Crowd Control

A child living in a lower income environment demonstrates that he/she is very smart. The crowd (people in this environment, family, friends, neighbors) will pump this child up, encourage them to be better, tell them about the possibilities of living a better life. The crowd will support this child, brag about this child, help this child along the way … Then something very strange happens, just as the child is about to be in a position to break away from the crowd. The crowd begins to turn on this person. They start to say things like, “Who does he/she think she/he is?” They may even call them names, slowly they start to alienate this person. Why, this person is only doing what the crowd encouraged them to do. 

What happens is the crowd really does not want anyone to leave the group, to do better then they have done for themselves because once a person does better and exceeds the standards of the crowd, then the crowd is forced to admit to themselves that they are not where they want to be in life and worse yet, it is their fault.  Not the systems fault, not someone else’s fault, it is their fault! Let’s face it, who wants to admit that to themselves.

Note, this scenario is only one example, this happens in the work place, this could be a child from a wealthy family who does not care about money and wants to be an artist, this happens in every socio-economic group.

The other scenario is when you decide to make a change.

The power of the crowd or group is immense! The way of the crowd is an interesting thing to observe. When you are part of the crowd and going along with the crowd that you are with then you really don’t notice the actions or words of the crowd. Take one step out of the crowd, do something just a little different, then watch out! You will now start to feel the power of the crowd and how they feel about someone who is trying to change.

It is very important, critical to your well being that you acknowledge that when you decide to make changes in your life, that the crowd (your social circle) will probably not fully support you, they may even go as far as to ban you from being part to their crowd. Change anyway! Know that you might get some grief, change anyway! Almost every person you can think of who achieved great things, had to, at some time go against the thoughts and desire of the crowd. Remember this as you execute on your purpose, as you shed your ego based behaviors and live by and through your soul!

Too Happy?

 Quite often in my life I have had people say to me “you are just too happy”. Which always makes me smile  and then I reply “I don’t know what that means”.

What does it mean to be too happy? Is there such a thing as being too happy? I don’t think there is such a thing as being too happy!

I am happy! I live a very blessed life! So why shouldn’t I be happy? Oh, sure, I have my share of bad things that happen to me and rough spots along the way, however I still CHOOSE to be happy.

So, why does it concern other people enough for them to comment that I am too happy.

I believe that me being too happy in their estimation is somewhat unnerving. They see my life, it does not appear that much different then their own, however I seem very happy compared to their life’s of quiet desperation. So why should I get to be so happy, that’s what they want to know. Of course what most people don’t stop to find out, is why am I able to be so happy. There are a couple of reasons for this, one, many people are comfortable living their not so happy life, to be happy would mean they would have to make some changes. Change often is equated with being uncomfortable, therefore they do not really want to change. Two, at first they may blow my happiness off as being phony, “no one can really be that happy”. Of course after someone has known me for a little bit of time, this reason gets thrown out the window, because they see that my happiness is sincere.

Being “too happy would also mean that you really might not fit in with your social circle as well as you do now. Let’s face it, the adage misery loves company is as true today as it was a hundread years ago. People find some perverse enjoyment out of complaining about things in their life, to the point where this is expected conversation in some circles.

Being “too happy” might mean that you would have to find other happy people to socialize with, think about that for a moment! Could you imagine expanding your social circle to include positive thinking, happy people!

The funny thing is that their are millions of people searching for the happiness which is within them. Don’t think so, check out the Top 10 Non-Fiction Bestsellers list. There are almost always at least 2 books on their that have to do with finding your happiness.

I love being happy! Happiness is my CHOICE!  I also know that I have only begun to scratch the surface on being happy, I know that their is even richer happiness within me! I know this to be true and I strive everyday to bring that happiness forward for myself and everyone that I come in contact with.

One important thing to note, when you find happiness there will be other people who want you to be less happy, more like them, and they will do and say things to try to break your happiness. You must never allow yourself to be detered by these people! Be happy, love life, love yourself, know that you are living  a blessed life!

So, go ahead, make my day and tell me that I am “too happy”!

What Do You Really Want?

This sounds simple enough, I know what I really want, don’t I?

Believe it or not, many of us do not really know what we want, or we think we know what we want, however, we are not sure why we really want it. 

You must be able to know and understand what you really want!

Stop and think about what you really want for a moment? Did things that you want come to mind in an instant or did you struggle? If you are struggling with what you really want, imagine that you have found a magic lamp and a genie has appeared and granted you three wishes, what would you wish for yourself? Now I am talking about wishes that only apply to yourself, not talking about wishing for world peace or that someone else’s wishes come true, etc. What would you want to change about your life, yourself.

Once you have three things that you would like to change, then I would like you to take each change and dig deeper. Ask the following questions of yourself:

1. Why, do you want to make this change?

2. What will this change mean to you?

3. Are you making this change for yourself or because another person wants you to make this change or because your culture wants you to make this change. (spend some real time thinking over this question, this is critical because you have to want to make the change because that is what YOU want, not because someone else wants you to change).

4. Am I making this change to feed my ego or to feed my soul, my true inner self?

5. How will this change affect your life?

6. If you make this change, what impact will it possibly have on your life 5, 10 years from now?

7. Do you still really want to make this change?

I would love to hear some of your results. Did you know what you wanted? Did what you think you wanted to change, change after digging deeper? Do you now have a new list of wants?

Let me say, this is not an easy exercise to do. It can even be uncomfortable because you have to look deep inside yourself, look past you ego and into your soul, you have to honest with yourself. As a friend recently said to me, there is no worse lie than the lie you tell yourself. 

Change Is A Process, Not An Event

 This time of year many of people are conteplating changes they will make in their behavior for the new year. We call these New Year Resoluions. That is, we resolve to change some behavior that we believe will benefit us. The most common resolutions tend to be about losing weight, stopping smoking, cutting back on alcohol, being nicer, etc. Of course what is interesting about the tradition of making New Years Resolutions is the traditional expectation that we will quickly break those same resolutions.

One of the primary reason (by no means the only reason) that we fail to follow through on our resolutions is because we get frustrated because our changed behavior does not provide a quick enough result in our desired outcome. Let’s face it, we have become a society where we expect immediate satisfaction, this even applies to us when we wish to change our behavior. We would much prefer that we could take a magic pill and we would instantly lose our craving for a ciggerate, or instantly lose five pounds, or somehow feel better about ourselves, etc. 

The truth is that change is a process, not an event, change takes time and time demands patience. Change, true long term change, is a process. That process begins with the first step to make the change, along with set backs, a feeling of emotional, mental and sometimes physical chaos, before we actually realize the benefit of the change in behavior we made. As you can see, change is not an event, it does not happen overnight, it is not instant and to expect it to be, only invites frustration, maddness and ultimitaley failure to make the desired change in behavior.

Once we understand and accept that change is a process and what is involved in that process, then and only then will we begin to relax, allow the process to take place and not feel guilty or beat ourselves up when we slip a little within that process, because that is part of the change process! 

If you truly want to change a behavior, commit to it, understand and accept that change is a process and then you will be well on your way to making that change a reality.

 P.S. When you feel like you are in “chaos” during this process, remember that the chaotic period in the change process is often your most creative time! Something to think about.

 One more thought, why are you waiting to New Years to make the change? Why not make it today?

Letting Go of Yourself

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. 

-       Charles Du Bos

This quote makes you pause and think. What is Charles Du Bos trying to say to us in this quote? What does he mean that we have to be able to sacrafice what we are. I am sure that many people at first glance would dismiss this quote. Let’s face it, who wants to sacrifice what they are? Most of us desperatley hold on to what we are. 

 Holding on to what we are, means that we hold on to self limiting beliefs, prejudges, bad habits, etc. Seems to me that being able to let go of our current self could be a great thing! So why are we so afraid to let grow of who we are to become who we can be?

I would say the biggest reasons we hold on so tight to our current selves is because we are comfortable with our habits and we fear what change may do to us. These are both things that work from our ego rather than our soul, our true inner self. Once we are in tune with our soul, our inner self, then it becomes very easy to begin to let go of what our ego based emotions hold on to. 

 Charles Du Bous in his quote is simply saying, we have to be willing to grow, change, stretch beyond who we are to become who we could be, in essence become the best possible me that I can be. I think the word “sacrifice” in this quote scares most people, to sacrafice  something, sounds like we have to give up something good, something valuable. This is not true in this case, no one expects you to give up your good virtues, however you must be willing to let go of some of your comfortable habits that do not serve you well. You will also have to give up some negative, damaging thought patterns that are not helping you. Hmmm, now what do you think about sacrificing to become a better you?Food for thought: What are you afraid to let go of?What do you fear would change if you decided to let go?

What would be the benefit of letting go?

Do you really feel that you are still growing? (if you are reading this, I would suggest that you are, now it’s time to accelerate the process).

Kindness Begins at Home

         Matthew at One Kind Act asked me to be a guest author for his blog http://www.onekindact.com./. Please stop by his blog today to read my article on kindness and Matthew’s very well written articles on kindness!

Remember be kind to yourself and your kindness will cascade to others and you will make the world a better place!

True Intimacy Exposes the Soul …

 Exposing our very soul to ourselves can be scary enough, however the thought of exposing our soul to another person can be somewhat terrifying!  However, to achieve true intimacy with another person we must be willing to reveal our naked soul, unencumbered by the external ego that we  hide behind.

Is this a possible reason why so many relationships do not last or exist in a roller-coaster of emotions? I would venture to say that this is at the very root of all succesful and failed relationships.

Think about it, if two people could both put aside their ego and the fears that the ego presents to them, if they could bare their souls, without fear of judgement, without fear of being hurt, what type of relationship would you have? You my friend would have the ultimate relationship, you would have in every esscence of the word a “Soulmate Relationship”.

I think it’s important to state that this type of relationship dosen’t just happen. A true soul-mate relationship takes effort from both people. The effort at first begins in being able to ask each other questions, and to be able to answer questions with fully honesty, with introspection. These questions may uncover truths that you have pushed aside, truths that you have not dared look at in many years. These questions will reveal to you and your soul-mate your naked soul. The answers which will be discovered in the barring of your soul to each other will enable a closeness unlike anything you have ever known. You will grow through this exploration of your own soul and the soul of your soul-mate. At first this may be very scary territory, as you progress in your journey, I assure you that your fear (ego based) will be replaced with a knowing, an unparelleled trust, security and unconditional love!

Note that this ultimate intimate relationship is not a designation, it is a never ending and glorious journey.

Intimacy and Sex

If you asked people you know to define intimacy I am certain that you would get different responses from different people. I believe you would find that a large amount of people would associate the word intimacy with sex. We even use the word “intimate” as a enthusiasiam for sex, e.g. “Was she intimate with him yet”

So is intimacy and sex the same thing? Let’s take a look at what intimacy is. Intimacy is a feeling of closeness to another person, a feeling of connection, an emotional and intellectual openness. If you agree with my definition of intimacy, then is that the same as sex? Sex can have components of intimacy, sex can indeed be very intimate, however intimacy is rarely if ever a by-product of sex.

As I reflect on my own life, my most intensely intimate moments had nothing to do with sex. I also acknowlege that I have had sex that certainly was not intimate.

I believe that we all need and crave for intimacy. We want to share our most inner thoughts, hopes, dreams, fears with another person. We long to feel connected in a spiritual way to another human being without being judged for who we are. We hunger for intimacy so much that we seek it out often under the guise of sex. 

It is very easy to get our need for intimacy confused with our need for sex. These are both core needs, one satisfies our spirit and the other satisfies our human physical self and oh how glorious it is, if we can achievie both at the same time.

I believe that many of us approach  our need for intimacy through sex, only to be disappointed and confused when the sex is over and we realize  that we did not really fulfill our need to be intimate.

Of course the ideal is to establish intimacy first.  The sometimes difficult part of achieving intimacy is that we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we have to trust another soul and run the risk of getting hurt. We have to, and this is critical, we have to allow ourselves to live! I mean truly live, which means that the highs will be higher and that the lows sometimes might be lower, however in the end we can say we truly lived!

When you remove sex from association with intimacy, you then open yourself up to intimate with other people in your life besides your lover. I am sure that you probably already have an intimate relationship with a relative or a friend, however you do not think of that relationship as being intimate. Guess what, it is, and whats more, is that these relationships may be more intimate than the one you are having with your spouse, significant other, lover, etc.

One thing that I have learned over the years is this, the most intimate relationship you have, should be with your spouse or significant other. These are truly the relationships that stand the test of time.

As you review the relationships in your life, if you find that you are more intimate (remember we are not talking about sex) with someone in your life other than your spouse or significant other, then it is time to work on your intimacy with your spouse or significant other.

It’s Not About the Money

I feel very compelled to say that “it’s not about the money”, at least for me and it never has been about the money for me. Even though I recently wrote a post titled “Manifesting Money and Other Things”,  please understand, for me, it’s not about the money. Saying that, throughout my life, money has come to me as I needed it.  Many times it was just enough, however it always works out to be enough.

I very rarely consciously manifest money, I do consciously manifest what I want my life to look like and the things I want to happen in my life, money often becomes a by-product of these manifestations.

With that being said, I would like to relate an experience I had yesterday. Yesterday my work group  had an off site holiday party at a local bistro. When we were planning the party we tossed around the idea of doing a “secret Santa” where we get each other gifts, however in the end we agreed that we don’t really need gifts and that our money would be better spent on some type of charitable activity. We ended up agreeing to engage in buying gifts for “Toys for Tots”. I am very happy to say that everyone was very generous with the toys that they brought to the party for “Toys for Tots”. As part of the festivities I had arranged for two marines to stop by the party and pick up the toys.

 While we were enjoying our dessert, the two Marines showed up to pick up the toys. They were both handsome young men, dressed in their dress blue Marine uniforms. The women swooned a little as they entered the room. I spoke to these two gentleman for a moment to thank them for their service to our country, to thank them for stopping by and to gain a little information about them. I then walked them over to were the toys were, as I did I stopped in the middle of the room and I spoke to all the people seated, still working on their dessert and I said “Please let me introduce these two young Marines who have come here to pick up the toys that you so generously gave. I am very honored to let you know that this young man recently served in Afghanastan and this one served in Iraq. Well, as soon as I said that, everyone put down their forks and stood up and gave these two young heros a round of applause.

Then the most wonderful thing happened, the two marines stood there with all of the humility in the world and said “thank-you, it’s just our job”.They then preceded to pick up the toys.

In that moment, in their words, they epitomized my thought that “It’s not about the Money”.

For as I am sure you know, people in the military do not get paid much money, they do what they do because of their core values, not for money, not for recognition, they do it for us, our children, our families and friends, to preserve our way of life.

I find that today, I am still moved by their words, my eyes are teared up, as I find myself overwhelmed with emotion.

Remember, in the end, it’s not about the money. 

Manifesting Money and Other Things

      When I speak with people about manifesting, it does not take long for someone to ask, how do I manifest more money into my life. The answer is simple, if you want to manifest money, then you have to think about money coming to you and believe that it will.  You have to believe you thoughts and know what you really want. In other words, if you sit there and think to yourself that money will come to you as you need it, however you have an underlying thought that says, I hate not having money, I am tired of being poor, or worse yet “this manifesting thing does not work”, then guess what you will manifest your dominant thought. Reverse psychology does not work on the universe. You can’t trick the universe into presenting money to you, when you really are thinking about how much debt you are in. Remember, you manifest what you think about! The universe will respond to your thoughts. The old adage “Be careful what you wish for” is all about manifesting. Believe me, there are times in my own life where something will occur and I will sit there and say, why did that happen, that’s not what I wanted to happen, then I will reflect on my past thoughts, and almost always I will find the thought that manifested what happened.

In review:

1. Remember your dominant thoughts will manifest.
2. Think about how poor you are, how much debt you have, how the stack of bills is growing and you will manifest more of the same.
3. Think about how money comes your way when you need it, how the universe will work for you.
4. Remember how powerful your thoughts are.