This past weekend I was in New York City playing tourist. The crowds in Time Square were immense. As I maneuvered through the crowded sidewalks along Times Square I thought about how easy it is to get lost in the crowd and how difficult it can be to go against the crowd or to be different than the crowd. It’s too easy to go with the flow of the crowd to the point that one may even go with the flow of the crowd even when the crowd is not going in the direction we desire to go.
Many people are comfortable in the crowd and for good reason, we have been taught from a very early age to go with the crowd. Our primary educational systems are built on the premise of going with the crowd. We are taught to think alike, act alike, even to dress and express ourselves in like manners. No surprise then that we feel very comfortable going the way of the crowd.
We are taught in some insidious ways that it is better to be part of the crowd and do as the rest of the crowd does. There is a commercial on television right now which advertises Visa Debit card, in this commercial we see an outdoor market, full of happy people making their selections and purchases, music playing, birds singing, people talking and laughing, life is great! Then one customer dares to use cash for their purchase, all of a sudden the music stops, the color dims, the people all stop their enjoyment and get a strained look on their face as the cash transaction is process. The next customer in line swipes their debit card and everything goes back to normal, full color, birds sing, people are happy. The message of this commercial is, go with the crowd and everything and everybody will be happy, buck the crowd and life will no longer be fun!
The message of being part of the crowd is all around us.
We pay a heavy price when we go with the crowd. We tend to lose our individual purpose, we lose sight of who we are and why we are here.
We must forge our own path, we must choose to go in our own direction, even when that means going a different direction then the crowd. For only then will we develop the awareness to live on purpose.
To achieve this awareness we must ask ourselves the following questions daily:
- Are we following the path of the crowd or are we forging our own path?
- Do are thoughts, words and actions help to forge our own path or do they speak to the path of the crowd?
- Are we living our purpose?
- Are we stalled in the comfort of the crowd?
- Are we comfortable in our misery for the sake of being part of the crowd?
It is too easy to be a lemming, too easy to go the way of the crowd and find ourselves lost, disconnected from our source, our purpose. Many people who are part of the crowd, live in a state of comfortable misery, this state often leads to depression, to feelings of quiet desperation.
Today you can choose to go your own way, to break away from the crowd. At first, this may feel uncomfortable, unfamiliar, do it anyway. Friends and family may question the changes in your being, do it anyway. Once you get past the first stages of breaking away from the crowd you will be amazed at the happiness you will feel at being and living on purpose, the incredible feeling of being on YOUR path!
Posted by Grace on June 22, 2007 at 11:27 pm
I’ve never really had too much problem marching to my own drummer..in fact, it was sort of a trademark
However, when I chose to walk from the faith of my family tribe back in 2001 – religion I had practiced myself for my whole life until that point – I really had a taste of what it takes to break out of the pack. Walking our own paths takes a certain amount of detachment – we can’t care too much what others – especially those we love – will think of us. I’ve been fortunate that I wasn’t ostrasized by my family for my current beliefs..something akin to a paganish-zennish-christconsciousness-oneness thingy LOL But then, I don’t talk to my family about the details. THey just know I’ve walked towards something DIFFERENT, and I don’t flaunt it or bring it up (sort of like politics..I’m the only one standing in this side of Left field and against the Bush and the War).
This is a great piece…something that every parent should tell their children when they’re little, too.
Posted by T on June 23, 2007 at 12:22 am
I never thought of myself as a follower. Sure, there are people like you said that cannot seem to to change trains once its in motion, but you ever know. People can change, if they let go of the fear.
The questions you ask are powerful. One should look in the mirror when thhose are asked. I think when we see our reflection we cannot lie to ourselves and maybe that is what we do and that is how we become followers. It is so easy to fall into the following trap. We tell ourselves we are doing our own thing, expressing our own desires, and then years later feel a great depression when we have an epiphany, that we have simply been lying to our own faces.
Isn’t strange how we do this?
perhaps that is the answer. Carry around a mirror and whenever we think we need an adjustment we pull it and look into our own eyes and ask the questions. I do not know, but I would rather know who and what I am, than think i have wasted on my energy trying to be somebody else.
Wonderful post again Mark. Thank you.
Posted by Alexys Fairfield on June 23, 2007 at 1:15 am
Mark,
I love the creativity of that commercial, but not the message to be like everyone else. I have always been an individual and have NEVER given in to the status quo. The lemmings never really committed suicide, that’s a myth perpetuated by Disney. Still excellent analogy though. Keep up the excellent work Mark and continue to make your mark on the world of consciousness.
Posted by tobeme on June 23, 2007 at 1:36 am
Grace,
There is no doubt in my mind that you have no problem marching to the beat of a different drummer, ha! Interesting that you experienced the pain of leaving the pack when you changed your religious views. Sounds like all went well in the end.
You make a very interesting point about not flaunting things, I think this is where many people make a mistake, they attract conflict by doing this.
Thank-you for your kind words. I agree this is critical information which we should share with our children.
Posted by tobeme on June 23, 2007 at 1:40 am
T,
Usually the most believealble lies are the ones we tell ourselves. I think the mirror is a great idea. When you look yourself in the face you are less likely to believe your own lies. Excellent tool for people.
I agree people can and do change. Developing awareness is the first step to facilitating that change and looking in the mirror is a great way to start!
Thanks for all of your thoughts, much appreciated!
Posted by Random Magus on June 23, 2007 at 3:34 am
There has been one incident in my past where I had to stand against everyone… it was tough but when I came out the victor – the feeling was all the more enhanced because I had done it on my own. That said, it is sometimes good to be part of the crowd as well because if you are always alone sometimes you forget how to walk with others
Posted by Ask Lucid on June 23, 2007 at 4:48 am
The city is vast. With all its’ people, places, and things…. Sometimes too many choices/peoples opinions and influences can be overwhelming. I think walking in the crowd and going with the flow is a great thing, as long as it is in the direction you want to go in. That is the whole key… “If that is what you want” There you will find people heading towards the same place you want to be. I too consider myself a leader, but I will also follow when it is to my benefit. I do not pretend to know everything, and I am a firm believer in “We have a lot to learn from each other”
As long as you are not going against your own beliefs and your not fighting against the crowd for the wrong reasons, life will be good and things will be ok!!!
Posted by Loving Annie on June 23, 2007 at 6:27 am
The most delcious thing about being retired is not having any poiltics – needing to go with the crowd out of necessity.
I love having my own beliefs, and picking freinds who share my values –
Posted by rjlight on June 23, 2007 at 8:07 am
Sometimes it can be a bit lonely when you are going the way you feel you should go and people just don’t get it.
Posted by Helen on June 23, 2007 at 7:52 pm
Hi Mark:
Sometimes it is easier to follow the crowd and what I found that does not help me. I have been following a healthy eating plan for over 8 years . When I go into a restraunt bringing my scale and requesting foods be cooked a certain way I feel I am special. At first it was hard because my family and friends would feel uncomfortable. What I would tell myself, I have to take care of me. Now they don’t even notice. In my blog today I talk about being the CEO of your life. Thanks for your blog; I love reading it. Helen
Posted by SurfaceEarth on June 24, 2007 at 2:52 am
Can you be a follower and yet apart from the pack? Would that be the loner within the crowd? Where your mind is your own, yet, you bend to the collective will of family?
Posted by Matty on June 24, 2007 at 10:06 am
Mark,
If you ask 10 people that question, I’m almost sure 9 out of 10 people will say….no, I walk to the beat of my own drum…I make my own path in life. I’m not a follower, I’m a leader. And we know for sure there are more sheep than shepherds. But nobody wants to admit, they follow……we all like to think we forge our way in life, we won’t admit we are like everyone else. We don’t like to stand alone..so we go along to get along.We don’t want to stand out,,,,,,and by ‘we’ I mean 80% of the people if not more. Just my humble opinion.
Posted by desiree on June 24, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Great post Mark! I’ve always been one to follow the path less traveled. However, I should caution that like anything it needs balance as well. Taking the path less traveled isn’t always as wonderful as it may sound. Sometimes the path less traveled is less traveled for good reason. What I have learned over time is that real wisdom is not about following or leading real wisdom is knowing when to do either!
Posted by enreal on June 25, 2007 at 2:39 am
Wise words on so many levels. Individually and in society. Following the crowd is dangerous in society. People uncomfortable with themselves and in their knowledge tend to make the assumption that “the crowd”(society) is right always, never questioning and never thinking on moral consequence. When I read this I thought you were right, but I thought it on a larger scale. Forge your own path, make it a wise path, make it a purposeful path…and share your path.
Posted by Paul Martin on June 26, 2007 at 1:24 am
I’d just add a cautionary note about getting lost in the crowd of those blazing their own paths. It can happen!
Posted by tobeme on June 26, 2007 at 4:08 am
Random Magnus,
It is a great growth experience to take a stand and see it through. As you said, you are glad that you did. I agree, sometimes we all need to belong, however not at the cost of who we are.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Posted by tobeme on June 26, 2007 at 4:34 am
Lucid,
You make a great point, going with the flow of the crowd is okay as long as it is in the direction that you choose. I think this is a critical distinction! As always thanks for adding your valued thoughts!
Posted by tobeme on June 26, 2007 at 4:37 am
Loving Annie
You are indeed in a wonderful place! Glad you can do as you feel is best for you without the encumberances of politics!
Thanks for your thoughts!
Posted by tobeme on June 26, 2007 at 4:50 am
Rjlight,
Yes, forging your own path can be lonley at times, however not as lonely as being in a crowd where you don’t belong. Thanks for your thought!
Posted by tobeme on June 26, 2007 at 4:57 am
Helen,
Thanks for providing a great example that we could all visualize. It is great that you were able to push back the social norm to meet the needs that you had at that time! You are a wonderful example of how to be true to yourself!
Posted by tobeme on June 26, 2007 at 5:24 am
Surfaceearth,
Yes you can be inclusive and still be your own person. It is a balancing act. The key is to be true to yourself! Thanks for your thought!
Posted by tobeme on June 26, 2007 at 5:27 am
Matty,
I agree with your assesement. Most people would like to think that the follow their own path, most people like to live a life of illusion, however if push came to shove and they had to look themselves in the mirror, they would have to say that they are going along with the masses. This is the key, to create an awareness so people can break free and be who they are supposed to be and not get caught up in the clammer of the crowd.
Thanks for your valued thoughts!
Posted by tobeme on June 26, 2007 at 6:02 am
Desiree,
Great thoughts! Yes, wisdom is knowing when to lead or follow! We all must be able to achieve a balance and do both! You are very wise. Thanks for your thoughts!
Posted by tobeme on June 26, 2007 at 6:08 am
Enreal,
You are correct, we must forge our own path and not be fooled by the easy path that has be worn by so many. It is true, we must think, think and think some more, question all, for only then will you gain a true awareness of the why’s of our society. Thanks for all of your thoughts!
Posted by tobeme on June 26, 2007 at 7:40 am
Paul,
That is a great reminder, not to replace one crowd with another! Thanks for that insight!
Posted by Carla on June 26, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Kudos on a great post! These are important questions that we need to be asking ourselves often. I think so much in our society tries to put people in neat little boxes including our education systems which should be to teach children to think for themselves. These systems forget that sometimes living is messy business. We are not cookie cutters and will never be happy as such. Thanks for the reminder.
Posted by tobeme on June 27, 2007 at 5:17 am
Carla,
You use some great and powerful words, we should not be placed in a box nor should we be expected to fit the mold of a cookie cutter, there is no nobility in going with the flow if the flow is not in alignement with our purpose.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Posted by Lost In The Crowd or Blazing Your Own Path? · It’s My Soul on June 30, 2007 at 12:16 am
[...] post by tobeme for Soul [...]
Posted by jackalope on July 1, 2007 at 2:43 pm
In high school, I never understood what the big deal was about “peer pressure” because I didn’t care what the crowd thought of me. Of course, I also had friends who didn’t have unreasonable expectations.
Now, I’m usually the one paying by check!!!
Posted by tobeme on July 2, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Jackalope,
You were an unusual and blessed teen. Sounds like you are now what the marketing world would call a late adopter.
Posted by Nicola on July 6, 2007 at 6:02 am
I am a blaze my own path person and have always marched to a different beat.
Posted by tobeme on July 6, 2007 at 6:12 pm
Nicola,
March on! Thanks for the comment!