Changing Habits – Part 3
In “Changing Habits – Part 1 & 2 we discussed the importance of commitment and understanding the change process. In this installment I would like to talk about some of the other factors that go into aaffecting a change in habit.
You have made the commitment, you understand the change process, you have accepted that change is indeed a process and not an event, however you still feel yourself slipping back into your old comfortable habits sometimes. This is OKAY! It’s okay if we slip backwards at times. The problem occurs when we beat ourselves up for an occasional slip. Here’s what often happens, you make a decision to change a habit, you fully commit to seeing that change through, and then you slip, you have that piece of cake or that cigarette, etc. You then feel guilty because of your transgression. You proceed to beat yourself up with the quilt that you feel. This causes you to feel bad/depressed. When you feel bad, what do you do, you reach for more of that habit that you are trying to change to comfort you. UGH! See the cycle that beating yourself up for slipping causes!
When you slip back into your old habit, instead of beating yourself up, simply acknowledge the slip and start over again. Renew your desire to make the change, renew your commitment and forge on through the change process. Note, you may have to do this many times. It’s okay, this does not make you a bad person, it does not make you a failure, you must forgive yourself for your transgressions and be able to accept it for what it is and keep on moving towards developing your new habit.
One of the other things that helps when you are making a change to your habit is to have a support system. Your support system can be your friends, family or a formal support group. Weather you decide to use one or all of these support systems, it is critical that you have someone to support you. Supporting you, means offering encouragement and praise, not giving into you when the going gets tough. People who support you will be your strength, they must understand how sincere you are in your desire to change your habit and be able to deal with you as you go though the change process, moodiness and all without giving in to your desire to slip back
Be careful who you include in your support system. Ensure the people that you choose, have the strength and positive attitude needed to help you acheive your goal of changing your habit.
One of the other things that help many people change their habits is to keep a daily log of their behavior. If you are trying to lose weight, write down everything that you eat in a day, if you are quiting smoking, write down every time you have a strong craving to smoke and what you did about it, how did you get past your craving or not. Keeping a log will help you keep on track and help you to celebrate your progress.
I have given you some very quick tips on changing habits. It is my sincere hope that something which I have written will help you as you make your decision to change a habit.
The last thought I leave with you is, changing a habit is a process, not an event!
i think the keeping a log bit comes back to awareness…you cannot cease a behaviour until you realize that it exists. Bring it out into the light…and then deal with it, change it, alter it.
and thank you so very much for your kind words in your comment on my advanced soul post. I am glad it resonated with you.
Another post about such an important topic, thank you. I really think habits/addictions are relevant to everybody, although some people’s issues may be more extreme than others. At the very least you could say that 99% of the population have a mind that they have no control over – compulsive thinking.
I really agree with support networks. It is an opportunity to admit that you can’t do everything on your own, and force you to put your ego aside. It is humbling when something that seems so insignificant like rolled up tobacco or unhealthy foods can take control over us.
Take care
Meredith,
Yes, it is all about awareness. When we keep a log, the facts are in our face, which helps us to undersand the reality that we are creating.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Brian,
You bring up another valid point. In order to change our habits it is very important to be able to step outside of our ego and ask for support when we need it.
Our ego is so willing to self sabatoge, isn’t it?
The importance of not being oneself up for each slip along the road to success echoes the process of making the law of attraction work (as discussed in “The Secret”).
If one beats himself/herself up, then one is focussing on being unworthy or screwed up or weak, possibly thinking, “I’m never going to stop smoking” (or whatever), so instead of visualizing and receiving a life without the habit, one is attracting more of it.
I like the parallel here.
–Malcolm
Hi Mark:
Right on about supporting yourself when having a slip. A tool I use all the time when having a slip:
1. Say out loud, “I Love You”
2. Think of something positive about yourself.
3. Say out loud another positive thought.
By ending with a positive thought I always feel better.
If you get a chance look at my blog, http://www.theloveyourselfcoach.blogspot.com, I wrote an article about “Food IS Not the Answer.
Malcom,
Yes there is a definite parallel here. Thank-you for taking the time to illustrate that. Great job!
Your thoughts are always a welcome addition to our conversations.
Helen,
Thanks for adding your exercise to this conversation. I am certain that some people will find value in it.
I look forward to reading your article “Food is Not the Answer”.
HI Mark,
I was going to write about changing habits (but hasn’t got around to it) on my trip blog but not in the context that you had here. It was more about breaking out the old way of doing things so we can experience new things and perhaps discover better things. There aren’t anything wrong or bad with the old habits but breaking out of it can energize our existence to live more fully. It is a process like you said. Thanks
Rlao,
Changing habits in the context of which you speak is differnet and I agree that it is important to change, re-invent ourselves at times to energize our existence and live more fully.
I personally have lived many lifes within this life.
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Nice post and comments but I wanted to add something here of my own experience. Support groups are not all they are cracked up to be in that if you don’t go along with the group-think or find other ways to do things that are outside of their way of thinking you can find yourself with no support. I’ve had this experience recently and I’m happy that I have moved on and found my own true path.
I am glad that you added the part about being careful about your “support” group or system and I would add that it helps to have realistic expecations about what a support group can and/or willl do if you move beyond their scope of imagination.