Changing Habits – Part I
We are besieged with advertisements in print, television, radio and billboards that speak to us about changing ourselves. Most of them speak to losing weight, getting more exercise or quitting smoking. These advertisements are so very prolific because most of us believe that we should change some of our habits and we would love to find a quick and easy way to do so.
The truth is that there may be some legitimate tools out there which will help us to lose weight or quit smoking, however there are no “magic bullets”. When we talk about doing something like losing weight or quitting smoking, we really are talking about changing a habit.
The first question that all comes to my mind when someone tells me that they are starting a diet, an exercise program, quitting smoking, giving up caffeine, etc is “Why, why do you want to make this change in your life?”
If you are sitting there thinking that you have a habit that you wish to change, say it’s losing weight or quitting smoking, ask yourself, why do I want to make this change?
Let’s use quitting smoking as the example:
I want to quit smoking.
Why do I want to quit smoking?
I want to quit smoking because I know that it’s bad for me.
So what? What does that mean?
It means that because I smoke, it is damaging my health?
So what? Why do I care that it’s damaging my health?
Well, I don’t want to get sick, I don’t want to get lung or throat cancer?
Why not?
I don’t want to die from a horrible disease like cancer before my time?
Why not? Why do I want to live longer?
I want to live longer because I have so much I still want to do in life. I want to watch my family grow, I want to be able to retire and travel. I don’t want to have to carry an oxygen bottle around. I have a lot of life to live. I want to be at my children’s weddings. I want to live to see my grandchildren. I have so much more to do. I want to live!!!
So, I want to quit smoking because I want to live, I mean really live!!
Now that may seem like a silly and obvious conversation, however it really is not that obvious. Most people do not think past the first statement, “I need to quit smoking, lose weight, exercise more …”. Because most people do not think past their first statement, they are not properly prepared to affect the change that they kind of desire. They are not truly committed to making the change. This is why most people half heartily reach out for a tool, weather it be a diet program, a drug, a patch, exercise programs, exercise equipment, whatever tools seems most attractive to help motivate the person to make the change.
Of course, as most of us have learned, the “tool” does not motivate us to make the desired change. We use the “tool” for a little while and then we slip back into our comfortable habits. This is evidenced by many treadmills that become glorified clothes racks or dust collectors.
This is why it is critical to really, really, really want to make the change. We are motivated to to things because of one of two primary reasons, which are, “pleasure” and the “avoidance of pain”.
As I have illustrated in the example above, we have to really be willing to dig down deep to understand our motivation to change. Once we understand our motivation to change and we are willing to make a commitment to seeing that change through, we are ready to take the first step in making that change happen.
To really change your habits, there are other steps that you need to be aware of to effectively work though the change process. I will talk more in depth about the change process in part II of this article tomorrow.
Your post made me think of the treadmill in my room where I hang all my clothes on.
I think this is all connected with the law of attraction that is all the hype these days. Focus on what you truly want to get by kicking the habit, instead of the negative things you are trying to avoid. I’m the type who easily overdoes things that I find enjoyable, it can be very difficult when your mind is split in two with each arguing opposing sides.
Nicotine/caffeine are the two main ones at the moment…easy to put off and say “I’ll deal with this one day….”
Good Monday morning Mark.
Whenever I have wanted to make a change — and been succesful – it is awareness combined with action, again and again and again. I have a goal in mind, and am both patient and tenacious as I move towards it. And I compliment myself along the way for my dedication, and then again at the results as they become apparent !
Change happens when you genuinely WANT to. Not just lip service. Intention and creation…
So I believe it really can be done when you truly want it bad enough and it doesn’t rely on somone else to make it happen…
Brian,
You are correct, this does work side by side with the law of attraction. We must focus on what we want, not what we don’t want. What we focus on expands. The primary key is “intent”. We must be fully aware of our intentions and commited to our intentions before we can effectively manage through the process of change.
Loving Annie,
Good Moring to you!
Yes, a major part of affecting change is action, action, action. The first step, as you stated is to be committed, to not just give “lip service”. Once we do this, the power of our intention, combinded with the law of attraction wll help us to navigate successfuly through the process of change.
Thanks for adding your valued thougths to this conversation.
I think that people want a quick fix, and when that doesn’t happen, they fall right back into their habits. That’s why so many people reach out for the “tool” you mention mark. Not only so they want help, but they wanted fast, and cheap.
In defense, I think we should realize that people sometimes lack the knowhow, to accomplish their goals or change those habits. With a weight lost example, I can tell you that’s it’s not as easy as “eating healthy” and working out. Some people don’t know that eating healthy really is, or how to go about making that transition in their lifestyle.
Their failure doesn’t equate to the lack of genuinely wanting it. Some things just aren’t as easy as reading a book, or a few pages online, or questioning an “expert”. I’ve seen people whose lives depended on losing weight, and you can’t tell me they don’t hold their LIFE, in higher regards than the habit. Getting up early, instead of sleeping in, or paying your bills on time, instead of being late, should not be grouped with weight loss…
Maybe weight loss isn’t the best example here; maybe I read the post a little too literally. Sorry it bothers me slightly, when people lump being overweight in the list of bad habits. Yes, being overweight stems from poor eating habits etc. There are a lot of factors that come into consideration, that are uncontrollable.
I understand and agree, with the bigger scope of the picture of what you’re trying to “teach” here. I PERSONALLY, agree that you have to want it, you have do want to do it for YOURSELF and no one else. Beaking most habits, take hardwork, and when people understand, it’s part of the package and commit to it, they will succeed.
Justin,
I understand and agree with what you are saying. Note, this is part one, I will write more on change tomorrow, which will address many of the points that you made.
I would agree that some people are in a situation where losing weight could be a life or death decision and I would like to believe that these people would want to live more than would continue the habits that are killing them, however I do believe that many of these same people are owned by their habits and even though they say they want to lose weight, that underneath that thought is another thought that sabatoges their desire.
Thanks for all of your thoughts, excellent. You are always a welcome voice here.
As I was reading your blog I was thinking that I agree with you 100%. The magic in changing our habits is “Commitment.” I have written an article on my blog, http://www.theloveyourselfcoach.blogspot.com, about “Commitment is the Key to Success.” Thank you for your thoughts and ideas, it seems we are both on the same track. Helen Burton
Great post, tobeme. I can’t wait to read part II. I must confess that out of all the posts of yours, THIS one might be the one to break me. This is the sort of problem that I’ve had my whole life… yes, Justin, it’s the WEIGHT thing! I’ve always attributed it to lack of discipline. So many times, I’ve reached for tools for losing weight, just as you describe, and it’s always been a half-hearted affair, to soon be forgotten. Sadly, I fall in to that category of people who, for whatever reason, have huge obstacle between wanting it and making it happen.
I will skip through all your questions and pick up from “I want to live longer”. Why? Because I have a son who is not ready to lose his mother to diabetes. Could there be MORE of a reason? But what would you say to a person who, even in the face of this answer, still finds herself slacking off?
I feel like all of a sudden I have no clue as to how to help myself, despite reading everything I can find and subscribing to a number of diabetes related newsgroups. I will give you an example. Today I planned on taking a walk with LD in his stroller to the laundromat to wash a very large comforter. I found myself getting the baby all ready for this outing, then at the last minute change plans to take a ride to a farther away destination to do another errand…. then “rescheduled” our outing for tomorrow because “the weather is supposed to be warmer tomorrow”. Even that blurb was just slipped in as an attempt to justify my behavior… ugh!
Still, I am petrified that I will sluff off on this as I’ve done so many times before in the past. The mere mention of exercise leaves me suddenly feeling lethargic.
Well written article, I have always said that giving up smoking is easy provided that you want to enough, the problem is getting to the point where you ‘want to enough’
Mark,
Habit is something that humans find very difficult to break. The bad habits, that is. We are already so used to it and so comfortable with it, that any changes will be tough. Discipline is the key word, so Loving Annie is right. Action, action, action! It’s easy for us to say it, but it’s another thing to actually put it into action.
I also think that to break a bad habit, we should do it gradually. If our aim is to break it all together at once, it’ll overwhelm us. We should set a small target, and when we achieve that target, congratulate ourselves, and then set another small target. Slowly, but surely, that habit will be kicked out.
Let’s use the example you had used. Quit smoking. If you have been smoking 2 packs a day, you can aim to just smoke 1 pack a day. When you’re used to it, aim for half a pack a day, and so on and so forth. I think that should help, shouldn’t it?
Mark,
I think you are right in your assertion that people do not think past the first thought. I think that first thought is based on little thoughts that cause an emotional response. Hence typically people are then acting on emotion. Emotions fluctuate and this is why it’s difficult to maintain such changes. That is to say changes based on emotions. So I would have to say your advice is right on target!
and sometimes even if we get what we want, or ask for, it’s not really what we wanted, or we envisioned it a different way.
I wanted to tell you that a month and a half ago I stopped smoking!
Puzzle Woeman,
Well done!! I’m really happy for you! Keep it up!
Helen,
Thank-you for visiting and your comment. I am looking forward to reading your article on “comittment” Matter of fact I am comitted to reading it.
Dragonmommie,
I love your comments. You always share so much with us! I hear your frustration and your strong desire to live a long life to share it with your son.
You pose some very good questions. I encourage you to continue reading what I am saying about change in Part II and Part III. I would then like to talk at length about the things that you have brought up in today’s comment.
I agree, you have a great reason to be motivated to make the change. I also know that you can make the changes that you desire.
Piquet101
Thanks for visiting, and thank-you for your thougts. “Easy” is all a matter of perspective. What may seem easy to you, could seem like a thousand mile march to another. I am glad that you found it easy to quit smoking, once you made the decison to really do it.
Faith,
Thank-you for your thoughts on changing habits. You bring up a great point. sometimes the best way to change a habit is to do it in stages, other times it has to be a flash cut, depends on the habit.
I agree, it is often easier to take small bites, rather then gobble.
Desiree,
Thank-you for the comment. Yes, making a decison to change based on emotions can be an issue, because as our emotion changes, so does our motivation to change the habit. Very good observation Desiree.
Meredith,
Great point! Before we make a change to our habit, we must be sure that we really want to change the habit and understand all the impacts the change may have.
For instance, one may decide to quit smoking, however one of the things that goes with that is not going out on smoke breaks at work with the usual crowd, which impacts your social time. It is important to look at all aspects of the imact of changing a habit.
Puzzeld Woeman,
Congratualtions! That is a very big accomplishment. I would love it if you would share how that change happened for you.
I think this is why it’s very good to fully visualize something that I want before I put much energy into it. I imagine as clearly as I can what it might be like, good, bad, and ugly and see if I truly want it…If I really do…then I put some serious energy into it….
Cause I’ve got what I prayed/asked for a few times and said to myself later…Holy shit…what was I thinking?!
Greenwoman,
Excellent advice. I am a huge believer in visualizing what I want and trying to understand all of the dynamics of having my desire fullfilled. Very important step indeed!
Sometimes it’s a case of be careful what you wish for.
Back in October or November of last year I started feeling a little paranoid about smoking, as if everytime I lit-up I was killing myself. I sensed death and I became afraid. I told myself I have to quit smoking, and I did! I tried the patch for three days, but just ended up going cold-turkey. You’re really supposed to wear the patch for eight weeks! My husband quit too! I feel much healthier and I don’t hear my husband coughing anymore.
Casey,
It is always very important to be careful what we wish for.
Puzzled Woeman,
Thank-you for sharing your experience with quitting smoking. I am glad to hear that you and your hubby are both healthier for your choice.