Halloween – A Day to Praise Being Different

Today is a day of monsters, goblins, ghosts, zombies and witches. Are streets will be invaded tonight with children in all kinds of costumes seeking sweet rewards of candy from family, friends and strangers. Tonight many people will invite those who appear to be different into their homes for a treat. There will be many oohs and ahs as each child is praised for their choice of costume. Halloween, a day where being different pays off.

Of course, it is easy to be different when everyone else is being different too. For one day out of the year, we are encouraged to be different, often in an extreme way. The funny thing is that being different on Halloween is actually conforming to a cultural norm.

Any other day  when we dare to step outside the cultural norm, we open ourselves up to the scrutiny of others.

Mother Wintermoon of Romancing the Crone wrote an excellent article titled the “Halloween Witch” wherein she explains why our visual of the witch is that of such a wretched person. Her writing is well worth reading and is sure to give you a new perspective on our traditional image of witches.

Those labeled witches back in the day when they tortured and killed people for being a witch were for the most part simply people, mainly women who were different. Their guilt for being a witch was often simply for being reclusive or possibly for doling out some sort of homeopathic remedy, or simply because they dared to question the belief structure of the community. Many people who were tried for being a witch were simply guilty by association, that is, another person accused of being a witch was forced, through horrific torture to give up a name.

In the United States we had a modern witch-hunt in the 1950’s when we were on the hunt for red communists that were reported to be a threat to our very way of life. Political and social torture was wielded by our government to make these people give up names of other people who could be members of the communist party.

These types of witch-hunts happen because people dare to express different ideas or question the social norm. As evolved as we are, we still participate in little witch-hunts. Many still ouster size those who do not fit their view of what is the accepted norm, be it globally or in their own tight social circle.

We are blessed to live in a world where we can be different, where we are able to express our thoughts without fear of being burned at the stake. Even though  most of us don’t have to fear the threat of torture and death for being different, many people are still punished in different, less obvious ways for not thinking and acting like everyone else.

As we evolve and become more aware, we will become more accepting of others and understand that because one does not believe as we do, look as we do or live like we do, that they are not a threat to us. We will learn to open ourselves up to our differences, ask questions and learn. The biggest lesson that we will learn and many have already learned that deep down, we are not different, that deep down we are all parts of a bigger whole, that we are all forever connected and therefore affected by each others thoughts and actions.

When we say “Happy Halloween” today, may we say it as a celebration of diversity. May we use this day to remember all those who have suffered at the hands of humanity because they were different or fingered for being different. May we use today to increase our awareness of the gifts that our differences bring all of us!

Be safe this Halloween night, welcome the ghosts, monsters, goblins and witches into your home and treat them well when they sweetly say “Trick or Treat”!

Men and Women’s Expectations of Sex and Intimacy in a Long-Term Relationship

In a recent comment to the article Affairs of the Ego, Rachel of My Soul On Canvas, “Pictorial Prose” said that she felt “nine out of ten men are not satisfied sexually and probably equal as many women do not feel as if they are being heard” Although I can’t validate the statistics she provided, I do understand the point she is making. My thought on this is that many men feel that their sexual needs are not satisfied while many women do not believe that their need for intimacy is being met. There are definite differences built into our culture on what men need versus what women need. These differences are widened and perpetuated by the wizards of marketing and the producers of movies, television shows and publishers of magazine. As a man I am assaulted daily with a barrage of media messages that tell me that I should be getting more sex than I am. If you watch TV on any given evening you see a slew of commercials about erectile dysfunction and how happy you will be when you take their medicine to ensure your equipment is working at optimum performance and your mate will be even happier, because she wants you and wants you all of the time! This type of advertisement has an effect on all men, ones with ED and ones with no problems what so ever. The message is clear, you should be getting sex all of the time and if you are not, then their must be something wrong with your relationship, because all the women in the commercials want sex so much and they are so much happier when their man’s equipment is in working order and they don’t have to wait for sex.

Our brain is funny though, while we are processing the information that these types of commercials send us, we are oblivious to the commercials for female products and there are a ton of those. There are commercials for tampons and pads, which should remind us that women, have a monthly cycle. There are also drugs to help combat the effects of mood altering hormones. There are ads for medicine that will relive the symptoms of yeast infections, etc. These ads should serve to remind us men that the female body is complicated and is affected by many things that a man does not have to consider. One would think that with as much awareness that we have about what women go through that we would have a better understanding of why we are not having sex on all of the time.

Couple this with the fact that most men believe that sex equals intimacy and the divide between a mans needs and a woman’s needs in a long term relationship widens.

Most women crave intimacy. Intimacy is greatly misunderstood by many men, we think intimacy is being desired, which leads to sex. Men are more complex than one may think. Men love to be desired. Even if our mate cannot or does not want to have sex with us, we must be made to feel that we are desired. We must feel wanted and needed.

Intimacy for most women goes much deeper, most women want to have an intimate relationship and that intimacy extends way beyond the bedroom. True intimacy has very little to do with the physical aspect of a relationship, it has more to do with conversation, listening, caring, eye contact, subtle touching, knowing looks, thinking beyond the moment, surprise phone calls, remembering important dates, remembering conversations, cuddling, back rubs and foot rubs with no sexual expectations, sharing dreams, concerns, fears, etc. There are many ways to be intimate, however many men have a low desire for true intimacy.

Note, what I have just written about is somewhat typical, however it certainly does not apply to all men or all women. Each individual has different needs and many of those needs cross gender roles. With that being said, our culture does have a great deal of influence on our expectations of a relationship.

One of the keys to a successful long-term relationship is to always respect and be aware of the other persons needs. We must shed our proclivity to make it all about “us” and develop an awareness of what is going on in the life of the other person and see them and our relationship with each other holistically. If there are differences in each other’s needs than we must communicate those differences. It is also important to acknowledge that in a long-term relationship our needs will evolve and it is unfair to assume that our mate will pick up on those sometimes-subtle changes. Communication is key to ensuring that we each have an understanding of the needs of each other.

Teenagers – Finding Their Identity

“All I would tell people is to hold onto what was individual about themselves, not to allow their ambition for success to cause them to try to imitate the success of others. You’ve got to find it on your own terms”

- Harrison Ford (American Actor)

The wisdom of the above quote is important to all of us, however I would love for every teenager to learn and live the wisdom of this quote. The teenage years have to some of the most difficult in a persons life. As adults we often look at the life of a teenager and we say, “wow, that is the perfect time of life, they don’t realize how good they have it”. We easily forget that although the life of a teenager may seem sweet in many ways, no full time job, no real bills, someone else is taking care of all of your basic needs, like food, rent, laundry, etc. that being a teen can be one of the most emotionally and spiritually challenging times of life.

A teenager is at the age where they are no longer a child, yet they are not quite an adult. This is a transitional point in their young life, where they must find their way, define themselves and often struggle to find and understand their unique identity while at the same time making huge efforts to fit in and be accepted among their peers. This is a time of wonderful joy, mixed with many bouts of frustration and often anger as they go through this confusing time.  This transitional time does not come with a instruction book and even if it did, most teens would not read it for they hide behind a false bravado where they imply that they already know everything there is about life and that anyone else is too old to really understand.

In their effort to fit in, they do exactly what Harrison Ford warns of in his quote, they begin to imitate people. In today’s world, unfortunately teenagers tend to attempt to emulate those in the public eye whom they view as successful. The unfortunate thing about this is that the media tends to glorify and report on those people who are not good role models. The media reports on the fame people achieve because of who they beat up, or how stoned they got, or who their sleeping with or who might be or not be the father of their child. Many of the famous people whom teenagers choose to imitate are people who are a flash in the pan, who become more famous because of their in-mature antics then they do because of their talent. These people are attractive to a teenager because they appear to very successful, driving expensive cars, living in mansions and sporting a generous helping of bling. The majority of teenagers lack the life experience to understand how fleeting and shallow this type of fame is and how the media machine perpetuates the myths of success that these people have.  Note, there are some good role models out there who have achieved popular success and went on to live very positive life’s, however these are few and far between in the narrow world of a teenager.

Of course the other roles models that they have in their life our their parents. Let’s face it, most teenagers do not want to imitate their parents. Parents are boring, they don’t have much of a life in the eyes of a teenager and even though the parent may be very successful in their mind, to the average teenager, the parent does not have the kind of success that the teenager desires. Want to get a idea of the kind of success the average teenager would like to imitate, watch MTV for a few hours or look at the lifestyle of some famous sports stars, they you will start to get an idea of what a teenagers view of success is.

As I reflect on my teenage years, my teenage view of success was to not be my parents, not that my parents were bad people or lived a horrible life, I simply wanted something different. I did not want to work on a factory line, nor did I want to grow up and rot in the state where I was born. I wanted to travel, I wanted to do anything that was not a routine 9-5 job, I did not want to live what I viewed at the time as the mundane, suburban life of my parents. I did not have my sights set on the lifestyle of the rich and famous, I simply wanted to do better than what I viewed my parents life to be. Back then, I think that was most parents goal too. They wanted their children to live a better lifestyle then they did and many of us achieved that goal.

Because many of us live a better lifestyle than our parents lived, we look at children and marvel at how ungrateful they are and how dare they be frustrated and angry with all that they have in life. We tend to forget that they are going through an identity crisis, that they are trying to figure out who they are and how they are going to make it in the adult world. What do they want to be, should they go to college, how will they pay for college … Couple that with the dichotomy of trying to be their own individual while at the same time being accepted by their peers and you have a young person who is close to imploding at anytime. Is it any wonder that suicides are higher among teens than any other age group?

It’s no surprise that teenagers often imitate other people’s success and attempt to become who they are not. As adults it is critical that we are present in a teenagers life, giving them gentle guidance, being an excellent role model for them (remember they are watching everything you say and do and they have no tolerance for a hypocrite), be there to listen, give them some room to explore, allow them to find their identity and do not force your view of their identity onto them. We all have teenagers in our life, they may be our own children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, children of friends. Remember you don’t have to be a parent to be someone who can help a teenager out. Be there as an adult, be available. The positive effect you can have on a teenager is immense and the changes that you impact will ripple through this world long after you are gone.

Affairs of The Ego

Jen, a talented writer and a very loving soul wrote an article titled “Stay Away From Married Men”. In this article she brings up some excellent points about the perils of getting involved with a married man. Jen outlines excellent reasons why a woman should avoid falling into the trap of getting intimately involved with a married man.

It is easy for a long-term relationship to become vulnerable to the possibility of an extramarital affair. Long-term relationships become vulnerable because in a long-term relationship a couple is sharing all aspects of daily life. Let’s face it daily life can sometimes be daunting when you consider the fact that most people work 8-10 hours a day, come home take care of the responsibilities of maintaining a home, paying the bills, doing the wash, etc. If there are children in the home then the time and effort that it takes to raise your children can place a great deal of stress on a relationship. In a long term relationship we also see every aspect of each other, we see each other in our most unattractive modes, when we wake up in the morning, when we are sick, when we are hanging around the house on a lazy Saturday in our comfortable yet unattractive attire. It is also very easy over time to fall into routines. These routines can make life seem mundane. Even our conversations may become somewhat scripted and predictable. Some couples may even engage in conflict just to mix things up a little.

When are relationship becomes routine and mundane it is easy for a person outside our relationship to catch our eye and if that person gives us signals that they are attracted to us, it is very easy to start to look at our existing long term relationship with a critical eye.

The attraction of an affair for most is that there is a fresh interest in and from the other person. They see us with fresh eyes, they usually only see us when we are dressed well and smelling good. They appear to be genuinely attracted to us and they are. Keep in mind they are unencumbered by visions of bed head or ode of baby spit up on our shoulder. Keep in mind that they do not have to deal with the finances of the home or worry about how what bill your not going to pay this month. They don’t have to come to a compromise on an important decision about the children.

A new relationship is exciting, there is much to explore both emotionally and physically. He/she is not too tired or bored with your routine. There is also some thrill in doing something that is taboo. Forbidden fruit on the surface tastes very sweet, it’s the second and third bites that turn sour.

Many times a person isn’t looking for an affair, the affair finds them. Our ego loves to be stroked, it feels great to be found attractive by someone else. It feels great when someone appears to really listen to you. You feel like that person gets you! It’s often the case that the person wasn’t seeking to have an affair, however because they are vulnerable, often unknowing vulnerable, all of sudden they allow themselves to get sucked into something that they never thought they would. In most cases the affair and the marriage/long term relationship will begin to unravel and in the end everyone loses, the long-term mate, the lover, the children, the person having the affair. An affair is a lose-lose proposition.

The key is to hone your relationship awareness and to affair proof your relationship.

We can affair proof our relationships by increasing our awareness and increase our pro-active behavior within our relationship by doing the following:

• Communicate – this means talk to each other, talk about everything, the day to day stuff, the kids, your fears, your hopes and dreams, your concerns, your needs
• Listen – listen with intent, turn off the TV, put the paper down, make eye contact and really listen
• Be kind to each other – use kind language, complement each others appearance, use the language of love, strive to build each other up
• Be grateful – say thank-you a lot, notice the little things and let the other person know that you notice
• Believe in each other – support each others goals, dreams, etc
• Play together – do things together that are fun, that are play – take ballroom dancing lessons together, go bowling, go for long walks, play a sport together, go bike riding, etc.
• Surprise each other- do things that break the routine of day to day life
• Treat each other like lovers – do the things you would do to impress a lover
• Be present – be there for each other, make yourself available
• Be intimate – be intimate in your conversations, be intimate physically, be intimate intellectually

If you do these things and you do them consistently, when some outside the relationship comes along and does show interest, then that is all it will be, for all of the needs of the person in the long term relationship are already being met.

Fear of Not Having Control

 In our recent discussion about the fear of death, a common theme revealed itself, and that was that many peoples fear of death was centered around the fear of not being in control. I think that this is a very profound realization. It is not necessarily the fear of the end of this life that gives us the heebie gee bees, it is the fear of not being in control. Aside from those who choose suicide we have little or no control when this life will end. Most of us do not know what our expiration date is and that in itself is unsettling. No one is promised tomorrow, for most, to even consider this thought is too much to bare. We all want to think that we have many years in front of us and that with those many tomorrows we will have time to do and say all of the things we want to.

Not being in control of your time of death is the ultimate out of control feeling. For the most part, we love being in control or at least living within the illusion of being in control. We like to plan. Planning is a form of control. We want to believe that it is never too late because there will always be a tomorrow.

When you really stop and think about it, what do we really have control over? We can’t control the weather, we can’t control the way other people think or react, we can’t control the toss of the dice, the flip of the coin or the cards that are dealt.

What we do have complete control over are our thoughts. We can control how we think about things, we can control our perspective and with the control of our thoughts we can begin to create the reality that we desire. With our thoughts we can also control our fears. We can do this by trusting in ourselves and our source. Trust that it is okay to not have complete control at all times. Trust that all is as it should be and that all will be as it should be. Trust that even though you may not understand it all at the moment, truth will be revealed when you are ready for it. Trust in your spirit. Trust in yourself. Live life fully every moment and trust that when your time comes to transition from this form to the next that you have no regrets, that you will be amazed by the possibilities that lay before you and that you will laugh at your past worries and fears.

Know that you are amazing, amazing in ways that you have not yet considered. You are a universal gift, endless in energy and the fears of being out of control and the fears of the pain that you may face in the death of your human form will be something that you will have a good giggle over once you transition.

You are the creator of all of your fears and as the creator of your fears, you have the power and the ability to live life fearlessly.

Do this and you will be prepared at anytime for this life to end, and you will face death with wonder instead of fear!

Are You Being Held Hostage?

Can you imagine what it would be like to be kidnapped and held hostage? Can you imagine how distraught you would be over being held hostage? Can you imagine

how frustrated and restricted you would feel because of the limits that your captors had placed on you? You would also most likely feel disoriented and lost. I think it is safe to say that being kidnapped and held hostage, uncertain of your fate would be an incredibly traumatic experience that none of us would ever want to be placed in.

Many people are being held hostage right now, the interesting thing is that their captor is themselves. The reality is that many people are holding themselves hostage. They are dictating limits to themselves, they are restricting their own freedom, they feel lost and very uncertain of their fate. Like a typical hostage, they feel out of control.  The self-imposed restrictions are not as obvious as they might be to a person who has been kidnapped, however they are there and they seem very real.

We in essence hold ourselves hostage. We deprive ourselves by placing artificial limits upon ourselves. Every now and then we can see the light peeking from under the blindfold, we know it’s there, we know that we want to see the light, we know that we want to break free, however we don’t. You can say that in many ways we develop Stockholm syndrome and we sympathize with our captor. We make excuses for why we should be in the position that we are and we begin to believe the lies that our captor tells us. Even when the self-imposed binds of restriction are released we still act as if we are restricted. In fact, we begin to fear freedom and all that comes with it. Some people have held themselves captive for so long that they no longer recognize their authentic self.

As I was driving through town the other day, I was struck by how many people who were walking around who appeared so zombie like, they appeared to be lifeless, a shell of their former self. It was if I was driving through the set of the moving “The Night of the Living Dead”. I am very disturbed by how lifeless these people look, especially when I know that most of what I see is self-imposed and that it could be corrected. These people could breath new life into themselves if they would only awaken, if they only understood that there is so much more available to them than they realize.

Are you being held hostage? They symptoms are:

• Feeling disoriented or loss in life
• Feeling limited, restricted in what you can think and do
• Making excuses for yourself
• Sympathizing with yourself
• Lack of forward inertia
• Not taking responsibility
• Secretly believing that there is a better life available to you

You can decide to walk away from you captive anytime you like. You hold the ransom, you hold the keys. It’s all up to you!

An Exquisite Paradox …

“The most exquisite paradox … as soon as you give it all up, you can have it all. As long as you want power, you can’t have it. The minute you don’t want power, you’ll have more than you ever dreamed possible.”

- Ram Dass – Spiritual teacher, author and professor

This paradox of which Ram Dass speaks is indeed worthy of much thought. The Law of Attraction states that when we have focused thought that the Universe will provide that which we think about. I live and acknowledge the law of attraction every day. I use manifestation to receive that which I need and often what I want. In Ram Dass’s quote, he states that the minute we no longer desire something that is the moment it will arrive. I know this also to be true. Many of us have desired to find a love partner, our soul mate, etc, and sometimes it seemed as though the stronger our need, the stronger our desire the more elusive fulfillment of this desire became. The moment we quit searching is the very moment that all of a sudden that person we had longed for shows up in our life. Is what Ram Dass says here contradictory with the law of attraction?  At first thought, it would seem so, however the more I think about this, the more I realize what is the lesson.

The key word in the “law of attraction” is attraction. When we are chasing after something, we are not attracting it, we are chasing it, and “it” becomes elusive, however when we still our self and focus our thoughts on attracting that which we desire, then the Universe does provide, we become the magnet and we do attract into our life that which we desire. Note, we are not chasing after that which we desire, we are attracting that which we desire.  This is a huge distinction. When we are in “chase” mode, often our thoughts are centered on what we lack, therefore we attract what we lack which is the opposite of that which we believe we desire. When we still ourselves and our grateful for all that we have, we then are in a position to apply focused thought and attract/manifest that which we desire.

I agree with Ram Dass we must be willing to “give it all up”, for that will open the gates so to speak. We often get ourselves clogged up, if you will with our desires. I also believe that many times in our life, we have conflicting desires and thoughts going on at the same time and that these mental conflicts cause a type of mental stalemate. Again this is why it is so important to develop awareness of our self. The more aware we are, the more we can create that life that we desire.

Today, take stock of your primary thought:

• What mental conflicts do you have going on?
• Are you in chase mode or attraction mode?
• What do you need to “give up”?

Do this and you will get out of your own way and begin achieving that which you desire.

Break Time

It is that time once again where I will be taking a break. We all need time to slow down, reflect and sharpen our perverbial saw. I will be taking the next week to relax and refresh, this means that I will disconnect, so to speak, from the cyber world. I will return refreshed and ready to go on October 22 of this year.

I will miss each and every one of you. You will be in my thoughts. Please live in spirit, be in love and in peace.

While I am away please feel free to read through the archives, there are over 200 writings to read. Feel free to leave your comments, I will respond to all of them.

Explore the wide variety of links in my blogroll. There is a wide selection of some wonderful, loving thinkers to explore.

Remember to give yourself permission to take time to slow down and breathe. We all must make time to rejuvinate.

Fear of Death

Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased by tales, so is the other.
Francis Bacon

Many people fear death, they fear it to the point that they hate to even talk about it and certainly do not want to think about it. In many social circles talk of death is taboo or considered to be in bad taste. What is it about death that people fear so?

I believe the number one fear associated with death, is fear of the unknown. Many of us have beliefs about what happens after we die, however those beliefs for most are just that, beliefs, they have no solid evidence of what the afterlife holds for them, so there is always present that uneasy doubt, the fear of the unknown.

Many people also fear death because their religious beliefs are that they will be judged for every thought and action they had during this lifetime and that they may spend eternity in the fires of hell paying for their human sins. Fear of having to atone for our human sins by burning in the pit fires of hell is strong reason to  have a fear of the inevitable end of our human existence.

Anothther fear is that maybe, just maybe, this is it, there is nothing else. This is the only chance I get. That in itself is a very scary thought.

Many also fear death for even a bigger reason, and that is that we fear having to give everything up. Death to many means giving up all the things that we cherish, all of our possessions that we worked so hard to acquire as well as having to give up those whom we love and share our life with. This fear of losing everything that we know is a huge contributor to our fear of death.

The other fear is that we have not finished everything we wanted to do while here on earth. We have unfinished business, people whom we need to apologize to, people whom we need to say “I love you” to, things that we planned to do, however had not got to them yet.  The fear that we have not lived fully!

Some people our so fearful of death that they forget to live.

I think the following are ways we can help to alleviate our fear of death:

• Live life fully
• Say “I love You” to all whom we love and say it often
• Apologize when we need to apologize
• Forgive – forgive all for everything
• Release resentment and hate from your heart
• Remove regrets from your life – think about what you would regret if you died today, then take action to resolve those regrets
• Write your own eulogy as if someone who knows you is writing it – be honest with yourself – are you happy with the result?

I believe we are eternal energy and that the death of our human form is simply a transition from this form of existence to another form. I do not believe that there is anything to fear. The fears about death that we have are self-created. I have no fear of death. I would love to live a long, healthy, vibrant life, however if I were to die this moment, I do so without fear.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
Mark Twain

Old Thoughts – Are They Still Valid?

 

As I was walking through my garage the other day, I noticed a strange metal contraption mounted to the wall, it was silver and looked as though it had been used to hang something on at one time. As I looked at it, this metal hook like contraption looked out of place. I studied it for a moment to try to discern what it may have been used for, however I could not imagine it’s purpose for it was very odd, and unlike anything I had seen before.

I thought to myself, well, at one time, when this device was mounted on this wall, it served a purpose at the time for someone, however now, it no longer serves a practical purpose. Its purpose has long been forgotten. Now, the one purpose it did serve is it made me think about all the thoughts we have, our hopes, our dreams, our intentions, our beliefs, etc.

Our thoughts are much like that odd metal hook in the garage. At certain times in our life, we have thoughts, beliefs, etc that at that time in our life we were certain were correct and maybe for that point in time, they were. For instance, many of us can remember how clueless and out of touch our parents were when we were teenagers and how smart they became a few years later as we entered our 20’s.  As we grow and mature, as our paths shift and change, the thoughts that we held on to from years past may no longer serve a purpose. We can all recognize this, we can all look back to years gone by and reflect on our thoughts of that time and say, wow, what were we thinking?

Often times as we turn inward, we may find that we are still holding on to thoughts, beliefs that under close examination, we discover that they are no longer true, or don’t apply to us in our current path. Once we recognize these thoughts are no longer applicable to our life and our current path, we must eliminate or alter these thoughts.

Many people hold on to thoughts for years, these thoughts could have been borne from past relationships, past successes or failures, etc. For instance, a person could have been in a relationship and the other person cheated on them, 20 years later, that person still has trust issues, because they were once hurt by allowing themselves to be vulnerable. Even though they have met a wonderful person who loves them, is committed to them, they still hold on to that thought of when they were hurt and possibly sabotage their relationship with this new person because of something that happened 20 years ago.

The other side of the coin is, sometimes people will develop a thought, which works for them, makes them successful in what they are doing. Some time goes by and this person finds that they are no longer being successful. They then will say, “I don’t understand why I am not being successful like I was before, I haven’t changed anything that I am doing/thinking’. My immediate response is that’s the problem, you haven’t changed anything, it’s time that you did. What worked yesterday just may not be what works today, yet we will beat our head against the wall using the same thoughts and actions that we know are not working! Why do we do this? Simple, because we believe a certain thought to still be valid, even after that thoughts time has long passed. We hold on to our thoughts and beliefs with a steel grip for we fear if we are to let them go, that we may be letting go of our identity. “If I no longer hold on to this thought/belief then who am I? What will others think of me? I will no longer be the same person they expect me to be”.

It is often because of this fear that we hold on to thoughts, which are antiquated, and ones that hold us back on our journey.