No Regrets If This Life Ended Now

Randy Pausch a college professor at Carnegie-Mellon was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was told at the age of 47 he only had a short time left to live. Randy left a very inspiring message in his “Last Lecture” which can be seen here and in the form of a book by the same title.
Randy in a way was given a wonderful gift by knowing that his death was imminent because he was able to say all of the things that he wanted to say to his wife, children, friends and the world at large before he died.
Like Randy we all will die, we all have an expiration date; the difference is that most of us don’t have a clue as to when that will be. Barring any accidents or unforeseen diseases, based on my genetics I should live to my 80’s at least. This is great in a way, however this knowledge also could make me be somewhat complacent because I believe I have so much more time to be in this life to say and do the things that I want and need to do.
Truth is, I have no promise of a tomorrow. For all I know this could be the last thing I write. None of us our promised tomorrow and it is with that in mind that I ask this question.
If you knew that you only had weeks to live, what message would you want to leave your family, your friends the world at large? Who would you want to talk to and express what is on your heart?
If you died tomorrow, would you have any regrets about what was left unsaid, unresolved or undone? If you were offered a chance to come back to life and communicate with all whom you touch what would you say to them, what would you want them to remember about you?
I can honestly say that I could die tomorrow with no regrets. Sure, I would miss so much of my wonderful life and all of the people whom I love so dearly, however I don’t have any unresolved conflicts with anyone. All in my life have heard me tell them that I love them and have heard it and felt it frequently. I don’t hold any grudges or hate in my heart for anyone. I have apologized for all which I believe I owe an apology for. I have lived my life fully and have been blessed with so much abundance and I have been blessed with adversity and the lessons which I have gained when things did not work out.
Is my “bucket list” complete, have I accomplished all of the things that I would like to do in this lifetime, no I have not. I am okay with this, the things on my “bucket list” (things to do before I die) are just that, things. These things which I desire to accomplish do not define who I am, therefore not accomplishing all of them is not a negative, it simply is what it is.
Do I have more to say in this lifetime, you bet I do, however have I said what is truly important, have I communicated love, been loved and loved, YES I have, therefore no regrets.
I suspect that I will be in this form for many years to come and that I will have the opportunity to grow within this journey and strive to truly “be” everyday, however if tomorrow I am gone, I would breathe my last breath knowing that I do so without regrets, without unresolved conflicts and with a knowing that all whom I love know and felt my love for them.
What about you, could you die tomorrow without regrets?

By the way, in case you didn’t know this, I love YOU!

“The Last Lecture”

If you have not taken the time to watch The Last Lecture  then you should make time to watch this today. If you have watched this, I recommend watching it again.

This is a truly inspiring and moving video of a remarkable soul.

I have just watched it for the second time and I sit here full of many emotions as I write this through my tears.

Excuse Me, You Are Stepping On My Dream

Dreams, visualizations, projections of what we desire to manifest our life’s to be are very important. Dreams are a form of very powerful energy which is what keeps us moving forward. Dreams help us to see how we desire to grow. When we are without dreams we can easily fall into a place of complacency, stagnant at the very least which for some can lead into a deep depression. This is why it is so important to allow ourselves to dream, to look forward and more importantly to believe in that which we dream. Let me repeat that, we must BELIEVE in what we dream, visualize, etc! If we don’t believe in our dreams than they most likely will not manifest into our reality.

Who are the biggest dreamers, who are the best at allowing themselves to dream and believe in their dreams? Children are the best dreamers in the world. Children are the best at dreaming and believing in their dreams because they don’t have the history that we as adults have and therefore do not have the often “adult logical” barriers to their dreams in their mind. To a child, anything is possible!

Of course this holds true until some well meaning adult squashes a child’s dream by trying to infuse their adult reality into the situation. Adults in a child’s life are god like in their ability to influence and persuade and often something which is said casually by an adult is taken very literally by a child as being the absolute truth.

When Johnny/Jane says I want to be a major league football player, or I want to be a judge on the Supreme Court or anything else that they desire and a well meaning adult explains to the child that the chances of becoming one of these things is slim to none, then often the dream has been effectively crushed. Now one dream being crushed may not seem like a big deal, many may even say that in this example that it is right to manage the expectations of a child. The aftermath of having a dream crushed is that we now begin to be more careful about what we dream for, we begin to apply logic to our dreams and set up artificial barriers to the manifestation of our dreams.

So it goes, we grow up and along the way after enough dreams have been crushed, ridiculed, pushed aside, we get to the point where we don’t trust ourselves to dream which leads us to becoming stagnant, which places us in a survival mode, rather than a “living” mode.

As adults we may find that we have a passion for something more, a dream of something we desire to do or be to have that very dream stepped on by the very people who are closest to us, such as our parents, spouses, lovers, friends and peers. Now these people normally don’t step on our dreams to be malicious, as a matter of fact if questioned about their dream stomping they would tell you that they were looking out for your best interest, they were simply being honest and saying what they say out of their deep love for you. They simply didn’t want you to get hurt.

Depending on your personality you may choose to ignore the dream stompers and move full steam ahead with pursuing your dreams rather than having the dream beat out of you or you may allow your dream to die based on the feedback of those close to you.

The key is to allow yourself to dream, allow yourself to visualize that which you desire and to understand the naysayers whom you may run into and that they do not know what you know and that you can achieve anything of which you dream as long as you don’t let the negative energy of others invade your dreams.

None of like to think that we are stepping on another person’s dreams, however I suggest that along the line that you may have done just that. I know that I have been guilty of killing dreams. Note, not because that is what I meant to do, however I did none the less. I ask you to listen to what you are saying to others, are you a dream builder or a dream killer in what you say to those around you? By your words are you holding someone in life back, be it a child, spouse, friend, etc?

Next ask yourself, how can I be a dream builder for others? What can I do to aid others in achieving their dreams?

Remember, each and every day you make a difference in peoples lives; the question is what kind of difference do you make.

Relationship Health In Relation to Seperation From Each Other

In a relationship there are times when we are separated due to business travel or because one person has to take care of a parent or a friend and the other has to remain behind to take care of work, family or both. How we act when we are a way from each other is a key indicator of the health of our relationship. I travel a fair amount and I see fellow travelers who seem to take on a different persona when they are away from their significant other. They use the time away to party more, to flirt more and sometimes engage in behavior which they would not do otherwise. This behavior change, this Jekyll and Hyde morph takes place for a number of reasons. One reason is that when people are away from their significant other they see this separation as an opportunity to throw off the perceived restraints of their relationship. This is a flag of a deeper issue. If we feel as though we are that restrained because of our relationship that is a problem. We even have names for this, such as the “old ball and chain” which paints a visual of the other person weighing one down, holding them back from who they really are.

Another reason that one may engage in flirting or more is that they are looking for validation. We love to feel that we are still attractive to others and we see a physical separation from our significant other an opportunity to test the waters to see if we “still got it”. This is another flag that there are deeper issues within our relationship. If we feel the need to seek validation from strangers then there is something amiss in our current relationship and we owe it to ourselves and our significant other to explore what is prompting the need for validation when we are separated.

If you find yourself turning into someone else when you are separated from your significant other, then you may also find yourself doing things to validate that your significant other is not straying from his/her normal behavior while you are away or they may be checking on you to ensure that you are behaving. You know when this is happening, you can tell because you call the other person at strategic times with the intent of making sure they are doing or being where you believe they should be.

Calling, e-mailing or texting to stay connected with each other is great; however it should never be done with the intent of checking up on each other or to do because you don’t trust the other person and you want to ensure they are accountable for every minute.

Separation from each other can cause some anxiety and insecurity. To mitigate or prevent that anxiety it is important to communicate with each other and to lay out the plan for the day, so that you both understand what each others day looks like which will help identify when you may be available to talk. The great thing about understanding what each others day will look like is that it also provides points for good conversation at the end of the day.

When you do connect with each other it should always be because you miss each other and that you want to connect and not because you have some hidden agenda of checking up on each other.

When our relationship is healthy it is easy to be ourselves when apart from each other. When there are issues within the relationship it is that much more important that we be aware of our behavior and our intentions so that we can do the work to build a healthy relationship rather than engage in behavior which deepens the chasm of issues within our relationship.

I encourage you to take stock of how you act when you are away from your significant other and ask yourself some very enlightening questions about your thought and behavior process. You may be surprised at what you uncover about yourself and the state of your relationship. The key is to have the courage to use your discoveries to ignite positive change for both yourself and your relationship

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“You Are Here”

“You are here! ” This weekend I am in Minneapolis, MN, home of the Mall of America. The Mall of America is the largest mall in the United States and the second largest in North America.   To simply walk the entire mall and all of the levels, I believe there are four, it would take three hours. Now, that is not stopping to visit any stores along the way. Let’s just say this place is huge and one could easily get lost without a map. I am surprised they don’t issue a GPS at the entrance.  I went there yesterday with a friend to have lunch and check out a couple of stores and we had to refer to the mall map many times to find our way.  The mall map is great, however it is only great if you know where you are in relation to everything else, so the first thing you look for is the “you are here” symbol. Once you know where you are then it is much easier to figure out where you are going.

Many people could really use a map of there life journey which has a “you are here” symbol. Many people are so focused on where they have been or where they perceive they are going that they don’t know where they are at this moment. In essence many people don’t know where “here” is and/or they don’t want to face where here is, in other words they live in a “here” of illusion rather than a “here” of reality.

As we develop our awareness we begin to understand that time as we have been taught to think of it is really an illusion. There is only one time and place and that is here and now. We can never be any place but here and now! This is confusing because we are taught in many ways to look back and to look forward, however we are rarely taught to look at the now.

We do have an inner knowing of where “here” is, we simply must be able to let go of the illusion of the past and the future.  Once you realize that you can never get there from here, then your life takes on a whole different perspective.  Think about it, you never would say you are there, right? Why, because when you get there, you will say that you are “here”.  I never say I am there, just doesn’t make much sense does it. We can only be “here”.

Since we can only be “here” then we best know where here is.  For once we understand where here is then we can much better understand and plan where are “here” will be tomorrow.

Today, begin thinking about where you are, where your “here” is. Once you begin to understand and accept where you are then you are well on your way to creating the here you will be at tomorrow.

Shake off the illusions of time and begin to understand that you are here, the true time is now and you will be on your way to a greater knowing and a greater peace.

Lost in Our Relationship

“I have been in this relationship so long and given so much that I am not sure who I really am any more! Who am I? I try to recall who I thought I was before I became lost. I don’t recall a precise picture of myself yet I know I was somebody. Now, now I feel lost. Lost in a sea of responsibilities and a myriad of roles. I remember when we first met that I was so full of life, I had so many dreams and aspirations, yet it wasn’t too long into our relationship that I began to morph like a chameleon to fit into our relationship, to do things that made you happy which I thought at the time made “us” happy. Where have all my old friends gone? I remember, you didn’t want me hanging out with them; you were concerned that they were single and may expect me to act single and others you just didn’t care for. So your friends became my friends. I spent a lot time and effort building my world around you, working to please you, working towards having a harmonious relationship. I failed to realize that I was doing most of the giving and that I was changing to please you while you continued to live your life with very little change. Years went by and we had children and I donned the hat of Mother/Father. What I failed to admit at the time was that I was already a Mother/Father. I was a parent to you. I did the cooking, the laundry and I cleaned the house. I worked, paid the bills, kept the car’s going, did the yard work. I did all of this while you lived your life, me ever faithful by your side, unknowingly slipping away. My self, my identity ever so quietly fading into an abyss until I got to the point where I could no longer remember that person whom I truly am, the person whom you met and fell in love with, the person who you couldn’t wait to be with and hated to leave.

I search in the mirror as I look into my own eyes for the person whom I once knew. I look in your eyes hoping to catch a reflection of my former self, yet there is nothing in your eyes but apathy for the person you now see.

You say I am not the person you fell in love with and I know you are right. How can you recognize me when I can no longer recognize my self?

I am lost! The tears flow in morning for the person I once was. Countless nights I cry myself to sleep for all that I lost as I built my world around you, around us.

As I  awaken, I do not blame you, oh sure I may want to however I know the truth is that I made choices that I thought were right ones at the moment which I now know were choices which in the end put distance between us rather than bringing us closer.

I know you now long for the me that you met and fell in love with. I struggle on how I could be that person again. I feel like screaming when I come to the realization that I can never be that person again, that person is lost.”

The above is a dreadful, lonely place where many people in long term relationships find themselves. It is a sad story indeed. It is sad because this person did what at the time seemed to be the right things to do to build a loving and peaceful relationship only to find out that giving and loving does not mean that we should give our authentic self up. As we mature we understand that anyone who truly loves us would never ask or expect that we give our authentic self up to satisfy the other person in the relationship.

Long term relationships are wonderful and beautiful as long as both people know how to give without giving up their authentic self.

In any relationship, it is important to remember to “thy own self be true” and to be wary of the little changes that you make, for we do not change or become lost in relationship overnight, the changes we make are normally small and chip away at who we are ever so slowly.

Be in love, love with all of your heart, be true to yourself and understand that two “individuals” can still be a couple who enjoy a full loving long term relationship.

Be Careful When Drinking From the Water Cooler!

Going to the proverbial water cooler for a drink can make you ill. No, there is not tainted water, however it might as well be. At the proverbial water cooler we gather to express our concerns, to express our woes with what is happening in the world, etc. The water cooler is the place one can catch up on the latest gossip and discuss what is happening in the world. All over the world the discussion at the proverbial water cooler this week is about the effects of the recent and continuing financial break down, how it is affecting each of us and the fears and uncertainties that it has caused. On top of the talk about the financial crisis that is happening are also discussions about the upcoming United States presidential elections, the contest between Obama/Biden and McCain/Palin.

Water Cooler talk is rarely positive, it is usually fraught with fears over events and a wide variety of opinions and advice which is mostly slanted toward the negative. When you really stop and think about the negative energy that surrounds the water cooler, you have to ask yourself why people gather at this place. Why would one intentionally put themselves in such a toxic place?

People who are caught up in their fears of what is happening externally like to have those fears validated by other people. The conversation at the proverbial water cooler provides a validation of fears. Of course, the inherent problem with having our fears validated in this forum is that our fears are validated based on other peoples fears and is often steeped in misinformation and our fears then tend to escalate.  As our fears escalate so do our negative thoughts about our situation or the situation of others. This negative energy that our negative thoughts produce has impact on not only us but on all of us and on the situation that we fear. That same negative energy may cause the exact thing we fear to manifest itself in our world.

As you can see, we enter into a vicious cycle of negative energy which perpetuates the issues at hand rather than turn them around and head towards a positive outcome.

Is the current financial crisis and the upcoming elections in the US things to cause us concern? Yes, of course they are! Are they things that could alter our lives as know it today? Absolutely, the possible impacts are important to be aware of. Will these things or anything else change who we are? No, in the end, no external event will change who we are.

Instead of wringing our hands and gnashing our teeth, what is it we should be doing at times of crisis and life changing events? I am not singing the song “don’t worry, be happy”, I am not suggesting that you take the stance of an ostrich and bury your head in the sand. I am saying that we must turn and look within for the answers. The answer we should be looking for is the vision to see reality for what it is and the wisdom to know what actions we should take which will yield the best results for ourselves and the community of man of which we are a part. We must pull from within ourselves the courage to face the changes as they come, the wisdom to know that no matter what changes, the changes will not change who we are. We must also pull from within the fortitude to apply positive, pro-active thoughts as a collective conscious to bring about the results which we desire.

Each of us has an impact on the collective conscious with the thoughts we choose to have. Each of us can help others as we witness them getting themselves and others worked into a frenzy over the current crisis, short term and long term impacts by helping everyone to understand that we are not defined by crisis de jour, rather we do make a difference and it is up to each of us to choose if the difference we make is a negative or positive one.

You and eye can be the filter at the proverbial water cooler and make a positive difference at an individual, group and global level for we each have the power and responsibility to do so.

Choose to be the leader, the catalyst of positive thought and behavior with a knowing that no matter what happens external to us does not alter who we are or the peace and love which is our true being!

Genius in Awareness

“Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple” – CW Ceran

Genius or awareness? The quote above states that genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple. Is this really genius or is it really awareness. To take it one step further do those who hone their awareness appear to be genius to those who are not as aware?

In the above quote one could exchange the word Awareness for Genius and it would still be true. For when we are aware, that which seemed complicated, undoable, unthinkable, insurmountable now seems simple!

How many times have we had a task in front of us that seemed so complicated, a task that we spent hours trying to figure out and then all of a sudden it seems we have a flash, the light bulb comes on and we now see what was once complicated to be rather simple. We even scold ourselves for wasting so much time working on figuring something out that was so simple.

Awareness is an amazing thing, it is like having a light turned on in a dark room or like someone removing the shroud from our eyes so that we could fully see, rather than see shapes without detail. When we are aware our perception, our vision becomes crystal clear! We are amazed at how we could have been so blind as to not see what now seems so clear.

Ah, awareness, such a sweet thing, hmmm, yes it is, we see and experience life in such a full, often passionate way that we did not when we were shrouded in a fog. Often times as people experience awareness they are heard to say “I feel so alive”. When we are aware, we do feel alive, we experience joy in a way that we may have not experienced since being a child. The other side of awareness is that we also see and feel the sadness and pain in a more profound way. It is for this reason that many people fear awareness.

Many people fear that if they are truly aware, truly “alive” that they would not be able to deal with the pain. This fear is born of not being aware and it is a fear that is very difficult to difuse because one must experience awareness in a robust way to fully understand that the sadness and pain which we fear are to be embraced and not to be feared. One of the great lessons we learn as we increase our awareness is that there is purpose in everything, even the sad or the horrific that is happening at this very moment.

Exercise your genius today by increasing your awareness. Remove the obstacles which complicate that which is simple and understand that all the answers which you seek to simplify all that you perceive as complicated are within you now.

Remember on a clear day you can say forever. May you increase your awareness, release your genius, see clearly and live a truly “alive” life!

The Yelllow Brick Road – Part I

It’s funny how the obvious is not so obvious. When I was a young boy, long before the advent of video tapes and DVDs, the networks, ABC, CBS and NBC (before cable) would air the Wizard of Oz once a year.  This was a big night at our house. It was an event that we did not miss. It was a treat that if you missed you had to wait another year to see it. I don’t think we ever missed the annual showing of the Wizard of Oz. Little did I realize then that this story was much more than pure entertainment. Within this time honored story are many of the secrets to an abundant, successful life.

Yes, I can say that I got the basic moral of the story, that you will find happiness right in your own back yard, however until very recently I don’t believe I got the full relevance of the many lessons that are found within this story.

Let me break it down:

Dorothy is dissatisfied with her current life

She wishes for a better life, which she believes is far away – lets call that the future.

Her life changes because of a traumatic event, in this case a tornado.

She awakens in a new place, where a teacher (Glenda the good witch) and a whole group of very positive people, little though they may be, pump her up with positive emotions and   help her to define her goal, which is to get back home.

They then place her on a path to achieving her goal, the yellow brick road.

She is told at the end of the yellow brick road she will find all of the answers on how to achieve her goal in the land of OZ, where a wonderful wizard (teacher) will help her to achieve her goal of getting back to Kansas.

Now as we know from the story, following the yellow brick road is not without its roadblocks and detours, namely the wicked witch of the West and her band of flying monkeys.

The yellow brick road represents the path to achieving our goal, and just like in real life there is no expressway to achieving our goals, there are road blocks, curves, hills and negative people that we will have to overcome to reach our goal.

Dorothy armed with a positive attitude, a specific goal and well defined plan takes her first steps down the yellow brick road towards her goal.

Before too long she come across the Scarecrow, now the scarecrow is hung up on a nail. She frees him from the nail and allows him to be mobile, of course he falls at first and he looses some of his stuffing, but she helps him to get his legs on solid ground and even helps him pull himself together by re-stuffing the straw that falls out. Again she shares her goal and path with the scarecrow and he laments about wishing that he had a brain. With a little encouragement and a positive attitude she convinces the Scarecrow to join her on the path towards their goal and to have the Wizard of Oz give him a brain. She helps him define a goal and a path (she now becomes the teacher).

Arm and arm they move forward on the yellow brick road. Dorothy realizes that she is very hungry, conveniently enough they come upon an apple orchard. Dorothy picks an apple off the tree. The tree’s come to life, grabs Dorothy and yells at her for picking their apples. The Scarecrow tells Dorothy, let’s go, we don’t want any of these rotten apples anyway, they probably have worms in them. The scarecrow does this knowing that the trees will be angered and will throw the apples at them in retaliation. Of course when the trees throw the apples, they provide Dorothy with an abundance of food to eat. (Scarecrow turns a negative situation into a positive {and he thinks he needs a brain})

Before too long they come across the Tin Man, he is frozen in place from the rain that rusted him to a complete stop. The rain represents bad times, the frozen in place is how many of us become after a failure or an upset, unable to move forward. Our heroine understands the law of abundance and she is very willing to oil (positive energy and encouragement) the Tin Man’s joints and free him from his statue like existence.

When she ask questions (probes and shows concern) the Tin Man shares his story and laments that his chest is hallow and that he does not have a heart.

Dorothy shares her goal and path with him and suggests that the Great Oz could give him a heart.

And off they go, down the yellow brick road and on towards their goals.

A rustling in the woods and a growl, reveals a Lion. The lion is loud and prances around a lot in an attempt to scare the Trio; however Dorothy smacks him on the nose, and dissipates his false bravado.

It is quickly apparent that this is a rather cowardly lion. The lion admits that he lacks courage, and that he is ashamed of himself for lacking that which makes a lion a lion.

Of course our Dorothy has now learned quickly to identify a persons goals, and she shares her, the Tin Man, and Scarecrow’s story and invites the Cowardly Lion to join them on the journey down the yellow brick road.

Part II will follow in the near future.