The Chameleon Effect

 

Often times when we enter into a new relationship, we alter are behavior to some extent and we may even alter are likes and dislikes. I call this the chameleon effect, meaning that when we are interested in entering a relationship with another person, like the chameleon we change our colors so to speak, that is we change our likes/dislikes, we may change what we tolerate, we may even change our outward appearance to “fit in” to become a good match with the other person. The interesting thing is many of the changes we make are not conscious decisions, often times we are just going along. We may even say to ourselves that we are thankful to be exposed to new things that we would never have exposed ourselves to in the normal course of life. Matter of fact, this part of developing a new relationship can be exciting and rewarding as we discover new things and new things about ourselves. We may even learn to stretch our boundaries.

The chameleon effect in dating has a very dangerous side, which we must be aware of. As a matter of fact the chameleon effect can be the very undoing of a relationship, for unlike the chameleon that can always change themselves to blend into their environment, we as humans can’t and eventually our true colors will show.

We can pretend to like to watch his favorite sport or listen to her favorite music. We can pretend to be “okay” with boys/girls night out. We can even convince ourselves that it is okay that they still talk with their old boyfriend/girlfriend, however at some point in the relationship the truth will come out. What we convinced our self and everyone else that we were comfortable or okay with will eventually come to a head, and then the fun begins.

Awareness in dating as in all aspects of life is key. It is too easy to get swept away by our emotions, hormones and often times distorted views of the future. It is very important to stay grounded as we enjoy the exploration of a new relationship. It is critical that we be ourselves and honest about what we enjoy and what we don’t enjoy. It’s almost as if we should come with a warning that says, “Warning, contents may not be as appears and are subject to change to normal form within 6-12 months, proceed with care”.

Now I am sure there are those who would say, well this kills the romance. I say, guess what, when you finally reveal that you have not been your true self, what do you think is going to happen to the romance then?

Truth is, you can have a romantic, exciting relationship and continue to have a romantic, exciting relationship for years to come if you are honest with yourself and the other person from the beginning. Allow yourselves to be natural with each other from the get go and there will be no nasty surprises.

By the way, speaking of being natural. If you wouldn’t do certain things in front of him/her when you are dating for fear of grossing him/her out, then why would one feel that it is okay to do these things later in the relationship? You want to keep the passion and the romance alive right? Think about it.

Be true to yourself, be honest and open about whom you are and you will be amazed at the exciting, passionate and intimate relationship that will develop.

Be not a chameleon, blending in and losing your identity is never worth the opportunity to be in a relationship. Be yourself, allow and trust the other person to love you for you!

Falling In Love – Living In the “Now”

 

Evergreen

Love, soft as an easy chair
Love, fresh as the morning air
One love that is shared by two
I have found with you
Like a rose under the April snow
I was always certain love would grow
Love, ageless and evergreen
Seldom seen by two
You and I will
make each night the first
Everyday a beginning
Spirits rise and their dance is unrehearsed
They warm and excite us
‘Cause we have the brightest love
Two lights that shine as one
Morning glory and midnight sun
Time, we’ve learned to sail above
Time, won’t change the meaning of one love
Ageless and ever evergreen

I love the lyrics to this song! This is the anthem to falling in love and being in love. It is also a very good affirmation of living in the “now”. I would like you to think back to a time when you were falling in love and how you felt. As you recall this state of being, you will remember how delicious the world seemed to be, how the beauty of the world was magnified and how your mood was elevated. Matter of fact, when you are in this state, you seem impervious to the world. The world at large can’t get to you. What normally would have irritated or upset you, now seems to be trivial and rolls off your back like water off of a duck. As the lyrics of this song state, “Spirits rise and their dance is unrehearsed, they warm and excite us”.  There is a feeling of euphoria that is present, which seems to transcend the pains of our past and the worries of our future. Everything seems to be right with our world.

Why do we feel this way? We feel this way, because ‘being in love’ is the same state as living in the now.  When we live in the ‘now’, every moment is new, our life becomes evergreen. Everyday is a new beginning, time is transcended, for the only time that matters is the ‘now’

We love falling in love and being in love, because this is the closest most people come to living in the present moment. The really cool thing is we don’t have to wait to fall in love with someone to realize this state of being. Through are thought process we have the ability to live in the now today and everyday. We have the ability to live an evergreen life. Through love, we can fall in love with ourselves and in turn fall in love with all that we touch. As we create this state of being within us, we will emanate love and illuminate this world with our love, which in essence will mirror the state of being in love.

Today, choose to live in the ‘now’, fall in love with yourself and the world. Make a conscious effort to connect to your source and ‘be’!

Heaven Can’t Wait

“The first peace, which is the most important,

is that which comes within the souls of people

when they realize their relationship, their oneness,

with the universe and all its powers,

and when they realize at the center of the universe

dwells the Great Spirit,

and that this center is really everywhere,

it is within each of us.”

- Black Elk

Could heaven be the ultimate realization of what Black Elk states above? Can we achieve heaven while we are here on earth in our current form or as many think, must we complete our journey in this form before we transcend to heaven? Is heaven a place as many believe, or is it simply a state of being, a pure state, unfettered by our ego, or by other people’s expectations of us?

Are you willing to die today to know heaven? Now, I don’t mean die in the physical sense. I mean, are you willing to die while you’re alive and continue to be alive. That is, are you willing to let what you and others perceive you to be, die? 

What if you woke up tomorrow morning and you started with a clean slate, no trappings of your ego to fall prey to, no prejudices against people or things. Imagine waking up tomorrow and being able to feel at ease with everyone you meet and to be able to love them all equally? What would that be like? What kind of impact would that have on your life? How many more doors, possibilities would open up to you? What if you woke up with complete understanding and acceptance of what Black Elk states in his quote, which is the very same message that other great spiritual leaders have expounded? What if you could wake up tomorrow and know your source, truly know your source and have complete trust in yourself and all people and things, knowing that everything that happens is happening just as it is supposed to and that you have nothing to worry about, that you are one with your source, you are one with the Universe and that you possess the powers on the Universe. This in my mind would be heaven.

I believe that heaven is a state of being and that it is achievable while in our human form. I also believe that you must first die, you must be willing to let go of who you believe yourself to be to ascend to this heavenly level of being.

You may be reading this and saying to yourself, this all sounds wonderful, however how can I apply this to my life situation, this is not realistic. I have obligations, children to raise, bills to pay, goals to meet, etc. You make it sound as though I should strip off all my clothes, throw a sheet over me and walk away from all that is worldly.

Please understand, that is not what I am suggesting here. All of us, including me, have many responsibilities that we must meet on a daily basis. We cannot simply walk away from our lives, nor should we. What I am suggesting is an alteration of thought, a change in perspective and a change in the way we create our reality. We can facilitate this change and still do all of the things that we need to do to live a responsible life and a life of abundance.

I am simply asking you to consider dying, letting go of your present self, to enable your authentic self to be revealed. Some may read this and say, I am not ready to do that. Truth is, you may not be ready. I do suggest that you take a long, hard look at yourself and ask, “Am I being true to my authentic self?” (BTW – You know the answer to this, even though you might not want to face your reality) In other words are you blissful in who you are? If the answer is no, then it is time to make some decisions, it is time to free yourself from your false self, which is holding you back, making you unhappy, damaging your health, etc.

What steps do you need to take to find heaven within yourself?

“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness

of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll

discover is yourself.”

- Alan Alda

A Question of Passion

Jen of Goodness Graciousness who is a wonderful writer and profound thinker asked the following questions in her comment to “Time to Turn Up the Heat of Your Passion”:

“Do you think it is possible to be motivated and passionate about something, I mean really have the fire but have things not work out? Or “fail” in one’s efforts?

Could someone be motivated and have the fire and desire for something that is not possible or in the best interest of life?”

These are excellent questions! I do believe that it is possible to become motivated and passionate about something we desire and fail multiple times before we achieve our desired goal. There are great lessons in failure. When someone asked Thomas Edison how it felt to fail so many times in his attempt to produce a working light bulb, he exclaimed that he never failed, he simply found many ways that did not work. He was passionate about what he wanted to achieve and by definition he failed many times.  In the end, he took all of the lessons that he learned and achieved his goal of inventing a working light bulb. The problem with the idea of failure is our society has a no failure allowed attitude, which places unfounded fears and obstacles in the minds of many people who do not do what they are passionate about because they fear that they might fail and subsequently lose face with society and themselves. We are not taught that failure is not only acceptable, but that it is also to be expected. Failure as we travel along our journey is not only probable, it is essential to our growth. As adults one of the greatest lessons that we can pass on to our youth is that it is okay to fail and what to do with failure when it happens.

One of the most common things that happens when someone fails at something they are motivated and passionate about is that after one or even a few failed attempts, they give up. They lose their passion, they succumb to defeat. The sad part is that many people give up right when they are on the cusp of success!

 This brings us to the second question that Jen posed, “can someone be motivated and have the fire and desire for something that is not possible or in the best interest of their life?” I believe the answer to this is yes! We are dynamic beings, who in many aspects of our life can be easily influenced and most of us, if not all of us, have felt a passionate desire for something, build a fire in our belly for something that was not to be. The reason it was not to be is because it was not aligned with our purpose. Even though we may not be conscious of what our purpose is, intuitively we know our true purpose and our soul and our source will not permit us to sustain passion/fire for something, which is not aligned with our purpose. We protect ourselves along our journey in this way. Yes, we may be exposed to something in life and get excited and develop a passion for something to find that passion tapers off as our focus shifts away and on to something else. This is part of our journey. We learn lessons as we go through this process and these lessons help us to tune into our authentic purpose.

The end answer is this, we know what is true for us, we know when we are aligned with our purpose and when we are not! We simply have to become aware of ourselves and listen to what we feel and what we know!

There are many people in this world who by societal standards are hugely successful and who on the surface appear to have achieved their desires, however in reality, they know that they have not achieved their desires and in many ways are depressed because they are not living their authentic purpose, the life they are living is not aligned with their purpose, they know that they are living a false life. Want proof, pick up any magazine that focuses on people in the public eye and note how many problems they have, drugs, abuse, depression, etc seem to be a plague on those who society considers beautiful and successful, be it actresses, actors, politicians, the super rich, etc.

This all comes back to being true to our self and tuning in to understand who and what our authentic self is and what our true purpose is.

Where in your life do you feel disconnected?

Where in your life do you feel that you are not being true to yourself?

What can you do to self-correct and align your thoughts and actions with your authentic self?

Build A Bridge and Get Over It

This weekend in my travels, I heard a little girl say, “Build a Bridge and Get Over It” to another little girl she was talking to. Now, where this originated I do not know, I would not be surprised if it did not come from one of the popular kid’s shows like “Hannah Montana” or something like that. What I do know is that it is much better then “gag me with a spoon” or “funny as a crutch” and other sayings that have assaulted our culture over the years.

What caught my attention about this latest saying is the wisdom that it holds. It is true, there are often times when we simply must find a way to get over it, whatever “it” might be. Usually the “it” that we need to get over is ourselves, more to the point our ego. We are often the obstacle, we are more often than not what gets in our way. This is a hard pill to swallow for most of us. We hate to admit that we are what is holding us back, that we are responsible for the anger or resentment that we harbor, or that we are responsible for the mental and emotional pain that feel.

When someone says or does something that hurts are feelings or causes emotional pain often times we shut down, we discontinue the relationship with that person, even though deep down we know we do not want this relationship to end. We want the other person to apologize to make amends and we will wait until a cold day in hell for them to do that. The reality is that we could most likely repair the broken relationship, if we would just “build a bridge and get over it”. We simply must practice forgiveness and unconditional love, for when we do, getting over it, is quite simple. See, it’s simple because we are the “it”, and since we are the “it”, it is simply our choice to get over ourself.

It really all comes down to our thoughts and choosing to live from our spirit. When we are full of love, truly full of love and overflowing with love, then there is no room for anything else, ego does not get in our way, we readily forgive, we live with a knowing and an understanding that transcends our ego, transcends the negative feelings which get in our way and put us in a place where we need to get over it.

Today, ask yourself, what do you need to get over?

In what way is your ego getting in your way?

Are you benefiting yourself in anyway by not getting over it?

How would your life, your relationships change if you simply “Built a Bridge and Got Over It?

Time To Turn Up the Heat of Your Passion

 

“The starting point of achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desires produce weak results, just as a small amount of fire produces a small amount of heat”

 -  Napoleon Hill (1883-1970) Motivational writer

Such a simple truth, that Napoleon Hill gives us! This wisdom seems so elementary doesn’t it? The more passionate we are about our desires, the more concentrated thought we apply to what we wish to achieve, the higher the probability of achieving our desires! So very simple, right?  This makes sense doesn’t it?  Then why don’t we apply this wisdom? 

There are many reasons why we plod through our journey with lukewarm desires. One of which is that even though we desire something, we don’t really believe that we can achieve that desire or that we are not worthy of achieving our desire, or, we simply don’t want to put that much effort into achieving our desires. Think about it, it is so much easier to say to our self, this is what I desire, however I know I will never get it, or I really don’t want it that bad to put any real passion behind my thoughts and actions. It is so much easier to vege out in front of the T.V. and lament about how nothing ever goes my way.

One of biggest fears that people have about going after and creating what they desire is what happens if they become really passionate about that which they desire and it doesn’t happen or they fall on their face. They get caught up in the “what ifs”, “what if I fail, what if I am embarrassed”, and believe or not some people even ask, “what if I succeed”.  What if I actually get what I want, what then?

The key lesson here is if we really, really, really want something, then we must turn up the heat, kick in the after burners, live and think with passion and verve!  The great thing is when you think and act with passion, not only will you achieve and receive what you desire, you will also be living on purpose and you will feel blissful in your endeavors! You win all the way around! Not only do you win, all those around you win because passion is contagious. We love to be around passionate people. Passionate people emit positive energy, which gives a boost to everyone.

Today is the day for you to turn up the heat! What have you been wanting in a halfhearted manner? Think about how easy it is to turn up your passion and make your desire become a reality. It’s all a matter of thought! You are the one in control, you can choose to be passionate or you can choose to live life on the sidelines.

I know that you want to be passionate! No excuses!

• Review your list of desires
• Note what you truly desire and what is a passing thought
• Visualize you achieving your true desire
• Turn up your passion for this desire
• Watch the magic happen!

Stoke your fire, turn up the heat and make your desires happen!

“Me” Thinking – A Relationship Killer

 

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!

Although we don’t often realize it, “me” is often the insidious foiler of many relationships. In a relationship there are two people, two distinct individuals that for various reasons meet, become attracted to each other on various levels and enter into a long-term relationship. In such a relationship, we usually feel a unique connectivity that we do not experience with other people in our life. We feel as though we know each other in ways that no one else knows us. We seem to know what each other is thinking and we even begin to finish each other’s sentences. This feeling of oneness is a beautiful and an exciting feeling, which produces very passionate emotions within us. We feel as though we are joined at the hip and life is more blissful because we have each other. We exchange warm touches and knowing smiles, our eyes connect and we melt. All is going wonderful and then it happens. We are still feeling blissful and wonderful about our relationship, yet the other person feels as though he/she is disconnected a little bit. They don’t seem as blissful as they usually are and we immediately want to know why. “How can this be” we ask ourselves, “I still feel great, nothing has changed on my end, hmmm, maybe he/she is getting bored with me, or maybe I did something wrong that I am unaware of, or maybe she/he has found someone better then me, or maybe she/he no longer finds me attractive, I did put on a couple of pounds”. See the recurring theme here, it’s “me“! We get so hung up on this “me” thinking! Once we do this, then our perspective of everything the other person says and does changes. We start to analyze every action, every word they utter, and every action they take or don’t take. We begin to focus our thoughts on these changed perceptions of our relationship and then we even get so caught up in the flurry of thoughts that we have concocted that we begin to badger the other person with questions or worse yet accusations of how they are treating us. All this because we are focused on the “me”. At this point our ego is in overdrive, we become hypersensitive, we become moody and the very things that we feared were wrong begin to manifest because we become such a crazy person about things imagined. Now at this point they all seem very real, however the reality is that most of the time, it is all in our mind and we are a far cry from reality. We may even take this to the point where it breaks down what was a wonderful relationship.

Why did we do this? Because we got hung up on the “me” and forgot that there was another person involved. Another person who is dynamic and has multi-faceted things going on in their life and as much as we would love to believe that we are the complete center of their Universe and the be all to end all, the reality is, their life is full of other things. Things like work, children, their health, friends, family, bills, plans, etc which all impact the way they may act or react on any given day and that all of these things in their life and all of the roles that they play in a day, maybe causing them to have an off day or off week, etc which has nothing to do with you or your relationship.  Matter of fact, she/he is wonderful with you and your relationship, however the other things in their life is causing them to seem like they are disconnected from you, where in reality they are not at all disconnected from you. Truth is, at that moment they need you more than ever.

Bottom line, in a relationship, it’s not always about you! I know this may come as a blow to your ego, but it truly isn’t.

This reminds me of an old stand-up comedy routine that Bill Cosby did in his early days. He would walk in the house when he came home from work, take one look at his wife and know from the look on her face and the fire in her eyes that there was trouble! He said he was always so relieved when she said, “Go upstairs and KILL the children”. He claimed how relieved he was that her anger was not about him and that with a gleeful smile he would ascend the stairs to gladly “kill” the children.

He had learned a valuable relationship lesson, that it’s not always about “me”, nor do you want it to be.

When you hear yourself complaining to yourself about the other person in your life, listen to how many times you talk about how it affects you. Then stop and thing about what is happening in their life, it could be something going on at work, it could be a health issue, it could be a variety of things. Focus on how you can help, remove the spotlight from yourself, listen and ask thoughtful, caring questions. You will be amazed how many times it’s not about you or your relationship.

Living Beyond Form

 

Last night I sat down on the couch around 8:00, as I sat there my eyes grew heavy and I started to doze off. I ended up, lying down and pulling a cover over me and shut my eyes. Upon seeing this other people in the house felt compelled to ask if I was sick or something. I said, “no just feeling tired”, “Are you sure you are not sick?” One person, even went so far as to place her hand on my head to check to see if I was running a fever. I reassured everyone that I was not sick, nor was I getting sick. See, for those who know me, seeing me look tired or even me being sick is a very uncommon event. In fact, I rarely get sick. In the last five years, I have only been to the doctor for my annual check-up, which usually happens about every 18 months. I am blessed with excellent health, which is enhanced by an advanced immune system.

This morning, I was speaking to a friend about how for no apparent reason I seemed to just conk out last night. I went on to reflect on my weekend and said, “I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. It’s not like I ran a marathon or painted the house or did anything, which was physically strenuous, which would have explained why I was tired. As far as physical activity, this weekend was fairly normal. I wonder why I was so tired, so early in the evening?” My friend, after patiently listening until I was done thinking out loud, quickly stated the obvious, “Mark, you were just being human”. With a surprised, yet knowing look on my face, I said, “Ohhhhhhh, that!”

She was right, as she gently reminded me that what happened last night was simply a human experience, that nothing was wrong, my form just needed rest.

Now this may seem somewhat silly to you, but I forget! I don’t think in terms of form. My form ages, however my spirit is eternal, it does not chronologicaly age, it matures, however it does not age, therefore because I live in spirit and not form, I often live beyond form. What I mean is that, I don’t think of myself as my chronological age, though my form may be aging and changing, I am still the same me, and I don’t often consider the limits of my aging form. As I said, I rarely experience any type of illness, not even a cold. I don’t require much sleep, I can go and go and go. I do not think in terms of limits physically, mentally, sexually, etc as it may relate to my form.

I often hear people, sometimes in their 20’s and 30’s who say, “Oh, I am getting too old for that. My body hurts just thinking about it”. Many times this is simply people succumbing to what they perceive to be behavior expected of someone whom is chronologically a certain age. In this case, they know they are 42, so they establish mental limits of what a 42 year old can do, eat, how much sleep they need, etc.

Now, we all know stories of people in their senior years who physically seem to transcend their age. We marvel how someone of “that age” can do the things they do! These people are simply living beyond their form. They have learned that the age of their body does not have to limit their experiences, nor does it have to limit what they like or what they think. These people may just never have considered the fact that they had to age in any way other then their form.

I know that I am ageless. Looking back, I recognize that when my body was 14 years old, that spiritually I was much wiser than in many cases I was at 18, 19, 25 or even older. I have often reflected back at the wisdom that I had at that age about the life that laid in front of me and I marvel at the wisdom that was there and I question, what happened, why did I let go of that wisdom and choose other paths, and why did it take so many physical years to awaken and recognize the wisdom that I had back then was pure and correct and that I allowed myself to go the path of my ego and ignore the truth which I inherently knew! Why is not important really, it was all a part of my journey.

It is good to be reminded that I am human and that my form sometimes just wears out and needs to take a break. As in all things, it is important to be aware of all aspects of who we are and strive to achieve a balance, which creates harmony along the paths of our journey.

I still will continue to live beyond my form while at the same time be respectful of the basic needs of my form and trust when my form says it is time to rest and not analyze the fact that it does need rest. Know that sometimes my form simply needs rest, simply needs to “be”.

Remember today to rejuvenate, remember to respect your form while at the same time living a spiritual life, one that is beyond form. For being beyond form is our true nature. After all we are eternal energy.

Are You Kidding Yourself?

 

“It seldom happens that a man changes his life through his habitual reasoning. No matter how fully he may sense the new plans and aims revealed to him by reason, he continues to plod along in old paths until his life becomes frustrating and unbearable – he finally makes the change only when his usual life can no longer be tolerated”

~Leo Tolstoy~

Are you kidding yourself as Tolstoy infers in the above quote? I believe that many people have an awareness of what they should be doing, where they should be going and even may deceive themselves to believe that have altered their path, however they have not changed any of their daily habits which would indicate a change in path or even an increase in awareness.

Our habits are ingrained behavior and often appear to be difficult to change, until, as Tolstoy stated, “life becomes frustrating and unbearable – he finally makes the change only when his usual life can no longer be tolerated”. We see this all the time, we may even recognize this pattern in our own life. We talk about increasing our awareness and changing our thoughts and often times we actively attempt to make changes in our habits of thinking, which when true change takes place than our behavioral changes will follow. However, what often happens is we fall into the knowing, doing gap. This is the gap when we know what we need to change, we know the thoughts we want to create, however the habits we have developed over the years seem to easily pull us back to a level of comfort, albeit not necessarily the place we desire to be.

Once again this comes back to being honest with ourselves as we increase our awareness. We must continue to examine ourselves along the journey to clearly see what path we are on and ask, am I on the path because of my ego, or because of my spirit?  In other words, am I talking the talk and walking the walk?

Let’s look at an example, we know that we want to live a life of love and forgiveness, this is the true essence of our spirit, of our being, however when we are approached by a person on the street who asks us for spare change, we rebuff them or lie to them and say I don’t have any change to spare. Why? Simple because our ego says, “I earn my money and I don’t want to give it to you so that you can go buy a bottle of wine or whatever wasteful thing you might use it for”. A simple and loving way to approach this situation would be to simply give the beggar all the change in your pocket and a blessing of love and peace. Another way, which will appease your ego and spirit, would be to ask what do you need the money for. When they tell you it is for bus fare, or for food or drink, go and buy them something to eat or drink or buy them a bus token, then you have the satisfaction of knowing that the money was spent on something you deem worthy and you still performed a loving, spiritual act.

The key is we must be honest with our selves and when we feel, as though are actions are not reflecting the path, which we want to be on, stop and reflect on why? This is not a time to beat yourself up or to have feelings guilt, rather this is simply a time of honest acknowledgment, a time to take corrective steps towards developing new habits which reflect the wisdom and spirit which you already have.

To Whose Beat Are You Marching To? – (Udated and Re-issued)

 Last November I wrote the article “To Whose Beat Are You Marching To?”, Surface Earth was exploring my writings and suggested that it was time to update and reprint this article. I have made some additions to the original article, which can be found here.

“The voice of our original self is often muffled, overwhelmed, even strangled, by the voices of other peoples expectations” – Julie Cameron

 Whose expectations are you striving towards? Parents, spouses, friends, co-workers, the world at large, all have expectations of us. In fact, we are so used to hearing these expectations and attempting to live up to them, we may even forget that these are not our expectations of ourselves!

It is easy to fall into the trap of living a life, which is formed by other peoples well meaning expectations. As a child we have many authority figures, which we look to for guidance, who in turn not only give us guidance but often times they also establish their expectations of us.  We then make decisions on the guidance given and the expectations set forth. We tend to gravitate towards meeting others expectations because we don’t want to disappoint or we don’t want to feel guilty. We want the people in our life to proud of us and to speak highly of us. In essence we have a strong desire to be accepted by our given tribe.

This desire to be accepted by your tribe is not necessarily a bad thing. The problem arises when we begin to live our life to the meet the expectations of others and we lose sight of our own expectations. For example it may be ones desire to be an actor, however the authority figures in this person’s life, say that is a pipe dream and they should study law like their father or mother did.  This is reinforced by many people in their life, so they study law and put the passion for acting on the back burner. What often happens is we end up with a lawyer who hates being a lawyer because he feels frustrated, feels out of sorts as a lawyer. The interesting thing is that this person may have even suppressed their passion so much that they don’t even understand why they are frustrated and dissatisfied with their life. By all external views they should be happy, they have the expensive car, the gorgeous house, the perfect family, are well respected in the community and have a very lucrative and successful career. Yet they don’t feel happy, matter of fact they feel very out of sorts, disconnected if you will. Disconnected is exactly what they are because they have built a life to meet other peoples expectations and have lost who they really are, what their real passion, purpose is.

Today, I challenge you to look inward and make a list of expectations that you are attempting to live up to. Once you have the list, I suggest that you then determine where these expectations originated. Are these expectations your own or are they a result of outside influences? Did you find when you evaluated your list that many of the expectations that you strive towards meeting on a daily basis are someone’s expectations of you? You are in good company, most people are not marching to the beat of their own drum, many of us are marching to the beat of society, family and friends.

Now the real work begins! Take another look at your list of self-expectations and determine which ones are legitimate and which ones are designed solely to make someone else happy. 

Time to clear the path, time to eliminate the non-productive expectations of other people and understand what you expect of yourself and why, then act on YOUR expectations!

You will experience a new found freedom, because once you begin to release yourself from trying to live up to others expectations you will find that you are truly able to march to the beat of your internal drummer, your soul! You will now be free to reach inside and follow your path, your purpose, your dream! Enjoy the journey!

Remember it is all about the journey, not about arriving at a designation.