Peer Pressure
It is a pretty good bet that you have advised some young person in your life about the perils of peer pressure. We easily advise young people not to succumb to peer pressure to do things that they know theyshouldn’t do. We know that peer pressure is a strong force in the life’s of young people. We know that everyone wants to fit in, wants to part of the crowd that they hang with, wants to be accepted. We also understand that people know this and will leverage this knowledge to pressure each other into making wrong decisions and into going down the wrong path. We as adults are very aware of how persuasive peer pressure is for a young person.
As adults we don’t often think about peer pressure and how it may apply to us, however most people do bow to peer pressure in one way or another. Matter of fact adult peer pressure shapes many of our life’s. We often do what we do because of what other people would think or say. Most of us want to be accepted and therefore we don’t want to rock the boat.
Most people have more awareness of how other people will react to their decisions, thoughts, actions then they have awareness of themselves. Truth be told, as adults we want to fit in and be accepted and to accomplish this we are often not true to our self.
Peer pressure for adults is very insidious. Peer pressure comes in the form of what we do at work to ensure continuity of our career, what we say and do to spark or maintain a relationship. We are also bombarded with messages from mass media on what we should wear, eat, drive, drink, think, etc, all with the underlying message that we should do and think these things to blend in and be accepted as part of the group.
This is one of the reasons that many people walk like zombies though their life. They have become so attuned to being part of the larger group, that they have lost their sense of self. When they do attempt to get in touch with themselves they often suffer the slings and arrows of the larger group, of their social circle, even their intimate family group. This is when many people will retreat to their normal, comfortable, socially accepted world where they will continue to live their life of quiet desperation.
The interesting paradox here is that for those who brave to go against the onslaught of adult peer pressure and dare to delve deep into their self find that most of the peer pressure that they felt and feared was an illusion of sorts and that in the end when they accepted their true self that most the people in their life would eventually accept them as well.
I believe that many people who choose to take the path of enlightenment on their journey attempt to keep a foot on two different paths as to appease those who would scoff at the path that is less traveled. This position of attempting to be true to yourself and the appeasement of the larger group will tear you apart, cause pain and frustration. The key is to confidently choose your path and be true to yourself with the understanding that the majority of society at first may not accept the journey that you are on, that you may be saddled with some unkind labels, that you may be the topic of “water cooler” discussions. In the end, none of this will matter and those who once rebuked your thoughts will be the same ones who seek your counsel.
Love yourself, delve into your self, think and do what you “know” is you and send love to all, especially those who do not understand. Your reward is your journey! To wake up every day knowing that you have chosen to be you is an incredible joy!
Ironically, I was pushed and bullied out of the mainstream at a very young age by mean kids. At the time, I felt persecuted; but now I see it as one of the first of many blessings to fill my life. If not for that, I probably would not have kept to myself and had the freedom, away from peer pressure, to develop my own identity. Then later as an adult, I naturally gravitated away from “popular” opinions and I really enjoy displaying my “persona” as manifested in a couple of tattoos, clothing, hair colors (& non-color), and now, my blogs. I guess you could say that I am a sort of exhibitionist…. and I love it!
Sunday I listened to a podcast of a favorite show, Speaking of Faith; and the guest, Ingrid Mattson, said something that has got me seriously thinking of wearing a head dress, or something on my head when I go to church. I cannot quote her, but this is the gist of what she said. She said that there is something spiritual about wearing something on her head in the presence of the sacred. Either something spiritual or inspirational… or maybe that it connected her to the divine. That really struck a chord with me and I think I am going to do it. Of course, there will be people who will think that it is something “Muslim”, but I don’t care. I kind of like those head dresses that the women wear and I think I will not just wear a hat, but some sort of veil on my head, maybe my hair, too, but not covering my face. In the early days of the Catholic church the women DID wear that symbol, but the institution of the church had bowed to popular opinion and have removed it from being mandatory. I think they lost something there. If you are interested in the interview, here is a link:
http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/newvoice/index.shtml
Dragonmommie,
Interesting how be excluded as a young person, it gave you the opportunity to discover an be your self and that you carried that forward as an adult.
I appreciate the link that you provided and look forward to listening to this show.
My question about the headdress is, if you achieve a deeper spirituallity in the presence of the sacred then why would you limit this to church, for are you not always in the prescene of the sacred?
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the link.
Another stunning post. Getting past the unkind labels is the hardest part – although as Dragonmommie says it can be freeing.
Nicola,
Thank-you for your kind words! Yes, being your self is very freeing!
tobeme… very good question. I never thought of wearing it outside of church I guess because my thoughts were along the lines of what I knew were traditional practices in a Catholic church… but I will think about it.
An interesting thing happened just a few months ago. My mom gave me a box of memorabilia she had kept from my childhood. In it was a report I wrote on Hinduism, and the affinity I felt for that belief system. I was stunned to see the wisdom of the Hindus written our in my childish handwriting…maybe 5th or 6th grade?….particularly since we were allowed to pick any religion to write on. I can imagine what my mother – being the fundamentalist Christian that she is – thought at the time! LOL Probably dropped to hear knees right there to start praying for the salvation of her heathen daughter
.
It was affirming to me on so many levels, this little report. First, I wear an “OM” around my neck and have my next tattoo designed around one. While not a Hindu myself, I work to incorporate what resonates with me with other world religions, like Zen Buddhism, Sufism, and (yes) some remanents of my Christian days. I’ve learned that walking one’s one path AWAY from the Tribe can be both liberting, heartbreaking, miraculous and humbling. Being true to my own North Star is probably THE most important part of my journey these days…as I’ve compromised it so many times for so many reasons.
The other way this was affirming to me was that even as a small child, I recognized something. I recognized TRUTH, even though it was presented in a form very unlike what I was being forcefed at home. This leads me to believe that much of who we are as whole people, comes with us when we are born. For whatever reasons (and there are alot of them) we can forget. Forget our own curiousity. Our sense of adventure. Our sense of the Divine in the every day happenings around us.
Jerry Falwell died today. I hope he is at peace. And I also wonder what must be happening right now for him – as one who was so very narrow and judgemental in his own beliefs about “right” and “wrong” and GOD.
Sorry to ramble yet again…
If I could, I’d have this converation over a great cup of Green Tea – or a glass of Pino Grigio, with ya’ll around me.
Dragonmommie,
Glad that I have you thinking. I know that our normal paridigm is to think of church or any place of worship as more sacred then other places, however if we really think about it , every place is sacred, for we all have divinity within us.
Grace,
I like when you ramble, it gives us a peak into your thought process. I too, would rather be sitting across a table from you having hours of discussions.
It is very interesting that you were impacted by Hinduism at an early age when you were steeped in Christianity. I believe that you are right, we do bring some knowledge forth with us with each incarnation.
Thanks for sharing your life and your thoughts with us!
It’s a fine line to tread; on the one hand, having friends and doing well at work depend in large part on being able to fit in, but on the other hand if you lose track of who you are then what does it matter what else you’ve got?
This is so interesting Mark, as I am driving home late tonight from a conference for work, I am thinking of my current situation, my husband is in Pennsylvania trying to figure things out, I accept this. Interestingly my neighbor notices my husband packing his truck a week ago and commented. When I told her the truth, she raised her eye brow at me with deep suspicion…hmmmm. The old me would have been so worried about what the neighbors might really think and about speculations they may have made. The new me doesn’t really care what the neighbors may think. His truck is gone and I feel free from having to explain my life or decisions to anyone. i no longer care how my life looks from the outside. It only matters that I understand from the inside. Better yet I did not feel like I had to make up some suitable story to fit the “norm”
Mark,
Your articles are evoking in people their own stories–some are sharing, but I’m sure many more are still silently reflecting on the wisdom.
You are touching nerves, reinforcing truths, and reminding people who they really are. I believe for some you are even inspiring, breathing spirit into them and perhaps even changing actions or behaviors.
You, Mark, are a lightworker–and your kung-fu is strong.
Chris
Omni,
I understand what you are saying that it can be a fine line to tread. I used to think that myself. I now do not see it as a fine line to tread. I do believe that you can be your true self and live a very functional and successful life. Most of the great minds of the world are noted for being their true self, for not being one to just get along.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Maria,
It is wonderful that you have grown to this point in your life. You are right, you and your husband have made some very difficult decisions and have made your choices based on your love for each other and for the long term success of your family. You need not have to explain that to anyone or care what others perceptions might be, for their perceptions do not alter your reality.
Thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us.
Chris,
Thank-you so much for all of your very generous words. Your thoughts warm my heart. Truth is that I learn so much everyday from the people who leave comments here. We have some great discussions which serve to help all who participate weather actively or silently.
Thank-you for the encouragement!
I’m constantly researching peer pressure in children and stumbled on your post, it’s great! Thanks for sharing
Saftey Guy,
Glad you enjoyed this post! Thanks for the comment.
Being an air force brat when I moved to tennesee because my parents where from there I was subjected by peer pressure to conform. First it came from my own family my grandmother often times said I acted like a playboy(number one I’m not good looking nor do I have money nor do I have two women with their arms permantly locked around my waist everywhere I move like Hugh Hefner) I’ve developed a bad work ethic because I really would like to go to school and get a degree in stead of working in a dead end job making minimum wage. I know I know you would say my generation just wants the money without the hard work. But you see with me maybe I saw to much of this country or maybe I shouldn’t have lived in England with my dad but all I want is a career where I can travel and learn all thats learnable and accomplish something like my dad did. I can’t get into the military because of high blood pressure. But here you have this huge peer pressure to conform to working in a “Man’s job” working your butt off in a dead end job and in the end not getting anywhere. But you see with me my goal is not to be rich but to have a satisfying life where I can learn all I want to and travel like when my dad was in the air force so to me money is a tool to reach that goal. You can’t do that working at McDonald’s or some minimum wage job. There was other ways that peer pressure reared its ugly head and it’s just that here in the south if your white you have to be a redneck if your black you have to be a thug(I’m white by the way) I know it’s 2009 but it’s still like the 1950’s where I live i’m tired of it.