Resentment
“Resentment is drinking poison and hoping the other person dies”
- Carrie Fisher – Actress
Are you choking on your own poison? Are you holding on to feelings of resentment about someone in your life? How long have you been resenting someone? How long have you been choking on your own brand of poison?
We may have many reasons why we resent someone. You may even sit there and say to yourself, for what that person did I have every right to resent this person! You are correct, you do have the “right” to resent someone, however, what is it doing for you? The other question is, what affect is your resentment having on the person whom you resent, my guess is, that your resentment is really having little or no affect on the other person.
So, whats the point of resentment towards another person? The truth is, there is no point! Resentment is an ego based emotion which has a negative impact on us. Resentment is negative energy which serves no purpose, other than to hurt ourselves.
I implore you to sit down today do the following:
1. Recall for a moment those people in your life whom you have decided to resent, write their names down on a piece of paper.
2. Recall the reasons that you resent these people, write these reason down, next to their names.
3. Think about the impact that your resentment is having on these people.
4. Think about the negative impact that these emotions of resentment are having on you.
5. Acknowledge to yourself that your feelings of resentment are not serving a useful, positive purpose for you or the universe in which you live.
6. Make a decision to let go of your resentment towards these people
7. Now, crumble up this piece of paper and throw it away! (symbolic of letting go of your resentment towards others).
There is only one way to let go of your resentment towards someone and that is to forgive them. Forgiveness is the key to your freedom from resentment. Forgive the people who you resent and send blessing of love there way. Once you have done this, you will feel elated, you will feel free and you will feel the love that you sent out returned ten times over!
I want to thank Helen Burton of www.theloveyourselfcoach.blogspot.com for the inspiration for this article. She used the same quote in a post which she wrote. Thank-you Helen! I encourage you to visit and read her blog, great thoughts can be found there.
Great post Mark! The title itself is worth it’s weight in gold.
Desiree,
Thank-you! I knew this would be right up your alley!
Resentment is a dirty stain to have on a soul!
Puzzled Woeman,
Yes, it is and it’s a stain that we can remove.
Thank you for your support ~ i was just stopping by to say thanks for this and the previous posts ~ i am going to do this resentment exercize today! your timing is auspicious-ly perfect
Om,
It’s all in the timing isn’t it? Things come to us as we need them, glad to hear that this article was one of those things. Thank-you for your kind thoughts.
Mark,
Your post today hit a spot. I remember two months after Joshua was born, I felt that I really needed to go back to work. I faced several obstacles regarding this. It got to the stage where I resent my own son for preventing me from being able to go back to work. And I really, really hated that. I mean, how can I resent my own son? He should be my main focus and everything, and I’m thinking of going back to work! Eventually, the obstacles were no longer there, and I applied for a job. Got the job, and things are going great. And I’m glad I did go back to work, as I’m a much better mother to Joshua working than when I was when I was a full time mother. I struggled with this for a while, thinking that I must be a terrible person to not want to be with my child all the time. Sometimes I still have doubts about myself, but when I see Joshua now so happy, I’m happy too. He gets so excited when he sees me when I reach home in the evening. His smiles and laughs made all the day’s worries go away.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for keeping me focused on the importance of letting go and forgiving resentments. It reminds me that when engaging painful feelings like resentments I often want to ignore them. These resentments do not merely go away, but fester, clouding a clear perspective on life. So, thank you for the timely reminder.
Very true, Mark.
But for me, first of all, I had to forgive myself for being vulnerable to them, hurt by them, abused by them, or whatever choice I may have made to be involved with them on any level… Then I just sort of let go… Because it’s not really about them at all, but about how I feel about myself…
Happy St. Patrick’s Day to you !
We can either let resentment fester until it affects every aspect of our lives, including health and lifespan and spirituality. Or we can follow the example of the oyster. When something irritates it, it doesn’t spend it’s entire energy focusing on it; it tucks it away and allows it to get built up around so it doesn’t cause more damage. Then, whatever it was that started out as something irritating comes out as a pearl.
Thanks for your post, Mark. Made me remember my past resentments… the big one I held onto for years, then let go. Like you said, when I realized that my resentment was only hurting myself and those people did not even remember… like you said, untouched. I could finally let go and concentrate on myself. It was like a burden lifted.
I can’t say that I have resentment today, at least nothing that I am aware of… and I’d think that I’d be aware!
“Resentment is negative energy which serves no purpose, other than to hurt ourselves”
There’s no emotion that’s without purpose; each emotion has a survival benefit, which is why we evolved them and have kept them. Resentment is a form of anger, and anger protects us by activating the urge to defend ourselves and act against those who try to harm us.
You’re totally right, though, to say that resentment creates negative energy; all “negative” emotions do, which is why it’s important to find methods to keep us from wallowing in them.
Great post!! xo
Thanks Mark, resentments really are useless and do nothing but damage ourselves. Another tool of the ego to keep us from the present moment.
And just look at those people who are constantly bitter about every injustice done to them, resentful people are extremely unpleasant to be around. I know people whose face changes the second one pops into their head, they become grinch-like instead of the beautiful smile that they usually have. No good.
Faith,
You bring to light a good point, many people in relationships sometimes resent those who we are closest to, because we feel that they are holding us back or taking advantage of us, etc.
I am glad to hear that you resolved your struggle with staying home with Joshua. You sound like you are doing a great job as a mother. Of course, being a mother is only one of the many hats you where. Be you and the best you will come forth.
Thanks for your thoughts on this subject.
Pastorofdisaster,
Thank-you for bring up such a good point about resentment. You are right, supressed emotions such as resentment do not go away on their own and they tend to fester and cause more damage than we are aware of. The key is to get them out in the open, acknowledge them, find forgivness and release them. Thanks so much for your thoughts!
Omni,
Thanks for your thoughts. I understand your point, however disagree. I do not believe resentment or anger serve useful purposes. I believe they are negative energy which only hurts us in the end.
I don’t believe that we need to be angry to defend ourselves or protect ourselves. As a matter of fact resentment and anger often get in the way of protecting/defending ourselves.
Wonderful title, Mark! Happy St. Patrick’s Day to you.
Brian,
Thanks for adding your thoughts to this conversation. You are right, outwardly resentful people are not much fun to be around, that includes ourselves when we are being resentful, not much fun to be around ourselves at those times.
Dragonmommie,
Thanks for stopping by and adding your thoughts. I always love hearing about your journey. Sounds like you have grown so much over time and continue to grow on your journey.
Matt,
Happy St. Patricks Day to you!
Halfnotes,
The oyster is a great analogy to how to find the good in all that we do and all that happens to us. Thank-you so very much for what you added to this conversation.
Mark – I came about your blog while reading the comments on Matty’s blog about her brothers funeral. I want to take a moment to thank you for the loving reminder of healing and letting go. I am planning to use it today. Last week was a difficult one at work and its surrounded by toxic unhealthy people. It got to the point where I had a melt down and my blood pressure was sky high. I am taking the weekend to refocus and regroup.
I will read your blog more often – thank you for your healing thoughts.
Terrific topic for a post. Resentment is the social disease of the 20th and 21st centuries…it’s poising our society and it is not often discussed. People just don’t want to look at it, let alone own what’s doing to their bodies or what it does to their communities and world.
Gratitude is it’s antidote. Blessings!
Maria,
I am humbled that you found healing thoughts within my writing. It is good that you recogized the toxic enviorment that you were in this weekend and that you made a decision to take time to refocus on you.
Thanks so much for you comments!
Greenwoman,
I agree, resentment is both a personal and social issue.
Great exercise.
Practices like this can help people a great deal.
Nice job in sharing this.
Gregor,
Thank-you. I am glad that you find this exercise useful.
Something happened some time back that just recently (a little over a year ago) broke me. If you’ve never experience brokeness, it’s an interesting experience. It is a realization that you (the ego) are nothing. Your life is meaningless. In fact, you don’t even exist.
What happened, happened. But when I learned the truth, it meant that I (ego) couldn’t go on. The pain was too great. It (ego) had to die.
Now that meant a lot of different things, in a lot of different situations–yet at the same time (the eternal NOW) it meant/means nothing.
Forgiveness is a big deal for me. I have to live it (forgiveness) every moment of every day if I (spirit) want to stay here on this earth.
Conversely/paradoxically I (ego) also have to die every moment of every day.
It’s like learning to walk a tightrope, or to juggle. At first it takes a lot of effort and focus. But as time goes on, the more I do it, the more I kill myself (ego) and live (spirit), the easier it is.
I’m feeling only recently like I might be able to take my eye off the cable on which I’m balancing or the balls I have in the air, lift my head and look around a little.
And what a different world it is.
Thanks for letting me share that Mark.
Chris
Mark,
Excellent Post!!! It’s a fantastic reminder that we only have today, so make the most of it!
Be well,
Matthew
Matthew,
Thanks for the comment. Have a wonderful day!
Chris,
Thank-you for sharing your thoughts and your personal experience with allowing the ego to die and your spirit to grow. I like your analogy of walking a tight rope or juggling. This is very true, it does take an acute awarness and you can’t take your eye off the proverbial tight rope/ball for a long time and when you finally do, it is a profound difference in how you “be”.
I don’t resent him, I down right hate him. and you know what it feels good and I am tired of forgiving and I just want him to go away. There are those who can lift you up and make you feel like a diamond amongst the stars and still others who are a heavy weight that holds you under the water as you choke for air. The key is to to stay a float on a lone ship before taking on a partner or better yet choosing a partner wisely.
Rachel,
I can understand your emotion of hate. You must realize at some point that the feeling of hate that you hold for him, does not hurt him, it only posions you. By having such hate within you, he still maintains a sort of control over you. A control which I am certain that you do not want to give him. Release the hate, move on and as you said learn from your lessons and choose more wisely as you go forward.
You can leave him behind and leave your hate behind as well. Do not give him that kind of power over you.
Peace and love.
Some people are just stronger then others or better equipped to let it go…… sometimes there is more control in relationship then you want to admit. I am moving forward but he is heavily anchored
Rachel,
I am not sure what you mean by “he is heavily anchored”?
thanx, but pls give more advice……
Rhoda,
I would be happy to. Please be more specific.