Listen To Your Wake Up Call

One of his students asked Buddha,
“Are you the messiah?”" No”, answered Buddha.
“Then are you a healer?” “No”, Buddha replied.
” Then are you a teacher?” the student persisted. “No, I am not a teacher.”
“Then what are you?” asked the student, exasperated. “I am awake”, Buddha replied.

Wake Up!! Do you hear the call? Do you ignore the call to awaken, do hit the snooze button and stay in your slumber? Do you draw the curtains to keep the light from rousing you from your slumber?

The light is bright and the voice is strong, however we find many ways to not acknowledge that which we know, which is that we are not fully awake, that we are in a slumber, often sleepwalking through this part of our journey. Oh, it may feel like we are fully awake and engaged by the amount of activity that we are engaged in, however although activity connotates being awake, activity in and of itself does not mean that we are awakened. As a matter of fact, activity/busyness is often a smoke screen which makes us feel as though we are awake however it often masks that we are still in a deep slumber.

The fact that you are reading this probably means that you have or are developing awareness and that as you develop and hone your awareness you are more open to hearing the call to awaken from your slumber and to allow your light to shine fully.

The call to awaken comes in many ways and when we are listening the call to awaken can be deafening in its strength. The call when we are not aware is not always so obvious; this is why we must be on the look for it, for it takes many shapes. For many the call if ignored will manifest itself in the form of life changing events, such as a heart attack or some other near death experience or in the form of loss, i.e. loss of income, loss of a relationship, loss of material possession, and loss of physical freedom. These types of events are often the most in your face type of wake up calls. None of which any of us wish to get.

The wonderful thing is we don’t have to wait for this type of wake call, we can choose to hear the call now; we can choose not to hit the snooze button on the clock of life. We can choose to listen and to awaken.

There is a well known story of Jesus Christ calling to Lazarus to awaken. In this story, Lazarus had been dead for four days, his body lying in a cave tomb rotting four days before Jesus arrived on site. Jesus arrived, had the tomb entrance opened and called out to Lazarus to awaken. Jesus stood outside the entrance to the burial cave and called out to Lazarus numerous times to awaken as the crowd watched on to see what would transpire. Lazarus did awaken from his death and come stumbling out of the darkness of the cave into the bright light of the day.

This parable illustrates that Lazarus was dead (in a slumber) and Jesus came and gave him a wake up call. The wake call was to awaken spiritually, to come forth and live an awakened life, to leave the darkness of the cave where he slept and his body rotted and to come into the light and be whole. This is a great story and illustrates that we all need to awaken, for when we awaken our soul becomes whole, we heal and we shine brightly in our awakened state.

The key of course is to be vigilant and remain awake, for it is very easy and often comfortable to return to that un-awakened state where we slumber in a death like sleep and we rot.

Listen; listen for your wake up call. I know that you hear it! Awaken, embrace the light, your light and be aware!

Sharing Our Stories and Discovering Communities

Many of today’s ills are a result of people feeling isolated in their journey. The feeling of isolation does not mean that you are not with people, the feeling of isolation is created because a person incorrectly believes that their story is unique and that they are the only one experiencing what is going on in their life. It is interesting how many people seem to believe that no one else could possibly understand what they are going through.

Truth is when we have difficulties in life, many of us tend to isolate ourselves from others or at least isolate our difficulties from others. We do this because in most cultures we have been taught to put a smile on our face and handle our problems ourselves. We are told to be strong and not to let other people see us sweat. We have been taught to carry our burden ourselves and to not lay that burden at the feet of other people. Many people have been taught to mask what is bothering them and not share their story.

Add to this that often times when we face difficulties we are embarrassed and ashamed to tell another person of our difficulty because many of our difficulties, such as financial hardship, abuse and even some illnesses have societal stigmas attached to them.

The truth is that everyone has had and will have difficulties in their life and you can almost guarantee that your “unique difficulty” is not unique at all and that some where someone has had a very similar experience.

“The deepest possible community is the community that is discovered rather than formed when we meet others who are on the same voyage”

- Mary Daly – Theologian

It is when we share our stories that we quickly discover that there is a community of people who have a similar story to share and therefore lessons to learn from. The discovery of a community is a very powerful tool for are well being. We discover communities by telling each other our stories, for in the telling of our story we find that other people can relate because their story is similar or they know someone with a similar story. In turn we come to the realization that we are not isolated, that we are not unique in our life’s difficulties that in itself provides massive relief. The weight of the difficulty changes because now we do not feel as though we are carrying that weight alone and the weight of our difficulty becomes lighter as we share it with others in our community. When we discover a community we also discover paths to recovery, paths to solve our difficulty or paths to understand and accept our difficulty that we were unable to see when we were in self imposed isolation.

We must encourage each other to share our stories, for it is in the sharing of our stories that we will discover beautiful, helpful communities of people who are on a similar journey or who have traveled through the path that we are now on.

The beauty of discovering a community is that we soon discover that we are not alone and that within a community we are all both student and teacher. We are all connected, sharing of our stories brings that connection to light!

Validation and Judgment

I was watching “American Idol” the other night and there was this one young man who was dressed in black leather with a bandanna on his head. Contrasting his outward appearance of a tough guy hard rocker, this young man was very emotional and his tears flowed easily throughout the process of auditions. At one point he said something that has been crawling around in my psyche for days. As he was waiting to go before the judges, he said “I just want someone to tell me that I am great”. That statement brought tears of empathy to my eyes, for he wasn’t really saying that he wanted to win the American Idol competition, he was simply looking for external validation. He simply wanted someone to validate his worth. In the end he was not judged to be a good singer and received 4 no’s from the judges.

Interestingly enough I believe he sincerely thought he was a very good singer. What he heard was someone who had a talent to sing, even though by current societal standards he did not present himself as a singer with a voice that other people would enjoy. This young man’s inner perception was very different than the perception of other people.

The singer/song writer Harry Chapin wrote a song about a similar situation titled “Mr. Tanner” which tells the story of a man who sings while he runs his cleaning business.

“But music was his life, it was not his livelihood,
and it made him feel so happy and it made him feel so good.
And he sang from his heart and he sang from his soul.
He did not know how well he sang; It just made him whole.”

Mr. Tanner sang to sing, the patrons of his shop convinced Mr. Tanner that he should try to sing professionally to which he made the attempt, the critics said this:

“Mr. Martin Tanner, Baritone, of Dayton, Ohio made his
Town Hall debut last night. He came well prepared, but unfortunately
his presentation was not up to contemporary professional standards.
His voice lacks the range of tonal color necessary to make it
consistently interesting.
Full time consideration of another endeavor might be in order”

Mr. Tanner returned to running his shop and rarely sung again.

It is not uncommon for us to believe in our selves and it is not uncommon for our ego to look externally for validation of our belief. After all we are societal beings, we live to be with other people and to share our life. The reality is that sometimes what we believe about ourselves is not what other people believe about us. Society as a whole does judge us in many ways. Our talents are judged, our appearance is judged, our education is judged … we are judged for the material things we have or don’t have, we are judged by the language we use, and the list goes on and on. We are being judged by people all of the time and there are times where we will asked to be judged because we want validation or because someone’s judgment is required to achieve the next step in a process, such as an audition or a job interview..

When we allow our ego to be dominant we can become devastated by the judgment of others. The ego is a fragile and though it looks for external validation it really only wants positive feedback. When the ego receives what is perceived as negative feedback the ego falls apart and becomes lost in it self.

When we allow our spirit to be dominant, we don’t seek external validation, we live, think, speak and act with a knowing that all is as it is, that we are not limited by the external perceptions of others. When someone provides us feedback, that is all it is, feedback, we don’t attach a positive or negative to the feedback, we simply take the feedback for what it is and we decide how we use that feedback.

All of us enjoy receiving positive feedback, however when we are full of love for ourselves and all that is, we do not need external validation to feel good about ourselves.

That being said, many people do live a life which is dominated by their ego and for where they are in there journey they do need validation. This is why it is so very important for us to have empathy for others and to embrace them with our love and through that love validate their worth. We are all worthy of love and in the end of the day love is what we all hunger for especially when we are blinded by our fragile ego.

Remember today to first love yourself and then to extend your love out to all whom you touch for you never know who might be living for that validation of their worth. Who knows you may be the person who is the catalyst for someone to move beyond their ego to being their authentic self of love and to understand their inherent worth.

Exiting the Rat Race

“The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

- Lilly Tomlin

We have all heard the phrase that it is a “rat race” out there or that it is “a dog-eat, dog-eat” world. Both of these phrases deliver the message that you better watch out for yourself and you better do what you have to do to climb the corporate or social ladder or to get ahead in this world.

We see people every day who think like this, we see them at work, we see them in politics, we see them in the academic world, we see them just about everywhere we look and there are times where we may even see them in the mirror.

The question is how do we achieve what we desire to achieve in this part of our journey without becoming an active participant in the “rat race”, that is how do we not become just another “rat”. Can one move up the corporate or social ladder without being part of the rat race. Can one ascend to the corner office, the head of the PTA, the leader of a group without hurting people along the way, without becoming egotistic? Can we be spirit-centric, be true to our authentic self and still achieve success in our culture?

Being true to ourselves, being spirit-centric in all we do and achieving success in our culture is a dynamic that many people struggle with as their awareness of their true being increases. Many people have an internal debate with themselves over this and many people come to a point where they justify their actions in the name of achieving their goals that are not aligned with their authentic self. When our actions are not aligned with our authentic self we cause ourselves to suffer. This suffering comes in the guise of intestinal problems, migraines, broken relationships, etc.

One may easily be inclined to think that they have to live the life of a Buddhist monk to live a truly authentic life; this is not true and is simply a way to excuse thoughts and behavior that are not aligned with one’s spirit.

Truth is that many people do live a spirit-centric life and are able to achieve their goals; they do ascend to the levels of cultural success that they desire. The beautiful thing is that they achieve what they desire by being true to themselves, being spirit-centric and therefore being love. These people ascend through the cultural ladder of success without stepping on and hurting other people. As a matter of fact rather than hurting others to achieve cultural success, they actually bring other people along with them and often times those people that come along with them end up achieving even greater levels of success that the person who through love brought them along for the ride.

The bottom line is that one can be true to their self and still achieve cultural success. One does not have to choose between being spiritual and moving up the proverbial ladder of our culture. The key at the end of the day is to be able to look in the mirror and be able to say, I love who I am, I am love and that is the most important thing to me and that I will continue to love myself and be love no matter what my position in society is. In other words, I don’t have to achieve that which my culture deems as successful to be a success and that if I choose to climb the corporate or cultural ladder or if I don’t I will choose to do so being true to myself and therefore true to all others because we are all one.

This journey is full of choices and almost all choices will come down to what the ego wants VS what the spirit know is true to itself. May we have the wisdom and awareness to discern the difference and the courage to choose the way of our spirit, the way of love, the way of our authentic being in all of our endeavors.

A Witness to History

January 20^th, 2009 a historic day which we are privileged to be a witness to. Today is the day that Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44^th president of the United States of America. As I sit and witness the presidential inauguration and marvel at the millions of people who traveled long distances and stood in bitter cold for hours to be present for the swearing in of our first African American president I have to wonder how different today would have been had Senator John McCain been elected instead of President Obama. Of course it would have been a special day and many supporters would have turned out, however I do not doubt that a McCain inauguration would not have been anywhere near what we experienced today. Today, for the first time in my memory, the presidential inauguration was being watched in restaurants on big screens, people took a day off from work to watch the swearing in on TV and many offices had a TV going on in the background to allow all employees to be part of this historic day.

Upon seeing how this day has unfolded and how the United States of America appears to have truly united in a way that has not been seen in current history with the exception of when a national tragedy such as Pearl Harbor was bombed and the World Trade Centers were destroyed I have to wonder what is going through the mind of John McCain today.

It is my sincere hope that as Senator McCain viewed the events of today unfold that he reflected on the moment and smiled as he recognized that this is an amazing moment in the history of the United States and of the world. I would hope that he understands and appreciates that all things happen for a purpose and that the election of Barak Obama was what was best for this country at this time. In his reflection on the campaign that he fought hard to win, it is my sincere hope that Senator McCain understands and appreciates his part in this process and that he is equally responsible for the passion of people of the United States for the swearing in of President Obama.

John McCain did not lose in this election year, in the end he wins as do all of us for this young country of the United States of America to grow in such a short time from a time when black people were considered a piece of property to now where a black man is the most powerful man in the United States and a powerful leader in the world.

I want to take a moment to thank John McCain for all that he has done and will do for his country!

I also want to ask all who read this to understand that after the pomp and circumstance of today subsides and we all return to our day to day activities and President Obama begins his new job which is full of challenges not seen by an incoming President since the election of FDR to understand President Obama is a great and talented man, however he is no magician and he will not be able to make all the changes this country needs by himself; he will need our support, he will need us to be active citizens and agents of change. United we the people can help President Obama achieve all that he desires to change in the United States and the world!

May Barack, Michelle and their family be blessed with an abundance of peace, love, wellness and wisdom as they embark upon this leg of their journey.

Beliefs and Experiences

Are your beliefs influenced by your experiences or are your experiences influenced by your beliefs, or is it a mixture? Many people exclaim that they must see it to believe it, while others will tell you that if you believe it you will see it.

There is no doubt that our beliefs do have an impact on our experiences. For instance if we believe that everyone has an ulterior selfish reason for doing something nice then when we have the experience of observing someone doing something nice we tend to not enjoy that experience so much because we are constantly looking for the “why” behind the action.

As I review my life up to this point I can tell you that my beliefs have changed and in some instances have changed dramatically as I have progressed along my journey. I can also tell you that there were times in my life where I held steadfast to my belief of the time, despite the experiences I was having. For me, I know that my beliefs influence my experiences, I also realize that as I learn more my beliefs are more pliable and I am more open to different possibilities, even the possibility that what I believed in the past was totally off the mark and that my experience ultimately may alter my belief.

We are here to experience this life and it is through our experience that we fulfill our purpose on this leg of our journey.

Often our beliefs limit our experiences. Beliefs are part of our fabric, our beliefs are the infrastructure of who we are and yet our beliefs must be pliable, that is we must be able to embrace our experiences without the self imposed limits of our beliefs.

We must remain open to experience and view each experience with a clear, loving and open soul, for it is in each experience that we have the ability to unlock another lesson. It is in each lesson the possibility of learning something which may alter our beliefs.

Today be aware of your beliefs and your experiences and consider how one influences the other.

The Impact of Gratitude

“More, more, give me more” is a common way of thinking for many. Many are never truly satisfied for once their hunger for the next thing is met; they develop a hunger for another next thing. Many people approach the banquet of life with an insatiable appetite, one that always leaves them wanting more (note, it is good to continually feed our soul, however we must have time between meals to digest that which we receive). Others seem satisfied with what would culturally appear to be much less and they are thankful for that which they have.

A family I know lives an abundant life, they live in a nice house, big yard, they drive two recently purchased expensive cars, they have an abundance of food in their home and they readily share what they have with neighbors, friends and strangers in need. By cultural standard, this family by no means is rich; however they do live an abundant life. When you talk to the husband and wife of this family they openly express how thankful they are for all that they have. They are often heard to say that they live a blessed life and that they are very fortunate to have all that they have. In the same family lives an 18 year old daughter in her freshman year of college. If you were to speak with the daughter and ask her about her life, she would quickly point out that her family is poor. She would illustrate this by telling you of all the things that she does not have and all the things that she perceives her family does not have. You would quickly note, that she has no sense of gratitude for all the abundance that she has in her life. All you would hear when speaking to her is that she simply wants more, more clothes (even though she has a closet full of brand name clothes), a new car (even though she has a great car, slightly used though it may be), more money, a bigger house, a new TV, etc, the list would go on and on. If she does not develop gratitude, this young woman will be chasing an elusive goal forever, she will find that she is never satisfied with life as she continues to believe that happiness is just one more thing away or is just around the corner when she achieves her next goal, purchase, etc.

Having a gratitude attitude is key to finding peace on our journey. Being thankful does not mean that you cannot desire more, being thankful simply means that you are grateful for the abundance that you have regardless of the level of abundance in societal terms. In many ways the more thankful we are, the more that comes our way. Conversely when a person is not thankful and is in a constant state of want, desire, give me, give me that person will feel that they are constantly on the edge of losing everything. In fact often times they are driven by the fear of loss and that fear manifests itself into stress, ulcers, nervous conditions, depression, etc.

When we are grateful we are in a posture where we can readily receive all that comes our way and because we do not fear loss, we do not hold on to things so tightly that they slip through our fingers. In fact, we find that the more ready we are to give that which appears so valuable; the more we are able to accept more. The beauty of having gratitude is we are not defined by receiving more and if more does not show up, that is okay because we are not possessed by that which comes and goes in our life.

When we have gratitude we find peace and freedom in our being.

Today, consider all that you are grateful for. You may even desire to make a list of all that you are grateful for. Consider what you are not grateful for and then shift your perspective to find something to be grateful for in that which you listed as something you don’t want or like about your life.

Do you believe that you are entitled to certain things in your life, such as your posseions, your job, your position in an organization? Do you hear yourself saying, “I worked hard for what I have and I deserve what I have or I deserve the position that I hold”? I challenge you to shift your perspective and consider how thankful you are to have what you have, to be in the position that you are in, etc.

When you shift your perspective and develop gratitude, you will sense a change, you will probably come to a realization that you are fortunate and our very thankful for what you have and that you are no longer possessed by your possessions or position in life. You will experience a new level of peace as you come to understand that you have no fear of loss, for you are grateful in your being and not possessed by your fear of losing that which you falsely believe is yours.

Be thankful for all that is and you will feel an incredible peace as you shake of f the yoke of unquenched perpetual desire for more.

Welcoming

When you invite someone into your home, you want that person to feel welcome. You may even do things that make a person feel welcome such as put out the welcome mat at the front door, have a fresh cup of coffee brewing, offer them a comfortable chair to sit in to relax, etc. We know how to make someone feel welcome, we know how to open up our arms in a welcoming manner and express to a person that they are welcome in our home. We know that it feels good to feel welcomed and that when someone feels welcome they can relax and will have a desire to come back for another visit.

Conversely we know how to make someone know that they are not welcome, we know how to cross are arms, look stern and make someone feel unwelcome. Sometimes we may not intend to make someone feel unwelcome; however because of our facial expression, hurried tone of voice or our body language we may send mixed signals that say that a person is not really welcome.

Sometimes we do the same thing with the Universe, we send out mixed signals. We proclaim that we desire something and we get very specific, however there is a part of us that does not believe we deserve what we are asking for or we become so laser focused on what we desire that we can’t see the woods for the trees, that is we miss other opportunities because we are too focused on what we desire. We also cause internal confusion because we are not truly welcoming.

While it is good to be specific about what we ask for it is equally important to be welcoming in our way of being. How can we be in a welcoming posture for the universe? Simple, we must set the stage just as if we were welcoming someone into our home; we must be open hearted and open minded, we much reach out with our soul and be open to all the possibilities. One way to posture ourselves in a welcoming way is to think or state aloud thoughts like:

• I welcome love into my life
• I welcome peace into my day
• I welcome the opportunity to serve others
• I welcome the opportunity to give of myself in ways that will benefit all
• I welcome challenges which will stretch me and help me to grow
• I welcome the opportunity to share my love with another person
• I welcome _______________________ (you fill in the rest)

The list can go on and on, I am sure you get the picture. Note simply thinking or saying these affirmations does not make us welcoming, however it is very good way to start.

When we are welcoming in general terms like I have stated above we set ourselves up to be open to all that comes our way and we begin to see opportunities that may have been obscured by the shadows of our mind/heart before.

Note we can be in a welcoming posture and still achieve specific desires. The interesting thing is that our specific desires may manifest in a way that we may have missed if we were not in a welcoming posture.

Put out the welcome mat of your soul today and you will be amazed by the people and things that will enter your life!

Our Pilgrimage

“When you’re on a journey, and the end keeps getting further and further away, then you realize that the real end is the journey”– Joseph Campbell

“Are we there yet?” is a common question that one hears when you take a road trip with children. Many children do not have the patience to take a long car ride to get to where they are going and will repeat the dreaded “Are we there yet?” many times during the course of a trip. They simply want to get to where they are going and don’t have much fun sitting in the backseat, nor do they have much appreciation of space and time.

We don’t hear too many adults ask the question aloud “Are we there yet?”, however most people are asking that very question in their minds all of the time.

Generally we are not much different from the child on a trip, we know where we want to go and we want to be there now. We, like a child do not have much patience or understanding of space and time. We often fail to understand that rather than being on finite trip, we are on a journey, a pilgrimage if you will. This pilgrimage that we are on does not come with a defined map; it does not come with a GPS to provide us the shortest route or the route with the most Starbucks on the way.

The beauty of being on a pilgrimage is that we are not constrained by time and space, we don’t have to get to a predetermined designation and we don’t have to take the shortest route. Unlike taking a trip to visit Grand mom, we do not necessarily benefit from taking the shortest route. As a matter of fact, when we try to take the shortest route, when we attempt to take short cuts we actually do a disservice to ourselves because we miss so much along the way. The beauty of a pilgrimage is that we are able to take whatever routes we desire, we will go forward, we will go up hills and down hills, we will curve and swerve and crisscross paths, we can take detours, heck we may even go backwards at times to visit something again (re-learn a lesson).

When we accept that we are on a pilgrimage and not a finite trip, then we begin to experience a freedom, a freedom of acceptance that provides us an understanding that there is no “one way”, that in fact there are infinite ways to go. We grow to understand that with the freedom to go our way on our pilgrimage that we are not shackled by accepted conventional rights and wrongs and that we are free beings who have the ability to experience that which comes our way in our own way.

In fact the moment we believe we have arrived or that we are on the one “right” path is the moment that our pilgrimage, our journey has come to a stall. It is at this point that we must be aware that it is time to open our minds and our hearts again to re-energize our pilgrimage.

As Joseph Campbell so pointedly stated, “the real end is our journey”, that is, it is never about the designation, it is always about the journey.

This is always true for me, even for something as simple as having a meal, it is never about the food, it is always about whom I share that meal with. The best trips I have taken in my life are never about the trip itself, it is about whom I shared the trip with, who I met along the way, etc. The same is true about my spiritual journey/pilgrimage it is never about where I am going; it is always about the experiences along the way!

Risk Taking

“It’s better to be boldly decisive and risk being wrong than to agonize at length and be right too late”

– Anonymous

For many this will be a year of uncertainty as the economy continues to falter, as a new president of the United States takes office and as company’s layoff an unprecedented amount of workers. Yes, this year will be challenging for many people and many of those people have never had to face some of these types of challenges in this lifetime.

Many people will be gripped by fear as they watch the news and worry about how their life will be affected. Many of the same people will lose their job, which means that they will be in danger o losing their homes, their cars and their current lifestyles. This stress will not only cause a loss of material things it will put pressure on relationships and many marriages will crumble as a result. Some people who lose their jobs will feel lost because they believe their job defines who they are.

This will indeed be a very interesting and arduous time in our history. This will also be a time when many people will have to make some tough choices as they try to stay ahead of the curve and make the right moves to keep their head above water and ride out this current situation.

Many people will have to make choices that involve taking a risk. The word “risk” has an interesting connotation to most people. For most, when they think “risk” they think “danger” or “loss”; the word “risk” for most people has a negative connotation. I believe that the people who see “risk” as a positive word are in the minority. For the minority, they see “risk” as a positive thing because when they think of risk they think of what the positive side of taking the risk will be. Donald Trump, Evil Knievel , Ted Turner, Harriett Tubman, Helen Keller, Nelson Mandela to name a few were all risk takers, it is by virtue of the risks that they took that we know their names today.

For most though, the thought of taking a risk can bring on great fear and that fear can be so great that it paralyzes them and leaves them vulnerable, sitting on the fence between choices. The posture of straddling the fence leaves one in a place of danger because ones feet are not touching the ground and it is very easy to get knocked off that preverbal fence.

We all have choices to make, most of which will involve some degree of risk. As you assess risk I suggest that you do the following.

• Envision the positive side of risk first and imagine what would be the highest possible good that could occur by taking that risk. Imagine all of the good that could come from taking the risk.
• Envision the worst possible thing that could happen if you were to take the risk
• Ask yourself, could you handle the worst possible outcome of taking the risk
• If you answer “yes, I could handle the worst outcome of this risk” (wouldn’t like it, but I could handle it) then move forward with the risk and envision the best possible outcome and stay focused on the best possible outcome when you feel the fear of weather or not you made the wrong decision creeps into your thoughts
• When you feel yourself start to falter and you want to turn back to what you perceive as comfortable, remember that walking away from the possible good that you will achieve is far worse then the consequence of failure.

Remember, it is okay to make mistakes, it is okay to fail, these are the step stones upon which success is built.

When you need to take a risk, summon up the courage and take the risk with a clear vision of the best possible outcome and how much that outcome is worth to you.