Focus On the Process and Our Limitations Diminish
Last night I watched the American Film Institute bestow their prestigious lifetime achievement award to, actor, producer, director, writer, Warren Beatty. Warren Beatty sat in attendance as friends, family and peers reflected on his great achievements in all aspects of his life. Almost everyone who spoke about Warren remarked about his process and talked about how his commitment to process was a major factor in his success both professionally and personally.
I am a big believer in process. I know that if the process is good than the results will happen. This has been confirmed to me so many times in my life. The other day I turned on the radio and there was a gentleman on the program discussing how children who are praised on process emotionally and intellectually develop in a different way than children who are praised soley on outcome. For example, a child brings home a top grade on their math test and we praise the child and tell the child how smart they are at math, we are actually doing them a disservice. Rather than saying how smart they are at math, what we should praise is the work they put into learning the math and studying and preparing for the test. Here is why, if we praise the process than the child learns to associate process with success or failure. If we only praise the accomplishment the child learns to think they are either good or they are bad at something and there is no in between.
For instance, one might say I am great at math, however am bad at spelling because of how they have learned to process certain outcomes. If I try to ride a horse and I fall off, then I must be bad at horse back riding. Truth of the matter is, I am bad at horse back riding because it is something new to me and I have to go through a process to get better.
If I learned to think that I am good or bad at something because of the process that I did or did not do than I don’t automatically say I am good or bad at something, I first look at my process and make corrections in my commitment to the process to get better at what I am doing.
The next time you hear yourself saying that you are “bad” at something or that you are “good” at something I want you to stop and reflect why. I encourage you to not accept the first reason that come to mind, which are often stuff like “I am not coordinated” or “I don’t have a head for numbers” or “I lack patience”, etc. Go beyond these reasons and ask yourself what was my process for doing this. What about my commitment or lack of commitment to the process contributed to my success or failure?
When we understand process, we then understand that when we don’t do have the result that we want to achieve we simply have to correct our process. Correcting or committing to our process gives us a lot more flexibility to grow and master life than accepting that we are simply “good” or “bad” at things.
Life is a process, not an event! Play with the process and know that you can change and self correct the process as needed. You are the driver of your life and your process.
Focus on the process and our limitations diminish
Very true! Brings to mind the time when Dr. Huxtable was telling young Theo about learning to play the drums. He started off hitting a rock with stick over and over and, through an intense process, became Robert Culp’s costar on “I Spy” in the late 60’s.
… At least that’s how I think the story ended.
I completely agree but this is still a sensitive subject to me. I do say to myself I am not coordinated because I am not. Not because of a lack of commitment. It took me 10 years to learn to drive a car for example, 2 instructors who told me I would never learn to drive, I wanted to learn anyway, I changed to an automatic car and now I drive. No lack of commitment here.
I can give you many examples in many areas and was so happy that I found out through my children that I had LD. One of them dyspraxia, a neurological problem to plan coordinated movements.
Because I have to set priorities because things take longer I do use the excuse that I am not coordinated.
So you are right but it is not as black and white. Sometimes you have to be realistic.
I completely agree with focussing on the process. Children should always be awarded for the amount of effort they put into it. Than you would create a lot more succesfull people.
I agree, Mark. And what I usually do is to smile and say “I’m still learning” rather than “I’m not good at…” I prefer to reaffirm that I am doing my best at any given moment rather than to affirm that I’m “not good” at something because that would then inhibit me from trying again.
wise words and a good reminder!
Hi Mark I am in the process to give you an award Come and pick it up
That was Deep and so very True. Life is IMHO a process or perhaps a system of processes. When I meditate on this deep truth I realize what I thought I was learning, I was really Awakening to what I already knew, otherwise it would not be a truth, it was a remembering, it was the process of awakening that was happening…
Dear Mark,
This is so true. We live in a ‘result’ oriented society. People always focussing on the ‘medal’ and a place on the podium rather than the race itself.
If we could only learn to be in process and to gain our reward from the process as you eloquently describe here, then our lives would be so much the richer and our ‘results’ deeper and more meaningful.
With love and gratitude, Maithri
Hi,
I am not necessarily sure of the processing method, but I do believe each of us is given particular gifts and in the reality check of it all, we do have strengths and weaknesses. As we do with youth, if they are trying and failing we say try better next time, if they have succeeded they are not only rewarded with compliments, but society itself rewards, with trophys, certificates and praise of accomplishment. It is a very competive world we live in, but the key is not in thinking if one is better or not, but listening to your inner self and reaching inside to make choices that will explore your passion.
I am preparing for a party next week and I was calling everyone to invite them to the party. Mariam is my mothers best friend and she called back to rsvp, we ended up in a long discussion about what she is doing with her life since her move from the city. She has been an artist her whole life and was working on a painting, the whole time she spoke, she complained ” it takes so long to finish, I can’ t stand doing it, I am not doing oil anymore etc. As I listened I thought of my love for painting and my passion for writing and thought not once did I look on at it as work or with any sense of negativity, it is my escape, relaxation and joy. So I said to her, why would you spend a lifetime doing something that you don’t enjoy? She said “because I am good at it! ” But if you don’t have the passion for it, you won’t completely succeed and I don’t think she really had reached her full capacity for the ultimate experience.
I have always found that when your inspired by others it not only encourages but opens the mind to life in away that you might have not seen before. Which is why so many times children who spent years in hospitals may choose a medical profession or those who have access to the arts, may chose an art field. I believe that the more we are exposed to do, the more we will be capable of finding where we fit in the larger picture. As when I spoke with my sister, and she said they were conversing about me and she said that you have the mind set at times of that of a sixteen year old. Because I had early independence thrust on me, I missed out on what many in their youth experienced. So call it time and place but I find that I am exploring a world in which doors had been closed to me early in life.
The more you learn, the more you experience, the more you see and the more you do, the more likely you will find your destined place in this world.
Expand upon the horizon, open the mind and devour life, no right or wrong, no good or bad, only challenges that excite the spirit, but as your view widens, your passion and talent will surface.
The key is honesty from those around you and you yourself, because nothing would be worse than believing you are good at something that will set you up for failure. But then again only experience can weed out your strenghts and for that alone I say experiece as much as you possibly can, but allow your heart and soul to be your guide.
Conditioning shapes human beings. You decide which thoughts to embrace, which bliefs to adopt and which process to follow. If you believe ’success’ and ‘failure’ are human inventions, then you would view everything as meaningful experience without judgment.
Liara, to Judge or to Encourage? The key is to open the gateway to varied opportunities, so that individuals can make choices. Parent to child or mentor to adults, good criticism is guidance, that encourages one to seek more knowledge not less.
Ultimately, every second of our day is “process, how we get from point A to B. How well do we live our lives? If you are lonely, do you dwell on it, stay cooped up in your home, allow yourself to be lonely? Or do you go to the store, hold your head up, smile at people, look at the bulletin boards, go to the community college and listen to a lecture, join a group at church, find a good therapist? What is your process of living? Do you dwell on the dark side, your failures? Or do you struggle to get out of the dark? Do you go out and volunteer at the food bank or offer to help the local shelter by walking dogs each week?
In most sales industries, coaches refer to “the process” as “a system.” First you need to establish your goal. Then, if you develop a good system (the process), and follow that system, you will attain that goal. If you don’t attain that goal, and you’ve honestly followed the system, then you can choose to accept that the goal is not attainable, or you a/start over, or b/develop and follow a new system. This takes commitment. If the ultimate goal is achieving something you really want, like Marja’s wanting to drive, you’ll find a way to get there. If you have limitations that impede the process, you will seek a solution.
I think documenting your process can be very positive. I photograph each piece of art as I work… It helps me “see” the piece develop, and I know my work benefits. Journalling, too, can help in a big way. Commitment is the key.
Wow Mark! Just loved the saying –”Life is a process, not an event. Just play with it….”
You said it ALL! The one who knows to play, knows what it means…
Knowing it is a process and then knowing it ONLY needs to be played and not handled, planned etc…mmmm…Wisdom in such simple way…
I am a firm believer in the gifts provided in the process rather than the focus on the end product, though we live in a society that keenly keeps a sharp eye on the pot at the end of the rainbow.
Process is the BEST part of writing. As much as I love to finish a piece so I can click on “publish” in order to share it, the intimacy of the challenge, when the whole wide world disappears……and I’m in the middle of the process is such a creative rush……especially when there is a feeling of flow.
I often will ask my kids about what they liked and disliked about working on a project etc…….I think it’s really important that we promote critical thinking and analysis of any opportunity which a process is in play……..though i will post a creation of theirs on our “fridge of fame” in the kitchen, most of their work/creations are tucked away……….because it is always the process and not the end product where the learning and the personal growth happen.
great topic mark.
sorry for being so absent…………..of late. it’s been a wild ride on my end. hope to be back reading more regularly. i’ve missed your posts…….and wondering about where the process took you during your pursuit of finding the right word.
As an educator, I find this so interesting. I remember having a high school science teacher who praised me for my process despite me not coming up with the right conclusion. That always stuck with me. It’s about how we think and being able to think and solve our own problems in our own ways.
Good advice! I wish I had realized this while getting my degrees. I graduated summa cum laude , but I stressed over making straight A’s. I guess I wanted to make the best grades because I was a “mature” student.
Now I look back and it isn’t the A’s I remember..it is the friends, the humorous things, the experiences,…all the wonderful things that unfolded during the process.
Thank you for sharing this.
Still in process..and loving it!
~gh
This is a wonderful thing to remember. I have to constantly tell myself to give praise when my children try rather than when they “succeed”.