Ridicule – An Expression of Fear

Ridicule is an expression of fear. We often see people ridicule other people who in some way appear to be different from them. They point and laugh or make some snide remark which is intended to make fun of another person. Maybe the person is a different color, a different race, a different religion, dresses differently because they are from a different culture or they express a different sexuality. In some cases one may ridicule another because of their social/economic standing.

Why do we ridicule other people like this? Why don’t we take the time to understand and accept differences of others? The answer is we fear what the other person represents or what they are. We don’t admit our fear on the surface, however ridicule is fear based all the same. Often times the fear is that if I accept the other person as they are that some how I may become like that person and that may not be acceptable to me.

Generally our fear is born out of not understanding the other person. Knowing that fear could be alleviated by gaining understanding would make one think that fear should be easy to overcome because we simply need to take the time to understand and appreciate our differences. Why then do we not seek to understand those who are different then us? The answer often is we fear letting go of our fear! I know that sound ludicrous, why on earth would we want to cling to our fears?

We often tend to cling to our fears because we have identified with our fears and we have defined ourselves by our fears. For many, to let go of our fears would be to let go of our selves, we would feel as though we would have to redefine who we are. Many people take the Popeye attitude of “I yam what I yam” and are very proud of the fact that they do not change who they are to accept that which is different from them. This means in the end that they continue to live a life fearful of that which is different and in doing so express their fear through ridicule by calling people derogatory names or by making jokes about who they are.

The reality is that we are who we choose to be and at the end of the day the differences that we notice in others are only differences on the surface; for at our core we are all the same divine beings who are all part of the same divine source.

We find this to be true when we drop the fear that our ego presents and we take the time to get to know those who appear to be so different than us. Sometimes, this lesson is forced upon us and we are placed in a situation with the person or people that we don’t understand, the very people we ridicule in this lesson are the person who we must rely on to help us through something that is happening in our life. Even when this lesson is presented in this manner, we still cling to our fears and note that person or people helping us are an exception to our rule.

May we all take the time today to review whom we do not accept and seek to understand why? When we discover that the root of our inability to accept others as they are is our fear, may we take the time to love and understand and remove the fear of our ego and accept and love each other as we are. If we were all able to do this we would remove hate and conflict from our lives and live in love and peace as is our true nature.

Spring Is In the Air – Time To Clean House

For many of us spring is in the air and soon warm weather will beckon us to open the windows in our homes which have been tightly sealed throughout the winter. As we open our windows to let the sunshine and air in many of us will also embark upon spring cleaning. When I look around the rooms in my home I see that besides the dusting and deep cleaning that needs to be done I also see clutter. As I do a couple times of year I will start going room to room, closet to closet and assess the “stuff” that I have collected that is creating clutter in my living space. I will determine what is no longer needed, what I can and should let go of and get rid of the stuff that is no longer serving me. In the end I will have a house which has less clutter. The space in my house will be and feel more open. I won’t be tripping over stuff or shuffling the clutter from one spot to another as I tend to do to make myself feel as though I have less clutter. When I have less clutter in my house I feel more comfortable and even more creative because I have more space to work with. Yes, I do love when I take the time and effort to clean house. It is a lot of work and it does take some integrity on my part to be able to assess what I truly need and what is just taking up space. It sometimes even takes courage and convincing to let go of some of the stuff because in the back of my mind I am thinking “Maybe I should hold on to this, it could come in use some day or maybe it will be valuable some day”. Sometimes I am reluctant to let go of things because somehow I have allowed myself to believe that some of my stuff defines who I am, when deep down I know that is not true, I am not defined by stuff that I have cluttering up my house.

The house of which I speak cannot be found by the mailman, you can’t find it on any map and your GPS will not cleverly guide you this house for you see the house I speak of is me.

What steps will you take to clear your house of clutter? What are you holding onto which no longer serves you? Is it time to make space for that which is yet to come? These are important questions which we should ask ourselves as we prepare our internal home for the next season of our journey.

“We are not afraid to look under the
bed, or to wash the sheets; we know
that life is messy. We know that
somebody has to clean it up, and
that only if it is cleaned up can we
hope to start over, and get better.”

- Marsha Norman – American Playwright

Being Cool In The Hood

This past winter as I have drove around town I have noticed that many teenagers, mostly male are wearing hooded sweatshirts with the hood up and covering a good portion of their face while they are driving. My immediate concern is that driving with one’s hood up impairs the driver’s peripheral vision and can lead to an increased chance of having an accident. With the hood up over your head, one would have to make more effort to see what is to each side as one drives because the peripheral vision is obstructed to some extent by the hood. Now I know that the wearing of the hood in the car probably has little to do with keeping warm and pretty much everything about being “cool”. When we are teenagers we our notorious for doing things or not doing things because we want to appear cool. Wearing the hood up while you drive is simply another expression of coolness albeit a bad idea that could lead to an auto accident. Over the years teenagers have often found a way to express how cool they are, drag racing, binge drinking, unprotected sex, not wearing the proper safety equipment when skateboarding or riding a motorcycle, etc. Some teenagers may even miss out on a good education because it is not cool to carry books and appear that you are studious. Did you know that many of today’s teenagers will not carry or use an umbrella? Umbrellas are not cool, don’t you know? It is much cooler to get wet, soaked to the skin and look like a drowned rat! Funny, we all had our own way of expressing coolness when we were teenagers. Even those who would consider themselves geeks or nerds felt they were “cool” because they were unique and did not try to be “cool”. In many ways like the wearing of the hood while driving, as teenagers we partially blinded ourselves with our efforts to appear cool.

Thank goodness we grew up, matured and we were able to clearly see that being cool is not all that it’s cracked up to be!

Oh, wait a minute, that didn’t happen for most people did it? Most people simply exchanged their coolness as a teenager to being cool as an adult. Of course we don’t usually call it “being cool” as an adult, we use different words like climbing the corporate ladder or having a new house, an expensive car, beautiful jewelry, sending our children to elite private schools, wearing designer clothes, etc. The list goes on and on.

As adults, many are still blinded by the idea of being cool, being the adult on the block with the largest bank account, biggest and newest toys, etc. We often refer to this as being successful.

Did you ever get to know the really cool kid in high school? Maybe you were the really cool kid in high school. If you really got underneath the cool factor of someone in high school you would often uncover a person who was insecure and not very happy, a person who was quite the opposite of the persona he/she projected to their admiring public. Interesting enough, the same holds true for many adults who seem to have it all going on for them. Many who are considered successful by cultural standards are insecure people who rattle around in their big house not feeling very successful at all. As a matter of fact they are often feeling miserable, feeling that though they have achieved so much they are still missing something. The interesting thing is that something they are missing isn’t something they can buy or deal their way into. The sad part is like the teenager who is foolishly wearing the hood while driving, they too are blinded by their own adult definition of coolness.

We must all remove the hood from our heads, we must strip naked and throw off the clothing of coolness and fully see that which is us. When we stand as a naked soul we may at first feel vulnerable and we may even feel some fear, however this will soon pass as we begin to re-learn the true meaning of whom we are and why we are here. Only then will we truly understand the ultimate “coolness” of our soul and in turn the Universe!

There Is Always a Way – Imagine the Possibilities

There is always a way! As a matter of fact there are often many ways to resolve what we perceive as a problem. When I am presented with an issue/problem that seems complex or unsolvable I often remind myself and others “there is always a way”. Often times the way is not self evident and the solution is not presented in a way that our current perspective allows us to see.

It is easy to get mired in the details, get blinded by our existing paradigms and even easier to list all of the reasons something won’t work. In short we are often are own worst enemy when it comes to finding solutions to what we perceive as issues/problems. We place limits on our unlimited potential. We are miraculous beings who have the capability of achieving what many would call miracles. If and when we have the courage to realize our power and transcend our perceived limitations we do become miracle makers. We know this to be true because we can single out instances of this throughout the history of the human race.

Often times the solutions that we seek do not take the use of seemingly miraculous powers, the solutions simply are found in a matter of shifting perspective. I believe the following story is an excellent example of how shifting of perspective can take place, solve an issue and do so through spirit/love:

A little girl in second grade underwent chemotherapy for leukemia. When she returned to school, she wore a scarf to hide the fact that she had lost all her hair. But some of the children pulled it off, and in their nervousness laughed and made fun of her. The little girl was mortified and that afternoon begged her mother not to maker her go back to school. Her mother tried to encourage her, saying “The other children will get used to it, and anyway your hair will grow in again soon”.

The next morning, when their teacher walked in to class, all the children were sitting in their seats, some still tittering about the girl who had no hair, while she shrank into her chair. “Good morning, children,” the teacher said, smiling warmly in her familiar way of greeting them. She took off her coat and scarf. Her head was completely shaved.

After that, a rash of children begged their parents to let them cut their hair. And when a child came to class with short hair, newly bobbed, all the children laughed merrily – not out of fear – but out of the joy of the game. And everybody’s hair grew back at the same time. – Excerpt from “The Art of Possibility” – Rosamund & Benjamin Zander.

What issue or problem are you facing in your life that seems insurmountable? If you could imagine you had no limitations how would you solve this problem/issue?

What would happen if you changed your perspective? What if you were looking at this from the eyes of a child or the eyes of someone who has accumulated the wisdom of a lifetime? What if you looked at this from the perspective of another gender or from another geographical location?

As you switch perspectives it is even quite possible that you will find that the solution to your dilemma is the realization that what you perceive to be an issue/problem is not an issue/problem at all, you may through a shift in perception discover that what you once perceived as a problem is indeed a blessing.

Have the courage to imagine the possibilities!

The Boomerang of Giving

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity”

- Martin Luther King Jr

Throw a boomerang and it will come back to you. Give of your self and that which you give will return to you. We live in a wonderful time to give. There are so many people who need so much and as the world is going through some major political and economic shifts the needs of people will become more and more apparent.

While it is true that many people will need help to meet basic needs such as adequate food, water and shelter they will need so much more which can not be measured in terms of what you can buy to give them. While it is good and necessary for us to share our fortune with others and help to provide for their basic needs, this form of giving should be a by-product of something which is much more valuable and much more needed and that is the giving of our self.

No matter what you materially have or don’t have you have so much to give when you give of your self.

You can give:

· Your love to those who feel alone in the world

· Your compassion to those who feel lost, confused, hurt and unworthy

· A non-judgmental ear to listen to the story of others

· Your friendship to those who feel abandoned

· Your loving touch to those who need a hug or the warmth of a kind hand

· Your smile

· Your respect

· Your wisdom

· Your presence

· Your forgiveness

· Your heart

· Your time

You can give so much of your self to help others. The beauty is that the well from which you give is a never ending well that is continually filled as you give of yourself. Like the throwing of the boomerang, all that you give will come back to you in ways that you cannot yet imagine.

Give of yourself, give freely and always give with the intention of love and you will fulfill the needs of others who so desperately need you. Remember when you give of your self, you give to your self fore we are all one, we are all connected.

Live in love!

The Stress of “Yes”

“Stress is when your mind says no, but your mouth opens up and says yes”

- saying found on a T-shirt

How many times in your life had you heard yourself say “Yes” to something that you knew that you should be saying “no” to? I believe that we all have done this on occasion. We are asked to do something and although we know that we don’t want to do it, we somehow say yes. Often times we say yes because we want to please someone else or because we somehow feel obligated. There are those rare times when we reluctantly have said yes when we really wanted to say no that we look back and say “Wow, I didn’t really want to do this, however it has turned out to be much better that I thought it would be”. The majority of the time when we say yes to that which we really wanted to say no to it ends up being a stressful situation. Many times we say “yes” even when we know that what we are agreeing to is not aligned with our true self. When we agree to something that is out of alignment with who we are then we will experience stress. As a matter of fact we may experience stress that manifests itself in a number of ways, ranging from a bad mood to physical symptoms such as elevated blood pressure, gastro intestinal problems and/or a decrease in the function of our autoimmune system where we become susceptible to the common cold, flu or worse.

It is very interesting to be the observer and watch someone who is in this situation. There is a person in my life who is suffering from various physical ailments, high blood pressure, one cold after another, strange rashes, irregular sleep patterns and mood swings and she can’t understand why. As the observer it is very clear to me what is going on in her life. This person has said yes to a major decision in her life that is not aligned with what she truly feels is best for her. This person is simply out of alignment with her core being. Her outward actions are so far out of alignment with her true self that she is creating an unbelievable amount of stress in her life. We have talked about her decision to say “yes” when she desperately wants to say “No”, however her desire to please other people in her life right now is stronger than her will to be true to her authentic self and thus she is suffering. The sad part is that she does not have to suffer, she could change her decision, be true to herself and many, and if not all of her stress induced maladies would vanish.

Sometimes we say “yes” to something because in some way we are convinced that it is the “right” thing to do even though it feels so wrong, or because we feel guilty if we don’t because of the feelings that another person projects.

Feeling guilty, trying to please others at all costs, avoiding conflict by saying yes, etc are ego responses. When we respond from spirit, when we follow the voice of our authentic self and make decisions on what truly resonates with our being there is no guilt, there is no need to please or impress. When we operate from spirit there is a feeling of freedom, balance and alignment which eliminates stress and worry which in turn allows us to live a joyful life.

Take a moment today to review what you are doing in your life that you know is not aligned with your authentic self. Become the observer and ask yourself, what have you said yes to that is causing you stress? What steps can you take to turn that misaligned “yes” around?

There is great joy and peace in being able to say yes to that which is aligned with your being and being able to say no to that which is not aligned with your spirit.

Must We Choose Between a Spiritual Path and a Material Path of Success?

Last year I inherited a business partnership with a small company which was helping with an element of my business. Over a few phone calls and through personal observations I could see that that owner of the company while very positive and goal oriented walked and sometimes crossed the line of ethical behavior. I made a mental note that I would have to keep a close eye on this company to ensure that they were representing me in an ethical way at all times. One day I had the opportunity to take a small trip with the owner of this company and for the first time we were able to talk beyond the routine small talk and business conversation. We opened up to each other about our personal lives. I don’t recall how it came up however at some point in the conversation this person told me that he was very spiritual and that not too long ago he had a very spiritual experience where he felt that he had a profound awakening, a born again type of experience where he was touched by the spirit of God. This person went on to explain to me about his spirituality and how although he was spiritual that he did not allow that to get in the way of his success and that he did things that were not necessarily aligned with his spiritual beliefs to succeed. He made this statement in a very matter of fact manner, that is he did not see an issue with this conflict in his life.

This person’s separation of his view of spirituality and his drive to succeed in a material way is not uncommon. I believe there are many people who approach their life this way.

When I was a child one of the board games that we played was “Life”. If you played this game you will remember that in the very first moves of your little car you had two paths to choose from, one path took you to college and the other path took you directly to the work a day world. I believe that many people look at real life and believe that they must make a choice between living a spiritual life and living a life of material success, while others believe that they can do both yet keep them separate and live a somewhat duplicitous life.

The reality is that there are not two paths you must choose from, the fact is we are all spiritual beings. The only difference between each of us is a degree of awareness of our spirituality and the degree to which we listen to our spirit or our ego.

One can live a spiritually aware life, a life of consciousness and still be materially successful. There are people who do this every day. We don’t usually hear about them because one, they don’t make what we call “interesting news” and two because in most cases, unless they are of celebrity status they don’t advertise that they are living life this way. See, they are not living a spiritually driven and materially successful life to impress you or I, they are simply listening to their spiritual voice, the core self. If and when they do make the news because they are sharing their success it is usually because the news discovered them not because they intentionally drew the media to them.

When people believe they have to choose a material path of success that conflicts with their spiritual self they may indeed achieve a degree of material success, however in the dark of the night, these are the same people who cannot sleep because they know that the actions that they have taken to achieve their material success are not aligned with their authentic self, their spirit. Often times we hear of a suicide or someone who snaps and kills and maims others before taking their own life and you will see people being interviewed afterwards who will say that they can’t believe this person did this; they had everything anyone could ever want. Why would someone who appeared to have everything in the world going for them become so distraught that they would take their own life or suddenly do things that were self destructive? These most often are people who are not aligned with their spiritual self and who because they are not aware of this they are disenchanted with all they have achieved and can’t understand why. These very well may be people who believed they were very spiritual yet they lived a life and made decisions which were not aligned with their spirit.

One of the key lessons which we must all learn is that we don’t have to choose between living a spiritually aware life or living a life of material success. There is no real choice, we are spiritual beings and we must live a spiritually guided life and allow our spiritual voice to guide us. We must trust that weather we achieve material success as defined by our culture or weather we do not is not our ultimate concern. We must trust that if it is in our purpose to be materially successful that will happen, however we must also trust that material success may not be part of our purpose. Our ultimate purpose is to be love and to radiate our love in every way we can and that when we do this we will achieve a level of success that no one could put a price tag on.

Resonating With Teachings

“I resonate with that” or “That does not resonate with me” are statements that I hear quiet often from people who are actively engaged in the search for wisdom that is shared by others. There are many sources of wisdom which exist within the universe. In our world there are many books that have been penned by great thinkers, spiritual masters, motivated and inspired people who all have lessons to share with us. There are historical records of what many of our ancient teachers taught as they traveled from village to village. We are blessed with a plethora of stories that has been passed down through the ages by word of mouth and then written down to be shared with the masses. We are blessed with many modern teachers who share their wisdom with us in books, videos, recordings and live lectures. The local book stores have shelves full of books which promise to impart some insight and wisdom upon us.

It is wonderful that there are so many people who have shared and continue to share their insights and wisdom. We will resonate with some and there will be others with whom we do not resonate.

What does it mean to resonate? In simple terms to resonate with something is to relate harmoniously with it. When we resonate with a writing it strikes a chord with us, the light bulb goes on and we get it! Often times when we resonate with someone’s thoughts we find that we are hungry for more.

Resonate

3: to relate harmoniously: strike a chord

Source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resonate

To resonate is to have resonance with thoughts that someone has expressed. Resonance in simple terms is picking up with the vibration of something, which is relating to the energy that, in this case a thought, idea, or conception is giving off. When we experience resonance we are connecting because the vibration of the energy is aligned with our energy.

Resonance

1 a: the quality or state of being resonant b (1): a vibration of large amplitude in a mechanical or electrical system caused by a relatively small periodic stimulus of the same or nearly the same period as the natural vibration period of the system

Source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resonate

This is why sometimes we find that we don’t resonate with a particular teacher and the way they present their thoughts. When we don’t resonate with someone’s writing or thoughts it does not necessarily mean that their thoughts are wrong, it simply may mean that we are not yet ready for that particular lesson or for that particular teacher.

There are many times we will receive a recommendation to read a particular author or a particular book, passage, etc because someone else has found it to be so valuable to them. In some cases there may even be a lot of hoopla around a particular book or teaching that makes it seem as though the masses are reading a particular book or subscribing to certain teachings and we feel compelled to pick up a book or tune into what everyone seems to be talking about and when we do we may say “huh, I don’t get it”. When this happens we may feel as though we are missing something, we may feel bad in some way because we simply don’t get it or we don’t enjoy it. The truth is we don’t always resonate with everything that is presented to us.

I have often picked up books, even bought books because I was very interested in what the author had to share, only to find that what they had written was not resonating with me. I have learned that is okay; I simply put the book on the shelf, for what I now know is that often times in the future and sometimes it is years later I will have the opportunity to pick that book up again and what did not resonate with me in the past now seems so clear and so obvious and I can’t believe I didn’t “get it” the first time.

It is very important that we resonate with that which we are reading or listening to. When we don’t resonate with the teachings that we are accessing then it may be wise to walk away from that particular teaching. We need to walk away from it because, A: we are not yet ready for the lesson in the way it is being presented or B: the lesson being presented is not a true lesson for us.

We must listen to what resonates with our spirit and not that which feeds our ego. This is where we must be careful. Many people have disregarded what their spirit tells then in regards to what resonates and what does not in exchange for the opportunity to feed the ego. Many of these same people have found themselves accepting and following people who appeared to be wise benevolent people who led them down a path which cumulated in spiritual and financial bankruptcy and in extreme cases death and destruction.

Remember, all which you seek can be found within you and that all of the great teachers who will touch your soul do not have wisdom to give you, they can only be the catalyst to help you unlock that wisdom which you already possess.

A Consciousness of Abundance In a Time of Perceived Scarcity

In the last 6 months one cannot pick up a newspaper, turn on the radio or television without hearing about the global economic crisis that we are currently in. The almost continuous news headline is some version of the economic crisis, home foreclosures, banks going bankrupt, major companies which have become international institutions asking for government bail outs, record unemployment, etc. Not only do we hear about the global economic crisis from the news media, the marketing gurus are also attempting to use this current state of affairs as way to market their products and in doing so they perpetuate the thought of scarcity.

In many ways we are in a consciousness of scarcity. You see it and hear it in the news, we hear it at the dinner table, we hear it at the weekend barbecue. Many people are very focused on scarcity rather than abundance. Many of us are being impacted by job loss, wage cuts, no annual raises or bonuses, etc. In many ways we are feeling the impact of a crisis in the global economy. For many their lives have dramatically changed due to the changes in are global economy.

With all that is happening it is very easy to fall prey to a perception of scarcity or scarcity in the near future.

When the global consciousness becomes that of scarcity then our total consciousness perpetuates scarcity rather than abundance. The question we have to ask ourselves is, are we living in a time of scarcity or are we living in a time of abundance? Does having less material things today than I had yesterday indicate that my life is one of scarcity or abundance? I ask you to take a look around, are you in living in a world of scarcity or one of abundance? If you were to lose or give away 50% of your material belongings today would you be living a life of scarcity or abundance? Consider all that you have, your car, your house, all of the things in your house, the furniture, the electronics, the appliances. Consider all of the “stuff” inside the garage, the basement and the attic. Do you rent a storage unit? The fact that in the United States that the storage unit business is a multi-billion dollar industry is a indicator that many people live such a materially abundant life that they don’t have enough space to house it all and must rent additional space to store their abundance. Interesting when you consider it all, isn’t it?

Can you picture 50% less? Hopefully you can. Could you say that with 50% less that you would be living a life of scarcity; probably not? Take it down another 25%, are you living a life of scarcity now? If you really think about it, the answer is probably not, you would probably still say that you are living a life of abundance.

I have met people who by many peoples viewpoint are living a life which economically would be defined as poverty who truly believe they are living an abundant life, so abundant in fact that they readily share what little they do have. These people do not have a consciousness of scarcity; they have a consciousness of abundance. They believe they live an abundant life and they are the first to share all of the abundance that comes their way.

The fact is that we do live an abundant life and we live in a universe of unbridled abundance. We live a life of abundance in many ways that go beyond the material things in our life. Take away all my possession, strip me naked and place me in a field and I would still proclaim that I live a life of abundance!

It is critical that we have a consciousness of abundance! Our consciousness has direct impact on the universe in which we live. Our collective consciousness moves mountains and has a far greater impact than we know how to measure.

Know that we live a life of abundance, know that even now when many voices are saying otherwise that we live and will continue to live an abundant life, an life of such abundance that we shall be eternally grateful for.

Note I am not saying that we should stick our collective heads in the sand and pretend that what is happening in this world is not happening. I am saying that we must acknowledge the abundant life which we live with eyes wide open. Every time that you hear the voice of scarcity remember to say to yourself, thank-you for the abundant life that I have and may I always remember to share my abundance for I have so much that I must give some of it to others for them also to know the abundance of this Universe!

Squelching the Fire of An Argument

“If the temper of your mind gets interwoven with your convictions, you lose in heat what you might gain by reason”

– Margot Asquith (Countess of Oxford)

The difference between a debate and an argument is a matter of respect and emotion and most importantly outcome. It is inevitable that we will not agree with everyone and that there are certain issues which we are passionate about, so passionate and so sure of ourselves that we want to share our beliefs and feelings with other people. Sometimes our purpose of sharing our beliefs is to attempt to persuade others to understand why we think the way we do and/or to give them information which may change their beliefs on a subject.

When we approach a point of disagreement with an even level of emotion, respect and positive energy the other person or people whom we are disagreeing with will often respond in kind. In doing so we set up an atmosphere for a healthy debate and discussion. We can freely exchange ideas without the fear of being on the receiving end of ridicule or anger. In this environment we tend to be open to ideas that differ from our own. Even if we continue to disagree after the discussion we do so with more to consider and we end respecting each others thoughts.

Unfortunately often times this is not the way discussions about our disagreements happen. Many times when someone treads upon a belief or idea that we feel strongly about we go into defense mode, which means we raise the draw bridge, batten down the hatches and sit high atop the wall. In effect we become impenetrable to the thoughts and ideas of others and we even tend to allow our passion to turn into negative emotions that come out as anger or ridicule. This becomes the environment for an argument where basically both parties stand behind their proverbial walls and take shots at each other and do not allow themselves to listen or digest the thoughts of the other. The contest becomes one of who will outlast or out shout the other. In the end there are no winners and the only thing that has been achieved is a deeper disagreement which is negative to all parties involved. Rarely in an argument does anyone learn anything and often time’s things are said or done which are not retractable in the calmer light of day.

It is important for us to be aware of our emotions and the part our ego plays when our ideas are challenged or when we are presenting our views to others. There are times where are ego will want to go on the attack or defensive mode and we will feel our blood pressure rise when we are confronted with ideas that conflict with our own. We are emotional beings and there are times where we will feel angry/defensive when people say or do things to us that don’t fit our personal world; that is okay. The key is to be aware of these times and work through our emotions before we react, before we speak, before we write that e-mail or letter. These are times where it is often best for us to walk away or put something aside for awhile until we have a chance to cool down to the point where we can have a healthy discussion and not an argument.

Note, when we do this and approach a disagreement in a manner that is open and without negative emotion there is not guarantee that the other person will respond in kind. In fact the other person may become angry and try to initiate an argument. At this time we may be inclined to respond in kind and perpetuate an argument. This is when it is even more important to be aware of our intention of the discussion, to communicate our intention and to set the expectation that we are not interested in getting into an argument or a situation in which we cannot effectively communicate with each other. This may even be a time where we arrange another time to have the discussion.

Understand passion is a wonderful thing and great discussions and ideas can be and often should be done with passion! The key is to not allow the ego to take that passion and turn it into anger, apathy or ridicule.