Chemistry?
Sky Masterson – “Mine I leave to chance and chemistry”Sarah – “Chemistry?”
Sky Masterson – “Yeah, chemistry! Suddenly I’ll know, when my love comes along, I’ll know then and there, I’ll know!
The above are lines from the musical “Guys and Dolls”. In this scene Sky Masterson is the suave gambling ladies man who is speaking to Sarah a straight lace, very practical woman who works for the Salvation Army and is tasked to save souls. She has just told Sky about her practical approach for falling in love, when Sky retorts that he will know his true love because of “chemistry”.
In my previous post “How Important is Physical Attraction” many people agreed that emotional, intellectual and spiritual attraction were more important than initial physical attraction in developing and sustaining a long term relationship while at the same time saying that even with that in mind there had to be a certain chemistry between the two people.
What is this chemistry? “Chemistry” as used in this sense is a term we have coined to enable to verbalize what is an invisible force. This force we call chemistry is abstract in the sense that we know it when we feel it, however we have no tangible way to express what this “chemistry” is.
I think that most of us are in agreement that for a romantic relationship to succeed their must be that thing we call “chemistry” present. When it is not, it is not! We can’t fake chemistry, not for long anyway!
The key is not to confuse hormone overrun with chemistry. We need to be careful as we enter into a relationship to distinguish the two.
One can have chemistry with someone who is not aligned intellectually, emotionally and spiritually, therefore even when there is a “spark” a feeling of chemistry, a feeling of connection, it is still critical that we explore all the aspects of connection, for in the end this is what will sustain a long term romantic relationship.
We also all know that the wrong chemistry can end up in a big explosion! Be careful when playing with chemistry; ensure all of the elements are a match.
TO ALL: In the original version of this post, I misinterpeted a comment left by Grace on the previous post and I incorrectly cited a comment about one of her relationships. I have since made the editorial correction. I simply want to ensure anyone who may have read the original version that what I said about Grace’s relationship was a mistake. Thank-you. Mark.
Chemistry is such a weird thing Mark – it’s a great deciding factor at first but years later its simply not possible to feel the exact same physical reaction – the elements are not volatile they have settled but that doesn’t mean that the mixture is not as potent.
I have determined , in my little world, that chemistry is nothing more than a confluence of projection running wild. This is why so often it fizzles when it’s the seems the strongest. There is nothing to back it up because it’s only us making someone into something they’re not.
I’ve seen many relationshps build bonds by slowly growing closer….chemistry doesn’t have to be there from the start…it can also come with time and knowing the person beyond just the projection.
To me, chemistry is a combination of two things:
1) A sense of physical comfort and desire to just BE around that person.
2) The feeling, when I’m around a person, that man, I really, really like him/her.
When I have good chemistry with someone, I don’t have to apologize, I don’t worry about how I look or what I say, and I don’t have to explain much. It’s like we just “get” each other.
The chemistry between my hubby and I is what brought us together. We practically couldn’t help ourselves. As the years go by, it seems that our chemistry grows and grows. It’s amazing. The more we are together, the more I love being around him, and just talking to him. Or sitting quiet with him. Or working together on a project. We fit together like two puzzle pieces. That’s chemistry IMHO.
Chemistry is an unexplaniable phenomenon, much like faith, but there is a magesty in its perfection that is so marvelous that we don’t need to know why. We just go with it and revel in the magic.
I didn’t get to your last posting, forgive me? Also, when I wrote did it show … was because when I wrote comment 2 or 3 posts back the comment never appeared (sad face)
Getting back, this post and your last one is one thing that I think about often. So many seem to think there has to be an initial physical attraction and I suppose to them they are correct but I am finding that most of my life when I found someone that I thought was extremely aattractive physicaly bored me to tears. After talking to the person I find myself daydreaming wishing that i was reading a book on freud instead. Now that is a statement in my mind. You can look pretty but please have a brain.
As for the chemistry part. any relationship must have the super glue. Yes, chemistry is the super glue of any good realtionship that and communication of course.
Chemistry is that feeling that makes women weak knees and men, well, just weak…::big smile
Someone else was talking about a similar topic and I said, Give me a man that can write and I am a happy woman.
Just love coming here. Thank you for your writings.
New blog address
First: In answer to your comment on my blog: yes, I’m very intuitive, especially when my mind isn’t taken over by more mundane aspects of life. And a friend who is now deceased who was a Reiki Master, explained my experience so that it did make sense.
In answer to your last post here, when we met, there was so much chemistry, even though we had not yet met after the year of intense letters (snail mail) and emails and calls.
When I arrived, I was the last person off the plane, and she thought I turned back.
It’s strange, ’cause we feel as if we’ve known each other much longer, yet feel time is passing too quickly and there’s still so much to learn about one another. ; )
Random Magus,
I believe the chemistry that we speak of goes far beyond physical attraction. That’s the key of it all, when we have chemistry the physical attraction will be there, even as we age and change. Thanks for your thoughts!
Pamm,
I agree, sometimes the ‘chemistry” of which we speak is not there at first, it sometimes comes later as a result of building a relationship. Thanks for the great thoughts!
Tammy,
I love your description of the chemistry between you and your husband! Sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with all the right elements in place. Thank-you so much for your wonderful thoughts.
Alexys,
Such wise words! Love and embrace this majestic invisible force for it is the necter of life!
Thank-you so much for your beautiful thoughts.
T,
I agree physical beauty is very one dimensional. Many people who at first I find attractive, soon lose their attractivness when they begin to speak. I agree, give me someone who can hold a conversation,think for themselves, write and read and then you have someone who I could be attracted to. I love your analogy of superglue, true, chemistry is the superglue of any relationship.
Thank-you so much for your thoughts!
Coffee Mesiah,
Thank-you for sharing a wonderfully romantic story!
I had a feeling that you were aware of how intuitive you were. Thanks for sharing your life with us!
Your wonderful post makes me remember two distinctly opposite times when chemistry made all the difference. The first, a man I had almost nothing in common with and who became one of the most special people in my life for over 20 years. The physical chemistry was intense – but as we got to know each other, so was the soul connection despite our vast differences on this earth. The second man was a professor with whom I had an amazing earthly connection. Our minds seemed to dance together and when I was with him, it was just so easy. We enjoyed so many of the same things. But alas, despite the hope we both had that this might be something big, after months of giving it a chance there was still no romantic spark. In fact, the physical chemistry was almost negative. In the end, it’s just gotta be there. (-;
Ronnie Ann,
Welcome! Thanks for sharing your story of these two relationships. You are right, in the end there has to be that chemistry!
I have made a friend that I have known for five years and never physically saw them. i don’ t think it would matter if they looked like the beast, because I was privledged to view them from the inside out.
Rachel,
I understand! Thanks for sharing!