Assigning Negative Values

I was standing at the deli counter in my local supermarket yesterday when the lady next to me who appeared to be frustrated at the momentary wait to order her meat and cheese, exclaimed to the woman behind the counter, “I hate Sundays!”  I stood there and thought to myself, that’s funny, why would someone hate Sundays, the more I thought about it, the more I could understand why she would say what she did. Sundays for many people are a day of tasks, some people get up early go to church, have a big breakfast, go grocery shopping, clean house, do laundry, mow the lawn, cook a big Sunday dinner and get ready for another work week. Sunday for many is a day of playing catch up. If you have school age children, Sunday can often be homework surprise day. So, yes, I can see why this woman was not very excited about Sunday’s in general.

Although I understand her displeasure with Sunday’s and what that day of the week often brings with it, I am disturbed by what is represented here. This woman did what many people do, she assigned a negative value to that day. Many people do this with Monday’s. We often here people say, “I hate Monday’s” or “I hate the holiday’s”, etc. When we assign a negative value to a particular day or event, we predispose our perception of that day or event. In other words, if I say, “I hate Mondays”, then I have set my perception, my lens, if you will, to focus on things that will support my belief that Monday’s are awful and that I have valid reasons to make the statement that I hate Mondays. When I do this, I develop tunnel vision, I see what I expect to see, in this instance, all things that make Monday’s bad and I blind myself to all of the positive aspects of that day.

We get what we expect! The reason we get what we expect is because that is what we tune ourselves into receive.

Most of us our guilty of assigning negative values to all kinds of things, days of the week, holidays, meetings, family vacations, visits from certain relatives, etc. When we do this, we set ourselves up to not enjoy the day or event for we will most likely only see what we expect to see.

The next time you hear yourself assigning a negative value to a day or event, stop! Become aware of what you are doing, choose to ask yourself how can you be a positive influence on the day/event? What thoughts and actions can you bring to the day/event that will make the day/event a positive experience.

Many times, this can be very simple. If you are dreading a visit from your great Aunt Gertrude. Ask yourself what is it about Aunt Gertrude’s visits that you dread? You may find out that you dread her visit because she always complains. Now, recall, what does she complain about? She complains that the bedroom is too cold and that you never have her favorite coffee, Maxwell House. She complains about the kind of food you serve her. Now that you have made yourself aware of what she complains about, you can choose to do something about this. You get some extra blankets for her room to keep her warm or find a way to produce more heat for her room. You switch to Maxwell House coffee for the duration of her visit and you call her and plan out a menu together for her visit. You have just eliminated the part of her visit that you dread! You are now positioned to have a wonderful visit and enjoy her visit.

You can apply this simple exercise to any day or event. Now, you may be saying, well, I can’t change Monday’s at work. Monday’s are a very busy day with high demands. This is true, you may not be able to change certain aspects of your day, however what you can change is how you perceive the events of a Monday. You can choose to find ways to make Monday a better day for yourself and everyone you touch. It could be as simple as stopping by the store on the way into work and bringing in a baked good to share or flavored creamer for everyone’s coffee.

The key is that you can choose not to assign negative values and to take actions to change how you perceive the day or event.

Every day is a blessing! Every day is an opportunity to be joyful, to spread love and peace. Every day is full of lessons waiting for us to learn!

Love the day your in, love the events in your life! Fill them with love and you will overflow with joy for each day that you have!

When Wisdom Visits

Picture the following:

You are sitting at home on a Saturday afternoon relaxing with your sister. A knock comes to the door and you realize that you have been blessed with a visit from someone whom you recognize as a spiritual master. You and your sister invite this person in to visit and have dinner. This spiritual master accepts your generous invitation and comes in and has a seat. This person begins to speak great words of wisdom, you are enthralled, yet dinner preparations have to be made and a meal prepared. What do you do? The below story illustrates the two possibilities.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened up her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the feet of Jesus listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”  ” Martha, Martha,” Jesus answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

 I do love this story, for it is timeless and full of wisdom. As it was over 2000 years ago, it is today. We have choices to make in regards to how we allocate our time. There is always work to be done, as there is always time needed to feed our spirit, to meditate, to discuss our thoughts and embrace the cosmic flow of wisdom. In the story above, Martha did what most of us do, she made a choice to do the work, to prepare for the meal, to clean up her home, instead of choosing as Mary did, to be still and listen, to bask in the wisdom of this spiritual master whom was in their presence.

We all face these kinds of choices daily. We often have so much that needs to be done that we don’t feel that we have time to sit, relax, meditate or even have good conversation over a cup of coffee, neglecting what in many ways is just as, if not more important than all of the busyness which seems to engulf are day to day life.

The key is to achieve a balance, for we cannot simply stop life and contemplate the wonders of the universe and do nothing else, we must still do the mundane chores of life.

What we must do is to strike a balance and recognize opportunities as they appear. We must have an awareness and ask the question, “is what I am doing right now, the best use of my time, am I seizing the opportunity which is here now or am I blinded by the busyness of life?’

Be prepared today to recognize the visitor of wisdom, in whatever form that it may appear!

The Magic of Life

 

 ”Life is a magic vase filled to the brim, so made that you cannot dip from it nor draw from it; but it overflows into the hand that drops treasures into it. Drop in malice and it overflows hate; drop in charity and it overflows love”

 - John Ruskin (1819-1900) Critic and social theorist

I love the analogy of the filled vase that John Ruskin used to describe life and how life works. We do in fact live a very magical life. Why magical? Magic as we know is an illusion, as in magic, there are real reasons for all that happens, however as the observer we cannot clearly see how the trick works and we are delighted and amazed what at the same time very curious to how the magician did the trick. Our life is the same way isn’t it? We are often amazed at how life works and how seemingly unconnected things come together. We know that much of what happens around us and to us is appears to happen without rhyme or reason, however we know that this is an illusion, we know deep down there are invisible forces at work which are making everything work together and that in this universe, there are no accidents or coincidences. 

The quote tells us that this vase is filled to the brim with magic, yet we cannot dip or draw from it, however, and this is one of the most profound universal truths, whatever we drop into the vase will cause it to overflow, and it will overflow with that which we place into it. If we place love and peace into this vase then it will overflow with love and peace. If we drop hate and anger into the vase, then it will overflow with hate and anger.

This is an excellent analogy of how our life works! This is not a new message. This message can be found in ancient texts written by spiritual masters. Most of us are familiar with the term “you sow what you reap”. This is a truth, one that almost all of us have heard many times, however choose to brush it off. Some people refer to this as karma. Whatever you choose to call it, this is a universal truth.

If we project anger, frustration and distrust, that is what we will receive in return. When we project, love, compassion, trust, faith, then that too is what we shall receive in return.

You simply have to ask yourself one question, “What am I projecting?” Be honest with yourself!

If you feel as though you are surrounded by mistrust, incompetence, hate, bigotry, then it is time to take a long, hard, honest look in the mirror. Your vibration projections may be the culprit! The majority of the time, if you make the change in you, you will see the change in all that is around you and comes your way!

What Is The Price of Being Right?

 

Many people expend a great deal of energy to ensure they are “right”. People go to great lengths to prove they are right, often without regards to the cost of being right. This need to be right is the crux of most arguments. The need to be right has destroyed relationships, caused divorces and even started wars. World leaders have demonstrated over and over again that their personal need to be “right” sometimes overrules common sense or the greater need of the people. Many people have and still do lose their life because leaders of countries and armies have such a burning drive to be right. These people illustrate that they will be “right” no matter what it takes and no matter how wrong they are.Some people may even get to a point in a discussion where they realize they are wrong, however their need to be right is so strong that they will continue to fight to be right. How insane is this behavior?

When we are being driven by our ego and our need to right is so strong, we tend to become isolated, we put up walls to protect ourselves from the onslaught of others thoughts and opinions. We summarily dismiss anyone who is not of the same mindset as us for fear that what we hold to be true may be challenged. We fear that if we expose ourselves to information that is different then that which we believe is right than somehow we may have to question our own beliefs.

When we are in a situation where you adamantly feel that we are right, stop and ask yourself the following questions:

• - What information do I have that makes me believe I am right?
• - Is there any possibility that I could in fact be wrong?
• - Could there be multiple right ways to think this thought or do this task?
• - If in a discussion with someone, what is the price of me being right?
• - What would be the gain of allowing the other person to be right?
• - What do I gain by admitting that I am wrong?
• - What do others gain by admitting that I am wrong?
• - Am I operating from my need to feed my ego or am I operating from spirit and love?

Once you have answered these questions, you are then in an increased position of openness, an openness which allows you to entertain all possibilities, an openness which allows you to entertain other peoples thoughts without fear that you will somehow  not be you and without fear that your beliefs may somehow be corrupted by exposure to beliefs and thoughts that are contrary to what you believe to be true.

When you let go of the need to be right, you open yourself up to increased possibilities and an enhanced way of living. Your relationships will thrive as you give up the need to be right.

Open yourself up to all possibilities. We have the opportunity to learn and evolve each day. This opportunity is severely hampered when we always insist on being right and resist any change in what we think and how we perceive things.

Give yourself permission to not be right all of the time.

I want to thank Brian for his comment, which inspired my writing today.

Coloring Outside the Lines or Censorship

“Stay in the lines when you are coloring”, this is a very familiar statement that has been told to virtually every child who ever had a box of crayons and a picture to color. While this seems like an innocent enough thing to say to a child, it is in fact one of the very first forms of our creativity being censored.

Censorship in my mind is anytime someone attempts to limit the way we express our creativity. This censorship is born out of one person imposing their limits onto another person. These limits are chiefly derived from a persons moral values, their perception of what is and isn’t deemed socially acceptable within their culture and learned perceptions of what is right or wrong.

Censorship of our creativity is sometimes right in our face and other times it is quite subtle. The majority of subtle censorship, which we experience, comes from within our social circle, it comes from our family, friends, co-workers and our cyber friends. It is this group of people who are very quick to make sure that we stay within the preverbal lines of what is expected and acceptable to the group. The group therefore imposes their values on us and when we “color outside the lines” they are very quick to let us know that we have done so and via veiled threat let us know that to continue to “color outside the lines” could have consequences which will cause us some form of pain which could include being excluded from the group. In other words the very people whom we normally turn to for support and unconditional love and acceptance applies the condition of conformity to our behavior and thoughts.

The ultimate impact of this is often stifled creativity. This stifled creativity becomes very pronounced even to the point where many people will outwardly say that they are not creative! Not creative? We are creative creatures!

Not only does our creativity become stifled, so does our growth, our journey down our path. One of the reasons that many people do not veer off the path they are on is because they fear the repercussions, which they may get from the group. This is one of the big reasons that many people do not walk their own unique path, they stay on the path of those who have gone before them because of the subtle pressure the feel to do so.

The interesting thing is that when you look at many whom we hold in great esteem of their accomplishments we find that these very same people were ridiculed for “coloring outside the lines” by their social group and society at large.  Do you think that the first people who viewed Pablo Picasso’s paintings were impressed with his unique form of expression. Galileo was imprisoned for his thoughts that the world revolved around the sun. Socrates was forced to drink hemlock for his thoughts because they did not fall within the teachings of the social norm. The list goes on and on! We now applaud these people and give them a seat of high esteem in history for having the courage to express themselves in ways, which were not acceptable.

Our very growth depends heavily on allowing ourselves and others to think and express themselves without the fear of censorship, as subtle as that censorship might be at times. I am concerned about all censorship in any form, however the censorship, which I am most, concerned about is the subtle form of censorship, which stifles are creativity and expression for this subtle censorship is insidious in the way that it is done.

May we learn to live a life of acceptance, may we open our hearts and minds to ideas, thoughts, concepts and forms of expression, which are outside our norm. For when we do this we are opening ourselves to growth, we are opening ourselves to all possibilities.

Today’s challenge is to pick up a book on a subject which you disagree with, visit a blog which expresses thoughts which you consider contrary to your own, open a dialogue with someone who is thinking or doing something outside your social norm. Do this and listen, watch and learn.

I am not suggesting that you convert to someone else’s viewpoint, nor that you have to agree with what someone else is expressing.  I am simply suggesting that you allow yourself to open to information, which is outside your norm.

Encourage (give courage) to yourself and others to “color outside the lines”, even when this means that it does not fit in the mold which you see yourself or others in. By doing this you will open an amazing world for yourself and for all those whom you touch.

My wish for you today is to re-learn how to color outside the lines!

What To Believe?

What to believe? It is very easy to get confused and overwhelmed with the amount of beliefs that circulate through our human experience, it is no wonder that many people are confused on what they believe. This confusion is compounded by not only the amount of different information that we are exposed to on a daily basis but also by the fact that the more we seek out information and the more we learn, the more questions we have. As we ask questions we find out that there is conflicting information, non-logical information and what we believe is scientific fact all tend to create more confusion.

In the midst of this confusion, is it any wonder that many people question their beliefs and even may have a crisis of faith?

How do we reconcile our confusion? How do we answer our questions about what we believe? As we approach our beliefs I believe that it is key to keep an open mind that is to be open to all possibilities. I believe the more open you are to the possibilities the more answers will come to you. This applies no matter what your beliefs are.

The more rigid we are in our beliefs, the harder it is to get past the doubts and confusion when they come upon us. I believe this is true because when we a rigid in our beliefs we don’t leave room for other possibilities, therefore when something happens or something comes our way which disrupts are faith or our beliefs then it is a much harder thing to come to terms with.

The more open we are to possibilities and to other peoples beliefs the less inclined we are to have a belief meltdown. This openness to possibilities gives us more room to grow, it widens our path and makes for a richer experience.

When we find ourselves saying that our belief is right and everyone else’s belief is wrong, that is when we need to stop and really question our thought process. Very rarely does anyone persons or groups belief hold up to be 100% concrete.

Think about science and how what people of science believed to be absolute truth 100 years ago versus what science believe to be true today. Even the absolute beliefs of science changes along the journey! Knowing that, is it so hard to conceive that your personal beliefs will change as you continue on your journey?

What we believe today, can and probably will change in the future. This is very important for us to accept. For when we accept that our beliefs may change to some degree as we grow, then we don’t get bogged down in the quilt of questioning our beliefs.

In the end I don’t believe there are any right or wrong beliefs. What I do believe is that there are different levels of awareness and enlightenment which have profound impacts on what we believe and why.

We have seen and continue to see this questioning of beliefs most vividly in our teenage culture. Teenager are a great example of confused and sometimes disenchanted group of people as they attempt to reconcile what they have been taught with the conflicts that they begin to realize exist in the adult world which they are preparing to enter. This example was very evident in the 1960’s when that generation of teenagers questioned their beliefs on a global scale.

Be open in your beliefs and allow yourself to question your beliefs when you feel you the desire to do so. Be open to others beliefs with the understanding that by being open to others beliefs does not weaken or place your own beliefs in peril.

I have found that those who are the most rigid in their beliefs sometimes have the greatest fear that knowledge of others beliefs may somehow weaken their own beliefs. Allow yourself and others to question their beliefs, this is simply a sign of growth along the journey.

Remember it’s all about the journey!

When Hardship Befalls Us

 

“What ought one to say then as each hardship comes?  I was practicing

for this, I was training for this”

– Epictetus (55-135 AD) Greek Philosopher

Regardless of how enlightened one may become, regardless of how pure a life you may live, no matter how positive an attitude you may have, into every life comes periods of darkness. Into each life befalls times of loss, times of sickness, times of tragedy. It is in these times where we often may question our personal beliefs as we reach out for answers to “why?”.

Many people who live an unaware life, who are among the “sleepwalkers” of life, who may even have some sense of connection to their source, crumble when tragedy befalls them. Many times people in their search for the answer as to why this has happened to them will become bitter and angry and will outwardly disconnect from their source and in doing so they drive themselves further away from the answers which they seek. Because they were painfully awakened from their slumber and cannot stand the excruciating pain which they feel they quickly revert back to their slumber and go into a deeper slumber than before to avoid the pain that they felt during their brief awakened moment. In this situation, it as if they awoke to find cold darkness of the night and crawled back into sleep to avoid the chill of the dark and lonely night that they experienced.

The above quote from Epictetus states a great thread of wisdom. In this quote he acknowledges the fact that hardship is a part of our journey, and concisely states that by living our life in a spiritual way that when hardship does befall us, that we will be prepared to handle that hardship because of how we have lived up until that point. The practice and training of which he speaks is the soulful living of our daily life!

This is not to say that we should live our life in anticipation of hardship. We certainly do not want to do this, for we know that what we think about expands, so therefore we do not want our thoughts to be focused on possible hardships which may come our way for in doing so we could inadvertently manifest hardships into our life. No, what I am saying is that by living a spiritually based life, a positive life, a life of learning and growth, a life of unconditional love, that when darkness falls, when we experience loss, tragedy, sickness, etc, we will be prepared for it. 

In being prepared for what comes our way, we will be aware that all things happen for a reason and that all in life has a season. This awareness that we have will help us to understand what seems to be the non-understandable, the things that happen that seem to make no sense or have no rhyme or reason.

Our awareness, our life of unconditional love will be what brings us through the dark days to the other side of light and warmth.

May your life be full of joy, love and peace, for those moments when it is not, may the joy, love and peace that you live carry you through the dark days.

 

The Shave – An Act of Intimacy

In the movie “Phenomenon” starring John Travolta and Kyra Sedgwick there is a scene where Kyria’s character gives John’s character a shampoo and a haircut at his house. She then proceeds to shave his face.

I have to tell you, that a woman shaving a man’s face in this situation is one of the most intimate acts there is.

Why is it so intimate? It is intimate because of the symbolism of that moment, that act. John Travolta’s character allows her to shave him, he does not flinch, he does not show any apprehension, he allows himself to be placed in a totally vulnerable situation, where he is completely exposed.

This is very symbolic of how we are when we enter into a romantic relationship with someone because in every relationship there comes a time where you must decide to drop your guard and lay yourself completely exposed before the other person, trusting that the other person will not hurt you, re-open old scars or find you any less attractive as a person when you bear your soul and expose to him/her that which you never expose to the rest of the world.

When we expose ourselves in this way to another person, it is done with faith that the other person has the capacity to unconditionally love us, that the other person will not judge us for are thoughts which may be different or think less of us because of our past transgressions. We have faith that by being completely open and vulnerable that the other person will grow to love us even more and that the foundation of our relationship will be built on solid ground because we have allowed our self to be open to all of the love that they have to give. We also have faith that the other person will do the same, that they will allow themselves to be as vulnerable to you.

Not only is the “shave” full of great symbolism, it can truly be one of the most intimate moments that two people can share. It is an act of trust.

If you are going to partake in “The Shave”, set the mood, light some candles, have plenty of warm water and clean towels at hand. 

Women, you may feel apprehensive about taking the razor to your lovers face. Keep in mind, that this does not have to be the closest shave, so you can be gentle as you make the shave. Start by getting face ready, apply some warm water to his face, this will feel great and soften up the whiskers. Then apply a generous amount of shaving cream to the face and neck. Take the razor and make firm yet gentle strokes. If the trust is there and the mood is set, your man will melt under your gentle touch.

Men, the key to “The Shave” is to sit back and enjoy. Relax and give full trust over to your lover. Show her that you totally trust her and encourage with words of trust, faith and love. Do not display any apprehension or tension about “The Shave”. Sit back and enjoy the warmth of the water and the gentle strokes of the razor. Bask in her warmth, feel her warm, sweet breath as she shaves you. Enjoy the pressure of her body as she leans into shave you.

If you both embrace this experience and embrace this moment of true intimacy, you will melt at the very memory of it!

Are you still reading? Go break out a new razor!

No one to share this experience with right now? That’s okay, save this for some time in the future, when you are ready to demonstrate trust and faith in each other.

Limits, Comfort and Complacency Within Your Journey

 

Do you sell yourself short when it comes to your ability to learn and to grow? Have you succumb to the worn out adage that “you cannot teach an old dog new tricks”?  Have you become so comfortable in your current state that you have sank into a place where you lack motivation, desire to make changes even though you know that you are capable. Do you find that you are satisfied to live vicariously through others as you wear butt prints in your favorite spot on the couch or in your easy chair? Has your comfort level become a complacency level?

The mere fact that you are reading this indicates on some level that you are a seeker. Let’s face it, no matter where we are in our journey it is easy to become “comfortable” with where we are, it is easy to get to a point where we are only exploring and learning those things which we find comfort in, where we have some knowledge and some “buy-in” of the information and experiences which we are partaking in. It is easy to fall into this type of growth and seeking and not realize that we have constructed some artificial and often unseen limitations, which actually truncate our intention of growth through learning. In other words, it is easy to fall into the trap of specialization mode. In this mode we sometimes unconsciously deflect theories, concepts and lessons, which we don’t believe fit into the mapping of our journey.

It is important to be aware that the limits that we believe we have are a result of our own creation. We must be open to all the possibilities.  Dominic O’Brien, World Memory Champion said the falling on this subject, “You are well equipped with an incredible potential for absorbing knowledge. Let your imagination, the key to learning and memory, unleash that brain power and propel you along at ever-increasing speeds. It’s not an exclusive path with access granted only to those with a special gift for learning. It is, instead, available to everyone who has a brain. Anything’s possible.” I would add to this, most of us have not scratched the surface of the power which we yield. The great masters have tried to tell us in their teachings. Each one, Buddha, Jesus, etc have point blank told us that they did not have any greater abilities than any other person. They all told us that we are all capable of what we perceived as miracles, which seem to be limited to the divinely graced.

Today is the day to assess your journey, dig deep and ask tough questions:

• - Where am I at on my journey?
• - Have I become too comfortable?
• - Have I become somewhat complacent in facilitating my personal growth?
• - Have I fallen into the trap of specialization where I only seek that which I am comfortable with?
• - How do I break out of this self-designed mold in which I operate?
• - What new vistas have I dismissed because they didn’t fit into my self-imposed limits?
• - Am I open to all the possibilities?
• - Is my imagination fully engaged?
• - Am I in need of a jump-start?

Today is the day to imagine the possibilities! Today is the day to throw off the shackles and believe in the incredible powers which you and all of us possess!

Have A Little Faith . . .

 

“Put a little faith in me … ” were the lyrics that I heard as I turned on the radio this morning.  These lyrics made me think of how difficult it can be to have faith in  new people as they come into your life, particularly people who enter our life as a romantic interest.  Most of us have been in relationships with people who let us down in some way or another. These people simply were not there for us when we needed them to be or they did not turn out to be who they seemed to be in the beginning of the relationship or maybe they violated our trust in some way. In short, we placed our faith in someone, we gave them our heart, we beared our soul to them and we got burnt.

Often times from that point forward, we have a difficult time placing our faith in the next person who comes into our life. Even when a person seems to be everything that we desire, everything we dreamt of we hold back, we do not place 100% faith in them because we fear the hurt that could happen if we do.

The other person is their for you, they love you with all of their soul and even though they understand you resistance to place your faith in them, they become frustrated with the distance at which you hold them. In the best of cases the other person will be paitent while he/she slowly gains your trust and you slowly tear down the walls of your fortress brick by brick and allow yourself to trust this person, to put your faith in them. In most cases, people are not paitent enough to allow the other person the time to develop this type of faith and very frustrated, they walk away from the relationship.

One of the key things in relationships is not to generalize, don’t lump all suitors in one or two categories. Recognize that each person is unique and that they will not nesecarrly be like the last person who viloated your faith in some way and shattered your heart. Accept each new person as just that, a new person, not a reflection of the people who came before them.

It is always wise to proceed with some caution, however, if we won’t allow the wall to come down we will miss out on some wonderful experiences! Note, the wall that you erect to protect yourself from getting hurt may serve you well and keep you from being hurt again, it also is a wall that blocks out  all of the love and wonderful possibilties that exist.

As you venture into new relationships, be aware of the baggage that you carry and choose not to transfer that baggage onto the other person. Be aware also of the other persons past relationships and the loss of faith that they may have experienced. Be paitent with each other as you begin to build the faith in your relationship.

Know this that mistrust and lack of faith are killers of relationships.  We must have faith in each other. We must believe in each other, for how could you truly be with someone who does not believe in you?

Having faith in each other is very much like flying on the high trapeeze, you have to have complete faith in the other person for it to work.

Have a little faith in me …