Declaring Your Independence
July 4th is Independence Day in the United States. Although in present time, Independence Day is thought by most to be a day of backyard cookouts, time with family and friends and a night of spectacular fireworks the day is truly a celebration of a group of people declaring their independence from England and the formation of a new country.
On a personal level most people love to declare how independent they are, however the truth is that most people are very dependent.
A friend of mine just bought a new house and she was telling me of all the work she was doing to move all of her belongings from the old house to the new one. She said she had so much “stuff” to move. She went on to say that most of the stuff were things she didn’t really have a need for, however she was hanging on to them anyway. She then asked me directly, “Why do we hold on to so much stuff that we don’t really need?”
What a great question! The answer is rather simple. We accumulate stuff and hold on to stuff because we believe this “stuff” is part of us. Matter of fact many people, albeit unconsciously believe we are defined by our “stuff”. That is, we believe that we are who we are in part because of the things we have, therefore we cling to what we have even when what we have no longer serves a useful purpose in our life.
This doesn’t sound like very independent thinking does it? Now, one may argue and say that the more I have the less I have to rely on others, which does make sense. To that point I would say, I am not saying that it is bad to possess things, what I am saying is that when we hold on to things because we believe in some way that if we gave them it would diminish who we are or change who we are that we have crossed the line from independent to dependent.
Think about all of the things that you possess in your life, car, house, books, CD’s, stereo, old letters, things from your childhood, etc. If you lost any or all of what you now have, would it change who you are? Would losing any of it change the essence that is you? If you think about it, the answer is no, who you are would not change because you lost any of the things in your life.
Now with the understanding that you are not defined by your possessions, the next thing to do is to de-clutter your life. Ask yourself, what am I holding on to that serves no real purpose in my life. What is cluttering up my house, the attic, the basement, the junk drawers, or junk closet that if it were gone tomorrow would not change anything for the worst? Knowing that these “things” are not you allows you to begin to purge the clutter from your life. As you clear the clutter from your life you will regain your independence and begin to understand that everything external to you is temporary at best and that by letting go of our need to hold on to our possessions we create personal freedom.
By the way, de-cluttering your physical possessions applies to the thoughts you hold on to as well. Release those thoughts which no longer serve a purpose and declare your independence from a mind cluttered with antiquated ideas and emotions that have long since passed their original purpose.
Dear mark, de-cluttering your life and your thoughts will make you independent. A strong and powerful thought.
In general it will fit, but there are also people who never had stuff of their own. For whom it may be good to cling to something and learn not to make place for other people.
Though my curio is filled with momentos of time, places and people. There was a moment where I looked around at it all and I knew that I could walk away and leave it all behind. This was when I was at my strongest and knew that staying versus leaving no longer had the weight it once did. Of course one does have to be prepared to understand that possessions of various items do not define us.The possessions that clutte the mind, are a lot harder to leave behind. Healing comes with accepting, understanding and then letting go and even more so learning to be responsible to self, of both actions and thoughts.
I was at an auction trying to capture my childhood with a bid on a play doll, it was in mint condition unplayed with. I was excited to win the highest bid. Once I had the doll in my possession, it had little meaning, it didn’t have the memories, the tattered hair,the worn clothing, it lacked the love of being played with. What was it I was trying to capture, childhood, or a possession of time and place? It was a step forward towards letting go. I no longer need to look for a positive within the realm of negativity, as I graduate from the past, I learn how important de-cluttering the mind is. New memories, new emotions, new experiences evolve not necessarily to replace the old, but to encourage a stage of growth.
It’s only when you try to give things away that you realize how much you identify with them. I did a lot of clearing away of possessions last year when we moved house. I’d hoped to clear more this year, as I realize that it’s a part of leaving the past behind and allowing myself to be who I truly am in the present moment.
But it’s now coming home to me how much I identify with the stuff that remains. After all, this is stuff that I passed up on throwing away only last year. It’s astonishing to sort through a pile of old magazines and realize that somewhere deep down inside I am using these things to help to identify who I am.
I’m proud to say that I took them to the recycling center nevertheless. And you know what? I haven’t disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
(I love the picture you’ve used here.)
It is amazing how you can analyze everything and put it clearly in words. I clompletely agree. I declutter from time to time and I do feel more free. it is more difficult to declutter your mind.
As a thief in the night old thought patterns sneak up . If you catch them you learn that they are often emotional reactions because some need hasn’t been met. You haven’t developed better ways or haven’t found any ways to met these needs therefore it is difficult to declutter, if that makes sense.
I also learned that attaching to physical things can do sometimes more harm than good. e.g. The fear of losing it is n’t quite a positive emotion.
Independence is encouraged from a youg age in western societies. At times, human beings evolve to forget the usefulness of interdependence. When people let feelings and opinion cloud their judgment, they don’t permit themselves to take in the whole picture.
Glad I stumbled by here. All that you say is true.. and interdependence is truth… independence and even dependence are questionable. We are all in this together, like it or not.
How connected we are to all of our touch stones – without knowing. I checked in to see what you were up to, having just made an inspired notation to “Clean House.” It is nice to see an affirmation in your post. You have created such a beautiful house in this space with an amazing gathering of sparks. Happy Fireworks!
Hi Mark,
I find myself coming here more and more often, sometimes the restlessness of trying to sort life out is overwhelming. You seem to bring a certain amount of peace through your post. If you don’t have it all together, it sure seems that you do, either way it is refreshing and almost a comfort.
Love this. Clearing out out physical stuff is also a great way of allowing money to flow in as well.
Good analogy! Independence of body, mind, and spirit.
I have de-cluttered my heart many times and hopefully can continue to do so when needed. (which at times can be daily)
I also think I could live in a tent and move about…as long as I had my paints..or even a piece of charcoal out of the fire.
Once again, thank you for the sage advice and for sharing your heart!
This is my first post, however I could not pass up the opportunity as this has so much meaning for me.
This past 4th of July weekend (3 days) we began the process of cleaning out a storage shed that we have been renting for the past 12 years. I don’t even want to think about how much money was poured down the drain renting all those years. It has always been too much to think about the process of cleaning it out, let alone actually doing it. Well it wasn’t as bad as I had conjured up in mind, and while we’re not through, we did make alot of progress and will be out for sure by August 1st. It feels so good to get rid of that stuff and to my surprise, so much of it really was just trash. I feel so guilty adding to the landfill but I did and always do recycle as much as possible. It really does make you feel lighter. This was a good project for Independence Day weekend for me!
On another note, in a bad accident nearly four years ago, I lost sight in my right eye and my eye is badly disfigured as was my face. My face has been repaired by surgery, to the extent possible. As for my eye, it’s not nearly as easy to reconstruct. I wear a prothesis covering it, to look more normal, but I have a lot of emotional baggage with this. I feel fake and I have trouble accepting myself with this new fake “eye”, and that is putting it lightly. I no longer feel pretty. How do I let go of that baggage? If anyone has any ideas or words of wisdom, I would love to hear them. Thank you – I love your blog!
Dear Mark,
Amen to all you say here,
‘Decluttering the mind of old antiquated thoughts’ is my favourite part… To free ourselves from our own preconceived notions of who or what we are…. is the ultimate freedom.
Much love, Maithri
Valorie,
Welcome! Thanks for making this comment and for your kind words. Sounds like you made some great progress with cleaning of the storage unit. I did the same thing a few weeks ago.
Sounds like you had a very bad accident. I will be thinking about your question tonight. My first thoughts are that as horrible as this accident was for you, all things happen for a reason. The accident and all that has transpired since has been full of lessons for you. I have more to say and I will, however I am in not in the position right now where I have the time to address your questions. Be in love and be well. I will be thinking about you tonight and I will write to you again very soon.
Rachel,
A quick note to say, I appreciate your thoughts and look forward to your comments. I am glad that you find what you desire here. Be in love and be well my friend. I hope to have more time to write more soon.
I agree with pretty much everyone has said here – but when I think of one of the largest collection/clutters I have … it’s pre(digital) photos. Any thoughts on this?
Hi Mark, I’d like to add some extra insights to your wonderful post.
One thing I’ve noticed is that those who grew up during a war, such as WWII, have a tendency to collect “stuff” because of a fear of scarcity. I’ve seen this time and again and have also gone through it myself, as my Norwegian mother grew up in a house where they had to hide food and valuables from the Nazis in secret compartments under the stairs.
Those who grew up during or shortly after the Depression have experienced the same fear of scarcity, and many also experienced the backlash of frustration and fear in the form of spouse or child abuse. Many still hold onto these traumas and pass the fear onto their children.
We learn behaviors and pass them on to future generations. We are all filters and can choose to only let the positive energy to flow through.
We all have the power to choose.
I would like to offer this to Valorie –
Dearest Valorie, when you look into your heart, what do you see? Do you see how beautiful you truly are?
Your heart is filled with love and truth of knowing who you truly are, which comes to you from your soul. To many, eyes are the window to the soul. Perhaps you might meditate on what eyes mean to you personally, and specifically what the “right” eye symbolizes. This might lead you to discover the cause for conflict of wearing a prosthesis.
Many seek acceptance from others. Acceptance, at its core, is Love. Know that your heart and soul already know who you are and do not seek external acceptance from others, as they are already secure in the knowledge that they are loved by all because they ARE love. Love IS all.
Wishing you peace, light, and love,
Brit
Valorie,
You stated that you feel fake because of the prothesis. I can understand that you may feel fake, because it is not the you that you are accustomed to. Of course the reality is our human body is changing all of the time. Our hair changes color, our skin wrinkles, our eyesight deminishs, we gain and lose weight and truth be told we are often suprised by the stanger in the mirror. The change to your eye happened unexpectedly, however the real you, to one who exists within your body has not changed, you are still you. You are still beautiful, intelligent, full of love and joy to share. Your prothesis is really no different than the fact that I had to don glasses as I passed 40 or that other people must wear a hearing aid and no more fake that covering the greys with hair color.
We are not our form. Our form does not define who we are. Truth is we will be long after our current form dies.
I don’t believe you need to let go of anything, rather you simply must accept that you are still you and the change that you see to your physical form is not who you are.
You are beautiful and you are loved. I am certain that you have much to offer and that you mind the changes that have happened to more than anyone else does.
Love yourself, be true to yourself and feel free to be!
Hi Mark:
What a great message. It is so true that when you de-clutter your surroundings and thoughts it gives you permission to let new opportunities and things enter your life. Helen
Dear Mark and Brit~
Thank you so much for your thoughtful posts both clearly coming from a place of love.
You are both much further advanced in the spiritual realm than I, probably obvious.
I know that I am not my form and the my prosthesis does not define who I am, but I still struggle with it. I don’t like the way it looks and you know how women are about their appearance. In a way Mark, I do feel it is different than a pair of glasses or a hearing aid. It is an artificial body part that I am supposed to pretend to the world is my eye, but it is not my eye. It does not reflect the fire in my soul. I do feel that eyes are the window to the soul, but this plastic one that I so strongly dislike is not the window to my soul. I have always felt that maintaining eye contact was important and I was always very conscious of doing so, no matter who I was speaking to. I thought that it was a good quality that I had. Now I am just too embarrased to even look at people I am speaking to. It not so much that I am trying to gain acceptance from others, it’s more that I am trying to gain acceptance of myself with this new reality. Which in reading your posts if acceptance means love, then that means I need to learn how to love myself, something I’ve never really done and feel less worthy of even now. I know that I have good qualities, it’s just in my mind, this fake eye is casting a huge shadow on everything that is good about me. I guess it is a process and I have a long way to go.
The accident has taught me many lessons and obviously still is. I know it happened for a reason and I am grateful for many of the experiences that have come from it, the lessons I have learned, getting to know myself much better than I ever have and for the people that have entered my life because of it.
I thank you both so much for your insight. It has given me alot to think about and meditate on and I will and hopefully I can get past this. You have helped me more than all of the others I have called upon for help in the past 4 years – so thank you for that.
Good post.
We have to dissolve everything in order to understand unity and our origin.
This separation for the chance of unity is a process we call Love.
Ridding our “self” first from treasured possessions, next from friends and family and also from body.
Our “self” always remains.
If I am not my possessions, my friends, my family, my body – who am I?
Analyze further and further, this question of “self”.
To a point where it becomes evident that it is one with all.
To a point where the paradox, of being independent and interdependent at the same time, is finally resolved.
Sorry for my late response, I was out of town for a few days, but as I read Valorie’s comment, It reminded me of a very young woman I met years ago. She worked in a major department stores clothing section . When she was first came over to give me help with my clothing selections, I was shocked by her outer appearance. The person I was shopping with that day, made a comment about why someone was put in that position, at that comment I felt bad for her. This sales person had been in a major car accident and the fire had completely disfigured her face, but as she spoke what seem to arise at first as pity was replaced with admiration, as she began to converse her physical being began to dissipate and her inner spirit , her extraordinary strength and courage and of course she had the voice of an angel which all replaced her earthly capsule.
Everyones issues are real to them, and that is not to make slight of them by saying, someone else has it worse or is stronger. What is key is how you see yourself from the inside. There was a time when I looked in the mirror and felt ugly and still yet days when I liked what was looking back, nothing physically had changed about me, what changed was my self acceptance. Cliche is the old saying ” beauty is only skin deep” When you allow your inner self to take presence over your exterior being, you will find that inner beauty does truly exist and supercedes any shallowness that we may have about ourselves.
It is our media trained eye that for a split second allows us to sit in judgement of ourselves anothers, it is the eye of the heart which gives us a wider and clearer view.
Thank you so much “Pictorialprose” – your message is really beautiful!!