“So many people want to be someone else that they cheat themselves of who they are” – Alexys Fairfield
There is such great wisdom in this quote! This is a very astute observation of how many people live their life. We have entire industries which cater to the fact that many people want to be someone else. Beauty shops make a small mint off of people with straight hair who want curly hair and people with curly hair who want straight hair, then there is expensive hair extensions for people who have short hair that want to have long hair. We are inundated with commercials that advertise ways to lose weight, tone bodies, tan bodies, etc. If you think you are too thin, there are products out there that will help you gain weight and bulk up. If you are losing your hair, there is a whole industry dedicated to helping you with growing or replacing your lost hair. If that wasn’t enough, if you really want to be someone else and have the money to afford plastic surgery, you can be transformed into a whole different person!
Why is it that so many people are so determined to be someone other than who they are? Why as a society are we so obsessed with changing our human form?
It all comes back to the fact that many people are chasing after some type of external happiness. Many people think that if I change the way I outwardly look, then I will become someone else, I will live a happier life, I will live the life of people whom I envy, etc, and then, I will finally be truly happy!
All the while that these people are chasing after some sort of external happiness, they are cheating themselves out of being who they really are, they cheat themselves out of their own perfection! In their incessent chase to transform and find happiness these people lose sight of who they are as they attempt to transform themselves and when the transformation is complete, these very same people wake up to a cold reality that they are not any happier than they were before. In fact, the end result is so anti climatic that they often feel worst than they did before.
Of course the problem is that many people fail to realize that their outer human shell is not who we are! Our body is simply a temporary vehicle which houses our spirit. Our body is not a reflection of our true self! Once you know who you are, once you know yourself, then you begin to accept who you are as a whole and you realize the beauty of being you, the perfection that is you. You begin to understand that the fact that you are losing your hair or that you put on a couple of pounds or that your eyesight is showing signs of aging does not change who you are, no more that a new hairdo or losing weight changes who you are!
Please understand, I am not advocating that we don’t take care of ourselfs. I do believe in good grooming, dressing well, keeping our bodies in shape, eating healthy, these are things that we need to do. I also want to state that there is nothing wrong with wanting to change your hair, lose weight, etc. The key is that we do these things to enhance our appearance and health not because we desire to be someone other than who we are, not because our ego drives us to hide behind an exterior mask.
To truly grow, to truly move forward on our spiritual journey, our life journey, then we must unconditionally love ourselves and recognize ourselves for the beauty and light that we are!
Today, choose to fall in love with your true self!
Posted by Greenwoman on May 24, 2007 at 10:40 pm
Lovely post. Full of good stuff…Buddhist believe that all you need is within. I had a finish to a mental sentence too…Happiness is a choice and an action…taken every day. It’s an inside job.
Posted by tobeme on May 25, 2007 at 12:38 am
Greenwoman,
It is without a doubt an inside job!
Thanks for your thoughts!
Posted by Alexys Fairfield on May 25, 2007 at 2:51 am
Hi Mark,
Firstly, thanks for the quote, I am truly honored. Secondly, our society makes us feel inadequate if we don’t fit an “ideal mold.” But — who makes the “ideal mold” in the first place? T.V.? Magazines? Filmmakers? Why are we so quick to give up on ourselves and our own beauty to pursue false beauty or seemingly instant gratification? It takes work to cultivate inner beauty. Many people don’t want to put in the time. You need the right seeds, good soil, water and sunlight. They all need to be in balance to cause growth. We just can’t achieve beauty — inner or outer — by buying it or reading a “holy” book. Hard work has its own rewards. We have to be diligent in the right pursuits to gain enlightenment.
Why try to fit into a fabricated mold? I know that just by being content, confidant, doing what I love and loving what I do, that I am being true to my truest self.
Another great post. Well done. Kudos!
P.S. I also have a post on this subject coming up.
Posted by Random Magus on May 25, 2007 at 5:06 am
I understand where you are coming from… but being human.. whether we like it or not we need validation and unfortunately most of the people in our generation place maximum value on the outward… our physical appearance.. so are we to blame when we chase after the illusive perfect representation of ourself?
Posted by raffi5000 on May 25, 2007 at 5:54 am
keeping on a mask so people can’t see who you are is easy. what’s difficult is taking off that mask, and then taking off the one beneath that one, and eventually (after a pile of masks) you’ll start to find the real you. good flow, mark. props out to alexys for the quote.
Posted by Matty on May 25, 2007 at 8:06 am
Mark,
I think it’s so important to ‘accept’ who we are, and where we’ve come from. The problem is nobody wants to accept themselves for who they are, where they have come from, who their parents are or what side of town they’ve grown up in.
Acceptance should be taught from day one, and nothing to be ashamed of. I accept the fact that I am short, freckled, petite……I don’t want to be tall, willowy, skinny, blonde, etc. Accepting who we are is so important….instead of chasing after some image that is just not who we are.Just take what you’ve got and do the best with it…..accept it, don’t try changing it. I don’t know why people have such a hard time with it.
Posted by Lucid on May 25, 2007 at 8:16 am
I unfortunately know a few people in my life that live a life in the image of others; people I care deeply about. And, I have noticed that the more they front, the more they lose who they originally were to begin with. The funny thing is how I have known some of these people all my life, and as they live their life of lies, they expect me to believe them…. Do they forget I know the “real” them, and I can see right through their BS. It is really sad, however they have to fix it themselves. One can talk until the are blue in the face….
Thanks for your post, I will sleep well tonight knowing I am as true to myself as I can possibly be, and it is because people like us (in the community) constantly are reminding each other that it is ok to be me
Posted by Suresh Gundappa on May 25, 2007 at 8:55 am
Outstanding and Most important blog post in recent times. I always loved your blog and it’s beautiful!
Posted by Sonja on May 25, 2007 at 1:13 pm
In my observation, people are chasing for eternal happiness on the wrong plane, as this one is not eternal. Most are unaware of other planes of consciousness and therefore believe this earth plane is the only one that exists. Therefore since “they only live once” they have to make this one “really count”. I understand this point of view because we are bombarded with it everyday by the media.
But as I have grown older and gained wisdom, I know that this Earth is such a temporary stopping point in our existence that it really doesn’t matter what the physical shell looks like at all. As you stated (and I myself have stated in my blog intro), our bodies are transports for our consciousness (or call it soul if you like). It is merely there to get the real us from one place in this plane to another so that we may gather experiences that aid us in our constant spiritual evolution.
When I meet someone for the first time, I honestly see that person as a conscious being on an energetic level and the aspects of their physical body only affects me on a vague level that is a consequence of having five senses. I use appearence only as a cue to intuition regarding the person’s motivations or intentions.
Posted by Randy on May 25, 2007 at 5:57 pm
I was stuck in a hospital yesterday, with nothing to read but “Mens Health” magazine. There was an article about self-determination theory and how it relates to peoples’ motivation to exercise and stay physically fit. Someone did a study, and, low and behold, the people who exercise the most consistently are the ones who are internally motivated because they enjoy the activities in which they engage. However, probably the majority of people one sees at the gym are pushed to be there by external motivators–heart health, the desire to be physically attracitve, etc.
I really used to worry about how other people saw me. Now, at age 44, I don’t much care, except to the extent that people can provide constructive feedback/criticisms about things I could do better.
Posted by tobeme on May 25, 2007 at 7:28 pm
Alexys,
You are very welcome. Thank-you for the quote!
It is interesting how the Marketing Teams of Madison Avenue do drive consumers to want to be someone other than who they are. The build their businesses on instilling FUD – Fear, Uncertanity and doubt. They work very hard and selling people on the idea that they should not be happy with who they are or with what they have. Having self love, respect and grattitude are key elements which will help us to find happiness within ourselves.
Thanks for you excellent thoughts and comments! Looking forward to reading you upcoming post on this subject.
Posted by tobeme on May 25, 2007 at 7:32 pm
Random Magus,
Depending on where you are in your journey determines where you need validation from. One thing that I have noted is that the more centered you become, the more you operate from your spirtitual self the less you need external validation. External validation is a need of the ego, as you become more spiritual based and less ego based you will find that you will not look out for validation for you will find it within.
Are we to blame when we chase after a perfect representation of ourself? If we are not to blame, then who is? It is not a matter of blame, it is a matter of awarness and self responsibility.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Posted by tobeme on May 25, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Raffi5000,
Yes, taking off the mask means that you are revealed, feeling vunerable. Yes, this can be difficult, however as in most things which appear difficult the payoff is immense.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Posted by tobeme on May 25, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Matty,
You bring up a great point, it is important to teach self acceptance and to perpetuate self acceptance. We as parents teach this and we then say and do things to undo this teaching. Many times our expectations drive a child to become who they are not.
Great thoughts, thanks for sharing.
Posted by tobeme on May 25, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Lucid,
It is unfortunate that these people get lost in striving to be someone else. For many this is what leads to depression and disconent, for these people become so far removed from their authentic self that they feel lost, betrayed and don’t know how to return home.
Glad that you know who you are!
Thanks for your thoughts!
Posted by tobeme on May 25, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Suresh Gundappa,
Thanks you for your kind and generous words! I am glad that you found value in what I wrote.
Posted by tobeme on May 25, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Sonja,
Yes, many people have not arrived to the point in their journey where they understand that this earthly existance is very temporary and simply a part of a much larger journey. This is why so many chase after what they already have. Thank-you for all of your thoughts! I value them.
Posted by tobeme on May 25, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Randy,
It is true that many people are motivated by external reasons to stay in shape. I think it is very important to stay in shape and care for our human form, for this enables us to be healthy and fullfil our purpose.
Glad to hear that you are realizing that others perception of you is not important.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Posted by Nicola on May 26, 2007 at 2:36 am
It took me quite a while to realise that I could only be myself – even though it meant I had to take a different path than most.
Beautiful post.
Posted by tobeme on May 26, 2007 at 2:39 am
Nicola,
We are all on a journey and we all have these realizations at different times. Glad to hear that you have embraced who you are! Have a wonderful weekend.
Posted by dragonmommie on May 30, 2007 at 8:13 am
I enjoyed your post, Mark. You seem to have a thread running here as I just read your more recent article on the same thought. I am curious as to what has gotten you writing about this very interesting topic.
I can only speak for my own perspective. When i was younger, I had no clue as to who I was, only that my peers did not like me, as evidenced by being picked on. My formative years came and went without any formation at all, beyond my art, reading and a love for animals. When I “came out”, it WAS as an image that i wanted to project to people, manifested in my choice of clothes and makeup. I had a burning desire to be noticed and acknowledged…. and liked. I went for sexy… but decidedly, I did not have a sexy body, but I did have a big bustline, long hair, and attractive face and so I focused on that. Until I got married, I projected some version of it.
Now that I am older, I am actually glad that I see lines in my face and hands. I am actually glad that I do not have the time nor opportunity to wear makeup half as much as I did. I love that I love my gray hairs. I am so grateful for aging… It has really taken the pressure off me to present the sexy image that I coveted my whole life. My husband makes my old body feel sexy and that is all I need. My 2 yr. old son looks into my eyes and touches my cheek with his hands and I melt. I don’t need anything else.
Posted by tobeme on May 30, 2007 at 10:51 pm
Dragonmommie,
Not sure what got me going on this thread. My writing just seems to come. I think most of what I write comes from a lesson that I have learned and I am reaffirming through my written thoughts or because someone out there has a need to read what I am writing about. I believe there is a connection with everyone and that at times I must be moved to write about a subject because someone is in need of what I am writing about.
Thanks for sharing your formative, non-formative years, the persona which you chose to show the world and how as you have matured your perspetive has changed.
You are very fortunate to have such a loving relationship with your husband.
Thanks for all the value that you add!
Posted by Rabbagast » Blog Archive » Hvem er du i dag? on October 10, 2007 at 12:34 am
[...] Naked Soul har en post med tittelen “Are You Cheating Yourself?”, hvor det stilles interessante spørsmål: Hvorfor forsøker vi hele tiden å være noen andre? [...]