows itself to be driven by emotions.

When we meet people who are severely in the “I” mode we often acknowledge that as annoying as they may be, they are using the “I” mode, the ego to compensate for some type of insecurity, some sort of lacking they feel in their life. When we become conscious of this, we are then in a position to move from being annoyed to a position of compassion as we seek to better understand the back story behind the extreme “I” mode.

While most people are not in the “I” mode to an extreme it is still important that we be aware of how often we start our sentences with “I” or end them with “Me”.  As we become aware of how much we are using these words we raise our consciousness and give ourselves the opportunity to shift from the ego to the spirit. When we remove the “I’s” and “Me’s” from our conversation we consciously alter the level our ego is playing in our life as we shift the focus from our self to other people, which often has a direct positive impact on all of our relationships.

There are some who will read this and proclaim there are times when it is important to focus on our self and I would not disagree, however even in those times where we are expected to talk about our self, such as in a job interview or on a date, there is a way to sell ourselves without coming across like we are singing the “me, me …” song.  Even in these circumstances we must achieve a good balance of talking about our self and also listening and asking questions about the other party. I have sat on the hiring side of hundreds of interviews and believe me there is a thin line between confidence and ego mania. Ask anyone who has ever been on a date with someone who could not stop talking about themselves and they too will tell you that it is no fun being the date to a one sided conversation.

Starting right now I challenge you to become conscious of the “I’s” and “Me’s” in your conversations and your thoughts. As you become aware of how often you are using “I” or “Me” begin to consciously alter your thoughts and your sentences to change the focus from you to other people or things in your life. See what happens, you may be surprised. If your ego is strong and you use “I” and “Me” to an extreme people in your life will notice the change. They won’t necessarily be able to detect what has changed, however believe me they will notice and they will most likely make a comment that something has changed and for the better.

We are all one; we are all energy of the same source and eternally connected. As much as our ego self would love to think that we are individuals our authentic self and the authentic self of everyone you encounter recognizes that we are all one. When we drop the language of the ego we open ourselves to the universal language of our soul which is love.

Be Thankful For The Challanges in Our Life

If the road was always at the same level or the people we play games, sports or do business with had the same set of skills that we had then there would not be much of a challenge. In sports they say if you want to get better then you should play someone a little better than you are. When we play someone whose skill are a little better than ours than we are challenged and through that challenge we are driven to stretch ourselves and improve our skills. We do this by increasing the amount of time we practice and often times by modeling those who have increased skill levels.

In our daily journey we are often challenged. There are times when we question why are we challenged in the ways that we are and we contemplate the joy of a life on a level playing field as it appears that a utopian way of being would be to not have all of the challenges that we do.

If we were to take a journey of any significant length and we were to avoid all inclines no matter what the degree, our journey would take a much longer time to complete as we would have to go to great lengths to maneuver around all of the hills, mountains and slight inclines that we would encounter; there might even be a point in the journey where there was no level way around the hills that stood before us and our journey would come to a grinding halt, to a point of stagnation where we would not be able to go forward and could only move laterally or backwards. Not very utopian when you think about it from this perspective is it?

Truth is that we need challenges in our life to perpetuate our growth. It is through our awareness that we come to appreciate the mountains that lie in our path that must be climbed, the tornados that cross our path and challenge us to rebuild and the floods that wipe out the path we are on and create a new path for us to travel. It is in awareness that we understand that each challenge is a growth opportunity. Each challenge that we face head on is an opportunity for us to stretch beyond our ego and to learn and live from spirit.

It is important to remember that the great spiritual masters did not walk a journey on this earth without challenges, as a matter of fact some of the great spiritual masters were incarnated into human form in very challenging circumstances and some who were born to a life of wealth and position walked away from what would have been considered their earthly birthright to live a life in which they would be challenged in many ways. Spiritual Masters understand that to grow they must be challenged even if that means challenging themselves. Many spiritual masters also understood and demonstrated their wisdom by modeling their beliefs by the way they lived. Think about it, how much impact would Jesus or the Buddha have had on the masses if they sat high upon a gilded throne and dictated their wisdom to people? A large part of their success in delivering their wisdom and spirituality was because they were one with the masses.

Note, there is a belief that runs rampant in most organized religions and has spilled over to many throughout the ages and it is that one must suffer to enter the kingdom of God or to enter the next level of being. I believe that there is a distinct difference between suffering and being challenged. I believe that yes, we must be challenged to grow, however I don’t believe we need to suffer. Suffering to me is an act of the ego. Suffering is the ego’s way of separating itself from source. When we suffer we say look at me, look how this horrible thing has happened to me, look how much I suffer. The spirit, our authentic self does not suffer. Our spirit understands that we are not separate from source and that we are in fact an extension of source who is here to complete lessons of purpose and that it is through the challenges which are part of this journey that we learn our lessons, that we evolve and ready ourselves for the next leg of our journey.

Our spirit does not say “woe is me” when the rain falls, our spirit expresses gratitude for the rain, for we understand the need for it. Like the acceptance of the rain, our spirit accepts the challenges that come our way and expresses thanks, for our spiritual self knows that it is in the experience of these challenges that lies our lesson and that the lesson is our gift.

Today I encourage you to take a look at the challenges that you have faced and the growth that you have achieved by virtue of experiencing these challenges and learning the lessons provided. I then ask you to look at your life today and the challenges that lie before you, big and small and to give thanks for the opportunity for the experience, the lessons that await you and the blessings of growth that you will realize.

Remember always that all of your experiences be they considered good or bad are purposeful and that in the larger picture of our journey there is no such thing as a bad experience

Embrace your challenges, embrace your life and realize the joy that you are.

The Present of Our Presence

Yesterday I overheard a conversation between a mother and her young daughter who appeared to be about 12 or 13 years old. They were talking about Mother’s day. The daughter asked her Mom what she would like for Mother’s Day. Mom said “I would like to be allowed to take a nap, for someone to cook out on the grill for me and to be waited on all day. That is all I want, please don’t spend any money on gifts, I don’t want gifts”. The daughter then said “I am going to get you flowers” to which the Mom responded, “Thank-you flowers are nice, however that is not what I want, please don’t buy me flowers, simply allow me to have a day where I am allowed to be waited on and take a nap”. The daughter expressed her disappointment in a whine as she said “But Mommmmmmm, I want to get you flowers … that is what I am going to dooooooooooooooooo”. Mom, a little agitated said, “Okay, do whatever you like”.

It is interesting how as we go to celebrate occasions like Mother’s day, Father’s day, birthday’s, etc how often times we don’t truly consider what the other person wants, rather we give a gift that makes us feel good about ourselves.

So often in life we ask questions of people however we don’t listen. Often times we don’t listen because either we already have in our mind what we want the answer to be or because we think we know what is better for the other person than they do.

Celebrations such as Mothers Day are not about who gives the best gift or who gives a gift at all. These types of celebrations are days that we have set aside to express our gratitude and to celebrate the person and all that they are. Sure we can say thank-you with a gift and a card; however at the end of this leg of our journey how many gifts and cards will we truly remember? I venture to say that it will be a rare gift indeed that is remembered. What will be remembered are the faces of our loved ones, the kisses, the hugs, the tears and the laughs that were shared along the way.

Our presence in each other’s lives is the greatest present we can give each other. Be present with your self and your love, for this is the gift that will be remembered long after the Hallmark cards have be read and the gifts have become tarnished or ended up in the garage sale.

Listen with your heart and not your ego as people express what they truly want and don’ t allow your ego to try to out think the other person and go for the gift you want to give because it will make you feel good about yourself.

Celebrate with love this Mother’s day and each and every day of personal recognition like Mother’s day, Father’s day, birthday’s, etc. When you do this, you will be amazed at the appreciation you will receive and how the memory of the most special of gifts, you, will last for all time.

One thing to note is that the really cool thing that we experience as we grow along this journey is that everyday is a celebration of each other and when we truly live our life this way, then day’s like Mother’s Day and birthdays are truly just another day on the calendar!

I do want to take a moment to say Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms of the world and to my Mom whom I miss very much! There is no love on this earth that matches the love that a Mother gives her children. A mother’s love is the love that we all should emulate in our life, for it is the love that is borne from our authentic self; it is love that is unconditional and everlasting. My own Mother transcended this realm almost two years ago and I still feel her love and hear her voice and I know that I always will. Hugs and love to all the Moms of the world!

Respect In Relationships

For any relationship to be truly successful their must be mutual respect between both parties. A sure killer to a relationship is to not respect each other.

When we first enter a relationship we are in a courting period which is a time of getting to know each other. We probe to understand the other person as we attempt to get to know them. Of course this period is often a difficult time to really get to know another person because we tend to mask who we really are and what we really think because we don’t want to scare each other away or create conflict before the relationship has had a chance to flourish.  During this period of courtship we show each other a great deal of respect, we make great eye contact, we listen and we tend not to tear down or poke fun at the other person’s beliefs even if they differ from our own. We tend to accept this person and their beliefs because that is who they are. Most of the time their beliefs and ways of being seem to line up with our own to some degree, hence the attraction and bond that we form.

As we move from the courtship period to “we are now in full fledged relationship” period we tend to allow more of the real us to show through. We let down our guard a little bit and act and speak more freely. During this period it is common to see that there are some fundamental differences that did not initially show in the beginning of the relationship however again we respect our differences and work with them as we build our relationship.  Again we show respect to each other, we respect and appreciate the differences and we may even embrace our differences as a reason that our relationship works and we see the differences in each other as a way to grow. For instance maybe we are a little reserved; however are partner is more social. We find that we like this social side of our partner and we can see how we can become more social through our partner. Once again we demonstrate respect for each other and for the differences we have.

Time marches on and we are now in a long term relationship. Now that we are in a long term relationship we tend to see every aspect of each other, we see each other at our best and we see each other at our worse. We know things about each other that no one else knows; we know each others secrets and each others faults.

Often times people believe they know each other so well that they become complacent in what they believe they know about each other. When we get to the point where we think we know each other so well is when we enter the danger zone of not respecting each other.

People evolve, their beliefs evolve. People in a relationship evolve and often times they evolve at different rates and may choose paths that are different than the path their partner chooses. When we accept that fact that we change and our relationship changes and we respect the changes within each other and our relationship then all tends to go well, however when we don’t respect the changes in each other then we are setting our relationship up for failure.

There are times where one person goes to the other person and says something across the dinner table like “I am thinking about going back to college” or “I am thinking about starting up my own business” or “There is a spiritual retreat I would like to go on” or they start talking about their changing views on life or death or their spiritual or religious beliefs and the other partner responds in some way that demonstrates a lack of respect.  They poo poo the idea, or they somehow make light of what to the other person is a serious idea. The other partner may feel confused and threatened by the change that they see happening and react in anger.

Of course when there is a lack of respect demonstrated in a relationship there is a fault created and if the lack of respect for the path the other person is taking continues that fault will develop into a chasm and eventually the relationship will fall into an abyss.

We must respect each other; we must demonstrate our respect for each others growth even when that growth means that we are on different paths from each other. For our relationships to be successful we must give each other room to grow and respect that growth and the paths that each person takes.

When we respect each other, we demonstrate that we believe in each other. At the end of the day in any relationship the ultimate desire is to be believed in! We do this through respect and unconditional love.

Note, respect applies to all relationships, be it spouse, freinds, children, business, etc. When respect is not present it hurts the relationship. Respect cannot be faked! We must be sincere in our respect of each other.

Do It Now – Eat The Toad

It is a rainy Spring Monday morning! I had to run an errand this morning to a place that was about three blocks from my office. When I got down to the lobby and saw that it was raining I considered putting off my errand until later in the day when it might not be raining. I then caught myself and decided, with umbrella in hand to walk the three blocks in the rain. It was an errand that needed to get done this morning, my afternoon schedule was filling up fast and who knows the rain might be worse this afternoon.  So off I went, even though conditions were not ideal.

Many of us have a plate full of tasks ahead of us for the week. We look forward to some of the tasks which lie before us, some we have to do but don’t mind and then there are the must do tasks on our list which we are dreading! We all have things that we have to do today and this week that we are not looking forward to for various reasons. We know that these much dreaded things have to get done, however we rather walk on hot coals that do these dreaded tasks.

It may be a conversation that we have to have with someone in our life that we just know is going to be difficult. It may be that we have to do something that just makes us sick to our stomach to even think about.  Most of us have something that is on our horizon that we would rather not do, deal with or confront, however we know that it must be done.

Often times when we are faced with the task of doing something that is going to cause us some level of discomfort we tend to find ways to put doing it off, we tend to procrastinate. We shuffle papers on our desk, we talk around a subject, we avoid the person we need to have a conversation with, etc. There are a million ways to procrastinate.

The major problem with procrastination from a spiritual viewpoint and from a practical viewpoint is that when we are putting off a dreaded task we are preventing ourselves from being fully present in the moment. When we put of that which we dread, we may sometimes succeed in fooling ourselves into believing that we have put this thing out of our mind, however the reality is that this thing we are putting off is subconsciously and often consciously nagging at us. This nagging of what we are putting off causes us to not be fully present in the moment for part of our mind is in the future worrying about that which sooner or later we must confront.

The more time we put something off the more amplified our thoughts on that which we are avoiding becomes and therefore the more our ability to live in the moment is impacted. Put something off long enough and we begin to lose the ability to focus on the task at hand, we may even manifest physical ailments as we cause ourselves to become out of alignment and thereby impact the quality of our immune system. We may find that our mood takes a downward spiral and that we find ourselves snapping at other people over the slightest things.

The funny thing is when we finally do break this cycle of putting off that which we dreaded, the result of confronting what we dreaded so is usually quite different than we imagined. When we do finally confront and complete the dreaded thing that we were avoiding we usually experience a wave of relief! We suddenly feel much lighter. We may even laugh at our self for how silly we were being by putting off and getting our self so worked up.

The interesting thing is that most of us can relate to this type of experience because we have done this at least once if not many times in our life. The lesson of course is that we can save ourselves much misery by simply facing the most dreaded of tasks on our list head on and take care of it first thing!

There is an old saying:

“If you eat a live toad first thing in the morning, nothing worse will happen all day long” – Unknown

What this is simply saying is, do the most dreaded thing first and the rest of your day will be easier because that which you dreaded, that which was most painful is now behind you and you won’t have it playing on your mind as you try to do other things to avoid it.

The beautiful thing about facing that which we would rather not and taking care of it right away is that by doing so we allow ourselves to be fully present in the moment.

Being fully present in the moment is “Being” and “Being” is the ultimate state of joy!

Take a moment and reflect upon that which you are putting off because you want to avoid the pain and discomfort that you perceive you will experience. Consider the damage you are causing yourself by procrastinating.

The ego will go a thousand miles out of its way to avoid discomfort. Our spirit which is love has a much greater wisdom and knows that when everything is done from a place of love that all will turn out as it should. Our spiritual self understands that there is a reason and season for everything, even the rain that falls serves a much larger purpose than the mere inconvenience it may cause us today. Follow your spirit and trust in love as you “eat the live toad” today!