Relationships- Eliminate Assumptions – Tell How Much You Care
Relationships are often fraught with assumptions. One of the biggest assumptions that many people who are in relationships make is that the other person knows how “I feel”. Many people assume that the other person knows exactly how they feel because they assume that they adequately express how they feel about the other person through their actions or because they have been together for an extended period of time. I am sure that you have heard people express this by saying something like “I don’t need to say “I love you” to her/him, she/he knows I how much I love them!” This statement may be true, the other person may know how much they are loved, however, more often then not, this is not true.
People in relationships, weather it be a romantic relationship, a relationship with your parents, children, other family members, or co-workers, it is usually not safe to assume that the other people in your life know how you feel if you are not outwardly expressing how you feel.
Many of us live very busy lives and we tend to take for granted that the people in our life “know” how we feel about them. Many people are often taken by surprise when their significant other announces that they don’t feel loved or appreciated as they walk out the door. Many people are stunned when they learn of a suicide of someone close to them, not realizing that the person who committed suicide felt un-loved, or felt that know one was proud of them or that they were not appreciated. I am certain that there are many people out there who have contemplated taking their own life, however changed their mind because someone suddenly expressed how much they loved them or appreciated them. They didn’t take their life because someone close to them took the time to express their love and appreciation for them.
Think about how often you have heard people express that they don’t feel loved or appreciated in their relationships when the reality was that the other person loved them very much, however did not express that emotion very well or at all.
Much of what we talk about here revolves around being mindful, slowing down and responsible for our thoughts and actions. Our relationships are one of largest aspects of our daily life. When one of our relationships end we often feel a large void in our life and we often are regretful for what we had not taken the time to do or say.
I implore you to do the following today:
Romantic Relationship – take the face of the one you love in your hands, look into their eyes and tell them how much you love them, how you love waking up everyday to them and how much you appreciate that they have chosen to be in your life. Open your heart and let them know how you truly feel about them.
Parent to Child Relationship – sit down with your child or call them on the phone if they live away from you and tell them how proud you are to be their parent, tell them how much you love them and how they have enhanced your life in ways that you could have never imagined.
Child to Parent Relationship – sit down with your parent or call them on the phone if they live away from you and tell them how much you love them, how much you appreciate all the things they did for you, all the sacrifices that they made, all the times they were present in your life and how it is because of them that you have become the person you are today.
Co-worker Relationship – express your gratitude to your co-workers, tell them how good of a job they are doing, tell them how much positive impact they have in your life, tell them how proud you are to work with them, tell them how proud you are of them, tell them how much you appreciate their friendship.
Friend to Friend Relationship – If you can, meet face to face, hold or shake their hand and tell them how much they mean to you, how much you love them, how much they enhance you life. Tell them how much you love that they are always there for you. Tell them how great they are.
Take the time to today, to express what you feel and how strong those feelings are to the people in your life. Take this step and enhance all of your relationships today!
I would you to know, that I appreciate all of the thoughts that you share here. I appreciate all of the love and blessings that you send my way. I love that you are here, taking the time to read my thoughts. My life is enhanced by your very presence, thank-you!
I find this to be true for me personally.
However, what if the other person who we show love to doesn’t “like” to receive it? What if he/she feels embarrassed or uncomfortable?
Speaking of this topic, have you heard of the book “The 5 Love Languages?”
Some people think oracles evolved in order to help other kinds of individuals realize everyone doesn;t read minds in the same way. Communication is such a fantastic skill that humans have abilities to explore.
Many of us underestimate our potential to heighten our own sensitivities. To do so effectively, we must learn to transcend illusions and assumptions that we create to hold us back. To assume you know what someone is thinking is to ignore your fear that you may not have this ability. Yet, to decide you will ask how another person feels as a way to confirm or refute your suspicions, is to be willing to confront your fear and to gradually strengthen your telepathy.
It is amazing what memories some of your post stir, when my eldest son was deployed the first time, he never wrote letters, he always found away to call me even when he was in places unlikely to have communication access. I’d say you sure this is ok, he said it’s worth it, and then he would respond with I would rather here your voice then read a letter and he always ended the call with I love ya mumma thirty years and and married with children of his own he still calls and says I love ya mumma. I find that some people are really much warmer then others naturally, not sure why that is or how that comes to be.But my family and friends always know my arms and heart are open to them, and I am definetly the lucky one, to have them in my life.
hear* edits own writing lol slow hands, fast mind or is that slow mind, fast fingers?
I truly hope that this message just not come from a place of pain for you. We all need to know we are loved, and this was a wonderful reminder and I thank you for the loving.
In my house we have a code, when we need an “extra” bit of love and attention, we ask for a little”ooohhhing and aaaahhhhing.”
It works to slow me down and pay that “extra” attention!
What a beautiful post!
Ironic what you said about taking your loved ones face in your hands and looking them in the eyes. I visited my Grandmother on Saturday (the one I often mention that will be 101 in June). I was sitting close to her and she told me she loved me as she often does…I said “I love you too Grandma” She placed her sweet ancient hands on my face and pulled me closer. Then looking deep into my eyes and said, “no you don’t understand…I REALLY love you..I always have.”
I said to her…and I REALLY love you..your face was one of the first that I saw when I entered this world.” We just stayed close there looking into each others eyes…as if no one else was in the room and time was suspended.
I keep thinking about my Grandmother and wondering about those moments. She told me that she had been dreaming of her Father. I wonder if he is appearing to take her to the other side. We grew up hearing so many wonderful stories about him…she loved him so much. It would seem right if he were the one to come for her.
I have been involved with others before death came, and they too talked of loved ones appearing. I find that comforting.
Not sure why I told you this. I thank you for your wonderful posts here…positive and full of light they are. I had asked you about putting you on my blog roll…would that be okay?
Sending you !ove & light,
~gypsy-heart
Communication and appreciation is everything. It makes such a difference. In each case that you mentioned !
Happy Tuesday evening to you, Mark !
I am so glad and grateful that you have a blog, that you post, and that you give so much in it – of learning, of widsom, of things to think about and absorb, of truth, and good things to nourish the soul…
THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU AND BEING HERE.
*hugs*
Loving Annie
a little something on assumptions:
assumptions make an ASS of U and ME
Beautiful post! In my first marriage I was guilty of taking the then-H for granted… and the secure life he provided for us (though I worked, too).
Now, I am forever aware of that danger and try to always let my DH know how I feel. Ours is not a very verbal relationship, but we let each other know how we feel. I am more the verbal one with him and others in my life.
Sadly, gypsy-heart, I took my grandmother for granted… too young to understand that she would not always be with us, then it was too late. That is one regret of my life. I was so glad to read about your relationship with your own grandmother. It gave me a lot of joy to read about it.
This is something I have been really working on lately. To remove the filters that stop me from telling people how much I love them. To risk sounding stupid or silly and/or risk being hurt be being open and vulnerable with my feelings.
If my heart stopped beating in the next five minutes, I would hope that everyone that I love in my life would know how much they meant to me.
Great topic. Unexpressed or inadequately expressed love can cause real problems, maybe especially from a parent to a child.
Another thing I’ve noticed, especially in families, is people assuming almost that they can read the other’s mind, that they know the other person like a book etc. As a result, people sometimes continue to relate to a close family member in ways that ignore that the family member has moved on – is no longer in the same place that he or she was, for example, when two siblings were children or young adults.
History can sometimes get in our way more than it informs us.
Mark,
This is just so important to remember. A wonderful message parlayed wonderfully.
Thnak you.
Reviewing your comment to saying the words ” I love you” that it is nice to hear. But sometimes people give little thought to the words they say and use the words like I love you when feeling very little or no emotion at all towards another. I know that when I speak of this I use my own experiences or that of those in my own life and whether rightly so or not they play a big part on my views of life. My father was very verbal, he told my mother for forty years how much he loved her, and she responded ” you don’t hurt the ones you love” It was where I first experienced the message ” actions speak louder then words” as my fondest childhood memory was one of a young man I had a crush on, and was because of his parents that I partly found him to be attractive. I am not sure of their age I was nine years and as clear as day, I remember his parents, holding hands, smiling in a crowded room. This one clip,as I call them click, click memory moments, shouted I love you more then any words could. Thats what I hungered for all my love, the love that two people share that shouts loudest from the soul.
Tammy,
You bring up a great point. I have someone like that in my life. This person is not comfortable with the words “I love you”, and I do respect that. I still do say it out loud every now and then. Even though this person is not comfortabl, I still want this person to hear it once and awhile and not assume from all of my actions how much I love them.
I have heard of this book, however I don’t know anything about it. Have you read it?
Thanks for your thoughts.
Liara,
I love the points you made here. Confronting our fears by asking the hard questions is an excellent tool in our daily growth. Thank-you for all that you add!
Rachel,
Glad that my writing was able to invoke such a loving memory! I think that it is great that your son felt compelled to call you and tell you how much you mean to him. You are blessed. Thanks for sharing.
Gypsy Love,
Thank-you for the love and light that you send and thank-you for sharing the great love that you and your Grandmother share. I love the picture you painted with your words. I felt I was in the room with the both of you. I could feel the love.
It may be that someone who has passed on comes to show the person the way, to ease their anxiety about death. I have often heard of stories like this.
Thanks for sharing so much. You are a blessing!
Annie,
Thanks for the hugs and thanks for all of your kind words! You are a beautiful soul whos light enhances my life!
Bukol,
Always true! Thanks for reminding us of this timeless adage.
Dragaon Mommie,
Great to hear from you again. Life is a series of lessons. Sounds like you fully understand and appreciate this one. Thanks for sharing.
Delilah Girl,
Ahh yes, to put the ego aside and allow our self to possible be the full or do something out of the ordinary. Great that you are aware and that you are making concious efforts to be “you” and express yourself and not worry about the perception of others. Thanks for your thoughts.
We so often take for granted the ones who matter and mean the most in our lives. Is it because we think they will always be there?
Today, I stopped into my old office building and walked into a colleagues’ office……..it was filled with a group of women working on something…….they didn’t see me and were engrossed in something on the computer screen……. I said……..”look at those beautiful women. I’ve missed their radiance……I had to stop in to get a fix!”
I LOVED the look on their faces……….
and then we had a wonderful catch up chat………
and you know what…………it always reflects back to you in many ways.
I love the picture you included with your important words……
thank you for this mark.
Oh, I fear I have been guilty of this. I really need to make more of an effort to express how much I care to all those important people in my life.
Awareness,
I love that you stopped in a paid a vist to these beautiful women! Sounds like you lit up their day as much as they lit up yours! The payoff for this visit was huge all the way around. Thanks for sharing this with us.
I do think that we take people for granted because we always think there is going to be a tomorrow. In a way, this is correct, we are eternal beings and therefore there will always be a tomorrow, however the experiences we have while on this earth or temporal and we must take the time now to show how we feel about all the people in our life. Blessings!
Carla,
The key is awareness, now that you are aware, you can take the actions needed/. Act today my friend!
Awareness sent me. I like this post. I remember once my mother-in-law said that her husband never told her he loved her. His reply to that was….”You KNOW how I feel about you.” I thought to myself….he didn’t really say anything, as it could be taken several ways. And if he never told her – the only way she could know is through his actions – and if his actions didn’t support that – how else could she know?
Kenju,
Welcome! Sometimes we just need to hear the words. As you said, otherwise it could be left open to assumptions. Thanks for your thoughts. Hope to hear from you again.
Mark, I love how you focus your reflections here on “being mindful.” Human beings may exist in this lifetime to explore what this means at different life phases. As we evolve our perception and sense of being ‘in the moment’ changes our relationship with our inner being.
Liara,
Yes, as we evolve so does our perception and sense of being. I love the value you add, thank-you for your thoughts.