The Peanutbutter and Jelly Parable

Still enjoying some time away for the holidays. Have many new things to write about, however I am choosing to do other things today. The following is a re-post. Hope you enjoy!

The lunch whistle blew at the construction site and the workers all gathered together to eat their lunch and share their stories of the day. As the men opened their lunch boxes, one of them said, “ummm, fresh roast beef sandwich today”, another exclaimed “I have a turkey sandwich from the leftover turkey dinner we had last night” and still another bragged about the delicious ham and cheese sandwich he found in his lunch box.  Another worker, who had been listening to all of this, complained, “You guys are lucky, all I ever get is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! I am sick of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! If I open this lunch box today and find another peanut butter and jelly sandwich I am going to scream! He opened his lunch box and screamed as he found yet another peanut butter and jelly sandwich. One of the men said, “hey, if you are so sick of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, why don’t you ask your wife to pack you something else?”  The other man said “Wife? I’m not married, I pack my own lunch”.

I don’t recall the original source of this story, however I do love it. It cleverly illustrates how many people live their life.  Like the man in the story who complained about the lunch that he created, we tend to do the same thing in our own life. We complain about different aspects of our life, yet we don’t do anything to change what we are complaining about! We continue to do the same things that end with the same results, in turn, we act surprised and complain about the results. This by definition is insanity!

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” – Albert Einstein

You hear people living this way all of the time. They say things like:

• - Things never work out for me
• - This always happens to me
• - I never win at anything
• - I never make the right decisions
• - My relationships never work out
• - I always pick the wrong kind of man/woman
• - I never meet the right kind of people
• - I never get promoted
• - I am always over looked
• - I am never appreciated for what I do

The list goes on and on. These thoughts, weather said out loud or not impact our results. We think and say the same things every day, yet we somehow are surprised when the results don’t change!

What are you saying or doing on a repetitive basis that is creating a constant result that you don’t want?

By the way, just because something worked for you in the past, is no indication that it will work for you in the present. Be courageous and try something new. You may be surprised at the results!

Re-Write Your Story!

I am taking some time to relax and rejuvenate over the holidays. Hope you enjoy this re-post and consider the re-writing of your story as you enter the new year. Much love to you!

“There are some things one can only

achieve by a deliberate leap in the opposite direction”

-Franz Kafka (1883 – 1924) Novelist and short story writer

We often become so entrenched in our own story that we lose perspective of all of our choices. One of the biggest choices one can make is to re-write our story. Rewriting our story often times takes courage. See, we know are story so well, that it is hard to imagine our story being different. We often fear that if we change our story that we may lose our identity. Of course this is our ego talking; it is our fragile ego which fears any re-writing of our story. See, our ego is in many ways the editor of our story. The ego believes what it believes about us because of the story that it tells. We hear ourselves telling our story all of the time. We may say defining things about ourselves, such as I am not a good dancer, I have two left feet, I am not very coordinated. I do not have much compassion because I was not openly loved as a child. I fear this or that, etc. We say all kinds of things that have become the defining details of our story which in turn has come to define us.

Franz Kafka suggests that to re-write our story, to force ourselves to awaken we sometimes have to take a deliberate leap in the opposite direction. Even if the opposite direction is not the best direction for us, the action is needed to jar us out of our predictable, safe, comfortable routine.

Think about who you say you are. Do you say things that define who you are? Is there a voice in your head that you hear saying things to you like, “why are you attempting to do this, you know that you are not athletic, no mechanically inclined, not coordinated, etc. This voice is your ego, it knows your story inside and out and it will let you know when you are stepping outside of the framework of your story and attempt to reel you back in by reminding you of your story and by placing some fear, uncertainty and doubt in your mind about what you would like to do.

The next time you hear this inner voice attempt to talk you out of something you would like to do, simply say to yourself, I am re-writing my story and I am not shackled by the story my ego clings on to.

Imagine all the things you could do if you simply choose to re-write your story, to make your self the hero instead of the loser or the routine person. You will amaze yourself when you re-write your story.

Today is the day to start! Listen to your inner voice and when it attempts to tell your story in same old way is has be told to you, remind your ego who is in charge and take creative license and write the story you want to write! Do this with love and you will be amazed at the changes that you will create in your life!

Where There Is Love …

Three Old Men

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards
sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said “I don’t
think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something
to eat.”
“Is the man of the house home?”, they asked.
“No”, she replied. “He’s out.”
“Then we cannot come in”, they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
“Go tell them I am home and invite them in!”
The woman went out and invited the men in.
“We do not go into a House together,” they replied.
“Why is that?” she asked.
One of the old men explained: “His name is Wealth,” he said pointing to one
of his friends, and said pointing to another one, “He is Success, and I am
Love.” Then he added, “Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of
us you want in your home.”
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was
overjoyed. “How nice!!”, he said. “Since that is the case, let us invite
Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!”
His wife disagreed. “My dear, why don’t we invite Success?” Their
daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped
in with her own suggestion: “Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home
will then be filled with love!”
“Let us heed our daughter-in-law’s advice,” said the husband to his wife.
“Go out and invite Love to be our guest.”
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, “Which one of you is Love?
Please come in and be our guest.”
Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up
and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: “I only
invited Love, Why are you coming in?”
The old men replied together: “If you had invited Wealth or Success, the
other two of us would’ve stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He
goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and
Success!!!!!!”

May you have the wisdom to always invite love in, for when love is present all else which you desire will follow and you will bless all who you touch! Remember this holiday season that the greatest gift you can give is love.

“The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own”

– Benjamin Disraeli, British Statesman and Literary Figure

No Room At The Inn

This week marks the Christian celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Though this is a Christian story I believe that there is an element of this story which transcends all faiths, that this story does not only speak to Christians, this story also speaks to people of all faiths and belief systems.

The element of the “Christmas Story” that I believe speaks loudly to all of us is where Mary and Joseph come into the town of Bethlehem after many days of travel and decide to rest for the time for Mary to give birth is near. Mary and Joseph go to the inn where they are told there are no rooms available, that there is no room at the inn for them. I have to believe that this scene was more passionate then we hear about in traditional interpretations. I picture Joseph pleading with the inn keeper, showing the inn keeper that his wife Mary is with child and about to give birth and passionately asking for some space, any space at the inn for Mary to give birth. Even after seeing that Mary is about to give birth and even after hearing the pleas of Joseph the innkeeper again says “there is no room at the inn” and closes the door and leave Joseph and Mary to find there way to the manger to rest and give birth.

The reason I believe this element of the story is so powerful is because the “inn” represents the world, the inn represents the collective us. The inn like us is too full, it does not have any space left, there is no room for “God”.  For me this is a story that illustrates “God”, “Love” “Source” “The Universe” call it what you may knocking on our door and  us saying “No, we are too full, there is no room here for you, please move along as we are too busy, too important, too arrogant to make room for you in our life at this time”.

For the purpose of this writing I will use the word “love” when referring to our source going forward.

This to me is the universal message that cuts across all religious and political boundaries. Love attempts to communicate with us all the time in many, many different ways, yet we are very much like the inn, we are too full. What are we full of? We are full of our ego, we are full of fear and we are so full that there is no room for love. We are like a vase full of water and when we try to pour more of anything in it simply flows over the sides of the vase because there is no room for anything, not even love. We close our doors to love, we choose instead to create illusions of love that fall very short of the real thing. Many people will spend much time and money preparing for the celebration of “love” during this holiday season however many will feel empty and disenchanted when all the presents are opened and holiday food is consumed and they will look to the New Year and make half hearted promises to their selves to make changes to be better in the coming year.

The issue of course is that to make the changes we need to first make room. To make room for love, we have to clean house, we have to let go of the fears that we are holding onto which take up so much of our space. When we release our fears we then make room for love, we release our arrogance (which is fear based) and we create a place for love to grow. The really interesting part is that Love is always within us, we not really allowing anything in that we don’t already have we are simply letting go of that which does not serve us and making room for the love that we are to live in it’s fullest purpose which literally means that we are allowing ourselves to be our authentic self, to be the love that we are and to grow beyond the limitations of our fears.

No matter who you are, not matter what you believe, may you find ways to make room for love in your life today. May this holiday season remind all of us to make room at the inn! Blessings of love to you!

Holiday Camouflage of Pain

“Tis the season to be jolly”, this is a unique time of the year when many people of many cultures take time to celebrate holidays like Chanukah, Christmas and Kwanza. These celebrations are celebrations of light and life, there are many joyous songs playing on the radio and street and homes are decorated with bright lights and cheer and many people seem to have an extra smile and kind word to share with strangers they meet. For many this is a season of peace and joy which seems to elevate the consciousness and spirit of the whole. For many this is their favorite time of the year!

For some this is a time of year which brings pain and sadness. For some this is a time when the pain of the loss of someone is highlighted or the pain and despair of loneliness is amplified. For some the celebrations are bitter sweet as they struggle with the loss of their jobs, their homes, their lifestyles and the inability to celebrate these holidays in the fashion they are accustomed to. There is pain beneath the wrapping of silver and gold, green and red and the blinking of multi colored lights.

This pain is often camouflaged from view of others and even ourselves. We camouflage our pain with bright lights, colorful wrapping and special treats. We avoid feeling our pain with the busyness of the season and sometimes we mask our pain with eggnog concoctions and warmed mulled wine and cider. We wear a smile and push the pain down in an effort to spare others and often times ourselves from the impact of the pain we feel.

No matter what tactic we may employ to mask or avoid our pain the fact is that the pain is there just below the surface and it simply won’t go away because we choose to ignore it. As a matter of fact by suppressing and ignoring the pain that we feel we often exasperate the pain and create additional angst for ourselves which may explode at an inopportune time and be blamed on the stress of the season or manifest into an illness (ever wonder why many people get sick around the holidays?)

When we feel emotional pain brought on by the celebration of the holidays it is important that we don’t suppress what we feel or feel guilty for feeling down in a season that is supposed to be so joyful. It is important that we acknowledge our pain, that we acknowledge and accept the emotions that we are feeling and sit and allow ourselves to feel what we feel and to express what we feel in a healthy way. This is a time where we need to be open to our friends and allow them to sit with us in our pain and to allow us to process the pain that we feel. As friends it is important for us to be there for each other and to be aware of the pain that another may be camouflaging with holiday cheer and simply be there for them, to hold their hand or to listen. This is not a time to attempt to distract them from the pain they are feeling or say things to try to mitigate their pain or try to “fix” their pain. No this is a time of being present and allowing our friends to process what and how they need to process what they are feeling.

It is important for us to remember in this season of joy that there are those among us who may not feel so joyful yet what they are not feeling is cleverly camouflaged by the bright colors and joyful music of the season.

May you strive to find joy in every moment and may your remember that at the moments that you are feeling pain that it is okay to feel what you feel even in the midst of all of the celebrations of the season. Give yourself permission to simply be and to allow all of your emotions to flow for when you do the celebration of lights, life and love will truly mean that much more to you!

Blessed is the person who can sit with his/her pain and allow it to flow through a process and blessed is the person who can sit with another with their pain and not try to fix, distract or remove the pain and simply be there.

Sudden Death

There is an interesting distinction between birth and death of others. At a minimum we normally get nine months to prepare for birth, however death often comes without warning and we are often ill prepared for its arrival.

Death is on my mind this morning as the company where I work grieves the sudden death of a colleague who passed over the weekend. This person was relatively young in form and her death was not predicated by any known illness. It is times when death comes unannounced and unpredicted that death seems to have the greatest impact on others. It is at times like this when people question the “why” of death and also face the mortality of their form as they consider the mystery and uncertainty or maybe the certainty of this journey. The tears fall for the one whom will be missed and many will also shed tears over the fear of facing their own unknown end.

We each have an expiration date for when life as we know it in this form will cease to exist. This also means that everyone whom we have a relationship with also has an expiration date. Truth is we don’t much like to think about the fact that this part of our journey and the human journey of every person we know is finite. For most it is much more comfortable to take for granted that each of us has a tomorrow in this form. However it is the choice not to view the inevitable death of our form as something that will happen and could happen at any given moment that leaves us ill prepared for the sudden death of other people in our life. It is our avoidance of death that creates the grief that we feel when suddenly someone we know ceases to exist in this physical form. We go to great lengths to not know death. In most Western cultures death has become a sanitized process which is handled for us by funeral homes. The dead our quietly removed and the body is processed,  cleaned up, dressed and placed on display for loved ones to say goodbye to at a viewing. Children are often exempted from even the process of the viewing as we are afraid that they might be traumatized and not understand this thing we call death. We fear the question that may be asked by children as we struggle with our own perspective on death and how we can articulate that to a child. Thus we continue to perpetuate a fear of death borne of our own unawareness of death, our misunderstanding and our fear of death.

How do we prepare for unexpected death? The answer I believe is relatively simple and that is to understand that death is unpredictable, that any one of us could be gone from this form tomorrow and that we love each other as if this was our last moment to express our love.  Some of the inevitable questions for all of us when an unexpected death happens are what our last conversation was like, did that person know how much I loved them and how much they meant to me? When we love each other in every moment we fear not that those we love will not know how much we love them if they or we should suddenly leave this form. Love does not fear death, for love understands that death is simply a transforming process, a re-birth if you will to another experience, to another level. Death is not the end of who we are, it is simply a shift in form.

When we fully grasp that our purpose is to love and that we love in all of our forms it is then that we begin to accept death as it comes and not question the whys and the what ifs for we know that our love and the love of the one who no longer shares this physical journey with never dies.

It is in the understanding and acceptance of death that we find peace, for when we fully accept death of this form as it comes then we are better prepared for the loss of others in our life and for the inevitable death of our form. It is with this knowing that any death, particularly sudden death no longer shakes us for we accept and understand that death is not something to be feared, it is not the end of our loved ones, it is not the death of us and that in many ways death is a celebration of a life lived of the next step of our journey and not the grieving of a life ended.

If we truly got it, truly understood death for what it is and what it isn’t we would deliver a commencement speech rather than a eulogy for death would be viewed more like a graduation then as an end of being.

Remember to love as if there is no tomorrow and love as if today is forever and you will always love enough!

Conformist, Rebel or Simply On Your Own Path?

Are you a conformist or a rebel? If someone were to ask me which I am I would have to say that I am neither a conformist nor a rebel that I view both of these labels as extremes. On one end of extremes is what we refer to as a conformist. A conformist in my view is a person who melds in with the masses, who fits a pre-defined cultural mode and pretty much goes along to get along.  It is usually easy to spot those who we might call a conformist. On the other end of the spectrum we have the rebel. The rebel is the opposite of conformity; a rebel goes against the grain and shuns anything that might be of the masses.  To fit into a predefined mode of conformity is poison to the rebel. The rebel is ready to fight at the first sign of conformity and the rebel often rebels simply to rebel for their desire is to resist anything that is common and of the masses. The rebel is fairly easy to spot as well because they often look and act like all of the other rebels. The irony is that in being a rebel they often conform to the standard of rebels in their speech, dress and actions and in doing so become the very conformist that they rebel against.

“Be neither a conformist or a rebel, for they are really the same thing.  Find your own path, and stay on it”

~Paul Vixie

Now the conformist sees anyone who chooses a different path as a rebel and the rebel sees anyone who appears to fit into society as a conformist. The conformist camp has labeled people like the Buddha and Jesus as rebels because they did not “conform” and chose their own paths and to add insult to injury they were vocal about their choices and encouraged others to find their own way as well.  We know that Jesus was considered such a rebel that he was considered dangerous to the point where he was executed.  I don’t believe Jesus or the Buddha were rebels, I don’t believe they went against the norm just to go against the norm. I do believe that these men like many other men and women followed their spirit and made their own paths because they understood their purpose not because they were out to “stick it to the man” or to create dissention among the rank and file, no these people simply were attempting to deliver a message which was their truth as many others have done and continue to do.

In the late 1960’s and early 1970’s one of the rebel’s slogans was “Don’t trust anyone over 30!” Interesting that they chose the age of 30 as the age when one could no longer be trusted, when one could no longer be a rebel.  I think the belief at the time was that by age 30 most people had fallen into conformity and therefore could not be trusted to understand the plight and purpose of the rebel.

The reality is that most people live somewhere in-between being a conformist and being a rebel. I choose to not adapt either label. I choose to blaze my own path and know that my path will sometimes run parallel with that of the conformist and sometimes parallel with the path of the rebel yet it will still be my path and mine alone.

“Don’t think you’re on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path”

~Author Unknown

Depending on your perspective you may choose to label me as a conformist or a rebel. What someone else may label me is not important, it does not alter who I am, nor does it define me. I will be who I be regardless of another’s perspective.

Who I am today is not who I was yesterday and who I am tomorrow will be different than who I am today for I continue to live, to think, to grow and to evolve. If you see a trail of clothes that I leave in my wake do not be concerned for they are simply that which no longer fits who I am today.

“The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me.  The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them”

~George Bernard Shaw

Who Are You Blowing Off?

When is the last time you opened up a bag of potato chips (or crisps for my brethren across the big pond) and found a burnt chip? If you can remember finding a burnt chip at all it was probably many years ago. I do remember as a child that every now and then I would bite into a burnt chip.

A few years ago, sometime in the early 90’s I took a tour of the Herr’s potato chip factory which is located in Nottingham, Pennsylvania.  Now one might think that a tour of a potato chip factory would not be all that interesting, however I found it interesting and there was one part of the process that was downright amazing. The process of making potato chips at this factory was almost fully automated. They took us on a catwalk that allowed each person on the tour to follow the entire process, from the time the potato arrived on the truck until the potato chips were bag and boxed for delivery.

The one part of the process that I found amazing was that there was a machine that was able to detect and removed any burnt or otherwise undesirable chips. The chips would come out of the oven on a conveyer belt and as the  chips riding on the conveyer belt traveled under this ingenious machine, the machine had optics/sensors which would scan the conveyer belt full of chips, which I would estimate had over a hundred chips on it all spread out and it would identify a chip that didn’t meet standards and then it would shoot a targeted gush of air at the undesirable chip and that chip would be blown off the conveyor belt while the other chips traveled along there merry way unscathed by the blast of air from the machine. I found it simply amazing that there was a machine capable of performing this task with such precision.

This morning this memory came to me as I thought about how sanitized much of our life has become in some of our cultures and how quickly we are to blow off that in our life which doesn’t fit what we accept as the “norm”.  Many people do tend to gravitate to other people who look like them, act like them, have similar education levels, similar jobs and similar economics. We feel comfortable being with people who look, think and act like us. Often times when someone does not fit into our comfort zone we tend to blow them off, much like the machine blows off the undesired potato chip. Worst yet, for many this is a knee jerk reaction that happens without taking the time to learn about the other person who in fact has the ability to enhance our life, our experience in unknown ways.

The wonderful thing is that we are not a pre-programmed machine which is designed to blow other people off as a matter of fact we have the ability to change our own programming at any time.  We can choose to slow down and accept people beyond face value and learn why they have crossed our path. I do believe that there are no strangers, simply friends that I don’t yet know. I do believe that every person who enters my life, be it the person waiting on me as I get my morning coffee or the person asking me for my loose change, the person who has an accident and runs into my car or the president of a company, all enter my life for a reason. Some are messengers, some are receivers, some are both, some may enter as a reminder of something, maybe a lesson I have yet to embrace, yes they all show up right on time and for a reason. If I am aware enough and open enough then I will benefit from their entrance into my life.

I know that I can ill afford to blow anyone off! I know that when I open the “bag of chips” of life that I am going to find all different kinds of chips and that each one is there for a reason and that I would be remiss if I did not savor each one.

I don’t want a sanitized perfect bag of chips; I like a burnt one every now and then!

Love does not blow others off. Love embraces all for love knows that we are ultimately all the same, all from the same source, all love!

May we be the love that we are and be open to all who enter our life and embrace the experience of others who do not fit into our comfortable circle of people?

Who have you been blowing off? What opportunities are you missing out on because you have closed the door and not allowed someone in? Who do you pass every day, exchange greetings with, yet you don’t even know there name? Next time, the very next time, stop and introduce yourself and shake their hand you may be amazed at what you have been missing.

What Is the Truth?

Many people want the truth, they want absolute answers about this life that we live and this journey that we are on, however are frustrated by what seems to be the inability to find the truth.

What is truth? When you break it down, truth is that which we accept as fact. At first glance you may find this a rather obvious definition, however let’s look at this definition again, “Truth is that which we accept as fact”. Note the emphasis on “accept”. I would like you to think about this for a moment, our truths are what we accept as fact and therefore when what we once accepted as fact changes so does our truth. At one time the majority of people accepted the fact that the earth was flat. At one time, the majority of people accepted the fact that the Sun orbited the earth and at one time the majority of people accepted the fact that man could not fly. These were accepted facts and at the time were the truth for most people, so much so that people were imprisoned and executed when they offered up different options and were tried for heresy.

Truths change as what we accept as fact changes. Many of my truths when I was a teenager are not the truths of my life today, heck much of what was my truths ten years ago are not my truths today. The deeper I dive down the proverbial rabbit hole the more frequently my truths change.

I am sure all of us can look back upon our journey and recognize instances when were convinced of a truth, committed to that truth and now in retrospect we marvel at why we believed what we did. Yet, even though we recognize that our truths have changed we often hold fast to our truths of today even in the face of changing facts, even when holding on to antiquated truths no longer serve us.

We do get hung up on that which we call truth and in doing so we often close doors that our otherwise open to us. When it comes to spirituality there are many who claim to have the “truth”, the “way” and they are dogmatic about their belief in their truth even to the point where they purposefully will not expose themselves to the “truths” of others.  Some people and at times in my life I have been among those who box themselves into a truth to the point where there is no room left to explore or accept any other possibilities. This place of truth for many becomes a safe and comfortable place and therefore it is an easy place to fall into. Although this place feels safe and comforting it is an illusion for it is in this self created world of absolutes that we become stagnant, sometimes depressed, frustrated and very often restless as we attempt to make all of the universe fit our version of the truth.

As you can see, truth is a moving target that changes as our perceptions change and that is okay. We are here to experience life and that experience is one of evolvement. As we evolve so do our truths. As you remember all that which you innately know to be the truth you will be best served to understand that your truths will change over time and that by being open to all of the possibilities you are being open to all of the “truths” of your journey. When we understand our truths we are then in position to understand the truths of others. When we understand the truths of our others we able to be compassionate even when someone’s truth is different or even opposes our truth.

I ask you to be open to the possibility that what you believe is true today could change and that what others believe may in some way come to be your truth. Know that our ultimate truths will shine through when we are ready to accept them and that all of the absolutes which you seek are carried within you already.

As I write this today, I am reminded of the story of the “Blind Men and the Elephant” which illustrates how our truths change with our perspective and experience. (Note there are a number of Buddhist and Muslim versions, the following is a version written by and American poet)

It was six men of Indostan, to learning much inclined,
who went to see the elephant (Though all of them were blind),
that each by observation, might satisfy his mind.

The first approached the elephant, and, happening to fall,
against his broad and sturdy side, at once began to bawl:
“God bless me! but the elephant, is nothing but a wall!”

The second feeling of the tusk, cried: “Ho! what have we here,
so very round and smooth and sharp? To me tis mighty clear,
this wonder of an elephant, is very like a spear!”

The third approached the animal, and, happening to take,
the squirming trunk within his hands, “I see,” quoth he,
the elephant is very like a snake!”

The fourth reached out his eager hand, and felt about the knee:
“What most this wondrous beast is like, is mighty plain,” quoth he;
“Tis clear enough the elephant is very like a tree.”

The fifth, who chanced to touch the ear, Said; “E’en the blindest man
can tell what this resembles most; Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an elephant, is very like a fan!”

The sixth no sooner had begun, about the beast to grope,
than, seizing on the swinging tail, that fell within his scope,
“I see,” quothe he, “the elephant is very like a rope!”

And so these men of Indostan, disputed loud and long,
each in his own opinion, exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right, and all were in the wrong!

So, oft in theologic wars, the disputants, I ween,
tread on in utter ignorance, of what each other mean,
and prate about the elephant, not one of them has seen!

John Godfrey Saxe (1816 – 1887)

.

Choosing and Sticking to Your Course Even When Others Say That You Are Wrong

Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
which tempt you to believe that your critics are right.
To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.

~Ralph Waldo Emmerson
(American Poet, Lecturer and Essayist, 1803-1882) ~

“Dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t” – This pretty much sums up the opinions of others. It seems that whatever decision we make in our life, there will be those who agree with and support our decision and there will be those who will quickly let us know how wrong we are.  Each day we make decisions on the direction of our journey, we make numerous choices each day, some of which will alter our path in a slight way and some choices that will create major changes in our path.

It is often when we follow our authentic voice that we cause the biggest ripples of dissent within our social circle. When we make a choice that breaks us away from the pack, that appears to be out of the norm or is not in line with our cultural/family expectations it is then that we are often advised that we are making a mistake, that we are heading down the wrong path and that we will live to regret our decision.

As Emerson said, when we do choose our course and things seem difficult or uncomfortable it is then that we hear the voices of those who gave us well meaning advice that we were wrong. It is at these times that it takes conviction and courage to press on and to follow that which we innately know is right for our self.

It is at these times that we must be aware of and understand why those who are often closest to us believe we are making the wrong choice. People may advise us that we are making the wrong decision simply because of their world view, their experiences and they are attempting to protect us from what they perceive as failure or from hurt. Another and less obvious reason that we may be told that the path we have chosen is the wrong way is because when one breaks away from the norm of their social circle it highlights the fear that the group lives in and it often times forces the group to look at itself and question their path and this for most is not a comfortable feeling. Many people fear looking in the mirror or scratching below the surface for they fear that they may uncover the false self.  People fear that if they dig too deep they may discover they have been living a lie, that they have not been their authentic self and this discovery is simply too big, too much responsibility, too many possibilities, too hard. Of course the truth is that once a person is able to push through these surface fears they will find an unbelievable joy. However, rather than facing this fear by allowing you to blaze your own path some people will express their fears in the advice they give you and in turn attempt to hold you back from following your path.

Being aware of why people in our life seek to advise us that we are making the wrong decisions helps us to quiet the voices in our times of doubt and in doing this we enable ourselves to follow the course of our choosing.

It is important to note that we must be careful of extremes. One must be wary of not becoming so resolute in our choices of paths that we drive off a cliff because we are blinded by our own decisions, pride and ego. It is said that a fool learns from their own mistakes whilst a wise person learns from the mistakes of others. While I believe we must make our own mistakes at times, we must also be aware of the mistakes others have made and be open to learning rather then constantly reinventing the wheel so to speak.

We must also be careful not to go to the other extreme where we take a poll for every decision that we make and that in taking the poll we don’t make any decision because we become confused by all of the different opinions that we receive.

The true answer is that we have a voice, an authentic voice of our spirit which is always there and never will fail us. It is this voice which we must remember to listen to, to trust and to act upon for if we do this we will always find our way.