Keeping Promises

“Most of us are pretty good at keeping promises to others and pretty bad a keeping promises to ourselves” – Lawrence LeShan

 

It is very true, most of us impart a lot of personal integrity when keeping promises to others,  however when we make promises to ourselves we often fall short. So why is it that while we are very concerned with keeping promises to others,  when it comes to keeping all of the promises that we make to ourselves we often let those promises slip?

We promise ourselves things like, we are going to lose weight, we are going to quit smoking, we are going to be smarter with how we handle our money, we are going to spend more time with our family, we are going to exercise more, etc. Most of the promises that we make to ourselves are significant, they involve improving our lifes, improving our health, education, finances. These promises are important promises, yet we renig on these promises over and over again. WHY?

One of the biggest reasons, is because we are the only ones that we have to deal with. It is very different from keeping promises to others, because we have to deal with those people when fail to keep our promise and deal with the impact that failing to keep a promise will have on us.

This is one of the things we do not recognize in ourselves. We fail to acknowledge and recognize the impact that failing to keep a promise to ourselve has. Truth is when we keep breaking the promises that we make to ourselve there is an impact. We begin not to trust ourselves, we even start to say things like, “I will start exercising more tomorrow”, followed by a “Yeah, right, like that’s going to happen”. We get to the point where we recognize that we do not keep promises to ourselves. We ultimetly do not trust ourselves, how sad is that?

If it was anyone other than yourself, how long would you put up with this type of behavior, how long would you put up with a string of broken promises? The answer is easy, not very long!

Another big reason we fail to keep promise we make to ourselves is that the promises are too vauge. We may promise ourselves to lose some weight. Good promise to make, however it lacks specifics, which means that we can fool ourselves for a long time. The promises we make to ourselves should be very specific, an example would be, “I promise that I will beging exercising starting tomorrow, I will walk for a half hour ever other day and I will ride my bike for a hour every other night. I will continue to do this until the weather changes at which time I will change my exercise routines. The goal of this exercise is to reduce my blood pressure and to lose 20 pounds by September 30th”. See the difference, see how your mind will recognize the difference? When you make your promise specific and measurable, it is more tangible, it is harder to decieve yourself and break the promise that you make to yourself.

I want you to take a sheet of paper out and write out 5 promises which you know you have made to yourself that you have broken. Have the list? Now think about how many times you have broken each of these promises. Scary isn’t it? Now take each promise and ask yourself, is this still a valid promises? In other words, do I still need to follow through with this promise? Eliminate those promises that are no longer valid from your list.

Now you have a list of valid promises that you must keep to yourself. Now, look at each promise and ask yourself, is the promise specific and measurable? If a promise is not specific and measurable, then rewrite the promise to make it something that is tangible, something that is specific and measuable.

What you now have is a great tool which will help you to keep your promises to yourself. I also suggest that you write each promise on a colored index card and place it someplace where you can see it often. This will serve a reminder to keep the commitment which you have made to yourself.

Remember, you are as important and valuable as the other people you make promises to, you derserve the same integrity and commitment that your give to others!

The Open Paths of The Sky

 

Yesterday when the captain of the plane announced to please fasten our seat belts for we were about to make our decent into the airport in Minneapolis/St Paul, I put my book down and peered out the window. It was a beautiful day, sun shining and the sky was sprinkled with little clouds that look like wisps of cotton. As I surveyed the land below us, I saw a river winding its way through the farm land and I noticed road and highways. As I studied the layout of the roads and highways I thought about “paths” and how we often use the analogy of a path to describe where we are at on our journey. What struck me at the moment is the visual picture of a path is not really the best construct for describing where we are at on our journey. See, when I looked at the roads and highways beneath me, I noticed that even though they had curves and hills and valleys that they still were rigid paths,  they had boarders, which in my mind translated to self limiting beliefs, self imposed boarders and walls which we construct on the paths of our journey.

I thought about the plane I was flying in and that it too was on a path, a route if you will to take me to my destination, however as opposed to the roads and highways below, the sky did not have the same limits, the pilot if he so chose could turn left, right, up, down at any time. The pilot would not have to wait for a new path, nor would he have to make a huge effort to create a new path if he wanted or needed to, because the pilot was on a less structured path. Sure, it still had limitations to some extent, however those limitations were much broader and less controlling. The pilot had the whole sky to choose from!

When I think about the journey which we are on, I think the flight of a plane is a much more appropriate visual for our journey. Visualize the wide open sky and the billions of choices a person can make and without much effort, without as many obstacles and restraints.

Our journey is only limited by the limits which we create in our minds! Visualize the sky and plot your journey with the vastness of the sky in mind and you will be amazed at the possibilities!

Quiet Beauty

 

As I sat in the crowded waiting area at the gate of the Philadelphia airport today I find a quiet beauty within the incesseant noise. I see the quiet beaty in the two lovers who sit across from where I sit, oblivious to the world, nuzzeling with each other, exchanging butterfly kisses. I hear quiet beaty in the coos of a baby as her mother tries to keep her entertained in this strange, noisy place. I see quiet beauty in the thoughtful faces of many strangers as the compteplate their own journey. I see quiet beauty in the gentelman who is seated next to me as I write this offers is seat  to a young pregnant woman, she attempts to wave off the offer, without hesitation, he says “I really need to stretch my legs before I get on the plane anyway” and her proceeds to get up and move about, leaving the seat for her. I see quiet beauty as strangers exchange greetings and listen to each others stories of their travels, forming a common bond with each other even though they may not recognize their innate connectivity.   

Admist the daily scene of the airport, where the noise echoes off the concrete ceilings and reverberates throughour the concourse filled with anxious people I am overwhelmed by an amazing quiet beauty. There is so much beauty in what many percieve as the mundane. We are sorrounded by so much beauty everyday! To see this beauty we must simply remove the veil from our eyes. We must open our eyes of awareness and wipe away the remnants of our slumber that gathers in the corner of our eyes  and awake to this world of quiet beauty!

Did you see the beauty today?

Are your eyes open or are you still caught within your own slumber, blind to the quiet beauty which sorrounds you?

Be aware today! Be alive! BE!

Lost In The Crowd or Blazing Your Own Path?

 

This past weekend I was in New York City playing tourist. The crowds in Time Square were immense. As I maneuvered through the crowded sidewalks along Times Square I thought about how easy it is to get lost in the crowd and how difficult it can be to go against the crowd or to be different than the crowd. It’s too easy to go with the flow of the crowd to the point that one may even go with the flow of the crowd even when the crowd is not going in the direction we desire to go.

Many people are comfortable in the crowd and for good reason, we have been taught from a very early age to go with the crowd. Our primary educational systems are built on the premise of going with the crowd. We are taught to think alike, act alike, even to dress and express ourselves in like manners. No surprise then that we feel very comfortable going the way of the crowd.

We are taught in some insidious ways that it is better to be part of the crowd and do as the rest of the crowd does. There is a commercial on television right now which advertises Visa Debit card, in this commercial we see an outdoor market, full of happy people making their selections and purchases, music playing, birds singing, people talking and laughing, life is great! Then one customer dares to use cash for their purchase, all of a sudden the music stops, the color dims, the people all stop their enjoyment and get a strained look on their face as the cash transaction is process. The next customer in line swipes their debit card and everything goes back to normal, full color, birds sing, people are happy. The message of this commercial is, go with the crowd and everything and everybody will be happy, buck the crowd and life will no longer be fun!

The message of being part of the crowd is all around us.

We pay a heavy price when we go with the crowd. We tend to lose our individual purpose, we lose sight of who we are and why we are here.

We must forge our own path, we must choose to go in our own direction, even when that means going a different direction then the crowd. For only then will we develop the awareness to live on purpose.

To achieve this awareness we must ask ourselves the following questions daily:

-          Are we following the path of the crowd or are we forging our own path?

-          Do are thoughts, words and actions help to forge our own path or do they speak to the path of the crowd?

-          Are we living our purpose?

-          Are we stalled in the comfort of the crowd?

-          Are we comfortable in our misery for the sake of being part of the crowd?

It is too easy to be a lemming, too easy to go the way of the crowd and find ourselves lost, disconnected from our source, our purpose. Many people who are part of the crowd, live in a state of comfortable misery, this state often leads to depression, to feelings of quiet desperation.

Today you can choose to go your own way, to break away from the crowd. At first, this may feel uncomfortable, unfamiliar, do it anyway. Friends and family may question the changes in your being, do it anyway. Once you get past the first stages of breaking away from the crowd you will be amazed at the happiness you will feel at being and living on purpose, the incredible feeling of being on YOUR path!

  

Connected

I am the wind which breathes upon the sea,
I am the wave of the ocean,
I am the murmur of the billows,
I am the ox of the seven combats,
I am the vulture upon the rocks,
I am a beam of the sun,
I am the fairest of plants,
I am the wild boar in valour,
I am the salmon in the water,
I am the lake in the plain,
I am a world of knowledge,
I am the point of the lance of battle,
I am the God who created the fire in the head.
- Amarigen, Chief Poet of the Milesians

What Amairgen is saying in this poem is, I am because everything else is. I am in everything and everything is in me. This magnificent poem illustrates that we are all connected with each other and everything. We are all borne of the same energy!
The fact that we are all part of the same whole is an incredible realization, one which once accepted changes your whole perspective on your purpose in everything you do.
When we accept and embrace that we are connected with everything and everybody then we realize that every thought we have, every action that we take has an impact on everything and everybody. When we embrace this knowing it changes everything!
Be aware today of how you are connected to everything and everybody in the Universe, recognize the impact that your thoughts and actions are having. Note how your day changes because of exercising this awareness.

I trust that you will be amazed as you reflect on the changes which having this awareness will generate.

Catching Up

 

Many years ago, there was a man who set out to explore Africa. He was in a desperate hurry as he journeyed through the deep, dark jungle. With him on this trip, he employed four native Africans to help him carry his equipment. He and his hired men raced onward for three days straight. At the end of the third day, the Africans sat down and refused to move. The explorer urged them to get up, explaining to them that he was under a great deal of  pressure to reach his destination before a certain date. Yet, they still refused to move.  He could not understand this and continued to attempt to persuade them to move on, yet they would not. They still refused to move. Exasperated at this situation he finally got one of them to admit the reason why they would not move forward. The native said “We have moved too quickly to reach here; now we need to wait here to give our spirits a chance to catch up with us.”

The Africans in this story were very wise. They had a knowing that they must take time to rejuvenate, to rest, to gather themselves. They had a knowing that if they proceeded down the same path at the break neck speed at which they started that they would risk damaging themselves not only physically but more importantly spiritually.

We live in a very fast paced world. Most of us live in a society which expects us to be busy at all times, busy at work, busy at home, even busy at play. Many people have even come to the point where if there vacation time is not jam packed full of things to do from the time you wake up till the time you flop your weary body down at night then they don’t feel that they are doing enough. God forbid that someone should ask them what they did on vacation and they said, they did nothing, just laid around the house and relaxed, slept in until noon, wore their pajamas for two days straight, did nothing but relax. In many peoples worlds this would be a cardinal sin. Why would you waste your vacation time like that!

In fact, for most people, this is exactly what they should do. They should learn how to do nothing. Learn how to shut off the phones, yes, your cell phone and Blackberry too! Shut off the computer and just relax, take in the sun or find peace in a darkened room. Learn how to take a nap or just sit and let your mind wander and dream. Our spirit, our bodies, our minds need this type of rest.

We too, need to build time into our schedules to metaphorically allow our spirit to catch up with us. We need to do this as much as we can, daily if possible. You don’t have to wait for your vacation time, start building some slack time into your schedule. Remember to take time out for yourself. We must always remember to take care of ourselves in this way. (note this is being said by a once self proclaimed workaholic).

Your purpose here is not to work yourself to death. For many the notion of carving out some time for yourself each day at first may seem to be a far off dream. Truth is, anyone can do it, no matter how busy you are. Start small, take 10 minutes in the morning or 10 minutes at lunch or in the evening to find some quiet time, to meditate, to sit and relax, to simply be quiet for a brief time, then build on the time that you take for yourself. Plan slack time into your weekend activities. If you are going on a trip, build in extra days for vacation recovery. Begin to understand that you don’t have to fill every moment of every day with some form of activity.

Bottom line – take time to care for yourself physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. Allow time for your spirt to catch up with you!

A Story of Love

 

While visiting my mother who resides in a adult assisted living facility I met another woman who lives there named Juanita. Juanita shared a beatuiful story of love with me.

Juanita spoke lovingly of her sweetheart, her husband who had departed this world over twentey years ago. With a longing look in her bright blue eyes she told of how she had first met her husband on Saint Valentines day way back when. She said that she knew from the moment that they met that they were destined to be married, which is exactly what happened within a year of their first meeting. They lived a loving life, had some children and lived in a modest beautiful ranch home which they both loved. You could tell by the look in Juanita’s eyes and the tone of her voice that this man was the love of her life. She stopped for a moment and pointed to the wall and said, “see those roses (there were roses all over the wallpaper), I sometimes sit here and count those roses, not all of them, just the ones around the top. See my sweetheart (her husband) gave me fresh red roses every year on Valentines day every year that we were together”. She sat for a moment and reflected on those roses, then she said, “they were always fresh red roses, except for the last Valentines day, that year he gave me silk red roses, you know the kind that never die. He gave me those silk red roses, and he unexpectenly passed away a week later. Now isn’t that something”?  “Yes, I said, with tears in my eyes, that is truly something”.

I am moved by her beautiful story not only because of the striking love affair that she had and continues to have with her late husband but because I have recently been exposed to a number of stories about people who seemed to have some indication that thier earthly time was just about over. I wonder if everyone gets a sign, an indication if you will, and that only some have enough awareness to recoginze the sign or that many people  choose to deny what they know at that time.

Juanita lived a blessed life, she had met, known and lived with her soul mate and even after twenty years had passed since his mortal body passed from this world her love continues to grow for him.

Of course I did not know her back when her husband and her were together, however from the look in her eyes and the sweetness in her voice I can only imagine that they both were very grateful for every moment they had together. To love unconditionaly, to love with all your soul, ahh, what beauty, what peace.

Love today, love unconditionaly, love with all of your soul, love with passion and you will truly be living!  This love of which I speak is not limited to romantic love. I am speaking of all of the love you have, love for yourself, your parents, your freinds, your children, the strangers who come into your life. There are no limits to whom you love!

Live love !

Live an aware life!

Rejuvenating!

 

We live in a busy, busy world where we are always on the go. We wear many hats in a day and execute many responsibilities as we go through our day.  One of the things that we often fail to do is to give are minds, bodies and spirit a chance to rejuvenate.

My favorite analogy of taking time to rejuvinate is the story of two lumber jacks. It goes like this:

Two lumber jacks went to the foreman to apply for a lumber jack job. The foreman said, “I am sorry men, I only have one lumber jack postion open. To make it fair, here is what I will do. I will give you each a saw and an equal space in the forest. The man who can cut down the most trees in 8 hours will get the job”. Both men agreed to the challange. They both took their saws and went to work. Both men worked very hard. The one lumber jack worked very hard and never took a break, he just kept sawing and sawing, timbering tree after tree. The other lumber jack worked equally as hard, however he took a ten minute break every hour. Who do you think won? The lumber jack who took a break every hour won! Why? Because everytime he took a break, he spent that time sharpening his saw.

For the next five days I will be in a period of rejuvination. I will be sharpening my saw. I will be visting with family, taking a couple of day trips and a doing lot of relaxing. Part of my rejuvination will keep me away from the computer, in fact I don’t intend to be on the computer for the next 5 days.  So, if you are wondering if I fell off the face the earth, no, just fell off of cyberspace for a few days. I will be back on Tuesday, June 19th. Until then may everyone be emersed in peace and love.

Please feel free to read the archives, I promise to respond to any and all comments that you leave.

Making Mountains Into Mole Hills

 

I was recently asked to give a talk for a reluctant sales team. I say reluctant because this group of people were hired to be customer service representatives and not sales people, however their roles have changed to where they now must sell product as they provide customer service. On top of this, they have recently had a rate increase which has made selling their products more challenging. During the session one woman said that she could not see how she could possibly sell sixty units in a month to meet her assigned goal. She was feeling very overwhelmed about her goal and how she would be able to achieve it.

Her frustration that she expressed is a very common one. She was sitting there looking at what she perceived to be a large insurmountable number and she could not see how it was possible to achieve it. Many people do this, they focus on the ultimate outcome, weather it be a sales person looking at a large goal they must hit,  a person with significant debt to pay off, or a person who wants to lose a significant amount of weight. Often times when we have a large number or goal which we want to achieve we focus on the ultimate outcome and we get paralyzed at how huge the task in front of us is. When we get stuck on the ultimate outcome, the largeness of the goal stops us in our tracks and we tend to procrastinate or give up on the whole idea.

The next time you are faced with a goal or task that seems impossible, you need to stop and change your focus. There are two ways to do this:

1. Instead of looking at the end number, which in itself can be overwhelming, break your goal or task down into bite size bits. Break down what you need to accomplish on a daily basis to achieve your ultimate goal. By breaking the task down into smaller steps or the goal down into smaller numbers, you will find that everything seems more achievable and that you are able to apply your focus on the smaller number or smaller steps.  Think about someone who is climbing Mt Everest, they do it one step at a time, if they stood at the base of the mountain and focused on the peak, they could easily become overwhelmed at the task in front of them.

2. Acknowledge and reward yourself for achieving daily goals or other benchmarks that you have set for yourself

3.  If you have a day, where you miss meeting your daily goal acknowledge that this is okay and pick right up where you left off the next day. Guilting yourself, beating yourself up serves no useful purpose, it will only serve to give you excuses not to move forward.

4. Focus on the process rather than the ultimate goal. When you focus on your process, what you are doing day to day to accomplish your goal then you will focus on your behavior. When you are focused on the process, the ultimate goal will happen. You must trust in your process.

It is key to remember that it is always about the journey, focus on the journey and you will achieve your goals along the way. As always, it is critical to always be aware of yourself, by doing this, you will find ways to get out of your own way.

What Impact Will You Have Today?

 

Who was Miss America in 2002?

Name two winners of the Nobel Peace Prize for 2004.

 Who was Time Magazines person of the year in 2001?

These questions are tough? Who remembers all of this?

Now name 3 people who have had a positive influence in your life.

Naming those three people was pretty easy wasn’t it?

The people whom you named were probably teachers, freinds, parents or relatives who were not famous to the world for their achievements, however they are memorable to you because they had a direct impact on your life by what they said and did.

 We remember people not for their celeberty, we remember them for what impact they had on our life. The people who have the most impact on our life are usually parents, relatives, freinds and teachers.

With that in mind, what impact are you having on people in your life?

We impact everyone directly or indirectly every day. We often have impact without even realizing it. Our impact can be as subtle as the tone of our voice when we speak to someone, our body language when someone approaches us or the story that our face tells. We have more impact and influence on people then we ever realize and if we are not always mindful of the impacts that our words and actions have. We can easily have a negative impact, we can easily and carelessly crush dreams. We can just as easily have the impact of encouragement. Think about the word encourage, it litteraly means “to give courage”. When you encourage another person you are giving them the courage to continue on their path, to face their obstacles, to overcome self imposed limits. You are giving them the courage to stretch beyond their comfort zone. When you encourage, you impact people in the most profound way.

Another positive impact is to support. Sometimes all someone needs is support, someone to be there to listen, to help them get over a hump or around a preceived obstacle.

We have many opportunities to encourage and support others. We have the opportunity to help build dreams. We have the opportunity to be the person who will be remembered as a person who had a positive impact on someones life.

Who can you encourage and support today? Who have you been too busy to give your full attention to for a few minutes?

Think back over the last week, have you inadvertlny discouraged someone through your words or actions? Were you not there for support when someone reached out to you? If you answered yes to either of these questions, there is no need to feel quilty or bad about yourself, instead, take action, go back to that person and offer support and encouragment, be there for them. That is all you need to do.

The beauty of being a person who has a positive impact on others is that you will grow and receive joy in return for your efforts and make this world a better place!

Being a person of positive influence is such an easy thing to do and it is all within your control.

What impact will you have today?