Relationships – Temptations

Temptation is a woman’s weapon and man’s excuse.

~H. L. Mencken~

Interesting quote isn’t it. I don’t like to assign either value to specific genders, however I do agree temptation is a double-edged sword and can be used as a weapon or as an excuse. When speaking of relationship, any excuse for using or succumbing to temptation is not acceptable. When a person in a committed relationship uses temptation as an excuse for crossing the line of fidelity than that person is saying that they should be excused for being feeble and weak. That the temptation had greater power than the character of the person and the strength of their relationship. The person who uses this as an excuse, normally is using it as escape clause as they beg for forgiveness.

Truth is temptation is a symptom of a larger issue within a relationship and temptation tends to come our way when we are consciously or unconsciously looking for it. Don’t believe this to be true, then think about the beginning of any romantic relationship that you have been in, did you find yourself tempted by other people? Did you even notice other people? Chances are you were so wrapped up in your new relationship that you couldn’t have been tempted if someone threw themselves at your feet.

When you find yourself tempted, you have to stop and ask why. The question should be, what do I perceive as missing from my current relationship that is allowing me to be tempted by this other person?

There are many reasons why one may become tempted, however all of them are because we perceive that we are missing something, that we are not having one of our needs fulfilled.

Despite what the above quote says, temptation can be used as a weapon by anyone, it is not regulated to one gender. In TV, Movies and literature, most often we do see the woman portrayed as the temptress, the conniving one who uses her womanly ways to steal away the man. Truth is some men are just as guilty and will swoop in when they know that a woman is distressed about her relationship and take full advantage of using temptation as their tool to open up the door.

For the purpose of discussion I think it is important to understand what temptation is. I believe temptation is that which you consciously consider. This is very different from admiring someone. We can look at another person and take note of their attractiveness and not feel the temptation to be with that person. We can acknowledge the fact that someone flirted with us today, feel good that we were found to be attractive and not be tempted to take any action on the flirting.

When we are in a long-term satisfying relationship, the thought does not even cross our minds, we don’t feel tempted.

For those who might be in an “open relationship”, that is, a relationship where it is permissible to have other relationships, temptation can still come into play. Temptation in this type of relationship is found when you find yourself tempted to lie about another relationship you are having for whatever reason you may have created to justify the lie.

Some may say, we must resist temptation. I disagree, that which we resist, persists. Resisting temptation may work for the short term, however if left unexamined, temptation will rear its ugly head again. If we are tempted, we must acknowledge that this is a symptom of a bigger problem within our relationship and take the appropriate steps to assess where the problem lies and to rectify that problem.

I believe temptation to be an ego based response, as you become more aligned with your authentic self, I believe that you will see temptation fade away and be replaced with a knowing that grounds you.