What is stronger sexual/physical attraction or spiritual attraction? If you watch commercials on TV, go to the movies, read magazines or have any contact with the current culture, one would say that sexual attraction is king. One would easily come to believe that sexual/physical attraction must be the main attraction point between people. Even those who agree that physical attraction is not the core of a relationship will often say that physical attraction must first be present to attract people together and then the spiritual attraction and bonding happens.
As I look at the major romantic relationships that I have had in my life, while I was physically/sexually attractive to each person, I would have to say, that the people whom I were attracted were more attractive because of who they were and not because of how they looked.
At the beginning of the most significant romantic relationship of my life, I can recall looking at this person and asking myself, “could I be physically attracted to this person?” It was fairly early into a relationship that started out as a friend to friend relationship which over time began to blossom into much more than friends. Even though we had not spoken about our emerging romantic feelings about each other, we both could feel that our attraction to each other and our feelings for each other were becoming more intense. It was at this point that I looked at this person with different eyes and I asked myself, do I find this person physically attractive, is this someone that I could see myself in a full blown romantic relationship with. I knew without a doubt that we were attracted to each other, however that attraction from my point of view was due to a spiritual connection and attraction rather than a physical attraction. As our attraction to each other on a spiritual, mental and emotional level increased with an immense intensity, our physical attraction also started to grow. It wasn’t too long before I could see nothing but how beautiful this person was both inside and out. As a matter of fact, our relationship became so intense that no other person’s beauty matched up to the beauty of this person in my life. There simply was no comparison! Why? Was it because this person’s physical beauty surpassed everyone else’s beauty? Of course not! It was because I was so spiritually attracted to this person, attracted to their very soul that my eyes saw only beauty when I gazed upon this person!
Still not a believer that spiritual attraction is greater than physical attraction, and then consider this. Remember someone whom your were romantically involved with, someone who at some point in your life, you were madly in love with and thought they to be the most beautiful person you ever knew and then down the road the relationship didn’t work out, it fell apart, he/she hurt you very deeply. Now remember what happened to your physical attraction to this person, did it change, did you see them through different eyes? Did they lose their luster of beauty? Most often this is what happens, once we lose the spiritual attraction, the external beauty of that person quickly wanes, sometimes to the point where you can’t even figure out what you found so attractive in him/her.
In this case the person’s physical beauty did not change, what changed was your viewpoint of their spiritual self, as that attraction faded, so did your physical attraction.
If you are in a long term romantic relationship now, consider your attraction to the person in your life. Consider how physically the person has changed, yet you find them as attractive now if not more than you did at the beginning of the relationship. Now ask yourself how is that possible? Why do you feel so attracted to this person, what keeps your attraction growing? Truth is, it is not the physical form that you find so attractive as it is the spirit of that person. Because you love the other person for who they are, your physical attraction remains intact and grows.
Physical beauty grows with spiritual attraction and it quickly fades when that spiritual attraction diminishes for whatever reason.
If you are in a relationship, build upon your spiritual attraction and watch your physical attraction intensify. If you are in between relationships, remember that it is your spirit, the energy which you emit that creates true attraction, the attraction of people who you really desire to be with and who truly desire to be with you.
Blessed are those who are in a relationship that feeds the soul rather than gives snacks to the ego.
Posted by Greenwoman2007 on February 6, 2008 at 2:42 am
Well put. *smiles* Very nice post!
Posted by rainer on February 6, 2008 at 3:01 am
’snack to the ego’ that is a very good ending that will linger in my mind.
Often people are attracted to each other, until one of them open their mouth. I think that fits in your theory.
Thank you for this well written post.
Posted by Michael on February 6, 2008 at 3:02 am
Snacks to the ego put a smile on my face.
Posted by LyricalFool on February 6, 2008 at 3:05 am
“Blessed are those who are in a relationship that feeds the soul rather than gives snacks to the ego.”
Yeah, I’m going to have to go with the crowd on this one. Great line!
You are, as always, amazing. Thank you.
Posted by rainbow dreams on February 6, 2008 at 4:36 am
I think this is so true…and so well written. I agree..
it’s a fascinating thing the attraction between people – bonds that seem to exist from out of nowhere and stay for ever, and those that are broken, chemistry that is almost palpable – I hadn’t really thought about thew connection of spiritual attraction as something separate before…
Life is busy and good at the moment – but I will be around and visiting…thank you, Katie
Posted by andrewong2024 on February 6, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Great entry! Just what I needed to hear!
Thanks!
Posted by marja on February 6, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Excellently written mark. When I was young I went for the physical attraction. These days I still get very spritually attracted to people and that doesn’t involve a sexual relationship.
Posted by Zachary on February 6, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Lovely Insight.
A great save for the question of “Do I look fat in this?”
Posted by Paul M Martin on February 6, 2008 at 8:26 pm
“Physical beauty grows with spiritual attraction and it quickly fades when that spiritual attraction diminishes for whatever reason.”
I’ve definitely noticed that, and sometimes even found myself physically attracted to a woman so attractive on the inside that it somehow animated her exterior – an exterior that otherwise would have been unremarkable to me.
We have some major synchronicity going… Both of us have a “beatitude” for the closing lines of our current posts.
Posted by Bop on February 7, 2008 at 3:03 am
Awesome post, Mark — such a simple and basic but absolute truth. One, however, that takes some a longer time to discover than others depending on their emotional and spiritual maturity. I have to vote with Paul for my favorite line being …
“Physical beauty grows with spiritual attraction and it quickly fades when that spiritual attraction diminishes for whatever reason.”
When we are in love with a person’s spirit and soul they will always be beautiful in our eyes!
Posted by awareness on February 7, 2008 at 4:02 am
Like Katie, i don’t think I have ever separated the types of attraction when I consider the serious romantic relationships I have found myself in. There was always a meeting of the minds and spirit for it to have been serious, alot of which is reflective in our values too. If one has the feeling of security to open up their hearts to one another, to being comfortably vulnerable if there is such a thing, the attraction on all levels grow, don’t you think?
I also believe that making love with your soulmate partner is a tremendously spiritual act.
Posted by Liara Covert on February 8, 2008 at 5:27 am
Why choose to perceive any force as stronger than other? This point of view seems grounded in the assumption that superior and inferior exist when these are inventions of the mind.
Posted by Kristine on February 8, 2008 at 7:40 am
I think that many people don’t understand how spiritual attraction can be such a force. I think that many people have to experience it to accept its validity. I experienced it once, and I hope to again someday.
Posted by gypsy-heart on February 8, 2008 at 7:59 am
As usual interesting post. I always enjoy reading the comments too.
I have to ask Liara Covert…does love not exist then?
I find all the layers of this confusing sometimes..I guess that is why I go in circles with it all. Sometimes I think we try to out do each other in “nothingness”…yet is that really real? Not sure I am making sense or that this is the forum for such. From my own experience it is easy to write and say things until you are confronted with the realities of “the now” that you are personally experiencing. Forgive me if I got off track here…you always stir this already swirling mind up even more!
On meditation…I did find some informative bits and pieces here and there. I have printed a couple of them so I can ponder over your words without the distractions of blogging.
Thank you for “being” and sharing.
Posted by Rachel on February 8, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Because personality varies so does the answer. Some people are very visual and others can view much deeper. I would like to believe that all aspects of a human being are responsible for our attraction,but this also varies from one individual to another. I do believe you can see into a soul to view a heart without seeing the physical being. I know this sounds off the wall but I have a very close bond with a individual that I have never physically saw and we have remained close friends for many, many years. I had imagined what this person might look like, but would the physical change who the person had become to me? I would like to believe the answer to that is no, it would not change who that person is. After years of communicating I wrote, I no longer need to see you because I saw something greater then your face, I saw your heart. On the opposite side of the spectrum, I have been in a relationship where I was looked at as a possession and I can tell you there is an emptiness that comes with that kind critical view of a person’s outer exterior, so much so that you become your own worst critic. Love does not sit in judgement, it is encouragement on the wings of an angel.
I just want to express my gratitude for your kind words on my blog. I have many people who read on a regular basis, but it is always nice to know that it is appreciated, so for that alone, I thank you.
Posted by tobeme on February 8, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Greenwoman,
Than-you! Good to hear from you again.
Posted by tobeme on February 8, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Rainer,
I agree, I have often thought to myself that someone was attactive, and then they speak and the attraction quickly fades. Thanks for your thoughts.
Posted by tobeme on February 8, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Michael,
Glad you enjoyed!
Posted by tobeme on February 8, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Lyrical Fool,
Thanks for your kind words. Glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for your thoughts.
Posted by tobeme on February 8, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Katie,
Relationships are amazing, it is true and very worth exploring. THanks for your kind words and thoughts. Glad to hear that you are doing well.
Posted by tobeme on February 8, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Andrewong,
Glad to here that this was timely for you! Thanks for sharing.
Posted by tobeme on February 8, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Zachary,
Welcome! Thanks for your thought and your wit! Look forward to hearing more from you.
Posted by Gypsy on February 9, 2008 at 11:40 am
Blessed are those who are in a relationship that feeds the soul rather than gives snacks to the ego.
I just love that line. A number of times in the past I have seen someone who was extremely attractive. There might have been a meeting of eyes and an unspoken communication has taken place. Then I have actually had a conversation with them and found them to be shallow or without substance. Immediately their looks have diminished in my mind and they became quite ordinary.
In complete contrast I have met people who I connected with emotionally and spiritually. As time has gone on and I have come to know their heart, they have then assumed a beautiful outer layer that I didn’t notice initially. There doesn’t necessarily have to be a sexual attraction though, just a meeting of minds and heart.
If you manage to find someone with whom you have a spiritual, physical AND sexual attraction my advice would be “hang on tight and don’t let go”.
Posted by tobeme on February 13, 2008 at 3:11 am
Awareness,
I agree that when you are with the right person, that there is a connection on all levels. The key is the many people enter into relationships without the spiritual side being present, somehow believing that they will create that along the way. I agree, making love to someone whom you are deeply and spiritualy connected is what making love is all about and has an intensity that is not comparable to simply having sex.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Posted by tobeme on February 13, 2008 at 3:13 am
Liara,
I still say that for a long term relationship to with stand time, that a spiritual connection is essential and to believe otherwise would be to fool ourselves. Thanks for your thoughts.
Posted by tobeme on February 13, 2008 at 3:14 am
Kristine,
You make an excellent point. It is very difficult to understand and believe this in theroy alone. Experience is an amazing teacher. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Posted by tobeme on February 13, 2008 at 3:17 am
Gypsy Heart,
Glad that I stir your mind! Good questions, it is easy to get lost in all of the “what if’s”. This is why these discussions are so important to our growth.
Glad that you found some thoughts on meditation. I know that I have never spoken directly about it. I would be interested in hearing what you gleamed from my writings.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Posted by tobeme on February 13, 2008 at 3:20 am
Rachel,
I agree with what you say. Spiritual relationships are the deepest and when the spirit and physical are both there, then watch out!
You are welcome for my comments, I thank-you for all that you are!
Posted by tobeme on February 13, 2008 at 3:23 am
Gypsy,
I too have had similar experiences! True, the inner beauty will reveal itself and outshine the outer beauty.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Posted by tobeme on February 13, 2008 at 3:28 am
Bop,
Thank-you for your kind words. Yes, when we love the soul, the person is always beautiful in our eyes. Thanks for your thoughts.
Posted by tobeme on February 13, 2008 at 3:33 am
Paul,
Yes, beauty of the soul often trancends our exterior appearance. Thanks for your thoughts. Glad to hear that we are synced up.
Posted by Physical versus Spiritual Attraction « Andrew: Inside & Insights on February 14, 2008 at 5:48 am
[...] Read the rest of it here>>> [...]
Posted by rags on February 14, 2008 at 9:27 pm
This is excellent!
Exactly the result of the little survey I did with some couples I know. Some of them are physically attractive guys with not so pretty ladies, some vice versa and some equally attractive. I asked them what are the 3 top qualities that attracted them to one another. Every one of them listed inner qualities such as confidence, good to parents, leadership, kindness, love for others as qualities that attracted them.
Yes while the guys are a bit more visually oriented, it is still predominant signs of character they listed. The ladies virtually all of them never mention rich, successful and handsome.
I did the survey after chatting with several guys who says they can’t get married because they are not rich, successful or handsome.
External charm do win people the first glance or even the first date but spiritual qualities or internal charm wins the partner for life.
If only guys know and find out what are top 3 qualities each unique person of the opposite sex, they can develop those qualities and have a better chance contibuting to their future relationships.And from my perspective the inner qualities may easier to develop than many outward qualities such as looks and monetary stuff. People spend too much time focusing on the wrong things without relational returns. It is sad but your entry will help people do things that makes the biggest difference.
Posted by figaro on June 3, 2008 at 10:34 am
Great post. I am a middle-aged male who has recently divorced, but have several “strictly plutonic” friends of the female gender. With one of them I have awesome spiritual conversations. We can talk for HOURS about things spiritual. Even though at first glance she is not someone I would normally define as physically “my type,” I am finding it increasingly difficult to maintain the boundary of “just friends.” My attraction to her grows every time we get together, and I find myself thinking about being with her more than “just friends.” These thoughts are not deeply sexual … but they *are” inimate. Perhaps “tender” or “loving affection” are better words.
I’ve heard of the spiritual / physical connection before, but I’ve not experienced it quite like this. Frankly, I’m not sure where it will lead, if anywhere. I’m striving to maintain a “just friends” relationship. But, as I said, that is becoming increasingly more of a conscious task than anything else.
I don’t want to cross any boundaries that might cause either one of us pain down the road.
Anyway, thanks for your post. It helped me realize that I’m not alone in all of this.
Posted by tobeme on June 3, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Figaro,
Welcome. You are not alone in all this. Matter of fact this is very common. It is understandable that you may feel you want to maintain boundaries, however if she is not in a current relationship then I see no reason why you would not go with the flow of your relationship with her and explore all possibilities. If she is in a relationship, then of course the thing to do is to respect the boundraies that are set.
The question you have to ask is why are there boundraies. Most boundraies are set up because of fear. If yours are fear based then you should take another look at the boundraies which you have set. Remember the same walls we set up to protect ourselves from being hurt are the same walls that keep the good stuff out. Thanks for sharing. I hope you keep us up to date on how things go.
Posted by Liara Covert on October 14, 2008 at 5:29 am
One view is that all things have equal energy and equal strength. It is your perception, interpretation, and ego priorities that brainwash you into believing one kind of attraction is necessarily stronger. Your priorities of a given moment shift based on what controls your sense of truth.
Posted by Robin on November 25, 2008 at 12:08 am
Excellent article. I hope alot of women out there are reading this. I’m a 26 year old guy who get a touch pissed off with the media obsession with the importance of material looks and physical ‘beauty’. I’m not a handsome guy my any stretch of the imagination, but I can attract some beautiful spiritual women…who are not fussed with ‘looks’ and tap in to my spiritual courage. I’m only 5ft 7 and bit of a runt… and so I find that I have to project a happy go lucky persona. Remember the soul or light body is far more powerful and important than the physical shell….which we dispose of after this life…and choose another vehicle!!
An excellent book to read is Destiny of Souls by Michael Newton. Really got me thinking.
Posted by tobeme on November 25, 2008 at 12:56 am
Robin,
Thank-you for sharing your thoughts and for the book recommendation. You sound as if you are very aware of cultural rules of attraction. The key is to be ourselves and not to overcompensate for what we or our culture perceives as negatives.
Be true to yourself in all you do.
Posted by Liara Covert on December 24, 2008 at 8:31 pm
You can always choose to blindfold yourself and interact with people. Sense their energy and discern the difference to when you judge based on appearances alone. Reasons you are attracted to people change over time. Some people do not realize their perception of the world and reactions ot people change regularly based on their own levels of self-rejection and self-acceptance.
Posted by dreamer on February 16, 2009 at 11:48 am
does this same spiritual attraction happen when a man is having an affair outside his marriage?
Posted by tobeme on February 16, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Dreamer,
It could, however when a person is having an affair it rarely spiritual in nature. Normally an affair outside of the marriage is ego driven. The person having the affair is looking for a way to stroke their ego, to fill some void that they perceive is missing. Note, just because one is married does not mean that they have a spiritual connection to their husband/wife. The ceremony of marriage does not automatically invoke a spiritual connection, it implies one, however it does not assure one.
Posted by The Exception on June 14, 2009 at 2:49 am
The spiritual connection is amazing and it is often something I feel and trust before I feel anything else. It is the one that bring enrichment and joy over anxiety and high blood pressure. I have come to trust that feeling inside that isn’t about my mind as much as it is something deep with in… and one never knows where it will be found or within whom.