Failure On The Journey of Your Purposeful Path

Lost job in 1832.
Defeated for state legislature in 1832.
Failed in business in 1833.
Elected to state legislature in 1834.
Sweetheart died in 1835.
Had nervous breakdown in 1836.
Defeated for Speaker in 1838.
Defeated for nomination for Congress in 1843.
Elected to Congress in 1846.
Lost renomination in 1848.
Rejected for land officer in 1849.
Defeated for U.S. Senate in 1854.
Defeated for nomination for Vice President in 1856.
Again defeated for U.S. Senate in 1858.
Elected President in 1860.

 

In a 28 year period Abraham Lincoln experienced some significant failures in his life. Today we remember and honor him as one of the greatest American’s to ever hold the office of the President of the United States.

The failures which he experienced would have shut many a person down, he experienced both professional and deep personal loss, yet he perceviered. He learned from his failures and setbacks and continued on the path of his purpose. He overcame the fact that he was not born into a wealthy family, as many of the politicians of the day were. He overcame the fact that he lacked a formal education. He did not allow the conditions of his life to become excuses not to follow the path of his purpose.

Many people have a plethora of reasons why they are not on a purposeful path, they cite external reason after reason to explain why they are where they are in life or why the act the way they do.

The reality is that any one of us could come up with plausible excuses as to why we can’t move forward, or to why we can’t be happy. Almost every one has had experiences in life that they could cite as traumatic enough to have had an ill effect on who they have become. If they haven’t they could cite their birth order or physical profile or some other reason.

For every reason that a person could cite for not following their path of purpose, you can find an example of someone who overcame and successfully navigated their way to find and follow the path of purpose.

The point is, no matter where you are in lifes journey, you can choose to get on your path, you can choose to learn from your  failures, setbacks and other bumps in the road. You can choose to turn your excuses into lessons and reasons to succeed in completing your purpose.

We should never be afraid to fail, failure is never a step backwards. Failure is an opportunity to learn, to grow.

It is unfortunate that much of our society is being brought up in a no fail world. We do a great job at teaching our children how to win, however we have done a very poor job of teaching them how to fail, how to take a risk and how to use failure to propel them on their journey.

The famous quote comes to mind, “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”, once you picture this, then go and do it, with the understanding that it is okay to fail, it is okay to have setbacks!

Be aware, live your purpose and you live on purpose!

Are You Using the Language of Love?

 

There is a commercial on television which has a disturbing testimonial within it. The commercial is advertising some sort of weight loss drug.During the commercial a series of men give a short testimonial about how this product has impacted their life, one man dressed in a football jersey happily exclaims, “My wife says I am not as disgusting as I used to be”. I cringe when I hear this statement. I cringe because I believe that this illustrates a problem which occurs in many relationships and that problem is that many people do not speak to or speak well of the people they are supposed to be the closest to, the people whom proclaim to love deeply.

Why would anyone ever tell their partner in life that they are disgusting? What brings a person to say this about the person whom they love and have committed to live their life with.   What compels a person to complain to other people about their husband/wife, significant other?

As I over hear conversations at work, I very often hear people who speak ill of their husbands, wifes or significant others.  They complain about everything under the sun about these people who they share their life with. I very rarely hear people say how wonderful the love of their relationship is, or talk about how great they get along, or say how much these people mean to them. Why? Why do people complain and talk badly about the one person who should be the closest, most important person to them.

One reason is that saying good things about your significant other isn’t very fun conversation, however I think the bigger reason is that people in long term relationships get into a habit of focusing on the negative qualities of each other and they also lose the habit of speaking in the language of love.

What is the language of love? Surely you remember back to when you were first getting to know each other, first falling in love. Remember how you spoke to each other, remember the softness of the language that you used. Remember how you said “I love you” at the end of each phone conversation, or as you left the house in the morning? Remember how you actually looked in each other eyes as you had a conversation? Remember how you  casually touched each other as you walked past each other? Remember how you cuddled up on the couch or even if you were stretched out and sitting apart, how you always managed to connect with each other in some way, maybe it was just your foot resting against their knee, remember? Remember how excited you were to talk about them to other people and how you would have never thought to say a negative thing about them? This is the language of love!

When you are speaking the language of love, you are focusing on all of the good things, you are filled with gratitude and your language projects your gratitude and love for the other person. When you are filled with gratitude and admiration for the other person, it is very  hard to find fault and guess what, the other person in your life responds in a positive way to what you are expressing! They begin to once again live up to being the person who you perceive them to be!

If you are in a long term relationship where the language of love has not been used for a long time, I suggest that you become aware of how you speak to each other, once you become aware, then stop and begin using the language of love. Note, the change may not be immediate, it make some time, however I assure you that you can revive the language of love in your relationship and you will be amazed at how it will enhance your relationship!

Remember what we focus on expands! Focus on what you want your relationship to be!

Did you hear about ….? Can you believe …?

Over the holiday weekend I attended a couple of Memorial Day cook outs.  Cook outs are fun and a great way for friends and family to get together, break bread and catch up with each other!  This weekend’s cookouts were no exception, great people, great food, drink and conversation. 

One thing I did notice at one of the cook outs was the propensity of some people to gossip.  To me gossiping is talking about other people when they are not present to defend themselves.  Gossiping usually involves people saying things about  other people that they would never say to their face. Gossip is usually malicious in nature and if you get enough people turned on to the conversation, casual gossip can turn into a feeding frenzy!

The question that burned in my mind as I observed people gossiping was why, why do we participate and seemingly enjoy talking about other people in a not so flattering way? What is it that drives some people to gossip? For some people whom I know, gossip is 90% of their conversation, why?

It’s no secret that many people love to gossip. There are television shows and a whole tabloid industry built around peoples love of gossip. 

People who love to gossip do so because if they are talking about someone else then they take the light off of themselves. People who gossip are able to get lost in someone else’s life and not have to face their own. People also use gossip as a form of self validation, that is, “see I am not so bad compared to …”.

In truth, gossip is often a reflection of what we fear about ourselves. We use gossip to hide behind. We gossip because we don’t feel as though we have anything worthwhile to say, and God forbid we are silent, that we may not have something to say at any given moment, instead many people talk just to hear themselves talk. They talk even when what they say has no value and is hurtful to themselves as well as others. Gossip is steeped with negative energy. This negative energy not only potentially hurts those who we gossip about and directly hurts the person spreading the gossip. Engaging in a conversation of gossip is counterproductive to all involved.

The next time you find yourself in  a conversation where you are involved in gossip:

- stop and recognize that you are gossiping

- ask yourself of what value is this conversation

- are you being mean and malicious

- recognize who you are hurting

- recognize how it hurts you

If someone else begins to gossip to you:

- attempt to change the subject

- take the position of the person being gossiped about, since they are not there to defend themselves, you can do so in proxy

- simply state that you don’t wish to participate in gossip

You can be the change, you can make the difference, you can stop gossip in it’s tracks and choose to spread love, healing and peace!

The other thing that I always think about when I hear people gossiping is, I wonder what they say about me when I am not present, hmmm. If a person talks about everybody else, you can be sure they are talking about you when you are not around.

Too Cool?

                                      

We love the “Cool” persona. We loved characters that represent “cool” such as James Dean, The “Fonz”, John Wayne, James Bond and many others. We are impressed by their coolness, their inherent ability to not let anything get to them. Many of us try to emulate these icons of “coolness”. We think, if I could be that cool, then the world would know and they would know that they couldn’t get to me.  I would be so cool that things would not bother me that bother me today. As we attempt to adopt and master the cool persona, we also begin to erect walls of protection around us. We appear on the outside to be cool, not letting the world in or get to us. We also become somewhat withdrawn because we do not let our true self show through. We become distant from our family and friends because we want to be cool. The paradox is the coolness of our external persona is a thin veil, which hides the insecurities, and inner turmoil that we feel. For the cooler one becomes the more disconnected one becomes. Being disconnected from not just the outer world, more importantly being disconnected from are true self, disconnected from our soul, our spirit our source. When we experience this type of disconnection we become lonely, feeling very separated from everything and depression is one slight step away.

The Beatles expressed the down side of being “cool” very well in the lyrics of “Hey Jude”:

“And any time you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain
Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders
Well don’t you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder “

Playing it cool, does indeed make the world a little colder! It is critical to learn that playing it cool can hurt us and the rest of the world around us.  We must learn to be ourselves, to be who we truly are, to shed false personas, which we may have adopted over the years. One way to shed are false outer persona is to recognize why we adapted the persona in the first place. Many of us adapted a false persona as a matter of perceived survival in a social situation, could have been high school, college, a job, etc where we adopted a persona to fit in, to survive within the social environment we were in.  Some of us, may have adopted a false persona to attract a mate or because we saw a film with a personality that we really liked and thought it would be great to have that personality. There are many reasons why we may have adopted a false persona. Once you recognize your reason for what it was, you then will probably laugh at yourself a little to think that you need to be that person for that reason. The key is to realize that you don’t need to be that false person any longer and even though much of who you are on the surface is dictated by this false persona, you no longer have to be that person. You can choose to be your authentic self! You can choose to “be”!

I am not here to say that this transition to your authentic self is an easy step. The process is different for all of us. For some it will be as simple as deciding they are ready to be their authentic self and they will make that change very quickly, for others it can be a longer process as they have to rediscover their authentic self, explore why they say and do the things that they do.

The key to remember is that this is change and that change is a process and not an event!

To “Be” is incredible! You will be happier and feel liberated as you begin to allow the world and more importantly your self when you allow your authentic self show!

In Memoriam

 

They didn’t do it for the money, they didn’t do it for the fame, they didn’t do it for the adoration of others. They did it often times without a full understanding of why they were doing it. They did it even when the people they were fighting for did not support them. They did it even when people called them names like “baby killers” and “war mongers” and spit in their face.  They did even though they were shipped to strange lands with unfamiliar cultures. They did it even though they were scared to death sometimes. They did it with an understanding that they might never return home, that they might never kiss the lips of their loved ones or see their children again.

They did it because they felt they were doing the right thing. They did it for honor and country. They did it because the believed that they were protecting our future.

Who are these unselfish people? They are the soldiers, sailors, marines, airmen and civilians who went to war and died believing that they were doing what they were supposed to do.  The majority of these people that sacrificed their life’s in the name of war have been very young, 18, 19, 20. Young people who never had a real opportunity to live a peaceful adult life.

The tears are rolling down my face as I write this. My soul overflows with love for all of the brave men and women that we remember on this holiday weekend. My heart overflows with love and compassion for all of the family members who have lost loved ones to the scourge of war and grieve for their loss. My heart goes out to all of the families who have loved ones in the service today who will reflect this weekend on the fact that they may never see their loved ones again.

May all of us soon find peace in this world and may our troops all come home safely. May we all awaken to the futility of war and conflict!

Please take a moment with me as I wipe the tears from my face and take a moment to meditate on the memory of all of those heroes who have fallen in battle.

Join with me in sending vibrations of love and peace out to the world. May the hearts of the politicians and leaders of this world soften and may they receive the wisdom to put an end to all wars and focus on the love of each other.

Are You Cheating Yourself?

 

“So many people want to be someone else that they cheat themselves of who they are” – Alexys Fairfield

There is such great wisdom in this quote! This is a very astute observation of how many people live their life. We have entire industries which cater to the fact that many people want to be someone else. Beauty shops make a small mint off of people with straight hair who want curly hair and people with curly hair who want straight hair, then there is expensive hair extensions for people who have short hair that want to have long hair.  We are inundated with commercials that advertise ways to lose weight, tone bodies, tan bodies, etc. If you think you are too thin, there are products out there that will help you gain weight and bulk up. If you are losing your hair, there is a whole industry dedicated to helping you with growing or replacing your lost hair. If that wasn’t enough, if you really want to be someone else and have the money to afford plastic surgery, you can be transformed into a whole different person!

Why is it that so many people are so determined to be someone other than who they are? Why as a society are we so obsessed with changing our human form?

It all comes back to the fact that many people are chasing after some type of external happiness. Many people think that if I change the way I outwardly look, then I will become someone else, I will live a happier life, I will live the life of people whom I envy, etc, and then, I will finally be truly happy!

All the while that these people are chasing after some sort of external happiness, they are cheating themselves out of being who they really are, they cheat themselves out of their own perfection! In their incessent chase  to transform and find happiness these people lose sight of who they are as they attempt to transform themselves and when the transformation is complete, these very same people wake up to a cold reality that they are not any happier than they were before. In fact, the end result is so anti climatic that they often feel worst than they did before.

Of course the problem is that many people fail to realize that their outer human shell is not who we are! Our body is simply a temporary vehicle which houses our spirit. Our body is not a reflection of our true self!  Once you know who you are, once you know yourself, then you begin to accept who you are as a whole and you realize the beauty of being you, the perfection that is you. You begin to understand that the fact that you are losing your hair or that you put on a couple of pounds or that your eyesight is showing signs of aging does not change who you are, no more that a new hairdo or losing weight changes who you are!

Please understand, I am not advocating that we don’t take care of ourselfs. I do believe in good grooming, dressing well, keeping our bodies in shape, eating healthy, these are things that we need to do. I also want to state that there is nothing wrong with wanting to change your hair, lose weight, etc. The key is that we do these things  to enhance our appearance and health not because we desire to be someone other than who we are, not because our ego drives us to hide behind an exterior mask.

To truly grow, to truly move forward on our spiritual journey, our life journey, then we must unconditionally love ourselves and recognize ourselves for the beauty and light that we are!

Today, choose to fall in love with your true self!

Time To Clean Your Windows

 

How clean are your windows? Can a person clearly see through your windows, or are your windows dirty and streaked, just clean enough to let some light in, however dirty enough to where a person can not clearly see through them? Maybe you can’t even tell, because you have heavy drapes covering the windows so you won’t be reminded of how dirty they are and how much they need to be cleaned.

The problem with windows which can’t be seen through is that we shut out much of the good and we also obscure the light which emanates from within. Of course the windows that I speak of are a metaphor for the windows to your soul.

Many people have allowed the windows to their soul to become dirty to the point where other people cannot see who they really are. Many people fear that if the rest of the world could see who they really are, that they would not be accepted, that they might even be cast out from their social circle. This fear may be harbored because we are ashamed of who we are, we do not really like who we are and are afraid that if other people really knew who we are that they would not like us much either. We may have done something that we are not so proud of and we have not yet forgiven ourselves. We may in fact love who we are, yet our ego, still wants to be accepted and fears what may happen if we really let our true self show.

The problem with dirty windows or draped windows is that they block the sunshine and moonlight from coming in and worse yet is they block the wonderful light of our spirit from shining through.

The key is to clean our personal windows and let the positive light of the Universe in as well as to let the beautiful, positive, loving light of our soul shine through for others to see and benefit from.

When we clean our windows at home we grab some window cleaner and a rag and go to work. Cleaning our personal windows takes work to, the ingredients for this window cleaner our a  generous amount of self forgiveness, a heaping mound of gratitude and most importantly and endless stream of unconditional love for our self. By the way, the rag you need for this job is “awareness”. It is amazing how much “awareness” will clean!

So, time to get busy, pull down those heavy drapes that you have been hiding behind, and go to work on cleaning your windows. You will be amazed at how wonderful it is to the let the light in and how lifted you will feel by allowing the rest of the world to bask in the light of who you truly are. I am also willing to bet, that most people will love the opportunity to know the real you! You are a pure and wondrous light of love, let your light shine! Today is your day to sparkle! You are so very blessed! You are so very loved!

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within” -Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Passionate Learning, Passionate Application – Enriched Journey

 

It has been said that ignorance is bliss. I can see why this has been said so often, for the more I learn, the more I realize how little I really know. I am a lifetime student, I love to learn, I love to dive into information which interests me and figure out how that information applies to my life journey.  Learning and the application of that which I learn is a form of awareness. I believe this yearning for learning and the subsequent application of what I learn is what propels my journey.

I am a people watcher and what I observe are  many people who have drone like expressions. They look as if they are simply trying to get through another day, a day not much different from yesterday, a day not much different from tomorrow. These people appear to be sleepwalking through their day, like a plane on perpetual auto pilot which is going in perpetual circles above the airport, never landing, never going to new places or choosing new paths. I see no passion in many people.

Part of this lack of passion is because they have stopped seeking lessons, they have discontinued learning. I speak not of formal education, even though continuing formal education is one way to perpetuate learning, it too has a limits and an end to it’s cycle.  I believe many people discontinue learning because they get to a point in their life where they have convinced themselves that they have learned everything that they want or need to know.  They have long let go of the questions they could not find answers for and simply accepted that life is what it is.

When one might suggest that there are still lessons to learn, the all mighty ego get’s insulted  at the mere suggestion and shuts off the opportunity to continue the learning path.  We become convinced that we know what we need to know and somewhere underneath, our fragile ego harbors a fear. A fear that we might not know as much as we think we do, a fear that we might have to question our core beliefs that we have formed over the years.

How many of us have not ventured to learn something because of our own fears and self imposed limitations? We probably all have done this at times in our life. It’s very humbling to recognize how little we know and that is exactly what happens as we learn more about anything, we begin to discover how little we do  know and how much more there is to learn. This fact can be very daunting for some.

The simple fact that you are reading this indicates that you are a seeker of knowledge, a learner. The key to learning though is how you apply the lesson you learn into your daily life. Von Goethe said, “In the end we retain from our studies only that which we practically apply”. This is very true, how many of us remember how to diagram a sentence or all of the information that we learned about the American Revolution? Unless we became a teacher in that discipline, we probably forgot 90% of what we learned because we did not apply what we learned. This is also true of all life’s lessons and all that we learn, unless we find a way to apply the lesson in our life, we will lose the information that we learned and when it comes to life’s lessons, we will be doomed to repeat the lesson over and over again until we learn to apply the lesson to our life.

Be alive, seek, learn, however do not get lost in your studies, all of the learning is wasted if it is not applied to your life!

Going THROUGH Hell

 

 We all have times where what we are going through seems to be pure hell. It could be something happening with our career or something going on with one of the relationships in our life, or some other sort of personal struggle that we are going through.  As part of the human condition, as part as our growth experience there are times where we struggle with some aspect of our life’s journey. No matter where we are in our journey, we will be thrown some curve balls, there will be bumps in the road and there will be times where we feel like we are going through a personal hell.

Winston Chruchill’s simplistic quote, “If you are going through hell, keep going”  is a great lesson for all of us. When we are going through “hell” it is very easy to get caught up in the muck of it, become despondent and even come to a grinding halt. In other words, we are going through hell, we hate it, we become depressed, unmotivated and we become stuck in a hellish situation. How crazy is that? Like  a deer frozen in the headlights of a car, we stop moving forward and we stay in “hell”, despite the fact that we need to move forward to extract ourselves from hell.

A key to being able to move forward is to be aware and to stay balanced. The awareness that I speak of is the awareness to know that no matter what transpires in our life, that all things happen for a reason, that there is a lesson in all things that happen on our journey. If we can maintain awareness to the point of understanding to be open and ready for the lesson, then we can take a positive away from the worst of experiences. Maintaining this awareness is what helps to propel us forward, it is what keeps us moving so that we do not linger or become stuck in “hell”.

If you are currently in some sort of personal hell and you seem stuck, not knowing how to move forward even though you desperately want to move forward, the first steps that you need to take is to acknowledge that you are stuck and acknowledge that this feeling of non-movement is self imposed. Once you become aware that this feeling of being stuck in “hell” is self imposed, you must then step outside yourself and look to see what lesson can be gained from this experience, what are you here to learn. Once you are able to discern the lesson then you have taken the first step at moving forward. This simple change in perspective is the catalyst for forward movement. This is the moment where your inner self is reawakened, the moment you reconnect with your source and you realize that you no longer have to stay in a hellish situation. You have the power to make the changes that are needed to accelerate your positive growth.

The key is to recognize your personal power, the power of your spirit and to take the first step!

“The two things I did learn were that you are as powerful and strong as you allow yourself to be, and that the most difficult part of any endeavor is taking the first step, making the first decision”

- Robyn Davidson

 

The Faster I Go, The Behinder I Get

 

A mother was having a hurried morning as many mother’s do and was running behind as she was trying to get her eleven your old daughter ready for school. She looked at the clock and noted that she was running late, she needed to drop her daughter off at school and get herself to work and she was running out of time. She yelled to her daughter, “Let’s go! We are running late”, her daughter said, “Okay, wait a minute while I put my shoes on”, the exasperated Mother says, “Look, we are running late, I have to get to work on time, bring your shoes with you and put them on in the car”.  The hurried mom and daughter rush out to the car to head to school. The school is only two short blocks away and the little girl in a hurry, frantically attempts to slip her shoes on, the more she tries though, the more the shoe seems to not want to go on. Grunting in frustration, almost in tears,  she exclaims to her mom, “I can’t get my shoe to go on!”. The mother calmly says, “Stop, relax and pretend that there is no hurry, that we are not running late, okay, now try to put your shoe on”. The little girl does just that, reaches down and the shoe easily slips on to her foot , just as they pull up to the school. Amazed, surpriesed and with a big smile, the daughter looks to her Mom and says, “How did you do that”. The Mom simply smiles a knowing smile, kisses her daughter and wishes her a great day as she exits the car.

This reminds me of one of those signs you find in a gift shop that I have seen over the years which says “The faster I go, the behinder I get”. 

There was a great lesson taught here and that is too simply stop, regain your balance, change your perspective and then try again. See, when we are in a hurry we often get ourselves so off balance that the simplest of tasks become difficult. We are in such a hurry that we lose our balance and shift our perspective to the point to where we actually start doing things which end up taking us more time and we continue to fall behind.

This phenomenon also happens when things start to go wrong, sometimes our perspective will create a series of things to go wrong. An example of this, is I stub my toe on the corner of the bed, then as I open up the medicine cabinet an avalanche of things fall out, as I go to pour my coffee, I somehow miss the cup and create a mess,  and so on, and so on. When this begins to happen, it is important to stop, change our perspective and try again. If we don’t do this, we often will continue to have a series of little aggravating things happen to us for the remainder of the day.

This lesson applies to so many aspects of our daily life. When things seem out of control, it is important to stop the madness by remembering to stop, regain your balance, change your perspective and try again.