What Is The Price of Being Right?
Many people expend a great deal of energy to ensure they are “right”. People go to great lengths to prove they are right, often without regards to the cost of being right. This need to be right is the crux of most arguments. The need to be right has destroyed relationships, caused divorces and even started wars. World leaders have demonstrated over and over again that their personal need to be “right” sometimes overrules common sense or the greater need of the people. Many people have and still do lose their life because leaders of countries and armies have such a burning drive to be right. These people illustrate that they will be “right” no matter what it takes and no matter how wrong they are.Some people may even get to a point in a discussion where they realize they are wrong, however their need to be right is so strong that they will continue to fight to be right. How insane is this behavior?
When we are being driven by our ego and our need to right is so strong, we tend to become isolated, we put up walls to protect ourselves from the onslaught of others thoughts and opinions. We summarily dismiss anyone who is not of the same mindset as us for fear that what we hold to be true may be challenged. We fear that if we expose ourselves to information that is different then that which we believe is right than somehow we may have to question our own beliefs.
When we are in a situation where you adamantly feel that we are right, stop and ask yourself the following questions:
- - What information do I have that makes me believe I am right?
- - Is there any possibility that I could in fact be wrong?
- - Could there be multiple right ways to think this thought or do this task?
- - If in a discussion with someone, what is the price of me being right?
- - What would be the gain of allowing the other person to be right?
- - What do I gain by admitting that I am wrong?
- - What do others gain by admitting that I am wrong?
- - Am I operating from my need to feed my ego or am I operating from spirit and love?
Once you have answered these questions, you are then in an increased position of openness, an openness which allows you to entertain all possibilities, an openness which allows you to entertain other peoples thoughts without fear that you will somehow not be you and without fear that your beliefs may somehow be corrupted by exposure to beliefs and thoughts that are contrary to what you believe to be true.
When you let go of the need to be right, you open yourself up to increased possibilities and an enhanced way of living. Your relationships will thrive as you give up the need to be right.
Open yourself up to all possibilities. We have the opportunity to learn and evolve each day. This opportunity is severely hampered when we always insist on being right and resist any change in what we think and how we perceive things.
Give yourself permission to not be right all of the time.
I want to thank Brian for his comment, which inspired my writing today.
Mark,
Once again you have proven what a lovely mind you have. I cannot get over how you seem to have a finger on what people need to hear. I think the world needs to hear.
Just the other day I was having a conversation about this very topic. I still did not get a straight answer from her. She seemed to be the type that didn’t care whether she was truly right, just so she thought she was. This also brings me to the subject of having the last word. How many us do that? I find sometimes that I slip into the “I need to have the last word status”. “Doctor heal thyself or Practice what you preach”. I suppose we all fall occaisionally and that is alright but what do you think makes us so self absorbed that we need the last word or to be right? I am nt sure I will completely understand it. I should hate to think it is some sort of left over gene that we have not gotten rid of… sort of like our wisdom teeth.
To answer your question… the price foe always being right is high. .. from losing someone close to us out of their frustration or looking like a know-it-all and being disliked for actually being right or just thinking we are. I always say… pick and choose your arguments wisely… sometimes walking away or saying nothing is far better.
Again, much food for thought here, thanks.
I used to get stuck in the “I’m so right I’ll cut off my arm to make you aware of it, until you understand what I’m saying” syndrome but I just can’t do that anymore. It hurts my spirit when I do that and my spirit has been hurt too much over the years to allow these sorts of thoughts to consume me.
I’ve been told that I’m wrong in the past and fought back til it nearly killed me, physically and emotionally. I had to step back and just listen to myself for awhile until I could hear others, see things from their perspective and try and listen with my heart and either re-open communication with others or not.
I can be right and I can allow others to be as well as long as I’m open to the possibility that I could be wrong.
I can see when others are wrong and I work at letting them but there are times when I just have to say “Hey, look at what you are saying.” I’ve been met with all sorts of responses over time…disbelief, anger, wonder, getting cut off, and even gratitude.
Some people can’t handle hearing the truth as I was just writing about. Some people are just so hurt they close themselves off, or so self-centered there just isn’t room for any other views.
Peace, love and understanding.
Mark,
I know exactly what you mean and those people who insist they are right are usually wrong. They don’t listen and that’s the problem that leads to dissension. Everyone wants to be right. There are three sides to an argument, ‘Yours, mine and the truth.’ I think if we communicate openly and honestly with each other, we don’t have the burden of having to be right, or the burden of proof.
Tobeme:
This post causes me to want to speak in a number of directions:
-be careful what you wish for
repeatedly comes to mind, yet at first glance, it does not appear to be related to your post.
I say this because perhaps wanting to be right, needing to be right, ensuring one will be right even if wrong, rings of the old statement: be careful what you wish for.
Do you want the consequence of being right, whether you are right or wrong?
Like many things that are read, many readers say ok, this rings true for me, but how to make it work? How to get there?
I think in this sense, you get us there simply by posing questions, while subject to discrete factual interpretations every time they are asked, will give us the time to pause and consider the consequences.
Most of the time, at this stage of life, I have given up the “need” and yes, in the past, it has been a very big need, to be right. Difficult when you consider my training as an attorney to win at no cost, but I am one that prefers to while zealously defending my client, to work toward the pursuit of justice, the balanced scales, the hope of what is right for all, even when not knowing what that is…
It is difficult though, because in giving up the need to be right, we sometimes feel that we say good-bye to who we are, if we are not our convictions, our beliefs, then who are we? Perhaps that is stage one with stage two becoming, I am open to that which I do not know. Recognizing the “not knowing” in turn releases the hold of the ego and lessens the need to be right.
Wow, you have got me thinking. Thank you for the space.
Noramlly, Mark, I wholly concede to your wisdom and agree with it.
And in mnay cases — as in the one above — you have extremely valid points, the implementation of which genuinely adds value to my thought processes and life.
Now, I know that this is YOUR blog. And it is YOUR choice what colors you make the background.
But for me — and maybe only for me — it is exrordinarily difficult to read your posts — and to comment — against these 2 very dark backgrounds.
And I am right about that. Even if knowing it doesn’t make me very happy ! (LOL)
P.S. yes I will get my eyes checked !
p.s.s. Nowe I worry about that coming off so bitchy. But I love what you write. And it’s been driving me crazy for weeks that I have such a hard time reading posting a comment. Sigh. Is this just getting older or do I have a valid point here ?
Does anyone else have a hard time with the small font size/spacing or color ?
Personally, I love being wrong. Makes my day more spicy.
I find it extremely difficult leaving comments here with this theme. I really have to work at it!
I view it as not necessarily right and wrong, but what feels good and what feels bad, as long as you are not causing pain verbally or physically to another life, then there is no right and wrong, there just is……..diversity is like a bouquet of flowers, more beautiful with a variety of blooms.
Hi Mark:
While reading your blog, it brought to mind the saying I once heard, “Resentment is drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” Thanks for your article. Helen
I think if you get to the point when you feel you have no other choices then I would think it would be like feeling hopelessness, because there is nowhere you can turn.
Annie & RubyShooz,
Feedback is the breakfast of champions! Thank-you for your honest feedback on the look and feel of my site. I think that this should be eaiser to use. I would hate to think that the appearance of the site was preventing people from making comments. Thank-you so much!
Kudos! It enriches and enhances our lives so much to recognize that often there is more than one solution or way of looking at things. I think it is very small minded to always look at things as if we are either right or wrong. We should be looking at what we can learn from the other person. Great post.
T,
Yes, sometimes it is best to simply walk away. So people only want to hear themselves and when that doesn’t happen, they shut down the line of communication.
The key for ourselves is to learn how to be the observer, to step outside of ourselves and be able to objectively listen to what we are saying.
Thank-you for your kind words. It is great to know that you feel that my writing is serving others well.
Thanks for your wonderful thoughts!
Lucid,
Thank-you! Of course it’s not about being right or wrong in the end, is it?
Rubyshooz,
We do have big egos at times, egos which are appear to be tough, yet are truly very fragile and this is why we tend to rebel at the mere suggestion that we could be wrong.
It is great that you have learned how to be the observer and be open the possibilities.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Alexys,
You made a great point. If we are truly being honest in our communications, we never have to apoligize for speaking the truth, nor do we have to bear the burden of proof.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Surface Earth,
You are correct, giving up our need to be right, sometimes can feel that we are betraying our beliefs, our convictions, however in truth we are not, we are simply allowing others to be and for ourselves to mature to point where we don’t feel the need to prove what we believe or convert others to think as we do.
Great thoughts, thanks for sharing!
Annie,
I am so glad that you feel my writing adds value to your life. Thank-you.
Again thanks for the design feedback. Hope your eyes are at ease today.
Annie,
P.S. You did not come across bitchy, do you even have that mode in you?
Pamm,
True, life could be pretty drull if we were always right.
Autumn,
I understand what you are saying, and it is true, at the end of the day, there is no true right or wrong. The point here is that many people have very rigid veiws of what is right and wrong which limits them very much.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Helen,
I am very familar with this quote. I wrote an article on this quote a while back – http://tobeme.wordpress.com/2007/03/16/resentment/
Thanks for your thoughts!
Tumel,
You speak great wisdom. True, this is why so many people do feel helpless and cornered. They are a victim of their own rigid views.
Thanks for your thoughts.