Connections & Attractions – Entering Into Relationships
Why are we attracted to some people and not others? On the surface many believe that physical attraction is the catalyst for a relationship, however as we look around at who we are attracted to we soon realize that physical attraction may play a part in our attraction to another, however it is far from the sole reason for attraction. The physical attraction we may feel from across the room when we first see someone can quickly fade as we come closer to a person or hear them speak. We experience this because sometimes as we move to explore our physical attraction we realize there is no “spark”, no connection that is there is no vibrational connection which pulls us towards each other.
When a real connection is made with someone it is unmistakable so why do so many end up in relationships which don’t work? How is it that we are able to make what seem to be not the best choices of people for us to enter a relationship with?
There are many reasons. The number one reason is that we don’t truly listen to what we intuitively know, instead we allow ourselves to be driven by other factors that are sometimes culturally based and sometimes part of our physical and emotional makeup.
When we are young and our hormones are racing and our physical body is at its peak the physical and hormonally driven body is designed to procreate and we are therefore physically attracted to people who exhibit attributes that tell us that we could produce healthy off spring with them. Consciously we are not considering the benefits of procreating with this person, however unconsciously this is often what is going on at a primal level. As I write this, I believe this explains heterosexual attraction to some extent, however does the same thought apply to same sex attraction? Physical attraction is very strong when we are young and of an age where it is optimum for us to procreate, I would have to assume that even though procreation cannot happen between same sex partners that this is still a primal force which contributes to attraction at this phase of life.
As we mature, we may find another person attractive because of what they can offer from a perspective of lifestyle, that is, they may be educated, gamefully employed, have the ability to provide a desired lifestyle, support a family, etc. Not a recipe for a successful relationship on it’s own, however for many, an attraction none the less.
The attraction of opposites is also another factor that draws people together. Opposites attract because we see the other person as being able to provide something that we feel is missing in our life; for example maybe a shy person is attracted to someone because they are outgoing, adventurous, maybe even a hint of danger exists and they feel an attraction to this person because they have something that seems to missing in their life. It works the other way as well, maybe someone who is a little wild and their life is a mess is attracted to a more settled person who can offer some stability. In the end, opposites often attract however very few can go the distance. The very things which seemed attractive in the beginning of the relationship are the things that tear the relationship apart in the end.
Another form of attraction is not truly attraction at all, it is the attraction based on fear. The fear is that a person’s biological clock is ticking or that they will grow old alone and they must find someone to hook-up with before it’s too late and enter into a relationship and settle rather then wait to find a person they truly connect with.
One other reason people enter into a relationship is peer pressure. Often times as we see the single people within our social circle become people in a relationship we feel left out and our newly coupled friends feel it is their duty to help the single person out and push and prod the single friend to enter into a relationship which inadvertently pushes people into relationships which are not true connections.
In our culture it takes fortitude and courage to wait for the person whom we truly will connect with, the person whose soul can truly link with our soul, the person who transcends the cultural norms of a relationship. It takes great personal integrity to be able to enter into relationships with eyes wide open and to be able to spot the red flags and recognize the attraction to the relationship for what it truly is.
When you truly connect with another person, a person who we can truly share each others journey with and support each other along your individual journey, you will KNOW. You will know, because you will not be pushing any doubts aside. You will know because you will be able to step outside of yourself as the observer and know there are not any red flags that you are ignoring. You will simply know.
Be aware of the vibrations and you will find the connections that you seek. Note, we connect with many people in many ways, not all connections that we make are connections which are meant for long term relationships.
The burning question that we must now ask is, what is the purpose of the person whom I connect with and enter into a relationship with and is this relationship supposed to be the “perfect” (perfect being defined by our expectations) relationship or is there some other purpose for which this connection exists.
Good Wednesday morning to you Mark. How are you today ?
I think it is all about our level of vibrations, what lessons we need to learn, and how we feel about ourselves as to who we draw in to connect with – and stay with.
(hugs)
This topic is really interesting – why do you love who you love? I often wonder about this, and while I can think of many reason why I am attracted to my current partner the question I always wonder is which of those reason is the biggest and most powerful? Also, you didn’t mention the affect other people’s opinion has on your relationship or future relationship – for many, having family/friends being supportive of a particular partner or, conversely not supportive, can either make or break “attraction.”
Very interesting stuff!
In order to create a relationship where two people support each other to grow, means that a person must first know who they are and what their needs are. Unfortunately many people, myself included, do not have a clue when they are young. It is through reflection in relationship that we get to learn more about ourselves. It is the irony of connectedness. When we are more whole ourselves, then we are better partners to others.
I think this really varies depending upon age and personality. I was married at a young age and it wasn’t all about romance, I just remember him wanting to move in to my apartment and I said if you want to move in you have to marry me… lol didn’t have to ask twice 4 months later we were married. I can’t say that all the same things applied to me as to many people, I provided for myself, lived as a teenager very much so in an adult world and so there was no courting, he was what we called a ” harry house date” he was just there. I had no clue who I was or what I really wanted out of life, I knew what I didn’t want. I had not dated and I attended and all girl school, doesn’t quite make for understanding the opposite sex so well. I remember thinking marriage or convent, lol some choice. As a woman who has come to appreciate who she is, I see the world quite differently than the sixteen year old who lived alone. As I typed those words I realized I didn’t really think any different, I was just now more confident and believing in myself.
Looking at my own son’s relationships and marriages, lol oh this all so mother in law like, I can’t say why they ended up with the chosen mates that they did. Here is my belief we are taught that if a marriage doesn’t work we are some how a failure, but I think it is more a failure to be in a relationship or marriage which isn’t stimulating growth and individuality. All I know is what I tell my daughter every chance I get to talk on the subject.” After you finish college and you go on to find yourself who you are what you want out of life, where you need to be than you will find a partner who has found hiself knows what he wants out of life and where he wants to be and together you can work towards a future.” She always has so many questions about the whole thing, but the key word is partners, not giving up your identity and your partner not giving up theirs. But also love is tested, it has to stand the trails and tribulations of life.
People are all so very different and yes physical attraction may play apart for some and for others the attraction is more internal. One thing I am really sure of is the same people can be very different with others. We bring out different traits in different people, ( we have givers and takers pleasers and those who are controlling etc )
My youngest son he said I want to talk and I said sure, he said” don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with me or anything, I don’t ever want to get married and I don’t want children, but I am okay” and it is okay that if he knows himself enough to be comfortable with who he is that is great. There are so many that enter a relationship for the wrong reasons.
What are the right reasons… well Mark that is for you to write the next post ” when and why to get married”
Thank for the nice comments, yes when love is in your heart and your world is filled with it, your perspective changes, either that or insanity has set in. lol
Timing and circumstances are indeed key factors in understanding why we might connect with somebody. What’s difficult is believing you’ve found the right connection only to discover that’s not the case at all. With age comes wisdom (hopefully) and our ability to spot red flags along the way becomes easier.
Past relationships are significant in our learning experiences. We must be comfortable with ourselves in order to share all the good there is to offer in a healthy relationship.
Excellent post and very thought provoking!
I made the connection indeed unconciously when I was young. My husband and I have enough in common to survive. It isn’t always easy but we do a good job.
Whereas in the past connections where based on physical attraction nowadays they are based on a deeper level.
I find this all so interesting. I was caught in an abusive relationship, realized it early on, but spent many years trying to get out. Very hard to explain…don’t quite understand it myself because it’s not normally in my personality to get caught in those sorts of situations. But he was a charmer and got me tangled pretty deep. I’ve spent much time asking how I got there. It’s made me pretty cautious but at the same time, I do realize that I often get this gut feeling that I need to listen to…it either tells me that it’s safe or not. What I wouldn’t have given to have known this when I was younger.
Very nice post on relationships. What I think is that in any relation certain space is required to keep that relation healthy. As far as choosing life partner it really depends on person to person and their likes and dislikes. Basically what important is one must think about the relationship with himself .What relation you have with your Self.
sometimes we attract people into our lives who may be mirror images or projections of our shadow sides that we have either repressed or not yet owned.
as we become more conscious of the recurring patterns in our relationship issues, we can start to adjust our attitude towards them and ourselves and wait for a more authentic connection as the sentiment of your blog suggests.