Love Is Friendship on Fire!
Love is friendship on fire! I love this thought on what “love” is. When you look at successful long term relationships, this is so very true, love is indeed friendship on fire. When friendship is the foundation of a romantic relationship then you can build a lifetime on it.
Think about why so many relationships fail to last. Initially we are often physically attracted to each other. This physical attraction opens up a doorway and we get to know each other. Many times a relationship starts out with hot, passionate physical attraction, we hunger for each other. Our mutual passion seems to override everything else. We feel euphoric during our physical encounters and in between encountersin anticipation of our next physical encounter. In this state we often tend to see what we want to see, we practice self deception and often deception of the other person as we attempt to make everything fit. This is an effort to say, “hey, look, we are a great couple. We are wonderful together”. We catch ourselves thinking, justifying really, “okay we are not perfect together, but who is? or he/she has all the right stuff, with a little work I can make them the perfect mate for me”. In other words, we think, say and do things that indicate that we are setteling or we fool ourselves into thinking that this person will change over time or worse yet that we can change this person to be the person that we really want them to be.
A relationship is much different when the foundation is built on friendship. When a couple allows themselves to really get to know each other as friends first, they tend not to have the veil of passion blinding them to who the other person is and how you and this person interact and impact each others life. You are not distracted by the expectations of a love affair. You truly have the opportunity to know each other, to become friends first. As you become friends, as you learn about each other, your love for each other may grow. It may grow into a romantic love, if it does this is friendship on fire.
Friendship on fire will be the most fulfilling long term relationship you will ever have with another person. This can and often is the most romantic, comfortable love you will ever experience. You will find that your unconditional love for each other is so natural, so free, so beautiful. You will always see each other as best friends and you will find yourself telling each other everything before you share it with anyone else in your life. You will turn to each other when you need a friend. You intimacy will go beyond anything that you could ever imagine.
This is friendship on fire, this is love!
Often times the love that we desire is in our midst, we must simply be open to the possibilities.
This was a beautiful post Mark! I have nothing to add you said it all!
You started out here with a great title and followed it up with a great post. Very nice!
Desiree,
Thank-you so very much!
Knightofswords,
I truly appreciate your comment, thank-you.
Good stuff, as always. I have to say you are very insightful. I appricate your views on all the subjects you wright about. I have been wodering if you are a teacher? Because you always back up your points with a lot of though.
seandbe,
Thank-you so very much for your comments. I am not a formal teacher. I have had the opportunity to train many people over my life in many different subjects, most of them technical in nature.
There’s much wisdom in that thought…and I think it follows this other definition that I’ve held for a long time. It comes from some author, who’s name escapes me at the moment; that love is action and intention in support of another person’s spiritual wellbeing and growth.
Greenwoman,
High five for adding that quote! This is my first exposure to it and I love it!
Thanks so much for adding your thoughts!
I think the most crucial concept here is to not get sexually involved for a while so that you can figure the other person out before the hormones take over; my husband and I never shared a bed until our wedding night, which is part of the reason for our long and happy marriage. You don’t have to be “friends” per se, with all that word implies of sharing endless minutia with each other (men in general hate that) or ignoring grooming and the rules of polite society with each other (women hate THAT), just stay out of the bedroom and pay attention to who you would-be partner really is… and be willing to walk way if you realize that they’re not compatible with you.
This is a very good post and I have very little to add to it (surprise!). One thing I would like to say though is that our concept of friendship itself is based upon our acceptance of the other persons individuality and personal responsibility. Friendship is strongest when we let our “friends” do what they must without our interference…support and interference are two different things. Friends work on a mutual respect and common ground.
I think that if we take the word “friendship” out of the picture it would make things a lot easier…mostly because even the word “friend” has a lot of assumptions and meanings behind it that it shouldn’t. Remembering that these people are just another Consciousness…indeed, another You, is the first step in respecting them and their ability to grow.
Just from my own relationship I can honestly say that loving yourself and someone else is exactly the same thing…so why not love someone else AS yourself? I think this is as close as we can get while still having separate bodies.
Omni,
To not get sexually involved at the onset of a relationship is very good advice. Sex should be a natural progression of a relationship however it should never be the basis of a relationship. I agree there is a difference between freindship and acting like college roomates.
Thanks for you thoughts. You added much to this conversation.
FG,
I would agree, freindship has some interesting conotations. I agree that we must be supportive of each other and not interfere with each other. Good point.
One of the issues with loving someone like you love yourself is that many people in relationships do not love themselves very much at all. I do agree with the concept that you outlined. It should work this way.
Thanks for adding your thoughts!
Sometimes we settle into the thinking pattern of “the grass is greener on the other side,” when it is as simple as watering and caring for our own pastures. With care, our grass can be just as green!
Sophia,
Your thought is so true. The other thing to remember is if you do cross the fence to the precieved “greener side” to bring your watering can, for you will find that you have to take care of that grass as well.
Thanks for adding your thoughts!
I love this concept.
Nicola,
Glad that you loved this!
Dead on, my friend! This IS the key and what I always tell my children – be friends first. I will be celebrating 29 years with my best friend, aka my husband, next month. Thanks as always!
Sunflower,
Glad to hear from you. Thank-you for your comment and thoghts! Congratulation on your upcoming celebration.
I just lvoe this!!!