Pain & Suffering
Pain happens to us, weather it be physical pain from an injury or illness or it be emotional pain that we feel when something traumatic happens to us, such as a death of a close one, an end of a relationship, the result of a venture that didn’t work out as planned, etc. We all experience pain to varying degrees at different times in our life.
Suffering is the result of holding on to the pain. Suffering is really how we choose to hang on to the pain. Once we understand what caused the pain and we remove the pain, then we remove the suffering. We do not have to suffer! This means that, yes, we will experience pain in our life, however we do not have to choose to suffer with that pain.
Have you ever been around someone who is suffering from physical pain such as a back ache or headache who refuse to take an aspirin or apply a heat pad to relieve their pain? These people outwardly complain about their condition, however they refuse to do anything to alleviate their suffering. People also do this when they feel the emotional pain that can happen when something traumatic happens to them. They choose to suffer, rather then help themselves or accept the help of others.
Suffering in these cases is a chose. So, why would one choose to suffer?
People choose to suffer for many reasons, one reason may be that they feel that there is a societal expectation to suffer, other reasons may be that the person who is suffering, enjoys the attention that they receive while suffering, it may give them something to talk about, they like the way people respond to their suffering. Someone who has chosen to suffer may have suffered for so long that it has become a habit or it has developed into depression and now the person dosen’t know how to get themselves out of this state of depression.
Are you suffering?
Are you holding on to pain?
Ask yourself why?
Why are you holding on to the pain?
What good is coming out of your suffering?
What could you do today to release the pain?
Is it simply a matter of forgiving yourself or someone else?
Is it simply “letting go” of the pain?
You have the power to choose not to suffer!
Those were excellent questions you raised, Mark. Answering them may give you insights, but how exactly do you COMPLETELY remove the pain ?
The things that cause you to suffer are in your brain, and maybe even in your physiological system. So it would seems as though time and willingness to create a new life for yourself are two of the biggest keys…
Even so, people remember… Maybe you learn and grow from it. Maybe you just survive it. But to not suffer at all ??? I’d say a person who acted like it was just an immediate choice was in a state of denial…
Eventually it becomes our choice to move on and heal, and put things in perspective as best we can.
Like with pain in the body, there are things you can do to assist yourself with emotional pain.
I just think the body heals much quicker than the heart/psyche, depending of course on the severity of the blow…
Loving Annie,
Thank-you for your thoughts. I am not saying that one should never suffer, for while you are in pain, you sometimes will suffer. I am saying that many of us choose to remain in pain much longer than we need to and some of us to choose to be in pain, when we have a choice not be be in pain.
Being in pain and suffering, I believe are two differnet things, although you may suffer at the initial on slaught of pain, one can choose not to suffer beyond that.
There are many people who live in physical pain, who do not suffer, who choose to transcend the pain.
The heart/psyche to me is much easier to heal then some physical pains that we have because we control our thoughts, we control how we choose to react to things. We choose when and how we move forward.
I know what you are saying, and I understand where your thinking comes from. What I am here to say is that when you understand the power that you have within, then you begin to understand that there is no reason to suffer.
Annie, you are a beautiful spirit. I welcome your thougths. Thank-you.
I think what you are really referring to here is getting stuck in your suffering because when bad things happen you will suffer and it will take time to work that pain through. However, if you get stuck in the suffering, hung up from guilt or holding on the only way you can think to then you can control your suffering and don’t need to suffer.
I’ve yet to learn how to transcend physical pain though it sure would be nice. Mental pain though is within our control at least to a degree once we work though the initial loss.
Desiree,
Thanks for your thoughts, they are always so welcome. I am refering to both, initial suffering and getting stuck in suffering.
Even though our ego tells us and society tell us that we must suffer, we truly are in control of weather we suffer or not. We may not be able to always control the pain, however I know that we can control the suffering.
Interesting thing is that many religions infer that we must suffer, that suffering is an expectation, a gate if you will to are heavenly reward.
I do think many people suffer from Victim Addiciton…and I do agree, that yes, there may be initial moments of pain and suffering that we cannot escape, but Yes, many people do Hang On and On and On and repeat their story outloud and in their heads and as has been shown time and again, every thought is energy, so when we obsess about past pain and suffering we create More opportunities for pain and suffering to occur…which perpetuate the cycle and then we prove it true by becoming Victims again.
I also think for perpetual suffer-ers (if that is even a word?) that so much of their Identity is caught up in “their story’ that if they let go of that, what’s left?
It is the bitterest pill of all to realize that we create our own suffering. But once we accept that responsibility, all the doors of the Universe swing Wide Open.
~m
Meredith,
Thank-you so much for your well thought out comment!
You made a great point that some people’s suffering is to the point of their identity and to give their suffering up would be as if they were giving there own personality up.
The freedmom and possibilities that are at our fingertips is amazing!
One has to realize they are suffering before they can begin the path to enlightenment. This is the first of the four noble truths in Buddhism. Even the Dalai Lama talks about his own experience with suffering.
The best we can do in this life is to be present with our suffering. This means simply experiencing it without attaching any extra baggage to it.
I currently am very healthy and have very little experience of real suffering. It is easy to talk about these ideas. All I can do is prepare myself for the inevitable pain of old age, sickness and death by practicing presence and lovingkindness.
Interesting post – I hear what you are saying and can totally accept this with pain on a mental and emotional level.
I however have real problems with dealing with/suffering from physical pain. If find it very difficult to process it in a similar manner.
Mark,
You do raise some very good questions, in regards to suffering. I think people quickly become overwhelmed with suffering, and in turn allow themselves to “wallow in suffering” or self-pity. When people start to complain and whine about things, you should turn to them and say..”So what are you going to do about”, help them get the ball rolling. Maybe it will get them thinking.
Everyone likes to lay vicitim sometime, sometimes we just need the extra attention or care, but some people, just allow themselves to endure much much more than what’s needed.
I just spent some time reading many of your latest posts. I love your outlook and insight! I so appreciate the gift you have for pointing out our choices. It is a gift to be able to take a situation and see the multitude of choices we really do have. We always have a choice. Decisions, circumstances, choices. This is an empowering concept if people will embrace it.
Thanks for great posts and for your comments on my site!
Houkhouse,
Thank-you for taking the time to read my articles. I am thrilled that you enjoy my thoughts. The power of choice is immense. The key is to recognize the power which we all have.
Thanks for the visit and your comments.
Justin,
Thank-you for your thoughts. You are right sometimes it takes “tough love” to get some people out of their suffering.
The real question is “why do you suffer”, you have a choice.
Nicola,
I appreciate your thoughts. I understand your question about not having to suffer with physical pain. It is harder to understand that we can often times transcend physical pain. We have the ability to heal ourselves, we have the ability to mitigate and eliminate our physical pains. Of course you must first turn inwards to understand how to use this power. Beleive me, it’s there, it can be done.
Derrick,
Thank-you for adding excellent thoughts to this conversation. The suffering of which you speak is true, however somewhat different than what I was speaking of. I don’t believe you have to suffer, I believe that there is no requirement to suffer. I do not believe that you must first suffer to gain access to enlightment, heaven, or whatever you wish to call it.
As I sit and look back through the years and arrive at specific experiences, the one common thread I see between the physical and emotional pain is that I did not try to block the pain out. It actually hurts more when you try to deny it. Rather, I’d ride through it, if you can imagine that.
Yes, Absolutely! We have the power to choose not to suffer. Allowing oneself to suffer is, indeed, a choice; whether we do it to get attention and sympathy, or not. Christ did not have to suffer, but he chose to and that is the difference.
Sharing our pain to help our brothers and sisters. I believe this is what it’s all about. I believe THIS is the reason we experience pain to begin with. THIS is the answer when someone shakes his fist at the heavens and screams from the depths of his soul, “Why?”
Tobeme… I’ve written more about this subject on my blog. I hope you do not mind. My comment just got into other thoughts, musings [and confusings] and maybe off the track and I didn’t want to take up so much space on your blog.
Mark,
Very interesting post. You make many valid points… My goal with my response is to simply point out that some people suffer in pain and it’s not a choice. These are great questions and a starting point; however, those who suffer with deep depression and other illnesses can’t simply “snap out of it” their suffering is will hopefully be a learning experience as they are on the road to recovery…
Matthew
Matthew,
Thanks for you comments. I agree with you that some people are in so much pain and so deep in suffering that they can not simply snap out of it. I would never advocate that one could do that. I speak more to the many people who choose to suffer, suffer much longer then needed because they in some way extract joy from their suffering.
Good points, thank-you!
Dragonmommie,
Thanks for your thoughts that you added to this conversation. I am thrilled that you were inspired to continue to write about this on your blog, no reason to ever apoligize for that. I believe that is what writing is all about, stimulating thought, inspiring each other.
I agree, it is not healthy to deny your pain.