Shifting Our Focus

 The other day I found myself standing in the baggage pick-up area of the Philadelphia International Airport waiting with a friend for her bags to come around on the baggage carousel. As I stood there in the midst of a hundred other people waiting to pick up their bags I noticed that there were many conversations taking place. I also noted that if I focused on a particular conversation then I could hear what people were saying to each other, while all the other conversations turned into white noise. I could also shift my focus to other conversations that were taking place and listen to different conversations, however, as I shifted my focus the previous conversation that I was listening to would blend into the white noise of all of the other conversations. The point is that I could only hear what I was focusing on.

This phenomena is not limited to what we hear, this also applies to what we see, what we feel, etc. We hear, see and feel what we focus on. This is why we so often get what we expect.  Often our focus is very narrow and our focus is often defined by our mental expectations. These mental expectations are often rooted in our experience. For instance if we go into a restaurant where we have dined before and had a great experience, then when we go again, we are focused on the positive experience we had before, however if we go into a restaurant where we have never been before and someone told us that this restaurant was dirty or the service was typically poor, then we would focus on the negative aspects of the restaurant and therefore typically get what we expect.

We do this same thing with focus as we relate to people, we very often have pre-judgments about how a certain person will be which influences our focus and ultimately delivers what we expect.

The great thing is that we are not a slave to our focus, as I did in the airport, we can shift our focus at will and as we shift our focus we also can shift the outcome of what we see, hear and feel. See, it’s really about our thoughts, that is, we have the ability to control our thoughts, which means that in many ways we control what we see, hear and feel. We have much more control over the outcome of our daily endeavors than we realize.

I encourage you to test this out. The next time you are going to meet with someone whom you usually have a confrontation with; choose to shift your expectations which will shift your focus. Choose to focus on the positive aspects of this person. Choose to focus on their viewpoint and why they may see things the way they do and see what happens, you may be surprised at the outcome.

Want a simple and quick exercise? Close your eyes and visualize the room in which you’re sitting, once you have the visual picture of the room in your mind, open your eyes. Do this before reading on. Now with your eyes open, look at the details of the room, what did you miss in your mental picture, what details did you not see? I am willing to bet that you missed a lot of details, maybe a pen on the desk, a dust bunny under the edge of a piece of furniture or a certain color of an item. When you shifted your focus to look for details you saw so much more, right? Most people do, this is how our focus works.

Shift your focus and you shift your experience of this life!

The following story brings this home for me. I am re-writing this from memory and I do not know who wrote this story, however it illustrates the point of shifting expectations and focus:

There was a man traveling along the road, he was traveling from a village in the mountains to a village in the valley. Along his journey he came across a monk working in the field along side the road, so he took a moment to have a break and to speak to the monk. He told the monk that we had recently lived in the village on the mountain and that he was moving to the village in the valley. He asked the monk, “Can you tell me what the people in the village in the valley are like?” The monk said, “I would be glad to tell you about the people in the village, but first tell me about your experience with the people in the village on the mountain”. The traveler said “Oh, I didn’t much enjoy the people in the village on the mountain. It seemed no matter how hard I tried to fit in, that they were not very nice people, not very accepting of strangers, as a matter of fact they were often rude and mean to me, no sir, I did not enjoy those people much at all”. The monk said, “Well then sir, I think that you will find the people in the village to much the same”.

Now some time passed and another traveler was coming down from the village on the mountain on his way to the village in the valley and he too came across the monk and asked the monk the same question about how the people were in the village. The monk replied to his question in the same manner as he had the previous traveler and said “Sir, I would be happy to tell you about the people who live in the village in the valley, but first let me ask you, what was your experience with the people who live in the village on the mountain?” The traveler said “Oh, the people in the village on the mountain were wonderful, they welcomed me into their village, were happy and very generous. I truly enjoyed those people”. The monk said “Well sir, I am sure that you will find the people of the village in the valley to much the same”.

Shift your focus, expand your focus and amazing things will happen, your world as you know it today will forever change.

On Vacation

I wanted to let everyone know that I am on vacation for the next seven days. Taking some down time to recharge my batteries which means I will be out of pocket for a few days and most likely will not be posting anything new until I return.

In the meantime feel free to browse through my writings and the great discussions that we have had. There are over 240 posts to read. Hope you enjoy and be assured that I will respond to all comments on any post no matter how old it may be.

Be in love, peace and wellness and live in a state of joy no matter what happens. Know that all that happens, regardless of our perception of the event, happens for a reason. Be open to all of the reasons, especially those that you don’t understand!

Love to all of you!

BTW – I will be visiting Kingman, AZ the first week of March on a business trip. I have never been there before, drop me a line if you know anything about Kingman, AZ, thanks.

Anxiety

  Anxiety -1 a: painful or apprehensive uneasiness of mind usually over an impending or anticipated ill b: fearful concern or interest c: a cause of anxiety2: an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one’s capacity to cope with it

Source: Webster On-Line

Anxiety, we hear this word often, we hear that many people suffer from anxiety. There are tons of books and even infomercials on how we can eliminate anxiety from our life.  What is anxiety? Anxiety is simply a condition brought on by our thoughts. As the definition above states, anxiety is an uneasiness of the mind. This uneasiness of the mind is usually caused by thoughts of something negative we anticipate or something that we are fearful of happening. Note the key here is that we are making ourselves sick/anxious over some future event. We are not usually anxious about the moment in which we live. We are anxious about something that has not yet happened and may not even happen, however we make our self sick with our thoughts. Anxiety affects us not only mentally; it also manifests itself in physical ailments, headaches, sleepless nights, intestinal problems, etc.

The strange thing is that many times we become anxious over something that is not within our control. Maybe, we have an outdoor event planned and we become anxious over what the weather will be. Maybe our spouse has not been themselves lately and we begin creating thoughts as to what might be wrong, we imagine the worse, maybe they are no longer interested in us, maybe their having an affair, our thoughts take off on a path of their own and now we envision ourselves broken hearted, signal, in a one parent home and not making enough money to support the lifestyle we currently have, ugh! These thoughts make us anxious, we are now on edge and we look for problems and often create problems where there may not be any. There are a dozen reasons one’s spouse may not be acting like themselves, maybe they don’t feel well, maybe there is something going on at work, etc, yet we chose to worry and become anxious about some scenario we created in our mind.

It really is rather easy to become caught up in thoughts of future events and to make ourselves anxious over something that has not yet happened. Sometimes we become anxious over great future events in our life. For instance, we get a promotion, which will give us more income, increase our standard of living and give us more autonomy. All these are things to celebrate right? One would think so, however it is easy for us to become anxious when we start doubting our worthiness for the job, or can we handle the responsibility, what will happen if I don’t live up to expectations, etc. These thoughts can spiral out of control and what otherwise should be a joyful event now becomes an event fraught with anxiety.

Our thoughts our incredibly powerful, more powerful than we can imagine. Joy, anxiety and all of the other emotions that we feel all begin with thought. For most of us, our thoughts are totally within our control. We must first acknowledge that we have control over our thoughts, then we must choose our thoughts and choose not to allow ourselves to create thoughts which cause us to be anxious about future events.

I personally know the power of  anxious thoughts in my life. In the past 10 years, I can recall being sick 4 times, each time I became very sick, with flu like symptoms and each  of these 4 times that I became sick were preceded by anxiety. I became very anxious about something, which sent my normally advanced immune system into a downward spiral and I got sick.  One might say that I am very fortunate to have only been sick 4 times in over 10 years and they would be correct, I am very fortunate, however, truth is that had I not allowed my thoughts to create an anxious state of being, then my immune system would not have taken a nose dive and I most likely would have avoided what ever virus my immune system sub came to.

When you feel yourselve becoming anxious, the first step is to acknowledge that you are anxious and to acknowledge that you and you alone are responsible for your emotions.

Then next step is to consider the thoughts that are making you anxious:

• - What sparked the thought?
• - Is the thought based on some future event?
• - Is the future event within your control?
• - Are you allowing your imagination to create a future situation/event that may or may not happen?
• - Bring yourself back to the “now”, do you have anything to be anxious about in this moment?
• - Acknowledge that “now” is the only time you have and that you don’t have time to be anxious about a future time that has not yet happened
• - Will you gain anything from being anxious about something?

Remember, thoughts are the most powerful form of energy and with our thoughts we create our reality.

Help Others Reveal Their Own Riches …

 

“The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own”

 - Benjamin Disraeli, 1804-1881, British Statesman and Literary Figure

The above quote is very wise, very much along the line of the ancient Chinese proverb, “Give a man a fish and he will eat today, teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime”. As we walk though this life, it is great to share our riches, our abundance in all the forms which our abundance manifests. It is our responsibility and purpose to also help reveal to our brothers and sisters of this world how they may reveal their own riches. (one of the things of love about how Benjamin Disraeli phrased his statement is that he used the word “reveal”, he did not say find, or get, he used the word “reveal” because he understood that we all have the same riches within us, we simply must learn how to remove the shroud which obscures them from our view).

How do we help others to reveal their own riches? I believe the first step of course is to be aware of our own riches and to live as an example. The next step is to be there to answer questions when asked and to ask questions to provoke thought and awareness.

For when awareness is created within someone, they will begin to ask questions and as they ask questions their awareness will increase and the veil will begin to be lifted and the riches which they possess and have always possessed will begin to be revealed.

The most wonderful thing about helping someone to reveal their own riches is that our awareness increases and we are rewarded with an even clearer view and understanding of our own riches.

It is important to remember that we are all students and teachers and that these roles often meld together in a day and often they are hard to distinguish. Always be aware of your responsibility in each role and follow through with each always in a spirit of love. Be open as a student and a teacher!

Stone or Water

 

“While sitting on the bank of a river one day, I picked up a solid round stone from the water and broke it open. It was perfectly dry in spite of the fact that it had been immersed in water for centuries. The same is true of many people in the Western world. For centuries they have been surrounded by Christianity; they live immersed in the waters of its benefits. And yet it has not penetrated their hearts; they do not love it. The fault is not in Christianity, but in men’s hearts, which have been hardened by materialism and intellectualism”

~Sadhu Sundar Singh~

This is such an interesting quote, I love the analogy of the stone that has been in the water for all that time, yet is not penetrated by the water.  If we stop at the river bank and pick up a stone out of the water, we know that only the outside of the stone will be wet, while the inside will be dry, untouched by the water. We also know that if that same stone is left in the river that over a long period of time that the stone will be worn down by the water and that eventually it will become no bigger than a pebble of sand. The stone has no choice does it, it cannot choose to allow the water inside of it or to pass through, the stone simply must sit there and be worn away by the steady stream of water. Now the water on the other hand is fluid and can hit and move around the stone and continue flowing.

As I think on the stone and the water, I have to ask myself, which one am I, am I the stone, rigid, impenetrable, for the most part static, except for when moved by the water or am I the water, consistently flowing, making my own path, flowing over and around obstacles like the stone, giving life to all that need me for nourishment, changing form and recreating myself along the journey? Am I the immersed or the one immersing all that I touch?

I choose to be the water! For that is my purpose, to be like the water is to be spirit-centric! At times in my life, I have been the stone and I must say that I was never my authentic self in the role of the stone. I love being the water!

Which are you? What state are you in? Do you find that even now, in some ways you’re the stone? If so, what needs to happen for you to become more like the water?

“The Best Years of Your Life” No Matter How the Journey Ends

 

“I gave him/her the best years of my life!”, we often have heard this statement or something similar to it when a long term relationship ends. Often times one or both people in a breakup will look back and say, “Look at all the time I wasted with him/her” or “Look at how much love I wasted on that person”. People in a break-up are inclined to say things like this because they are hurt, they have reached an end to something they believed would last forever and they are hurt because this is not what they envisioned the end of this stage of their journey to look or feel like. When we are in this state of reaching an end point in one of our journeys, in this case a relationship, we are apt to look back and discount the entire journey as wasted time because it did not turn our the way we had envisioned, that is, the prize at the end of the journey was not what we expected.

What we often fail to see as we look in the rearview mirror with bitterness is that we did have joy, love and learned lessons along our journey together, that no time was wasted, that we are who we are today because of our journey.

Yes, the journey did not end as we had planned, it didn’t last till death do us part, it didn’t last until we were sitting in our respective rocking chairs watching the sun set on our respective life’s together, however it doesn’t mean that our time or love was wasted.

I am reminded of the Griswold’s family vacation from National Lampoons Family Vacation. In this classic movie, the Griswold’s embark on their annual vacation, destination Wally World, an amusement park where families have fun together. The trip to Wally World takes a few days and along the trip the Griswold family has a number of mishaps as well as some fun times and close moments with each other. The kicker is that the trip to Wally World becomes quite the journey and adventure and when they arrive at the gates of the famed Wally World, they discover that it has been closed for renovations.  The movie, their journey, was never about Wally World, it was about all of the lessons they learned along the journey. They same is true in the journeys of our life, we may have our sights set on a goal and we work towards achieving that goal to only discover in the end that something has changed and what we perceived as  the end goal is not what it turns out to be. Do we simply discount all the things that we learned and experienced on our way to achieving that goal, No! Hell no! We do just the opposite, we take stock of our journey and all that has gone before and we forge ahead wiser then before with a knowing in our heart that neither time nor love was ever wasted or lost.

Embrace and love your journey, even when that journey does not lead you to what you thought it would. There are reasons for everything, for every curve in the road, for every climb up the hill and for every moment spent in the deep dark valleys of life.

Remember when there are two or more people involved, the only one you can control is yourself and therefore you never know what the last word on the last page will be. Even if there was a way for you to know, would you really want to know? What fun would that be! Create your world, however remember you cannot be the creator of someone else’s world, for they must do that for themselves.

Remember in our journey, the greatest prize does not await us at the end, the greatest prize is and always will be the journey it self!

“Getting It”

 

Many people find themselves feeling frustrated because the other people in their life just “don’t get it”, matter of fact the world as a whole does not seem to “get it”. “It” could be any type of thoughts that you are having, “it” could be how you view economics, politics, relationships, your spiritual path, your beliefs, etc.  The “it” that we are talking about is what you think about something.

If you are finding that you are frustrated because someone else is not getting “it” no matter how hard you try to help them “get it” then it is time to look inwards and ask yourself a very important question. The question that you should be asking yourself is “why is it so important to you for everyone else to “get it”? What do you gain by other people “getting it”? What is your driver, how would your life change if someone in your life would “get it”? How many arguments have you had with someone that you are close to simply because you believe that they don’t “get it”?

Now one may say the reason they are so passionate about other people “getting it” is that “getting it” would benefit the other person/people so much.  Of course the flawed logic here is that your way of thinking about something is superior to someone else’s way of thinking about something or that your way is ultimately right and theirs is wrong.  When you stop and think about why most wars have been fought or most arguments have started it boils down to this way of thinking where both sides thinks that the other sides simply does not “get it”.

If we find ourselves frustrated about other people not getting it, then we have to stop and ask ourselves, are we operating from spirit (love) or are we operating from ego? The reality is after you remove your justifications; I think you will find that the frustration that you experience is coming from your ego’s need to be right.

When we are operating from spirit, we may feel moved to share our thoughts, however we are perfectly okay with the fact that others may not get our thoughts, that they may not understand and that they may even oppose our way of thinking. For when we operate from a base of love, then we accept that everyone outside of our self is exactly where they need to be at the moment, we understand and love them for who they are and where they are on their individual path. We do not attempt to force our thoughts on other people and therefore we do not experience frustration when others don’t “get it”, for we have no need for others to “get it”.

Today, observe your self and note if you are frustrated with others in your life because you feel that they simply “don’t get it”. If you are frustrated for this reason, simply understand and accept where they are and let go of your need for others to “get it”. Love others for whom and where they are. Live and teach through example, let that example always be one of love!

Fear of Living and Dying

 

Fear of living or fear of dying? It seems that many people fear both life and death and therefore are caught in a state of existing. Existing in a fearful state is no life at all is it? Yet it is interesting how many people cling on to their existence in fear of death or in fear of living.  The fear of death is so strong in many people that they discontinue truly living their life to the fullest. People who have a fear of death often become so focused on not dying that they forget to live. This is an interesting paradox that seems to be prevalent in our modern society. Even people who have deep religious beliefs, who’s dogma assures them of an eternal life and a better life then the one they have now, still cling on to their existence in this form, yet many who cling to their life’s of quiet desperation, their day to day existence in trudging through their abysmal existence also live in fear of really living. Why would someone have a fear of living? Well let’s face it, a fully lived, passionately lived life is a grand adventure and as in most grand adventures you are going to experience a wide spectrum of events, some that will bring you great joy and some that will bring you great sorrow, there will be rivers to ride and mountains to climb, there will be those who help you and those who seek to harm you. There will be times that are as lush as a rain forest and times that are as desolate and dry as the desert. Living a full and passionate life means that your awareness is at a very high level, which also means that you are open to accept and experience love, joy, etc and also vulnerable to  experience pain, heartbreak, despair, etc. 

To fully live is to be open to all that life has to offer and that also means being open to death of your form.  To live fully, you must be willing to look death in the eye and say, I am okay with death for that is part of the cycle of who I am and I know that this thing we call death is only the death of my form, however it is just one more step along my journey. Therefore, I fear not death, and because I do not fear death I free myself to live without fear and embrace this life and everything that may come my way. For you see, I am a passionate traveler on a magical journey. My purpose is my journey, my purpose is to learn and to teach and to learn and to do so without fear. My spirit knows no fear. Fear is a product of my ego; fear is a product which creates limits to my ability live a full and passionate life.

Live with passion! Fear not and know that fear is your creation or your acceptance of the creation of others. Live your life fully. Face your fears for what they are and one by one these fears will fall away and the incredible journey of your life will be revealed to you.

Know that these things we call living and dying are part of our cycle and that we must embrace each to truly know the magic of our journey!

Spiritual Attraction & Sexual/Physical Attraction

What is stronger sexual/physical attraction or spiritual attraction? If you watch commercials on TV, go to the movies, read magazines or have any contact with the current culture, one would say that sexual attraction is king. One would easily come to believe that sexual/physical attraction must be the main attraction point between people. Even those who agree that physical attraction is not the core of a relationship will often say that physical attraction must first be present to attract people together and then the spiritual attraction and bonding happens.

As I look at the major romantic relationships that I have had in my life, while I was physically/sexually attractive to each person, I would have to say, that the people whom I were attracted were more attractive because of who they were and not because of how they looked.

At the beginning of the most significant romantic relationship of my life, I can recall looking at this person and asking myself, “could I be physically attracted to this person?” It was fairly early into a relationship that started out as a friend to friend relationship which over time began to blossom into much more than friends. Even though we had not spoken about our emerging romantic feelings about each other, we both could feel that our attraction to each other and our feelings for each other were becoming more intense. It was at this point that I looked at this person with different eyes and I asked myself, do I find this person physically attractive, is this someone that I could see myself in a full blown romantic relationship with. I knew without a doubt that we were attracted to each other, however that attraction from my point of view was due to a spiritual connection and attraction rather than a physical attraction. As our attraction to each other on a spiritual, mental and emotional level increased with an immense intensity, our physical attraction also started to grow. It wasn’t too long before I could see nothing but how beautiful this person was both inside and out. As a matter of fact, our relationship became so intense that no other person’s beauty matched up to the beauty of this person in my life. There simply was no comparison! Why? Was it because this person’s physical beauty surpassed everyone else’s beauty? Of course not! It was because I was so spiritually attracted to this person, attracted to their very soul that my eyes saw only beauty when I gazed upon this person!

Still not a believer that spiritual attraction is greater than physical attraction, and then consider this. Remember someone whom your were romantically involved with, someone who at some point in your life, you were madly in love with and thought they to be the most beautiful person you ever knew and then down the road the relationship didn’t work out, it fell apart, he/she hurt you very deeply. Now remember what happened to your physical attraction to this person, did it change, did you see them through different eyes? Did they lose their luster of beauty? Most often this is what happens, once we lose the spiritual attraction, the external beauty of that person quickly wanes, sometimes to the point where you can’t even figure out what you found so attractive in him/her.

In this case the person’s physical beauty did not change, what changed was your viewpoint of their spiritual self, as that attraction faded, so did your physical attraction.

If you are in a long term romantic relationship now, consider your attraction to the person in your life. Consider how physically the person has changed, yet you find them as attractive now if not more than you did at the beginning of the relationship. Now ask yourself how is that possible? Why do you feel so attracted to this person, what keeps your attraction growing? Truth is, it is not the physical form that you find so attractive as it is the spirit of that person. Because you love the other person for who they are, your physical attraction remains intact and grows.

Physical beauty grows with spiritual attraction and it quickly fades when that spiritual attraction diminishes for whatever reason.

If you are in a relationship, build upon your spiritual attraction and watch your physical attraction intensify. If you are in between relationships, remember that it is your spirit, the energy which you emit that creates true attraction, the attraction of people who you really desire to be with and who truly desire to be with you.

Blessed are those who are in a relationship that feeds the soul rather than gives snacks to the ego.

Spirit and Body, A Hamonious Relationship

 

Here in the United States it is the day after Super Bowl Sunday, which for those un-indoctrinated to the American Culture is one of the most celebrated days of the year where two football teams play the annual championship game. In the United States this is considered a day of celebration, people throw Super Bowl parties and throw back massive quantities of chicken wings, hamburgers, hot dogs, potatoes chips, and kegs and kegs of beer and other adult beverages. Let’s simply say, that Super Bowl Sunday is one of the biggest party days in the United States. With that being said, today, the Monday after the Super Bowl can be a rough day for the many that over indulged themselves on food and beverages the night before and for many, especially those who are not on the West coast of the United States, a late night of festivities.

Anyone who partied hard last night should not have been surprised this morning if they woke up feeling a little out of sorts. We know from experience that when we misuse or abuse the body that we inhabit that our body will let us know about it in various ways, such as feeling lethargic, having a headache or various body aches, feeling a little dehydrated, our bowels acting in strange ways, etc. Nor should it come to anyone’s surprise that our immune system may have taken a temporary beating and therefore our body may have become more susceptible to a virus.

We are adult, educated people, we know that we pay a price when we either ignore the language of our body or we intentionally inflict abuse on our body. Our body, like most things in nature, is very protective of it self and when the body feels out of balance due to neglect or abuse it retaliates in ways to get our attention!

Our body is an incredible vessel which we inhabit. One thing that most of realize is that it is much easier to live our spiritual path when we have our health, when we are not in physical discomfort or pain. Yet, even though we intuitively know this to be true, many of us continue to abuse/misuse are bodies on a daily basis. Often times, we do this in subtle ways rather than the occasional torment our body receives on a Super Bowl Sunday or similar types of celebration. We eat things that we know will make us reach for the antacid, we eat things that we know will make us feel like we need a nap, we eat to the point where we feel as if someone poked us with a pin we will pop. We eat things that we know will give us a headache, etc. Couple what we knowingly eat that does not make us feel good with the fact that many of us do not get the rest that we need on a daily basis and we don’t allow time to rejuvenate our emotional, physical, mental and spiritual energies and it is no wonder that so many people are distracted by their physical ailments.

As we travel along our spiritual journey, we must also accept responsibility for taking care of our body. We must listen to our bodies and become aware of our habits and how what we eat, what we ingest and the amount or rest that we are getting.

This collaboration of spirit and body is key to our progressive journey. This applies to all of us, no matter what our current state of health is. Weather we have a clean bill of health or we have diabetes, cancer, MS, etc, we all know how and what has a negative impact on our body and we all can make choices to change our habits to reduce and often remove the ill effects of how we abuse/misuse these vessels that house our souls.

Listen to your body, align your spirit and body to know a true harmony which will smooth the way!